


Diana Dragonborn

by Heiwako



Category: Elder Scrolls V: Skyrim
Genre: Gen, General fiction, Literature, fan fiction
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-07-09
Updated: 2015-05-10
Packaged: 2018-03-29 20:46:06
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 30
Words: 131,128
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3910063
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Heiwako/pseuds/Heiwako
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Prequel to Darkness Rises When Silence Dies. We learn of Diana's time as the Dragonborn and her narrow escape from Helgen. Also, Ulfric Stormcloak is a total jerk!</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

Prequel to "Darkness Rises When Silence Dies".

Middas 17 Last Seed 201 4E 12:00 PM

I fluttered awake to find myself in a wagon with three other men, all Nords. One man, who looked like he was in his fifties, was gagged and his hands were bound behind his back, while the rest of us had our hands bound before us. I could tell he wasn't a commoner; there was a sense of dignity about him despite being gagged and bound. 

"You're awake," the blonde Nord to my left commented dryly. He looked like he was in his late twenties despite his cynical expression. "My name is Ralof. Not that it matters since we're all going to die soon." 

"Where are we?" I asked groggily. My head ached from where a soldier had clubbed me from behind. Ahead I could make out a small village with the Imperial banners flapping in the wind. Behind us was another wagon with more prisoners. 

"Helgen," Ralof explained calmly. "It's a small village in the hold of Falkreath near the Cyrodiil border. The Imperials caught us two days ago in an ambush. I thought they were going to take us to the Imperial City for trial, but it appears that General Tullius and Ambassador Elenwen have different plans." Ralof noted my confused expression and laughed. "You have no idea who you're traveling with, do you, girl? I'm just a soldier, but that man over there," Ralof nodded to the gagged man, "that is Jarl Ulfric Stormcloak, the Bear of Eastmarch. He leads the free people of Skyrim. "

"And him?" I pointed to the raggedly dressed fourth member of our wagon. "Is that man part of your cause? I really hope not, because he tried to steal a horse from me. 

Ralof chuckled. "No, I hadn't met him before today. He introduced himself as Lokir while you were unconscious." 

"You're the reason I'm here," I hissed at the thief. "If you hadn't stolen my horse, I wouldn't have had to chase you." 

"We're not part of their trouble," Lokir insisted. He looked frightened enough to soil himself. "They'll let us go. They have to." 

I had been traveling the Pale Pass and had managed to stay away from any trouble since leaving Bravil two weeks earlier. I had stopped for lunch and was gathering water from a creek when I had heard my horse scream. I had run back to my small camp to see a man trying to mount my horse. "What in the Void do you think you're doing?" I had shouted. 

"Oh, shit!" the man had yelled. Instead of trying to ride my mount away, he had elected to grab the reins and run deeper into the woods. 

I had pursued and almost caught him when we hit a ledge. I had tripped into him and we had tumbled over the side. I vaguely remember seeing my poor horse's wide eyes as she fell to her doom. Lokir and I had rolled down the cliff and landed near some legionnaires. One young, eager overachiever had clubbed me unconscious before I could explain what had happened. 

Ralof and Lokir started to argue about the validity of the rebellion, but I tuned them out as I looked at Ulfric. He had an aura of charisma I had not seen in many people. He was riding to his death and he sat like a king on his throne. The world didn't touch Ulfric Stormcloak with its problems. Instead, Ulfric Stormcloak commanded the world. 

I lost my breath when Ulfric turned towards me. His gray eyes were as cold as steel and just as unrelenting. A small nod acknowledged my presence before he turned back to whatever thoughts he had been contemplating moments before. 

"Why is he gagged?" I asked Ralof gesturing to Ulfric. 

"Jarl Ulfric is a master of the thu'um, the dragon language. He can create power with his very voice and used it to duel High King Torygg to death. The Imperials fear his power and have bound his tongue as well as his hands for both are equally powerful." I was curious as to why Ulfric had dueled Torygg, but there was no time to ask. "End of the line," Ralof said dryly as the wagon pulled to a stop. As we stepped out of the wagon, he turned to Ulfric, "It was an honor to serve with you, my jarl." 

Names were called from a list until all the prisoners were named but me. "She's not on the list," a young Imperial soldier of Nord descent said, pointing at me. He looked about Ralof's age. 

"I don't care, Hadvar. It must be a clerical error," the captain of the guard snapped. She looked like a typical overworked superior who had enough authority to get unpleasant tasks done with not enough resources to do it well. "She goes with the rest of them. We can sort it out later." 

"Hey!" I shouted. "That's total bullshit. You can't kill me for being in the wrong place at the wrong time." 

"I'm not with them either!" Lokir screamed, his eyes rolling around madly. "II gotta get out of here." The man made a run for it, but he didn't get a dozen paces before the Imperials peppered him with arrows. 

"Anyone else feel like running?" the captain of the guard asked sarcastically. When no one replied, she added, "I didn't think so." 

"I'm sorry," the young man said. His eyes flickered away in shame. A soldier was taught to obey orders; to respect the chain of command at all times. It didn't mean he had to have pride in it. "I'll make sure your remains go back to Cyrodiil." 

"I cannot tell you how comforting that is," I grumbled. 

To my left, I saw a gray haired Imperial with the insignia of a general approaching Ulfric. A tall Altmer woman with a stereotypical scowl stood behind him as she surveyed the prisoners. They must be General Tullius and Elenwen that Ralof mentioned earlier. 

"Ulfric Stormcloak," General Tullius sneered, "some may call you a hero, but a hero doesn't use the power of the Voice to murder his king and usurp his throne." Ulfric merely grunted disdainfully through his gag. "You started this war and threw Skyrim into chaos, but the Empire will restore the peace! Captain, I leave the prisoners to you." Tullius turned and escorted the Altmer woman away. Apparently beheading was too common for her tastes. 

"Priestess, give the prisoners their last rights!" the captain called. 

A priestess of Arkay stepped forward to give last blessings before the prisoners were beheaded, the favored method of execution of Imperials. We Imperials love a good beheading. It had all the showmanship of a hanging with the added spray of blood. 

"I haven't got all day, dammit," a rebel said disdainfully when the priestess mentioned the eight divines. The priestess walked away sniffing at the interruption. I doubted that the man would be mentioned in her prayers for the lost tonight. He proudly stepped forward to the chopping block. "My ancestors smile upon me, Imperial. Can you say the same for yours?" 

The axe came down and the man's soul went to Sovngarde. The legate kicked the body over. "Next!" 

"Any last words?" Hadvar asked gesturing for me to go next. 

"Yes," I said stepping forward. "Fuck you guys." I ran towards Ulfric instead of stepping up to the block. I managed to grab his gag and pull it down. I was grateful those idiots had left the rest of us bound with our hands before us instead of behind like they had done with Ulfric. "You better use that damn Shout if you want to live." 

Ulfric grinned at me, and I found myself laughing back. He had a wolfish nature to him and was handsome for an oversized Nord. " **FUS RO DAH,** " he Shouted, creating a sound of rumbling thunder and a force that knocked several Imperial soldiers over. 

I felt the world shake and heard a roar. "Gods, is that what your Shout does?" I asked. 

"That wasn't me," Ulfric said looking to the sky. He had a pleasant deep voice. "It's a dragon!" I looked up and saw a huge black beast landing on the tower we were standing by. 

_"Zu'u Alduin, zok sahrot do naan ko Lein!_ " the monster roared. I had no idea what it was saying, but I could tell that those were supposed to words and not just random animal sounds. A shudder ran down my back when I realized that dragons were intelligent enough to speak and that they had their own language. It breathed in and released a blast of fire onto some legionnaires turning them to ash. " **VOL**!"

"Lovely country you have here," I said sarcastically as Ulfric, Ralof and I ran into the relative safety of a tower.  All around us people were screaming in panic. Soldiers scurried to grab bows and arrows for aerial combat while the common citizens ran for cover. 

"You should see us during the winter holidays," Ulfric shot back. 

Inside the tower were two more Stormcloaks, a man and woman who had been in the other wagon. The woman had managed to grab a dagger and was cutting the man's hands free of his bonds. Ulfric and Ralof were next in being unbound. 

"I thought dragons were only legends," Ralof said, his voice dazed. He glanced outside to the chaos as the black beast burned down a house. 

"Legends don't burn down villages," Ulfric said simply also watching. 

I stepped forward and presented my hands expecting the same treatment as the rest. Imagine my surprise when the woman hesitated and looked at Ulfric for askance. 

"My lord?" she said. 

"What the hell?" I growled as I shook my bound hands. "Just cut me free." 

"Hm, no, I don't think so," Ulfric said as he placed a meaty paw on my shoulder. I looked up at him in frustration. "You're an Imperial, girl, so we cannot afford to trust you." 

"I helped you!" I said flushing in anger. "Do you think someone attached to the Imperial army would have done that?" 

"No, and you do have my gratitude," Ulfric smiled, which normally would have been extremely sexy if he wasn't being such a prick, "but not being our enemy does not make you our friend. We will take you with us and find out what connections you have. Hopefully, you'll have someone who cares enough to take you back for a reasonable fee. That's what you Imperials do, right? Worry only about the highest bidder?" 

"How dare you!" I spat angrily. I tried to scratch at the larger man's face, but Ulfric merely pinned my arms down and spun me so I was facing a spiraling staircase. I could feel the ground shuddering from the carnage outside. 

"Let's head upwards. Maybe we'll be able to get a better view of what is happening," Ulfric commanded. 

The male Stormcloak ran ahead, only to meet his doom. The window he was passing shattered inward and the huge, triangular head of the dragon thrust into the tower. " **YOL!** " Itno, he, the creature was definitely maleShouted. Fire burst from his mouth and incinerated the nameless soldier. 

Without another thought of the people inside, the dragon flew off again. Ulfric had been temporarily distracted by the dragon's attack and his grip on me slackened. I threw my head back and managed to hit his lower chin. Ulfric stumbled back, grabbing his face, and cursed. 

I spun around and leapt on the giant Nord's chest. "I would love to say it's been a pleasure, Ulfric," I leered, "but honestly, it wasn't." Then, not thinking, I leaned in and brazenly kissed Ulfric fully on the lips. "Maybe a little something to sweeten the memory," I laughed. 

Before Ralof or the female Stormcloak could react, I turned and ran to the hole left behind from the dragon's attack. Barely looking, I jumped and tucked into a barrel roll as I fell down half a story to a hollowed out house below. I looked back up and saw the three Stormcloaks gawking at me in disbelief. I flipped a rude gesture before getting up and running towards the house's stairs. 

The last thing I heard was Ralof say, "You must admit, my jarl, Imperial or not, she certainly has balls." 

"Aye, Ralof, that she does," Ulfric muttered. 

 

Middas 17 Last Seed 201 4E 12:30 PM 

"Okay," I muttered to myself once I was back on solid ground and away from my would-be captors. "I'm in a strange country with no one to call friend, my hands are bound, and there's a dragon setting everything on fire. All in all things could be worse." I looked up and saw said dragon soaring high overhead. He released something and as it fell I realized that it was a soldier. The man landed next to me with a sickening splat as his insides burst from the impact. 

I stifled a scream as I intuitively jumped back away from the improvised missile. Gods, why hadn't I gone west instead of north? 

"Breathe, breathe, breathe," I chanted quietly as I ran towards the sounds of screaming. I couldn't depend on any one being friendly at this point, but at least it was better to run towards a crowd. Surely someone would take pity and finally release me. At least that's what I prayed for. 

I stumbled onto Hadvar who was directing an old man and kid to hide. When he saw me, he gestured, "You, prisoner, come with me!" 

"Kinda tied up, sir," I replied sarcastically, but I still fell into step with the younger Nord as he ran towards the defense of the town. Probably leftover discipline from my own days as a soldier. No matter how old you get, you never forget the drills, or at least that's what I was always told. "I don't suppose you'll be kind enough to untie me, or are you going to claim I'm still being held for due process?" 

"No, I should untie you," Hadvar said as he stopped to pull out his dagger. I was actually a little impressed when he did. I thought surely he would give me the same distrusted treatment as Ulfric and his men. "You'll be better able to defend yourself with your hands free." Before Hadvar could suit words to action, the dragon landed again and drew in a deep breath. 

"You've got to be kidding me!" I cried as Hadvar grabbed me and threw me out of the way of the fiery blast. "Is he after me specifically or what?" 

Hadvar drew me to my feet as the dragon lashed out with his tail and sent three Imperial soldiers flying off their feet. "No time to untie you now, prisoner," he yelled in my ear. With the chaos, I could just barely hear him. "We have to get inside to safety first." 

"It's really not much safer inside than out," I retorted.  The two of us ran towards the keep dodging arrows and fire as the Imperial soldiers tried their best to protect the citizens of Helgen. It was a losing battle, but I respected that they did not fall back from a superior foe. I could tell many of the foot soldiers were Nords by birth; maybe that accounted for some of the ferocity of defending their homes. 

As Hadvar and I scrambled inside, I could see flashes of blue as the Stormcloaks found their own refuge in a different building.  Ulfric looked up and flashed a devilish grin and winked when he saw me. I growled at his arrogance, but couldn't respond as Hadvar drew me into the keep. 

"There should be some armor and weapons in the chests," Hadvar said hurriedly as he cut my bonds. "You should pull them on and we'll continue through the catacombs, prisoner." 

"I have a name, you know," I grumbled as I rubbed my wrists. It felt good to be free again, even if there was a murderous dragon rampaging outside. 

"I apologize," Hadvar nodded. "What is your name then?" 

I paused, suddenly a little embarrassed. I hadn't exactly given my name earlier when we were being processed. I usually changed names when I went to a new region. Forever adopting a new identity for a new life had been my way for the last decade, but I hadn't been prepared for this sudden thrust into such an exciting start in a foreign country. 

"Did you forget?" Hadvar quirked as he arched an eyebrow. 

"Diana," I said choosing more or less at random. I almost always used an ancient moon goddess's name for my own and I hadn't used that one yet. "Call me Diana." 

"Then get armored, Diana," Hadvar said nodding towards the chests. "We're getting out of here." 

 

Middas 17 Last Seed 201 4E 2:00 PM 

Hadvar had led me down to the dungeons where the local torturer was hiding with his assistant. The Stormcloaks had passed by moments before us and the old man had only managed to fend them off by locking himself in one of his cages. 

I felt uneasy in the torturer's presence. Torture is commonly seen as a necessary evil because sometimes getting vital information from a single informant saved lives and ended battles before they begin, but that didn't mean it was right. I'm not sure if I could ever order someone to torture another personwhich meant I didn't think I could ever do the deed myself. It's something Nords never employ and I can relate to why they think less of us Imperials for it. 

Hadvar quickly updated the torturer of what was going on above. The old man nodded briskly. "Fine, fine. I think I'll stay here until things calm down again." 

"If you wish," Hadvar said, "but we're going to try to get out of here. Whiterun and Solitude need to be informed that dragons have returned as quickly as possible. Do you know any escape routes?" 

"There's an old tunnel that runs with a river," the old man said. "Should take you right out. I'd be careful if I were you though. The Stormcloaks will be looking for that tunnel as well and no doubt those skeevers will be drawn right to it." 

Hadvar nodded his thanks and the two of us left quickly. I nervously played with the bow I had confiscated from the weapons rack in the soldier's sleeping room where I had gotten my armor. I have always been an archer and I knew from past experience that shooting a bow in an enclosed area is nothing but trouble. I sighed and put the bow away and drew the sword I had strapped to my side. I am a mediocre swordswoman, but even flailing wildly was better than trying to run backwards in an unknown area while shooting an arrow at a charging foe. 

Hadvar and I had almost made it to the secret entrance when we stumbled onto the Stormcloaks again. I didn't recognize any of them, which meant they must have gotten separated from Ulfric and Ralof. Both sides readied weapons and started to charge when I thought of how idiotic this whole situation was. 

"Stop right there all of you!" I shouted. I must have put the right amount of authority into my voice because everyone stopped and looked at me in confusion. "Look, there's a huge, black dragon flying around above our heads killing Imperials and Stormcloaks indiscriminately. Do we really have to help him out by killing each other underground too?" 

"What do you suggest then, Imperial?" one Stormcloak sneered. I was pretty certain he thought I was just another soldier since I was wearing the Imperial armor. "Are you going to just let us go?" 

"Actually, I think that's a great idea," I nodded. I almost laughed at the Stormcloaks' surprise. "It only makes sense. I don't want to get hurt fighting you and make myself more vulnerable to the dragon if it does follow us once we get out of here. Or even get killed. You look pretty capable with that hammer. You have the superior reach and strength. I'm sure my Nord companion here could take you, but that doesn't guarantee my safety, does it?" 

"Figures the Imperial is only worried about her own skin," the other Stormcloak sneered. "Faithless cowards, the lot of you. Fine, we'll spare you, but only because we need to find Jarl Ulfric." He nodded to his companion and the two of them ran down a side tunnel away from the river. 

I bit the inside of my cheek to keep from retorting to the Stormcloaks as they departed. Maybe some scathing remark about their leader's inability to kiss, which would be a total lie, but it would definitely rile the warriors' pride. I wasn't proud enough to undo my diplomacy and let them go, smirking the whole time. 

"Why did you allow them to insult you like that?" Hadvar grumbled. 

"Because I like my hide the way it is," I responded flippantly, "and because being right is sometimes more important than being respected for the wrong thing." 

The rest of the route was uneventful. There was a bear sleeping towards the end of the escape route, but we managed to crawl past her without waking her. "It seems almost silly to be running from a bear after dealing with a dragon," Hadvar said quietly once we were out of sight. 

"Hide, one piece," I said with a wink making Hadvar laugh. 

When we exited the cave, I took a deep breath enjoying the cool autumn air. It felt like we had been symbolically reborn. The sky never looked so blue and the clouds never looked so white. The light breeze felt good on my flushed skin. 

"Get down!" Hadvar grabbed me and pulled me behind a bush. Above us, the black dragon spiraled lazily before flying northwards. "I think it is gone." 

"He," I said. When Hadvar looked at me blankly, I clarified, "That was a male dragon." 

"How do you know?" he asked suspiciously. 

I shrugged, "I just do." 

"No matter. Solitude and Whiterun still need to know what happened here today." 

"I don't know those places," I admitted sheepishly. I hated feeling so ignorant. 

"I'll tell you as we head towards Riverwood," Hadvar said kindly. "It's my home village and my uncle lives there. He can give us some supplies." He paused. "I know it's a lot to ask after my captain ordered your execution, but I have a favor to ask. I could travel to Solitude to inform the Imperial army directly while you go to Whiterun to warn Jarl Balgruuf. Would you do that?" 

"I guess I am more or less stuck here with the border closed," I sighed. "I might as well make myself useful. Sure, Hadvar, I'll help you out." I stuck my hand out to him which he took and shook heartily. 

"Welcome to Skryim."


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Diana reaches Whiterun after finding out more about Skyrim. After delivering her message, she realizes that she has nothing to her name. What to do next?
> 
> It always seems like the first chapter is full of action while the next couple are establishing the world. I realize this can be a little boring for a reader, especially one familiar with the world, but it's a practice I am trying to get used to if I want to do professional writing some day.
> 
> I always thought that it was ironic that the first time I read a book that the description of the world seemed a bit boring, but when I went to go reread it's one of those "oh yeah" moments because you now know what is being set up. I always specifically think of Quidditch from Harry Potter. I didn't care at first, but by book fourth I was like "oooh, it's the finals!"
> 
> Part 3: [fav.me/d57eici](http://fav.me/d57eici)

Middas 17 Last Seed 201 4E 7:00 PM

"Oh, wow, that's pretty," I gasped as I saw Whiterun in the distance. I had just crested the hill from Riverwood and could see the majestic city on top of its own hill on the horizon. I shifted the backpack with the supplies Alvor had given me and continued on my trek north.

On our trip to Riverwood, Hadvar had told me a bit about the local area and the general layout of Skyrim. The country was organized into nine Holds and each was governed independently by its own jarl. Most of the Holds were named after its biggest city, like Falkreath or Whiterun. The jarl of Solitude in Haafingar had been the traditional leader of the jarls and of Skyrim itself for generations.

The trouble with the Stormcloaks had been brewing politically for years regarding something that happened in westernmost Skyrim, in the Hold called "the Reach," but it officially exploded earlier this year when Ulfric killed High King Torygg.

"I heard Ulfric challenged him to a duel," I said thinking of the story Ralof had told me on the wagon ride to Helgen.

"Hmph. Some say that, but the truth is Ulfric murdered High King Torygg," Hadvar grimaced. "Ulfric strode into Solitude as bold as brass and shouted the High King to pieces in front of the entire court. King Torygg's wife, Elisif the Fair, was devastated. They had only been married for a few years, and everyone says that they were madly in love."

I shuddered at the thought of Ulfric's Shout hitting a man so hard he was torn apart. I also felt sad for the young widow. How horrible it must have been to see your husband murdered in front of you and after such a short time. It was one of the reasons I never wanted to wed. Why bind yourself to someone just so they could die some day? It was better to keep relationships, romantic or otherwise, short and simple. Have some good memories and move on so they could stay fresh and young in your mind.

"Now Skyrim is in an uproar because Ulfric claims he has right to the title of High King," Hadvar continued. "Obviously, Lady Elisif has the strongest claim having been married to King Torygg, but there is an ancient Nord tradition regarding duels that Ulfric insists that he fulfilled. The Moot, the rest of the jarls, refuses to gather to name a new ruler until this whole rebellion has been dealt with. Cowardly in my opinion since their decision could settle the affair, but both sides have strong connections with the rest of Skyrim and no one wants to alienate future trade agreements or political alliances."

I felt pretty confused about the whole affair. Both Hadvar and Ralof had spoken with the conviction of the righteous. They truly believed in what they had been told; although both stories were very similar, there was the important detail of whether Ulfric had honorably killed Torygg or if he had murdered an innocent man in his own home. Gods, I had thought the civil unrest back in Cyrodiil was bad. At least there, the anger was directed at a faceless Emperor and nameless Thalmor. It felt like the problems here were a lot more personal in nature.

Luckily for me, Whiterun was neutral in the whole matter. It was an important trade route since the Hold was located in the center of Skyrim and had all of the best roads connected to it. Both sides desperately wanted Whiterun to join them. However, Jarl Balgruuf the Greater had steadfastly refused to join either side, openly denying resources to both sides.

"I really hope there isn't a quiz later, because I'll never keep track of all this," I told Hadvar after he relayed all of his information.

"Don't you take anything seriously?" he asked, exasperated.

"Sorry," I shrugged. "I get sarcastic when I am nervous, and considering I almost died several times today by narrowly avoiding an execution and dragon attack, I think I am a little bit entitled."

It had taken a couple of hours for Hadvar and me to run to Riverwood where he introduced me to his Uncle Alvor and his family. Alvor was the local blacksmith and with the saw mill's owner, Gerdur, he was co-leader of the small village. Hadvar and I had only stayed long enough to wolf down a late lunch before heading out again. Hadvar had borrowed Alvor's sole horse so he could travel to Solitude that much faster.

"Whiterun is only a few hours north," Hadvar had told me as he mounted the brown stallion. "You should be able to reach it before nightfall assuming you don't run into any trouble."

"Me?" I fluttered my eyes. "I never get into trouble."

"Funny," Hadvar said, "but I'm being serious. Stay to the roads and you should be fine. Sometimes bandits get overconfident and ambush travelers, and nothing is more appealing to that type than a woman alone." He paused, suddenly shy. "I am glad to have met you, Diana, even if it was under such terrible circumstances. I wish you the best of luck and if you can forgive the Legion for the poor reception into Skyrim, maybe you could consider joining us. We can always use more clever warriors."

I smiled, pleased at his compliment. "I'll think about it," I told him although I had no intention of joining the army again. Been there, done that. But stranger things had happened to me and I believed in not burning my bridges.

"Go quickly, boy, and make Riverwood proud," Alvor said clapping Hadvar on his back. Even with Hadvar on horseback, the blacksmith had no problem reaching his nephew. "If General Tullius didn't survive that attack, the Legion needs to know as soon as possible."

"Aye," Hadvar agreed with a nod. He saluted and without looking back rode off to the west. He would follow the roads west until he hit the edge of Whiterun before turning north towards Solitude.

Now I was at the gates of Whiterun. The guards glared at me, wary of any strangers but allowed entry, for which I was grateful. I was too tired to deal with any hassle from a sullen guard discontent with gate duty. I wondered why people were giving me sidelong glances and moving out of the way as I ran towards the castle.

I didn't look that disheveled from my hectic day, did I? I gave myself a quick once over and didn't see large amounts of mud or blood splattered across me. I grimaced at the memory of the man landing next to me after the dragon had dropped him. What if I had been walking around all day with that poor soul's guts splattered on me?

When I entered the castle, I stopped for a moment to let my eyes adjust to the darkness within. Although there were several fires and torches lit, the room was still darker than outside since it lacked open windows. This place had obviously been built for defense with its location at the top of the hill, its zigzagging stairs, and narrow windows.

A Nord woman about my age with shoulder length brown hair partly braided with a warriors knot wearing steel armor approached me. "How can I help you, soldier?"

"Soldier?" I asked.

"You're part of the Legion, aren't you?" she asked indicating my armor. I looked down and suddenly realized why people had been giving me a wide berth as I ran through the city. I was still wearing the Imperial armor and looked like I was part of the army.

"Oh, no! Actually, it's not mine. I mean, I guess it is now, but I didn't get it from being issued…" I trailed off feeling like my tongue was in knots. "Look, I have a message for the jarl. It's very important!"

"What is going on here, Lydia?" a woman asked. I looked and saw a Dunmer standing with her hands on her hips on the stairs leading into the main court. Her ruby red eyes glittered in the fire light and her facial expression was no-nonsense as she looked at me. Her resulting sneer told me she didn't care for what she saw.

"This woman says that she has a message for Jarl Balgruuf," Lydia answered. "She also says that she's not part of the Imperial army."

"Strange considering your dress," the Dunmer snarled. "Regardless, Jarl Balgruuf is a very busy man and has no time for strangers. Maybe if you come back tomorrow, you can make an appointment with the jarl's steward, Proventus. I am sure he'll work in some time in the next fortnight."

"I cannot wait that long!" I yelled walking past Lydia and towards the Dunmer. Both women instantly pulled swords from my sudden action. "Whoa! Calm down there, ladies. I have a message from Alvor's nephew Hadvar and it is imperative that Balgruuf hears it.

"Irileth, let the woman speak," a man's voice came from behind the Dunmer. I could see an older man, probably somewhere in his fifties or sixties with long blonde hair and a bear, standing behind Irileth. He was wearing fine clothes and circlet clearing marking him as the lord of this place. "If she knows Alvor, then it must be important. I have never known that man to waste anyone's time."

Irileth turned towards me and nodded that I could continue. As I walked past, she whispered, "You have the jarl's ear, but you make the slightest move and I'll cut you down where you stand." And people wonder why Skyrim has such a bad reputation for welcoming strangers.

"Balgruuf," I started.

"Jarl Balgruuf," Irileth hissed.

"Ahem, sorry," I muttered before continuing, "Jarl Balgruuf, I come from Helgen to report to you that a dragon attacked the village. Riverwood requests extra protection since they are so close to the border."

"A dragon attacked?" Balgruuf asked. I was impressed that other than a widening of his eyes, the man remained calm. "Gods, could the legends be true?"

I gave a quick recount of how the dragon attacked and scattered everyone. I noticed there was a look of disdain shared between Balgruuf and Irileth when I mentioned that Ulfric had been there but had escaped. I shouldn't have been surprised since Hadvar had told me this city was Imperial friendly despite being neutral, but once again that familiarity seemed odd. Did everyone know everyone else here?

"Then Hadvar of Riverwood told me to armor myself which is how I ended up with these," I gestured to my outfit, "and asked that I come here to inform you of what was going on while he traveled to Solitude to report directly to the Legion."

With my own report done, Balgruuf turned to Irileth, "Get Proventus! We need to plan on what to do next. I want you to gather some guards and send them to Riverwood for extra protection."

"You know that Proventus will have conniptions about that," Irileth said calmly as they turned and walked away to continue their plans. "He'll complain about Falkreath feeling threatened by the added security."

"I don't care," Balgruuf growled. "Our people's safety comes first and foremost and Riverwood lacks a wall or any other real protection." Balgruuf and Irileth disappeared up the stairs before I could hear more of their conversation. I was now alone with Lydia.

"Don't let Jarl Balgruuf's demeanor put you off," the brunette said. "He's a good man."  
"I can tell," I said.

"If you are looking for someplace to stay, the Bannered Mare is the local inn," Lydia said. It was obvious by her demeanor that I was dismissed. "I assume we'll find you there if we need you."

"I don't really have any place else to go," I admitted. Before I could ask if I could possibly stay the night, Lydia left to catch up with Balgruuf and Irileth. I was suddenly alone and felt completely at a loss.

I walked outside and looked to the darkening sky. Dusk was quickly falling and I didn't want to have to sleep out on the plains alone. The weather was pleasant enough, but I didn't have the right supplies for camping. Other than some food, the armor on my back, and the weapons I had grabbed in Helgen, I currently owned nothing. Not even a septim.

That thought made me stumble to a stop. I had been running nonstop since the dragon attack and had not been able to think about the future. Before being taken prisoner by the Legion, I had plenty of money for traveling, a horse, and supplies. I had lost all of that after being arrested and it would be impossible to regain my possessions. Not that any of it had any sentimental value. A couple of baubles I thought were interesting, but nothing I had to have. Other than coin. You always need coin no matter where you went.

I sighed. No matter. I had been broke before. Sometimes bandits attack you and you just hand over the coin because there's a look of desperation in the man's eyes that you're unwilling to fight to keep a few coins or you fall into a river and lose your coin purse.

Night would be here soon, so it was unlikely I would find work today. I had wandered down the hill back to the gate. I slumped against the post of a building and drew out an apple from my backpack. I supposed that would be my dinner tonight. I couldn't afford to eat all of my supplies without knowing when or where more would come from.

The door to the shop opened and warm light fell on me as two people exited, a Nordic man wearing Imperial armor and an Imperial woman wearing blacksmith's clothes. "I'm telling you, Idolaf, that it is impossible for me to fulfill an order that large. Why don't you swallow some of that pride and ask Eorlund Gray-Mane for help?"

"You know that Eorlund would sooner die than forge steel for the Legion," Idolaf retorted. "Besides, I'd rather bend knee to Ulfric Stormcloak than ask him. Adrianne, you know about the feud between his family and mine."

Adrianne sighed, "Okay, I'll try, but don't expect any miracles." The two shook hands before Idolaf left.

Lucky Old Lady must be watching out for me today! I really couldn't have asked for more luck after this afternoon, but I got this stroke of amazing fortune and I wasn't going to let it go past me. I jumped to my feet before the blacksmith could go back into her shop.

"Miss!" I called. She turned to me with a curious expression. "I couldn't help but overhear your conversation with that soldier. If you're really overwhelmed by his request, how would you feel about taking an apprentice?"

"You?" she asked skeptically. I got my first good look at her face. She was attractive and only a few years older than me. Her long hair was pulled back into a practical braid and her face smudged from hours of working over the hot forge.

"Yes, ma'am," I said cheerfully, being sure to give her my friendliest grin. "Believe it or not, I have some experience with the forge. It's been a long time, but the hands never forget, right? Worst case scenario, I can help keep the bellows going while you do the actual forging, but I'm pretty confident that I can churn out the same number of blades as you do."

Adrianne snorted a rather rough sound from such a pretty woman. "I wouldn't be so sure of that. I work long and hard hours. I may not be the best smith in Whiterun -- that honor belongs to Eorlund Gray-Mane, but I do my best."

"Eorlund Gray-Mane may or may not be the best," I shrugged, "but he also doesn't have a huge order with a deadline either, does he?" Give me a chance, please! All I ask for is room and board and, if you are satisfied with my work, an apprentice's wages."

"Where did you work the forge?" Adrianne asked, definitely interested. It was a good deal; since I had claimed some experience then she shouldn't be slowed down by needing to train me past familiarizing me with her personal system.

"I was an apprentice in the Imperial army during my required term of duty," I said. "I mostly worked with daggers in regards to weapons, but I also helped some of the soldiers by repairing jewelry keepsakes from home. Broken chains and rings happened frequently during battle. I am also pretty good with bows."

"Okay, you've convinced me," Adrianne nodded. She put her hand out and I shook it. "I'm Adrianne Avenicci and this is my shop, Warmaiden's. Welcome aboard."

"Diana," I said slightly stumbling over the new name. It always took a few days to get used to a new identity. "Thank you, you won't regret this."

"Come on in, Diana," Adrianne smiled, "and I'll introduce you to my husband, Ulfberth War-Bear."

"You're married and have different last names?"

"It's a Nord tradition for a woman to keep her maiden name," Adrianne laughed, "but I like to tell people it's because I'm an Imperial and he's a Nord and never should the two mix."

 

Middas 17 Last Seed 201 4E 11:55 PM

I was lying on a temporary cot that Ulfberth had tucked into the corner of the Warmaiden's storage room for me. Above me on the second floor, I could vaguely hear the large man snoring as he slept with Adrianne in their room. As with many small shops, the couple's house was part of their store.

I was wearing a sleeping gown that had belonged to Adrianne. She had bought the Imperial armor from me in exchange for some septims and a few changes of clothes that she no longer wanted. They were a bit worn, but I didn't mind. It felt good to know I had more than one set of clothes to my name.

Work would start early since Adrianne believed in starting her forge at six in the morning and she expected her new apprentice to be right alongside her the whole time. I would work long hours for little pay, but I was excited nonetheless. I would be doing familiar work, something I desperately needed after this long, bizarre day.

I had escaped an execution, outrun a dragon, and dodged the Stormcloaks, and now I had a place to rest my head all in one day. Skyrim might be considered backwater compared to Cyrodiil, but it certainly wasn't boring! As I drifted off to sleep I wondered what tomorrow would bring.

I rolled onto my side and closed my eyes, sleep already claiming me. I sent out one last prayer to the Lucky Old Lady before falling into the Void of sleep. Surely tomorrow would be a better day.


	3. heiwako

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Copyright Bethesda  
> Comments loved!
> 
> Diana is making friends left and right. =3
> 
> Part 4: [fav.me/d57ihdm](http://fav.me/d57ihdm)

Fredas 2 Heartfire 201 4E 6:00 PM

The next sixteen days flew by. I would get up at the crack of dawn to start up the forge and work the bellows all day with Adrianne. I don't remember sweating so much and wondered how much of my perspiration was used to cool the metal when it was time to temper the blades. I constantly stopped to gulp down gallons of water before passing the ladle to a grateful Adrianne. 

I found that Skyrim was much cooler than temperate Cyrodiil, but the heat of the forge chased away any autumn chill. Any breaks were spent with my arms wrapped around me as a cool breeze already promising snow blew through my thin blacksmith clothes drying the rivets of sweat that had poured down my body. 

The first several days' work would end around six in the evening when Adrianne and I would drag ourselves into Warmaiden's. Sitting behind the counter while Ulfberth took last minute orders and cleaned up the shop, we would eat our dinners quietly feeling the tension drain out of our tired muscles. Then I would crawl into my cot and fall into a sleep so deep that I couldn't remember any dreams. It felt like I had barely closed my eyes before Adrianne was calling for me to get up for a fast breakfast before starting all over again. 

Skyrim didn't have indoor plumbing and even in the autumn, it was too cold to really bathe often, since the most common method was to use the local rivers or streams. It was just too inconvenient to draw up the water needed into a pot and boil the amount needed to properly wash up. I usually managed to drag a wet cloth over my body a few times, but usually I fell into the bed covered in grime, soot, and sweat which left me feeling gross most days. 

My waist length hair was problematic. When I had been a blacksmith's apprentice, my hairstyle had been a short, chin-length bob, which had been easily bound back by a handkerchief. Now, my hair was too heavy to pull back easily and it trapped heat and sweat. I thought about cutting it, but my hair was my pride and I couldn't convince myself to lose it. I finally figured out a way to braid it and wound it like a crown while I worked. 

"Stopping time," I announced, stretching with my hands high above my head. "Gods, how many more do we have to do?" 

"We finished today, actually," Adrianne said with a smile as she stood up from the grindstone. "Other than finishing sharping the most recent blades, which can wait until Morndas, we are done." She laughed. "If I had known I'd have such a wonderful assistant, I would have told Idolaf that I'd work his miracle and might have gotten a higher fee for it." 

"Sorry," I said shrugging. I flushed with pride from the praise. 

"Don't be," Adrianne mocked hit me. "You really helped me out and I thank the Divines for sending you to me." 

"Talos be praised," I said jokingly. 

"I'd be careful about saying that, even in jest," Adrianne said suddenly frowning. 

The worship of Talos was a tender subject in Skyrim. The White-Gold Concordat agreement, the treaty that had ended the Great War between the Empire and the Aldmeri Dominion, had rendered worship of the man turned god illegal. The Thalmor, the ruling council of the Altmer, very vigorously hunted down any one who violated the agreement and death was the most common punishment. It was one of the points of contention that Ulfric rallied under and since many Nords still honored Talos, it made Ulfric look like a local, patriotic hero. 

I had been five years old when the agreement was signed, so I had never personally thought of Talos, or Tiber Septim as we Imperials called him, as a god of worship. Like many of the other forgotten and abandoned gods of mythology, he was just a figure who had been important at one point and now no longer was. 

Whiterun was odd in that despite being an Imperial friendly city, it was also Talos friendly. There was a priest of Talos named Heimskr who stood in front of a shrine of Talos yelling praises for his god. I wasn't completely certain, but I wondered if he was a self-appointed priest or if the church actually approved the man's actions. Standing in the square all days screaming "We are but maggots, writhing in the filth of our own corruption," didn't seem like very good public relations. 

Since Heimskr's small home was literally in the same square as the shrine, he rarely was found away from his heavenly calling. It made me wonder what it would be like to live every hour of your life dedicated to a god who never gave any sign of appreciating your devotion. It seemed kind of sad and lonely, so the few times I passed Heimskr, I would listen to him for a few minutes. Maybe it was crueler to give him the illusion of acceptance, but he did seem to appreciate having an audience and I found him fairly amusing. 

"Don't worry, Adrianne, I trust you. I wouldn't say that around just anyone," I assured my boss. As Imperials, there was still some concern about prejudice for us. There were plenty of Nords who lived in Whiterun who believed that Nord lands should belong to the Nords. Being married to Ulfberth helped Adrianne be accepted, but she still was desperate to earn her reputation as a master blacksmith on her own merit and not depend on others' compassion. 

"How are you feeling?" Adrianne asked, changing the topic. "Feel tired?" 

"Hm, not really. I actually feel really good. Not having work is going to be more of a downer tomorrow since it means you won't need me anymore, but right now I feel like a burden has been lifted from my shoulders," I said. 

"Good," Adrianne nodded. She reached into her belt pouch and pulled out a handful of coins. "Why don't you take these and go have a good time? You earned them." 

"Oh, Divines bless you!" I squealed. It wasn't much, but it was a sight more than I had currently for spending. The few meager coins I had earned from selling my armor to Adrianne had disappeared quickly when I went to Belethor's general store to buy some necessities. It was easy to forget all the little things we use every day until they're gone. I needed a hairbrush, toiletries, and personal items like small clothes. 

It had not been a fun trip, and not just because I didn't have much coin. Belethor, the owner, was a stocky built Breton who just exuded sliminess. His eyes would follow me as I looked at his wares, he would make odd jokes about selling family members, and the tone of his voice was just suggestive. I felt like ants were crawling up my back while in that store, and the thought of him mentally undressing me would just not leave my mind. After that, I tried to trade with Ysolda who wasn't an official merchant, but she was definitely interested in learning the trade and didn't mind Belethor. 

"I tell you what," she suggested. "I'll get your items for you at no extra charge if you promise to keep an eye out for a mammoth tusk." 

"Why in the world would you want a mammoth tusk?" I asked, not sure I wanted to know the answer. I had heard stories of perverts and horker tusks, and I didn't particularly want to have such images about sweet faced Ysolda. 

"I have an arrangement with a Khajiit caravaneer that if I can find a mammoth tusk, then he'll start providing trade with me. It will help me save up to buy the Mare from Hulda that much sooner!" Ysolda's dream was to own the inn someday. Hulda seemed agreeable enough to sell the franchise to the eager girl, but not without a profit. 

"Okay, that's a fair deal," I had said and we had shook hands over it. 

Now I had some coins with no immediate need attached to them. A night up at the Bannered Mare with a few cups of wine, if I was lucky since wine was a rarity in Skyrim. The Nords preferred their mead  thick, disgusting stuff that it was. Still, if I could push through a few tankards, my mouth numbed enough to not care how it tasted while enjoying the mellow relaxation alcohol provided. A night to celebrate was definitely on the schedule after more than two weeks of working nonstop one way or another. 

"If you plan on going out, I had Ulfberth draw up and heat some water for a bath," Adrianne said, her eyes sparkling. It was like she had read my mind. "Go have some fun!" 

"Oh, Adrianne, you're the best!" I hugged the blacksmith and planted a kiss on her cheek. 

"I promise that it's not completely altruistic," Adrianne winked. "I wouldn't mind if you stay out late so I can have some alone time with my husband." 

"Consider it done!" I mock saluted before running into the house. 

 

Fredas 2 Heartfire 201 4E 9:00 PM

As I had feared, Hulda only had mead, but that was probably for the best. Wine, especially Cyrodilic wine, was expensive compared to the local brewery's stock, and I should conserve my coin. After working the forge with Adrianne all day, I would sometimes go out into the city and see what miscellaneous chores there were available for a few coins. I had done everything from run potions for Farengar Secret-Fire to help a priest find his amulet of Arkay. I had carefully hidden it all away in my mattress so I wouldn't be tempted to spend it frivolously. Soon I could buy a new horse, and maybe explore Skyrim a bit. Get to see a bit of these Holds Hadvar had told me about. 

I was sitting alone in a corner listening to the local bard and Hulda's son, Mikael, singing a war propaganda song called "The Age of Aggression."   
__  
Down with Ulfric, the killer of kings,  
On the day of your death we will drink and we'll sing.

There were days I wondered how in Oblivion I ended up in the same wagon with who had to be the most notorious person in all of Skyrim. It felt like everyone had a strong opinion of Ulfric Stormcloak and his army, one way or another. People either loved him as a local hero who finally stood up to the tyranny of foreign dictators who didn't care or understand Skyrim's way of life or hated him as a villain for ripping Skyrim apart by encouraging brothers to fight and kill each other instead of trying to rally with the Empire to rid us of the Thalmor influence. I think if I had truly comprehended the fact that Ulfric was the closest thing Skyrim had to a celebrity, I wouldn't have jammed my tongue down his throat. 

It was very likely that once I had enough coin I would travel to Solitude and Windhelm to get firsthand accounts of what happened and why in regards to the Stormcloak Rebellion. Normally, I didn't get involved in politics, but it was on everyone's lips and having met one of the key players in person had roused my curiosity. 

"I finally found you." I looked up from my contemplations, surprised by the irritated tone. A Nord woman who looked vaguely familiar was glaring at me. "I thought I told you to stay at the inn in case Jarl Balgruuf wanted you," she said crossly. 

"Rydia?" I asked, not certain if that was the right name. 

"No, it's Lydia," she sighed as she placed one hand on her forehead and rubbed it as if she had a headache. "I'm one of Jarl Balgruuf's housecarls. We met when you gave your report about the dragon attacking Helgen." 

"Oh, yeah!" I exclaimed. "I remember you now." I'm usually pretty good at remembering such details, but we hadn't been formally introduced and it had been a couple of weeks since I last met the woman. 

"And do you recall me telling you to stay at the Bannered Mare in case we had need for you?" she muttered as she took a seat uninvited. 

"I did," I said wrinkling my nose at her action. I pulled my mug close to my chest and sniffed disdainfully at the mead before grimacing and drinking it. "I didn't have any coin since the Legion didn't deem it fit to leave me any before trying to kill me. Made it a bit hard to rent a room." 

"You should have said something to the jarl," Lydia frowned. "He would have given you something, I am sure." 

"I probably would have if he and the rest of his court hadn't run off leaving me alone with a housecarl who promptly threw me out," I retorted. "Whatever a housecarl is." 

"A housecarl is a bodyguard, usually assigned to someone of great import whether he is a jarl or thane," Lydia sniffed. 

"A thane? Gods, I swear it feels like you people speak a completely different language at times," I snorted. I was only on my second mug of mead, but the thick drink was stronger than I was used to, and honestly I'm a cheap drunk. Normally only one glass of wine would be enough to cause my tongue to waggle uncontrollably. "I could have sworn Skyrim spoke the official Imperial language just like the rest of the Empire." 

Lydia stiffened angrily at my jibe. "We Nords have a fine and proud culture." 

"I'm not denying that," I said which caused Lydia to relax a bit. Unfortunately, my mouth kept moving. "I'm just saying why don't you use real words like 'lord' or 'bodyguard' instead of 'jarl' and 'housecarl'? I swear, housecarl sounds too much like housecat." I laughed suddenly at the mental image that created. "Meow, meow! I have no clue what a thane could be." 

Lydia got to her feet, her face flushed red in anger. "For your information, a thane is a hero officially recognized by the jarl. Something I am sure you'll never know anything about!" Having gotten in the last word, the Nord turned quickly on her heel and left the inn, making sure to slam the door loudly as she exited. 

My smile fell off my face after Lydia left. I felt bad for teasing her. I hadn't meant to make her upset, I was just being silly, a flaw that I had my whole life. It was easy to forget how prideful these Nords were, especially in regards to their culture. 

It would have been nice to have someone I could have talked to. Although I had been pretty friendly, I hadn't made any friends other than Adrianne, and I think that was only because we worked so close to each other all day, every day. Ulfberth was kind, but I didn't really have much in common with the big man other than blacksmithing and you can only talk about different forging techniques for so long. 

I sighed, looking into my mug. That was the ultimate problem with my way of life. I got to meet lots of interesting people and everything felt new and fresh when I got to a new region or town, but I didn't have any real friends. I didn't even have family back home in Bravil anymore. I had probably done Ulfric a favor when I escaped his group, since he wouldn't have been forced to feed and give me a bed while he found out there was no money to be gotten from his hostage. 

I got up and left a few coins for Saadia, one of the barmaids, on the table and stood up. I might as well go back to Warmaiden's and get some rest. As I pushed open the door and felt the cold night air hit my face, I briefly wished that I could say I was going home. 

 

Loredas 3 Heartfire 201 4E 7:00 AM

"Adrianne, why are you upside-down?" I asked groggily. "And why is it so bright?" The storage room that I slept in had no windows which normally made getting up hellish. I was one of those people who woke better with natural light streaming in. Today, that was in abundance. It was so bright that I could barely open my eyes. 

"I'm not upside-down," the blacksmith said, her tone worried. "I'm standing over you. And it's bright because you fell asleep outside last night. Divines, woman, you could have frozen to death. Whatever were you thinking?" 

"It was kind of pleasantly warm last night," I said as I gladly took Adrianne's offered hand. That wasn't a complete truth. It had been warmer than most nights, but Skyrim felt perpetually cold. I had curled up next to the forge since its fires are never properly extinguished and fallen asleep while watching the stars and moons. The sky had been beautiful last night and I enjoyed looking up into the Void of night. 

Sometimes when I felt lonely, I liked to stand as straight as I can and stare straight up into the night sky. I would look for a faraway point and then try to look past it until it felt like I could see forever. It made me feel terribly small and insignificant, but there was also a power there. To be alive and in this world despite how tiny I was and how big reality was just meant there would always be something new and exciting for me to discover! 

"Besides," I continued as I dusted my dress, "I forgot my key and didn't want to interrupt any private time between you and Ulfberth." In truth, I could have gotten back into the house even without the key, but I had absolutely no desire to be somewhere downstairs under those two listening to their sexual exertions. 

"I appreciate it," Adrianne blushed prettily. "It has been a while since I've had any energy to sleep with my husband. Let me tell you, Ulfberth knows how to temper his metal in my forge, if you know what I mean." I made a sound of disgust, but Adrianne ignored it as she continued, "Even before the order came from Idolaf, I was working the forge all day long trying to catch up to Eorlund. It would be easy to say that his Skyforge steel is only as legendary as it is because of his forge, but I refuse to believe that. I just need an edge of my own!" 

"I'm sure you will," I said smiling thinly. 

"What's wrong? You're not sick, are you?" Adrianne placed a motherly hand on my forehead. "You should have come in regardless of how late it was or anything else. I wouldn't forgive myself if you got deathly sick." 

"I'm fine," I insisted as I pushed her hand away. "I'm just a little worried. Now that the shipment is finished I cannot expect you to keep me on as an apprentice and I'm not sure what else I can do for work. I've saved up some, but not enough for a horse or other traveling supplies." 

"You're always welcome to my forge," Adrianne offered, "I hope you know that. And as far as work goes, have you tried bounty work? My father is the jarl's steward. You could ask him if there is anything available. I have never known a lack of reward for ridding the Hold of bandits or giants." 

"Proventus is your father?" I asked impressed. I had noticed the man the few times I had been up at the keep running potions from Arcadia to Farengar. 

Adrianne grinned wickedly. "You didn't know? Let me tell you that not all of his advice to the jarl is his. I've given him some good ideas over the years." 

"I'll head up as soon as I've had some food and changed clothes," I said. I had made a set of leather armor at Adrianne's encouragement when I started working at Warmaiden's. She had wanted a demonstration of my skill, and when I had finished she had allowed me to keep it. I would wear it to Dragonsreach in the hopes of impressing Proventus when I applied for possible work. 

"If you don't mind, since you're headed that way, would you take a sword I've been making for the jarl? It's a gift, but I hope to gain his attention with it. You could give it to my father and he'll present it to Jarl Balgruuf when the opportunity arises." Adrianne paused, uncertain how to offer. "I could pay you for the trip." 

I scoffed, "Nonsense, I don't mind to do it for you. You already offered me future use of your forge. I think that's more than fair enough for some courier work." 

The sword Adrianne gave me was a huge, steel great sword. The pommel had the Whiterun heraldry of a proud horse head etched into it. "Oh, he's going to love this!" I exclaimed. "And if he doesn't, then he's a fool." 

 

Loredas 3 Heartfire 201 4E 9:00 AM

"It is lovely work," Proventus said as he examined the great sword I had handed him. "Please be sure to tell Adrianne that she does outstanding work and this is her best piece yet." 

"I will, sir," I said formally. I noticed I was standing in a military pose, hands behind the back with legs spread slightly at attention. One of the signs of nervousness for me is that I act really proper. I tried to shift to a more natural stance, but I was only left with wondering where to put my arms while I stood. Proventus stared at me expectedly. "I, uh, I was wondering if you have any work available? Adrianne mentioned to me that you usually do." 

I felt so awkward. I hate asking for favors, especially from strangers. It felt like I was putting myself out there for someone to judge. Oddly enough, I didn't mind the reverse when people asked me to do something for them. 

"Actually, there is a giant who lives at Bleakwind Basin, the plains west of Whiterun, who has been causing trouble for travelers lately. I have gotten reports that it has killed merchants passing by," Proventus said. "Jarl Balgruuf has issued a bounty for anyone willing to slay it." 

Giants were large, primitive humanoids who lived throughout Skyrim. I had never seen one, but I had heard of locals talking about them. They live on the plains as nomads, moving from one encampment to the next from Skyrim to High Rock. Most giants kept peacefully to themselves herding their mammoths, but sometimes one went rogue or they became agitated if their mammoths are harassed. Mikael claimed he knew of a guy whose friend had been hit so hard by a giant's club that he flew fifty feet into the air, but I suspected that was just bardic exaggeration. 

"Okay, I can do that," I said wondering if I could kill something that looked human and wasn't trying to kill me. I had fought in the Imperial Army, but always as an archer so if any of my arrows found its mark, I never personally knew. Still, if this creature was killing innocent people, it was probably best to get rid of it. "What do I need to do for proof? I assume you don't want just my word?" 

"You can harvest a toe off it and present that," Proventus said nonchalantly. "No sense trying to bring back its head, they're too large, and when you're done you can sell the toe to Arcadia. She uses them for alchemical ingredients." 

Mental note to self, don't drink any of Arcadia's potions. Ever. 

 

Loredas 3 Heartfire 201 4E 10:00 AM

"The horse is seven years old, but I'm willing to sell her for one thousand septims," Skulvar Sable-Hilt, the owner of the stables told me. 

"One thousand septims for a seven year old horse?" I squawked. "That's robbery!" 

"Take it or leave it," the Nord shrugged. "Makes no difference to me. She comes with a bridle and saddle if that appeases you any." I wished I could tell if he was gouging me because I was an Imperial or if that was his typical offer. 

I growled as I double checked my coin that I had retrieved from its hiding place. I had decided that if I could that I should buy a horse. Not only would it get me to Bleakwind Basin faster, but Proventus told me that if I found anything of value in the encampment, then I was allowed by law to keep for my own. I had no idea what giants might or might not have, but it didn't hurt to have extra carrying capacity. Plus, I hoped that there would be some mammoth tusks to be found so I could give one to Ysolda. I hated being in debt and it would be nice to repay her. 

I had enough coin, but just barely. "I want two weeks of stabling included," I haggled. 

"One week and nothing more," Skulvar said, sounding bored. I nodded and handed him the money before he went off to get the saddle. 

I waited by the stall with my new horse in it. She was as black as midnight, and although a bit older than I liked for my mounts, she seemed to be lively enough. "What should I call you, I wonder?" I pondered out loud. "Blacky? Kinda boring, don't you think? Maybe Charcoal? Give me some time to get to know you, and I'll find a name that is just perfect for you!" The mare nickered in response to the sound of my voice, but it felt like she was responding to my commentary and that made me smile. 

Riding again felt good. Moving quickly across the plains with the mountains on the horizon just felt right in a way that being stuck in one location didn't. Maybe one day I would find that one place, or maybe even that one person, I would want to stay with forever and grow old with, but for today galloping across a flower filled field was my life and I couldn't be happier! 

Bleakwind Basin was only about thirty minutes away from Whiterun. I crouched at a hill top and watched the giant in his camp down below. I had left my horse safely behind me to not alert the giant to our presence. Horses are notoriously loud creatures due to their skittish nature, which can make them excellent guards for a lone traveler sleeping in her camp, but not so great when you're trying to sneak up on someone. 

I watched the creature for a few moments, fascinated by what I saw. The giant was probably about twelve feet tall; it was difficult to tell exactly from so far away, but it was obvious that he was much bigger than your typical humanoid. His entire body was covered in ritualized tattooing and scars, which indicated a much more civilized mentality than his crude camp indicated. On one shoulder, he carried a large bone, possible from a mammoth, as he wandered around his camp. 

I crouched on one knee, pulled out my bow which was another product from Adrianne's forge, and drew in a deep breath. Find the target, eliminate everything else, remove all distractions, find the void, fall into it. It was the old mantra my archery master had taught me and what I always chanted whenever I had to shoot my bow. Breathe in, pull the string, breathe out. 

Although the giant was at least five hundred feet away, it felt like he was next to me once I honed my sight. I released the arrow and death flew on the wind. One second the giant was standing there alive, and the next he was lying dead on the ground with an arrow jutting from his neck. 

I sighed and sat back on my haunches. That was the first thinking thing I had ever killed and I wondered if I should feel something, but honestly I felt nothing. It had been a problem and I had killed it. Story over. 

I mounted my horse and rode down to the camp. I studied the dead giant before cutting off the trophy toe for Proventus. The creature's features were definitely humanoid, but more mer than man. There were the hint of tusks on its jaw and the slope of the forehead was more similar to orc than anything else. 

I was about to leave when I noticed a chest next to the bonfire. I tried to open it, but found that it was locked. Instead of being frustrated, I smiled. I loved opening locks. The challenge of moving the gears and finding the right amount of pressure to pop one open appealed to me. I had learned how to open locks during one of my many careers with a locksmith. Sometimes people got locked out of their homes or lost the key to a personal chest, which meant someone was needed to get them back in. 

"Tiber Septim! This is a really good lock," I said astonished when I examined the chest. How did creatures known for their primitive lifestyles have such good security? Maybe he had found one from one of the travelers he had harassed and kept it? I checked the giant and found no key, which lent credit to my theory. 

I knelt by the chest, curious to what was inside, and started working on the lock. My focus was completely on the mechanism and I probably would have died if not for my horse. 

The mare's scream of panic alerted me to the second giant who was coming back to his camp after herding his pack of mammoths. The black horse reared up as the lumbering man neared her. The giant swung his huge, bone club and hit her square in her torso. She flew up into the air, and I promised myself I would never doubt anything Mikael said ever again, because I'd be damned to Oblivion if she didn't crest a hundred feet in the air. 

I grabbed up my bow and started shooting erratically at the creature as he came towards me. My arrows merely bounced off him; apparently giants have tough skin. My first shot must have gotten lucky to have been instantly fatal. That and I had time to concentrate and aim. It's much easier to shoot accurately when you have all the time in the world instead of mere seconds as your foe comes crashing down on you. 

I screamed in terror and decided that retreat was better than valor. I ran away leaving behind the enraged giant and the unopened chest far behind. The bounty better damn well be worth all this. 

 

Loredas 3 Heartfire 201 4E 1:00 PM

"Excellent work," Proventus said as he handed me a small pouch. "I'll let you know when there is more work." 

"You've got to be kidding me," I grumbled when I looked into the pouch. It was a mere one hundred septims, one tenth of what I paid for my poor, dead horse. I was further in the hole than I started. And still no mammoth tusk for Ysolda. 

I turned to leave, deep in thought of what I was going to do next, when Jarl Balgruuf saw me. "Ah, there you are!" he said cheerfully. "I thought Lydia said you had left the city." 

"Oh, no, Lord, um, I mean Jarl Balgruuf," I stammered. "It was a misunderstanding. I was living with Adrianne and Lydia thought I was at the Mare" I trailed off not sure whether Balgruuf wanted to hear about my financial troubles. 

"No matter, here you are now," he smiled in a way that made me appreciate why he was such a well-loved ruler. "I have something I wanted to discuss with you." 

"Yes, sir?" I asked politely. 

"I was impressed that a stranger came all the way to Whiterun to let us know about the dragon attack in Helgen. I was further impressed when no local rumors came drifting into Dragonsreach. It told me you knew better than to go waggling your tongue to people and frighten them." I blushed at the compliment. Truth was I had been so wrapped up trying to eke out a living that I had pushed out that horrific day from my mind. Balgruuf threw a companionable arm around my shoulders. "Now I hear that you've been a real boon to the locals. Helping out people at any and every opportunity. You're a good example of your race, Diana, and I think we need that image right now. The people don't need to be feeding into Ulfric's propaganda of how cowardly and useless the Empire is when the truth is that unity is what gives us strength. 

"And now I find you here doing work to help keep the Hold safe for her people!" Balgruuf laughed loudly. "I knew my decision was right before, but this just seals it!" 

"What decision, sir?" I asked feeling like I had come in halfway through a conversation. 

"To make you a thane of my court!" Balgruuf declared. "It's mostly an honorary title, so you won't be expected to have any real responsibilities, but there are certain rights and privileges included. For example, there is a house called Breezehome down in the Plains district near the blacksmith's. I believe you know her; Adrianne is Proventus' daughter after all. Anyway, I will assign that residence to you and a housecarl for all your work here in Whiterun." 

"Sir, look, I don't want to mislead you," I stammered. This whole conversation had left me dizzy. "I don't even know if I did that bounty assignment correctly since there were two giants. I might have killed the wrong one. And I am sure any reports of my helpfulness were greatly exaggerated. I don't think I did anything special." 

"Ah, humble and honest! By the Nine, you are a find!" Balgruuf looked around his court. "Ah, there's your new housecarl. Don't worry; I picked one you had met before to make you more comfortable. Diana, may I present your housecarl, Lydia." 

I mentally groaned as Lydia walked up to us. Her light blue eyes were as cold as ice as she eyed me. I don't think either of us had forgotten her final words to me from the night before. "Hi," I said simply trying to grin and failing. 

"I am your sword and your shield," Lydia said formally. 

"I'm sure you're unfamiliar with the duties of a housecarl," Balgruuf continued, completely oblivious to the awkwardness between Lydia and me. "Lydia here will inform you of all that. Now, Breezehome has been unoccupied for a while now. If you want to decorate it, Proventus will provide the materials if you pay the fee. I'll leave the two of you to get better acquainted." 

And just as quickly, Balgruuf left calling to Irileth for something. The Dunmer noted my presence and scowled. She held up one hand, had two fingers extended so they pointed to her face and then to me. The message was clear; she had her eyes on me. I was just making friends left and right here. 

 

Loredas 3 Heartfire 201 4E 1:30 PM

"Well, it has four walls and a roof," I said lamely as I dropped my bow on the ground. Lydia and I were standing in the doorway to Breezehome, the tiny house next to Adrianne's. 

When Balgruuf said it had been unoccupied for a while, he wasn't exaggerating. The place was practically empty. Other than an ancient cooking pot on the first floor and a double bed in what could only fleetingly be called the master bedroom on the second, there was no furniture. Cobwebs were everywhere and part of me was vaguely surprised there weren't skeevers lurking in a corner. 

The house was pathetic in its abandoned nature and I couldn't help but think that it fit me pretty well. 

"We'll get it cleaned up and it'll look better in no time, right?" I asked trying to sound cheerful. 

"Let's get one thing straight," Lydia snapped. She had remained silent the whole walk down here despite my attempts at conversation. "I am here as your appointed servant from Jarl Balgruuf. I am not your friend! Since it looks like I don't get to sleep in my bed up at Dragonsreach, I suppose I should go get my bedroll to sleep in until you buy real furniture." The Nord turned and stormed back up the hill towards the Cloud district. 

I slumped to my knees. No horse, no money, and now an angry housecarl and a rundown house. 

"Welcome home," I muttered.


	4. heiwako

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Copyright Bethesda  
> Comments Loved!
> 
> I loved having the call back to Chapter 2 of Darkness Rises When Silence Dies at the end. =3
> 
> Part 5: [fav.me/d57w5vd](http://fav.me/d57w5vd)

Tirdas 6 Heartfire 201 4E 4:30 PM 

"By the Eight, you look exhausted," Adrianne commented when I stopped by her forge to return the cleaning supplies she had lent me. "Surely Breezehome wasn't that bad in disrepair?" 

"Lots of cobwebs, but nothing needed serious repair," I admitted as I tried to stifle a yawn. "The problem is Lydia." 

When Lydia had returned from her forage back to Dragonsreach to get her personal items, I had tried to offer a truce of sorts. 

"Look, there's no reason you have to sleep on the floor," I told her. I pointed towards the bed that had been left behind. I had checked the mattress while she was gone and was grateful to find that it was not infested with any bugs. "The bed is big enough for the two of us to share." 

"Listen, Imperial," Lydia had said warily, "I don't know what ideas you have about housecarls, but physically pleasing our thanes is not required. Some may do so if they have that sort of relationship with their thane, and it is perfectly acceptable for a thane and housecarl to marry, but don't expect some privileges with me." 

"I meant side by side like sisters," I said hastily throwing up my hands defensively. Although I was attracted to both genders and Lydia was pretty in her own stocky, Nord way, I had not thought of the other woman in a sexual manner at all. "At least until we can get your room set up properly. If you prefer, I can try to borrow a cot from Adrianne that she let me use while I lived with her. I don't think she would mind, but honestly a bed, even shared, is a sight better than a cot." 

"No, sharing your bed is fine. As long as you realize that's all we'll be doing," Lydia said evenly. "I've heard stories of you Imperials' perversion, and I have absolutely no interest in finding out the truth of it firsthand!" 

That night I discovered that Lydia snored. I wasn't used to sleeping with someone else beside me, so it was weird to share the bed with someone else. Even the rare times I did share a bed, it was after rigorous sex which left me passed out. Between that and the noise, I barely slept a wink that night. Or the two following it. 

It didn't help that the days were full of scrubbing down Breezehome from ceiling to floorboard. I was paranoid that there were insects or rodents living in the cracks and decided that it would be best to give the place a thorough cleaning before even attempting to order furniture from Proventus as Balgruuf suggested. 

"Just hire someone," Lydia had suggested. "That's what you Imperials do, right? Pay someone else to take care of your problems?" 

Lydia using the phrase, "That's what you Imperials do, right?" reminded me sharply of Ulfric. Of how he had used the same phrase before turning against me simply because I was an Imperial, despite the fact I had just helped him. And it pissed me off. 

"Look, I'm broke, okay?" I growled. "I told you before that I don't have any money. I would love to go up to Proventus and buy you a bed or get us some kitchen supplies, but the truth of the matter is I only have a few septims because I spent the savings I had accumulated on a horse that got killed less than an hour after buying her. I didn't even get to name her!" I hated how my voice had scaled up in pitch as I continued to talk and tears started to stream down my face. I wondered briefly if Lydia thought I was trying to manipulate her with crying, but mostly I didn't care. 

All I knew was that I was tired and aggravated to Oblivion and back. I hate setbacks. Call me childish, but losing that horse hurt more than I could possibly describe. I was so close to leaving Whiterun and getting on the road again just to see my method of escape soar into the air and land broken at my feet. 

Like that man at Helgen. Gods, just like that man at Helgen. 

I had managed to not think about that hellish day since coming to Whiterun and reporting to Balgruuf. Working the forge all day beside Adrianne had kept me too busy to think about anything other than properly tempering the metal for the blades we were crafting. When you smith, you have to have your attention completely on your work or you lose the steel to flaws. Brittle or poorly worked weapons are equivalent to killing a man when you hand him his blade, and no soldier should ever have to die that way. 

Now I was much less busy and tired, which meant my mind was free to think and run in circles with thoughts when I tried to retire for the night. It didn't help that Farengar Secret-Fire, the local court wizard, kept requesting for me to come up to Dragonsreach and repeat over and over my account of the black dragon that had attacked Helgen. The wizard didn't care about who was hurt and how many were lost. All he wanted to know was what the dragon looked like, what powers he seemed to have, and what his motivation on attacking Helgen had been. 

My vague, unsure answers left Farengar more unsatisfied than not, but he seemed happy to have any information on the legendary creatures. The Nord had spent a great deal of his adult life trying to study dragons, and for him to find someone with a firsthand encounter was enough to make him wiggle with glee. 

Still, being asked detailed questions that expected even more detailed answers about the dragon haunted me in a way I wasn't prepared to deal with. Add in the fact that my roommate seemed to begrudge my existence, it wasn't surprising that I was on edge and overreacting to criticism. 

Especially criticism over something I had no control. I was an Imperial, born and raised. I couldn't change that if I wanted to. 

Lydia stepped back from me during my tirade. She eyed me carefully as I pathetically tried to wipe the tears away and get back under control. "Look, I'll head up to Belethor's and see if he has anything we can purchase. He always says to ask since he might have it in his back room." 

"Well, even if he doesn't, I'm sure he'll just steal it from one of his relatives before selling them off," I said sarcastically. I was pleased to hear a bark of laughter escape from Lydia, but by the time I looked up at her, her face was back into its normal stony expression. I had hoped for a moment that we could be friends when I heard her laugh, but that carefully set, neutral expression just reminded me that we weren't friends. And never would be if Lydia had anything to say about it. 

"Diana, you looked like you zonked out for a moment there," Adrianne said pulling me back to the present. 

"Sorry, I was woolgathering," I muttered. 

"Maybe you should go home and get some rest," the blacksmith suggested. 

"I should go look for Lydia," I told Adrianne. "She's been gone a while and I should see if something's wrong. She's very proper and it's my understanding that a thane should never be without her housecarl's presence." I waved goodbye and headed up to the Wind district. 

Whiterun was divided into three districts, the Plains district, the Wind district, and the Cloud district. In typical Nord fashion, the reason was pretty straightforward. The Plains district, where Breezehome and Warmaiden's were located, was closest to the plains and held the merchants and marketplace. The Wind district was a bit higher and named from the winds produced by the nearby mountains. Most residential homes and Jorrvaskr, the home of the Companions were located there. Finally, there was the Cloud district built at the top of the mountain of Whiterun was built on. Dragonsreach, Balgruuf's palace, dominated this district, but there were a few residents of important personage. I had never been sure why my home was in the merchant district instead of the other two, but it was conveniently located by the front gates so I had never worried about it too much. 

Lydia wasn't in Belethor's when I got there. I managed to get out of the store before the Breton could ask me if he could do anything for me. I was just grateful that whenever he said "Some call these junk, but I call them treasures," that he was looking me in the eye instead of my chest or bottom, because he surely made it sound suggestive. 

Looking around the shopping center, I didn't see Lydia at any of the food booths either. It would have been reasonable for Lydia to grab ingredients for dinner while she was in the market. Mila Valentia, the local vegetable seller's daughter, was tending to their booth while her mother was gone; presumably to deliver produce. 

"Mila, sweety, have you seen Lydia? I've seem to have misplaced her," I asked. 

"I noticed her leaving Belethor's a while back," the young girl offered. Although she was about eight or nine, she was a very mature child. Unlike her playmates, she had actual responsibilities and it had made her a very sweet and likeable child. "She didn't stop by any of the kiosks if you're wondering if you should purchase some vegetables for your dinner." 

"I mostly want to find her," I said. 

"I saw her go up to Jorrvaskr," Mila nodded towards the mead hall of the Companions. 

Jorrvaskr was the oldest building of Whiterun. Legend has it that Ysgramor, the founder of the Companions and its last leader, had ordered his men to settle into Skyrim when they landed here. When they began settling, they had discovered the Skyforge, an ancient forge with a monument shaped like an eagle towering above it. They had decided to build a settlement near it in order to use the Skyforge to make their weapons. Jorrvaskr was made from the remains of their longboat and it still retained the shape to the current day by looking like an overturned ship. 

With such a prestigious background, the Companions were highly respected in all of Skyrim, especially Whiterun. Personally, I thought they sounded like a glorified fighter's guild. After all, they seemed to take bounties from people just like other, lesser factions to help out with certain tasks which varied from ridding a house of a wild animal that had taken residence there to escorting caravans cross country to another Hold. Still, they were proud of their ideas of honor and glory. 

I found Lydia near the yard at the back of the mead hall crouching behind some rocks. Her attention was completely focused on a pair of women fighting with blunted weapons in the training area. 

"What in the Void are you doing?" I asked crossly. 

"By the Nine, get down before they see you," Lydia hissed. She grabbed my hand and dragged me down beside her. She glanced at me, embarrassment evident on her face. "I was just watching Aela and Ria practicing, okay?" 

I looked at the female Companions working out again and gasped as I noticed the redhead. I've always had a weakness for redheads, especially women. This woman was beautiful in her grace and ferocity. Her attacks against her Imperial shield-sister were precise and controlled, completely unlike my wild swings. Her ancient Nordic armor barely clung to her muscled flesh, revealing her ample breasts practically falling out of her armor. The swells of her bosom were clear even from here. A short warrior's skirt revealed the flesh of her thighs every time she took a step in her deadly dance of combat. I managed to tear my gaze away from her long enough to notice that Lydia's rampant expression was focused on the Nord warrior as well. 

"Oh, ho!" I chuckled. "Someone has a crush!" 

"Shut up!" Lydia blushed. "I am not attracted to women. I just really respect Aela's ability as a warrior. She's one of the inner Circle of the Companions, which means she's one of their senior members and highly honored. She carries the title 'the Huntress' with pride. I have heard that her mother and her mother before her until the time of the beginning of the Companions have all been members." 

"Have you ever talked to her, or do you just stalk her like she does her own prey?" I asked, softening my tone. I had had my own fair share of hero worship and knew how painful it could be. You looked up to that person and were left with the knowledge that they probably didn't even know you existed. And if they did, then you were just another adoring fan among a sea of many. 

"I'm just a lowly housecarl," Lydia admitted as she looked down in shame. "I don't rank the same as the Companions." 

There was an awkward silence between us. I wasn't sure what to say. Comfort her? Assure Lydia that she was good enough? 

I turned my gaze back to the Companions and saw that they had stopped for a break. Aela was pouring cold water over her body to cool down from her exertions. I had to stop myself from physically drooling as the liquid coursed over her full body. "Oh, you've been a bad girl," I muttered jokingly towards Aela, knowing she couldn't hear me. "Dirty girl." 

"Stop that!" Lydia blushed furiously. "She's a Companion!" 

"Well, I cannot comment about how she disciplined that young Imperial right now, can I?" I said jokingly. The thought of Aela disciplining someone else in a more private venue popped to mind, but I managed to keep that thought to myself. "Spanked her good, didn't she?" 

"My thane!" Lydia squawked. 

"What in Oblivion is going on here?" a male voice barked behind us. A shadow fell over Lydia and me. We looked up and saw an elderly white haired man wearing the signature wolf armor of the Companions. 

Lydia fumbled for a reply, but my response was much more primitive. I just screamed in surprise, pushed the man away from me, and grabbed my housecarl's hand before running down the hill towards Breezehome. I spared one glance back and had to laugh. The man stared at us in shock with his mouth hanging open as we fled. 

"By the Nine, that was Kodlak Whitemane!" Lydia wailed in horror. "He's the Harbinger of the Companions. Do you think he recognized us? Does he know who you are?" 

 

Tirdas 6 Heartfire 201 4E 7:00 PM 

"Does he know who you are?" 

The question Lydia had asked ran through my head as I laid on my bed with my arms crossed behind my head and my long hair fanned out behind me. Downstairs, Lydia was finishing the last touches of dinner. 

Who am I? 

Even I didn't know that question yet. I hadn't really formed an identity to go with the name Diana. So far, I had been stumbling around and just reacting to everything. In the past, the environments I found myself in were much more stable. A locksmith's assistant, a blacksmith's apprentice, a guard in a merchant caravan. Simple, straightforward roles. 

Who am I? 

A friendly neighbor? A rude Imperial? A clueless foreigner? All too one dimensional, all too dull. 

Who am I? 

I sighed. For the first time since I left Bravil to join the army at the age of seventeen, I was rudderless. I didn't know my place in the world, and it baffled me. 

I could be a soldier for the Imperial army. I could be a Stormcloak rebel. I could join the Mage's college. I could become a bard. I could join the Companions. 

Choices, so many choices, and none of them appealing. How could I choose? I had only seen one real city and two villages of this country. So much out there, and no way for me to get to any of it. 

I got up from the bed and headed downstairs. Lydia looked up when she heard my footsteps and nodded. "Good, I was just about to call for you. Dinner is ready." 

"Great," I said as I grabbed one of two bowls that we owned. "After we eat, I want you to clean up and put on a dress." 

"Why?" Lydia asked suspiciously. 

"Because we're going out," I said as I took a bite of food. 

 

Tirdas 6 Heartfire 201 4E 9:00 PM 

"I thought you said you were broke," Lydia grumbled. She was still in her full steel armor having refused to put on normal clothes. We were sitting at the same corner table I had used the last time I had been here. Both of us had tankards of mead in front of us, paid by me. 

"I always keep a reserve squirreled away for emergencies," I said taking a fast gulp of liquor to keep from tasting it. "For all intents and purposes, it doesn't exist. But I figured tonight we would go out and relax. Get to know each other. We've been living together for three days now and all I know about my roommate is that she's a Nord with an attitude problem against Imperials and a crush on a Companion." 

"It is not a crush!" Lydia protested, blushing. 

"If you don't like Imperials for a personal reason and not just common Nordic prejudice, then I need to know so I can either ask Balgruuf to reassign you or maybe just dismiss you completely if that's allowed." I continued ignoring Lydia's outburst. "Because frankly I cannot tolerate the thought of living every day with someone who has a stick up her ass simply because she has a grudge about something I have no control over. So either we can learn how to live together or we can part ways." 

"Don't send me away," Lydia said looking down. "It would be too shameful." 

"It's shameful that you treat me like a wet-behind-the-ears milkdrinker when all I've done is work my tail off trying to get on my feet," I retorted. 

"Maybe if you didn't act like one, then I wouldn't," Lydia countered. "The day Jarl Balgruuf appointed you thane you admitted that you ran away from a fight instead of finishing it. Today, you ran away from Kodlak instead of explaining what was going on. You're a typical cowardly, faithless Imperial." 

"I'd like to have seen you actually come up with a decent reason why we were up there!" I laughed cruelly. "Oh, sorry, sir, we were just peeping on your female warriors. Don't mind us!" 

"Shut up!" Lydia growled. "I wasn't doing anything wrong. You were the one lusting after an honorable warrior in a completely inappropriate manner." 

At that moment, the front door to the Mare opened and a group of loud, boisterous people came streaming in. I recognized them as the Companions. Thankfully, Kodlak was not with them. There were Aela and Ria, a Nord woman with a sneer on her face, two dark haired Nord men who looked related, a Dunmer, and a blonde male Nord. 

"Hello, beautiful people!" the male, blond Nord exclaimed loudly. He wobbled as if he was already in his cups before coming to the bar. "Who wants a drink? I know I do!" 

"Oh, Tovar," Aela shook her head, "you'll always be a whelp at this rate." 

Lydia ducked her head down and blushed deeply as the Companions filed by. She quickly glanced at Aela before looking down again. 

"Gods, you're such a hypocrite," I said. "You complain that I'm a coward, but you don't even look at your idol much less speak to her because you're scared." 

"I am not scared!" Lydia said. She looked around to see if anyone had heard her. "It's just that Aela is much more important than I am. She's a hero." 

"Screw that. I'm not going to let someone make me feel like less than a person than them. Especially when you don't know if they'll feel that way in return," I said thumping the table. Then an epiphany hit me. A hero. Nords love heroes. Gods know I had heard enough songs about them since coming here. That's what I would be. I would be the biggest damn hero Skyrim had ever seen. 

And what do heroes do? They help people out. I had been doing that. Maybe not for the right reasons, but that didn't mean I couldn't start. 

"Where are you going?" Lydia hissed as I stood up and walked over to the Companions. 

"Making a point," I shot back over my shoulder. "Excuse me," I tapped Aela on the shoulder. When she looked up, "My friend over there is my housecarl. She just started a few days ago and I think this is her first real assignment. I heard you are a really skilled warrior. Could you maybe talk to her and help allay her fears of doing her job well? Maybe give her a few pointers?" 

Aela glanced over at Lydia who looked like she was trying to drown herself in her tankard. "Sure. She looks like she could use all the help she can get," the Huntress said. She got up and smoothly walked over to Lydia's table. I smiled when she sat down and starting talking to Lydia. 

"You guys don't mind if I join you, do you?" I asked taking Aela's seat. "I think those two could use some privacy." I winked at the larger, dark-haired Nord. 

"No problem," he smiled back. "I'm Farkas and this is my twin Vilkas," he pointed to the other brunette Nord. Oh gods, twins. "That's Ria, Njada, Athis, and Tovar." He introduced the rest of the Compaions. "We were just about to start a drinking contest. Would you like to join us?" 

"Are you paying?" I asked impishly. 

"I could be persuaded," Farkas grinned wolfishly. 

 

Middas 7 Heartfire 201 4E 11:00 AM 

I woke naked in an unfamiliar dark room with no windows and a body pressed against me in a too-small bed. At least I could tell it wasn't Lydia right away, unless she had managed to grow chest hair overnight. My head was pounding from having drunk too much the night before. 

"Note to self," I muttered, holding one hand to my head, "don't try to out drink the Companions." 

"Good lesson," my bedmate rumbled next to me. I rolled over and could make out that it was Tovar, the one Aela had called a whelp. "Enjoy last night?" 

"Definitely," I lied casually. The sex had been completely forgettable and I still wasn't completely certain how I had ended up in Tovar's bed instead of Farkas'. Honestly, I had hoped for some twin double action and hoped that sleeping with one of their shield-brothers wouldn't be problematic for future attempts. 

"Pardon me," I said as I crawled over the Nord to get out of the bed. I could see a little better in the darkness now and saw that there were several other beds in here, all empty. Apparently there was no privacy in Jorrvaskr. I pulled on my clothes blindly in the dark before exiting the room. 

"Take it easy," Tovar called before rolling over to go back to sleep. I smiled as I closed the door, glad that I wouldn't have to worry about any awkwardness later. 

There was another communal sleeping room next to the one I left. I could make out the tangled bodies of Athis and Njada in one bed. The last I had seen of those two was last night. They had brawled to the encouragement of their shield-siblings. Njada had won when she knocked Athis out, but immediately grabbed the unconscious Dunmer by the shoulder and dragged him away while muttering, "Gods, I'm so worked up right now." I guess that explained where they went. 

I wandered upstairs and found Ria eating at the large semi-circular table by herself. "Morning," she mumbled around a mouthful of food. "Wanna join me for breakfast?" 

"It's almost noon," I said looking outside. I sat by her and grabbed a mug of something to drink to try to help calm my stomach. "I probably shouldn't stay long. My housecarl is probably worrying about me." 

"Trust me, that means it's breakfast time around here after a night of drinking like that," Ria winked.  "And I wouldn't worry too much about your housecarl." 

"What's that I supposed to mean?" I asked. 

Before Ria could answer, Lydia came upstairs wearing only her undershirt and pants. She blushed profusely when she saw me. Aela passed her on the steps and slapped her soundly on the bottom before grabbing her bow off a weapon's rack. 

"Ria, I'm heading out to hunt for a bit," Aela said cheerfully. She left out the back door with a definite bounce to her step. 

"Oh, my gods!" I exclaimed, laughing. "I thought you weren't attracted to women!" 

"I'm not!" Lydia replied as she sat next to me. "JustAela." 

"Well, good for you," I said encouragingly, deciding to not tease Lydia too much. "Talking to her wasn't so bad, was it?" 

"No," Lydia admitted. She paused. "Thank you." 

"Any time," I said. Maybe a little teasing wouldn't hurt. "Slut." 

"Shut up!" Lydia yelled as she pushed me off the dining bench.


	5. heiwako

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Copyright Bethesda  
> Comments appreciated!
> 
> This chapter has a lot of call outs to Darkness Rises, which I'm sure many of you got. Since I'm trying to establish how Diana ended up as Hecate, it's never to early to start!
> 
> Writing combat is always hard. I've gotten better. There used to be a time I couldn't write combat at all. I think reading Brandon Sanderson helped a lot with that. But I am much more comfortable writing social interactions. Still, I wanted to describe at least their first fight with bandits. I hope it didn't disappoint.
> 
> Part 6: [fav.me/d589gjj](http://fav.me/d589gjj)

Turdas 8 Heartfire 201 4E 11:00 AM

"Hey, Lydia, I just got an assignment from Proventus," I said as I entered Breezehome. "He says there a camp of bandits up at Halted Stream Camp that are causing problems for the local mining community. We need to convince them to leave by whatever means necessary." 

"I know that place," Lydia said as she grabbed her axe and shield. "It's only an hour or so north of Whiterun." 

"You ready then?" I grinned as I retrieved my bow. "If we hurry, then we can be back in time for dinner." 

"I got your back," Lydia smiled as we filed outside. 

Things seemed to be going smoother between Lydia and me ever since our night at Jorravskr. I wasn't going to place too much hope on it yet. It had only been a day ago and something could still happen to ruin the fragile friendship we were making. 

"I don't suppose you have a horse or some other type of mount," I mentioned. "Even doubling up, we could get there and back that much faster." 

"No," Lydia shook her head, "I didn't have need of one since I was stationed in the castle." The Nord paused and then smiled mischievously, "I'm sure you'll buy one for me when your funds allow it." 

I sighed. At least it was a pleasant autumn day. Blue skies, warm sun, and almost no clouds. 

 

Turdas 8 Heartfire 201 4E 12:30 PM

Halted Stream Camp was fortified by a log palisade surrounding its perimeter. I could see scattered mammoth bones littering the plains around the camp, which made me wonder if they had been the cause of the agitated giant I killed a while back. 

From my scouting position, I could make out a couple of wooden buildings and a mining entrance into the hill that was positioned at the back of the camp. Several bandits were on patrol, walking along the top of the log palisade. 

"What's the plan?" Lydia asked excitedly. "I could charge in while you lay down cover fire." 

"Couldn't we just try to talk to them?" I asked hesitantly. "Just tell them that we come here in the name of the jarl and that their activity has to stop?" I stopped when Lydia looked at me like I was mentally deficient. "What?" 

"Were you dropped on your head at some point, and I missed it?" Lydia asked. "Do you seriously think a group of bandits are just going to meekly say 'Oh, sorry for the inconvenience, we'll leave now'?" 

"Proventus said by any means necessary," I protested. "Surely diplomacy falls under that." 

Lydia sighed as she placed her face in her hand. "That means by sword, bow, or mace, my thane, not talking them to death." 

"They're people," I said lamely. 

"Bandits hardly count as people," Lydia scoffed. "Even in the highly impossible situation they did honor your request to leave, then they would simply relocate someplace else so they could harass and hurt other honest folk of Skyrim." 

"Can we at least try it my way?" I asked. 

"Of course, as you wish, my thane," Lydia rolled her eyes. 

The two of us walked up to the fenced encampment, Lydia nervously with her two handed axe out while I left my bow strapped on my back. I could see two fierce looking men wearing fur armor glaring down at us from their scout positions, while a Nord woman, also wearing fur armor and a wild Mohawk, broached the main entrance as we approached. 

"You picked a bad time to get lost, friend," she sneered. I could see a wicked, curved scar running down her cheek and into her nose, making her appearance similar to a gargoyle statue  grotesque and leering. "I suggest you and your little buddy turn around and go back to wherever you milkdrinkers came from." 

"My name is Diana and I am a thane of Whiterun," I said after clearing my throat. I hoped I sounded more confident to them than I did to myself. "Jarl Balgruuf the Greater has given me the authority to commission you bandits to leave this camp for disrupting the peace of its citizens and unlawfully barring rightful trade. What say you?" 

"By Julianos, that there Imperial likes to use big words, dun she?" one of the men snorted. He leered at me. "I gotta a better use of that pretty mouth than spewing all that filth." 

"Look, Imperial, I'm sure back in Cyrodiil, you could come in here and tell anyone what to do and they'd fall over about to piss themselves to please you, but here, we Nords do what we wantand we bandits do it even more. We took this mine fair and square and there's no way in Oblivion that we're gonna leave because two little milkdrinkers told us to." 

"The law says" I started to say, but was interrupted. 

"Law!" the other man laughed. "Ain't been no real law as long as I remember. Jarls too busy fighting amongst each other to worry about small folk." 

"Jarl Balgruuf cares," I retorted. I could hear Lydia sigh behind me. "That's why he's set a bounty to get rid of you." 

"A bounty?" they laughed. The woman spoke up. "See? He couldn't even be bothered with sending his own men to take care of handful of bandits. Now get out of here before I'm no longer amused and decide to kill you after all." 

"No!" I shouted. "I am thane and you'll listen to me. The jarl's authority is still held behind my voice and" I screamed in shock as something wet hit me in the shoulder. I looked up and saw that one of the men had decided to urinate right on me! "Why in Oblivion did you do that for?" 

"Just listening to Mjara's advice about pissing myself over you. Figured it would be the only way to get you to shut the hell up and get out of here. Now, piss off!" The bandits laughed mockingly as Lydia and I retreated. 

I had never felt more ashamed than I had that moment. Ignored, mocked, and pissed on. Could my first assignment as thane really have gone that badly? 

"I told you," Lydia said softly. She pulled out a cloth and dampened it with some water from a skin before handing it to me. I noticed she stood as far away as possible when she did. "Bandits are little more than animals wearing human skin. You rarely see elves take to banditry. I'll give them that at least." She sighed. "Ah well, I respect you trying to deal with it peacefully." The lie was obvious, but I appreciated the gesture. "Let's head home. We can still see about getting dinner before a night at the Bannered Mare." 

"No," I said as I finished trying to clean my shoulder and dress. "We're going to finish this." I narrowed my eyes and spoke slowly enouncing each word distinctly. "By any means necessary." 

I closed my eyes and took in a deep breath. Breathe in, breathe out. 

"My thane?" Lydia asked, confused. 

I pulled my bow and settled into a shooting crouch. "You be sure to face me once the fighting starts. Go!" 

Find the target. Fall into the Void. 

Lydia was still staring at me in shock as I nocked my bow and shot the bastard who had the audacity to piss on me. He cried in pain as the arrow burst through his liver and he toppled off the palisade onto the ground below. A vicious part of me hoped that he didn't die from the impact. 

Breathe in. 

A shout rang through the camp as the bandits saw one of their own fall. The woman and man we saw before yelled an alarm before running from the protection of the palisade. Lydia had started a charge towards the two bandits, as I shot another man who came out from the mine. As he fell, two more bandits burst out and met their dooms as my arrows found their marks. 

Breathe out. 

I didn't see Lydia as her axe rang against the sword of the woman with the spiked hair or kicked the man who tried to set up a flank with his companion. I saw nothing but the Void as I breathed in deeply and released arrow after arrow towards the palisade. Some missed, but only because my target had moved suddenly at the last moment. Most found flesh of some sort, whether it was an arm or a leg. The important ones were the ones that found throat or heart. Those were the ones that made me smile. 

Ignore the shouts. Ignore the screams of pain. See only your target. 

Breathe in. 

Breathe out. 

Soon the fight was over. A good dozen bodies littered the ground. Many of the bandits didn't even have a chance to pull their weapons before my arrows had found them. Lydia was a bit scratched up, but that didn't seem to bother her as she smiled widely. 

"By the Nine! I never would have believed that two warriors could have taken on an entire bandit camp by themselves! Especially after announcing our presence like that. That never should have worked." She laughed as she thumped my back. "By the gods, you have the luck of Nocturnal herself!" 

"It wasn't luck," I shrugged. I looked down at the dead female bandit with the spiked hair. Why didn't I feel anything? Joy, sorrow, regret, vindication? Surely I should feel something for killing people like that. "I just had a good mentor in Cyrodiil." 

"Oh, if only if you were trained in a real weapon," Lydia sighed blissfully, completely missing my glare of death as she rooted through the dead's pouches and pockets. "The stories we could tell! Even the Companions would turn green with envy." 

"Don't you think it's wrong to take from the dead like that?" I asked nervously. Part of me wistfully took in the amount of coin and gems Lydia had found, but part of me rebelled at the action too. 

"It's okay," Lydia waved my concern away casually. "It's not like they're honored dead. They're freshly killed and by our hand. And justly! It's not like we murdered them for their coin. No doubt this coin was taken from honest folk, probably after some lost their lives. It's part of the privilege of being a bounty hunter." Lydia shook her head at my naivety. "Honestly, why do you think the bounty reward is so low? Risk your life and any companion's life for a hundred gold split amongst you? No one would take that. Few people want the trouble of a bounty anyway." 

I walked into the mining cave to see what was in there and make sure there were no more bandits. The entrance was a typical downward tunnel, but once inside I was astonished to see a huge room with a forge, grindstone, and workbench. In the middle of the room was a dead mammoth. I felt sorry for the creature; it did not look like it died well. 

A glint of light near the creature's head caught my attention. I walked over and saw that the light of a candle had fallen on the white bone of the mammoth's tusk. I smiled widely. A mammoth tusk! Oh, thank the Eight! 

I grabbed the small pointed end of the tooth and discovered that it was quite heavy. Much too heavy to lift on my own. I grunted as I dragged the damned thing behind me and found I barely got a few feet before being winded. I grunted in aggravation. To be so close and yet so far on paying my debt! 

"Whatever are you doing?" Lydia asked. I turned and saw my housecarl standing behind me with a bag full of something thrown over one shoulder and wearing a new hide helmet. 

"I need this mammoth tusk," I said. Lydia's skeptical expression almost made me laugh. I could only imagine that she was wondering the same things I had when Ysolda requested one. "Ysolda needs one for a merchant deal, and I told her I would get one first chance I got." I glanced at Lydia and used my best bashful expression. "I don't suppose you'd help, pretty please with moon sugar on top?" 

Lydia sighed. "I'm sworn to carry your burdens," she muttered as she walked over to the thicker side and picked up her end. "Now I know why you wanted a horse so badly." 

Although the tusk was bulky and heavy, making the trip back much slower and uncomfortable, I hummed the whole way back. Lydia and I had helped rid Whiterun Hold of some bandits, made enough money to buy my housecarl a bed with plenty left over for drinks and dinner, and I was helping out Ysolda. It looked like my luck was up again! 

My grin faded as I caught a whiff of the piss still soaked into my armor. Gods, I couldn't wait to get a bath. 

 

Turdas 8 Heartfire 201 4E 6:30 PM

"I told you that I would get you a bed, didn't I?" I called cheerfully from my bathing tub. Lydia had graciously drawn and heated up enough water for a full bath while I had run up to Dragonsreach to turn in the bounty to Proventus. 

Adrianne's father had wrinkled his nose in distaste at the smell emitting from my armor, but had dutifully had given me the promised reward. Lydia was right in that a few hundred septims didn't seem worth a man's life, much less an entire camp of bandits. I quickly returned the gold with enough to buy bed decorations for Lydia's small loft room. 

I had returned to Breezehome and immediately climbed into the tub of scalding water and soaked until the men from the castle brought down the furniture I had ordered. Even then, I had just ducked down under the water's surface as much as I could until they left. 

"If you ever get out of that tub, you could see it personally!" Lydia giggled as she bounced on the new mattress. 

"If I ever feel clean again," I grumbled as I poured another handful of lavender soap into my hand before rigorously scrubbing it into my hair and skin. I don't think the bandit had pissed on my hair, but I couldn't shake the worry from my mind. The mere thought made my skin crawl. 

Lydia came down stairs and took the bottle from my hand. "Let me," she offered as she turned a chair around so she could sit as she worked. Strong, confident hands grabbed up my long locks of hair and frothed the soap into suds. "We can go up to the Mare. You can find Ysolda and tell her the good news about her tusk. I'll see if Aela is in from a hunt." 

"Oh, are you going to show her your new bed up close and personal?" I teased. "Don't wanna have to deal with a tryst in a crowded common room again?" 

"Hmph, I'll have you know that as part of the Circle, Aela has a private room and it that includes a nice, wide double bed," Lydia retorted. 

"Not gonna get married and leave me, are you?" I joked. I did feel a little nervous. What if things went too well with Lydia and Aela? I would be happy for her, but surely she wouldn't have time for me if she did get married, and would she still have time to be my housecarl? 

"Nah, I don't see myself as the marrying type," Lydia shrugged. She rinsed my hair and started to brush it. I had to admit that it felt good to have someone pamper me with no ulterior motives. "Maybe someday, but not now. I have too much to do, you know? I want to go out there and make a name for myself. Be remembered as an honorable warrior. Children and spouse can come later. You?" 

"Nope," I said happily. "I'm never going to get married. I like the wandering life too much. You cannot travel if you have permanent responsibilities. The road under my feet and the sky above is the life for me." 

"Sounds like you'll be the one to leave me," Lydia said gently. I looked up and saw her blue eyes looking into my own. "Should I be worried that I'll wake up one day and you'll be gone? Just vanished?" 

"No," I said, surprised at my own words, "I would invite you along with me. If you would want to go, that is." I had never considered having a long term traveling partner or any partner at all for that matter. I didn't feel romantically inclined towards Lydia in the slightest, but the thought of the two of us running around Skyrim for the rest of our days seemed pretty appealing. 

The two of us laughed nervously, neither sure how the topic had turned the way it had, breaking the mood. 

"So, going to give Tovar another tumble?" Lydia asked nonchalantly. "I'm sure if you gave him half a chance, he'd marry you twice." 

"Bleh, no," I wrinkled my nose. "Once was more than enough. Besides, I've never had a partner more than once." 

"Oh?" Lydia raised one eyebrow as she handed me a towel. "Why is that?" 

"Just a weird habit, I guess," I shrugged as I toweled off. "Maybe I'm just looking for the right person." 

It felt like the chase was much more interesting to me than the catch when it came to sex. That feeling of euphoria when someone caught my attention or seeing a special smile meant a lot more than groping and grunting that followed. It's not that I don't like a good tumble into a bed; it's just that I felt more awkward kissing than thinking about kissing. The reality never matched the imagination. 

I suppose it might have been because of my first time. I had been nineteen and it was my last day of service in the Imperial army. I had met a man while running my master's shop. He had seemed distracted, so I had tried to strike up a conversation with him. One thing led to another, and he had dragged me behind the shop's counter, and before I knew it I had lost my virginity to a man whose name I didn't even know. 

It would have been one thing if the sex had been awkward or bad, but it hadn't. It had been the most intense experience of my whole life, and nothing seemed to compare afterwards. I blamed my weakness for redheads for letting that whole mess happen, but I had no regrets. I would never forget the stranger telling me, "Don't worry about tomorrow. Let it take care of itself and enjoy today. Because that's all we have. Today." 

Seemed like good advice. 

 

Turdas 8 Heartfire 201 4E 9:30 PM

"Oh, thank you! Thank you, so very, very much!" Ysolda jumped up and down like a small child on New Life day. She even clapped her hands happily. "You have no idea how much you've helped me out by finding that tusk." 

"It's not here, unfortunately," I laughed. I placed one hand behind my head. "I had no idea they were so heavy. It was an absolute beast to get back to Whiterun. If I hadn't had Lydia, I never would have made it back here with it. We ended up needing to leave it at Breezehome." 

"I understand," Ysolda nodded, unable to contain her enthusiasm. "I would love to see it. You don't mind, do you?" 

I looked over to Lydia who was deep in conversation with Aela. The two women were talking animatedly, probably about our fight with the bandits. Lydia had been proud to tell the Companions who had come down to the Bannered Mare of how we wiped out a force that numbered six to one. I was just grateful that she didn't include the embarrassing part about my attempt at diplomacy. 

"No problem," I said, offering my arm to her. The younger Nord blushed prettily before accepting it. "Lydia, I'm headed home!" My housecarl nodded that she heard before waving goodbye. It was nice to see that today had the added benefit that Lydia felt she could trust me to be okay on my own. Although I suspected that her brand new bed wouldn't get broken in tonight by the way Aela had her hand on Lydia's knee. 

"It's a beautiful night out, don't you think?" Ysolda asked as she leaned her head on my shoulder. 

I looked up and gasped a little at the sight of the aurora borealis, the waving colors of Skyrim's night sky. It was unique to this region, so I had never seen anything like it before coming here.  I had lost my breath the first time, and every time since I felt a little breathless when I looked up and saw those dancing lights gracing the star speckled sky. 

"It is," I said as I wrapped my arm around Ysolda's waist without thinking. It just felt natural to do. She snuggled closer against me, the warmth of her body pleasant against mine. I guess she was feeling a bit cold; there was a nip in the air tonight. 

We entered Breezehome. I smiled proudly at the large tusk waiting right inside. Ysolda squealed with glee as she examined it. "If this doesn't seal the deal with that Khajiit, nothing will," she declared. 

Ysolda turned and I was momentarily surprised that she was almost six inches taller than me. I was only average height for an Imperial at five feet and four inches, but it was easy to forget sometimes. Most Nords were taller than me, but unless I was standing very close like I was with Ysolda, then I tended to think I was the taller one. 

"You are so amazing," she said softly. One pale hand caressed my jaw as she leaned closer. "First you defeated those nasty bandits, and then you bring me my dream of being a merchant." Her light brown eyes fluttered closed as she pressed against me. Soft, lush lips pressed against mine before her daring tongue darted forward dominating mine. "I don't think a simple thank you would suffice. Don't you agree?" 

I nodded dumbly, completely at a loss of words. 

"As promised, let me show you a thing or two about bargaining. Don't want some shifty merchant giving you a raw trade," Ysolda murmured in my ear. She pulled on my hand, leading me towards the stairs. "If that is acceptable?" 

"I'm always eager to learn more," I said in a daze as I followed the merchant up the stairs. 

 

Fredas 9 Heartfire 201 4E 9:00 AM

"Ysolda? Really?" Lydia asked sarcastically as she leaned against the doorframe of my room. I had been sleeping naked in my bed until my housecarl had knocked loudly on the door moments before. 

"How did you know?" I yawned. I stretched and smiled. Last night had definitely gone better than my last endeavor and Ysolda had definitely taught me a thing or two. 

"Other than the fact I saw the two of you leave and she was draped completely over you?" Lydia replied. "How about the fact I bumped into her as I came home?" 

"It's not like that was my intent," I said bashfully as I scooped up last night's dress. "She ambushed me!" 

"Gods, only you wouldn't notice when a beautiful woman is throwing herself at you," Lydia shook her head.  She came over and flopped on my bed. "That's going to get you into trouble someday." 

"Wait a minute," I poked my housecarl. "You said you just got home? Where you were you all night instead of protecting me?" 

Lydia blushed, "Well, if you have to know"

The two of us spent the rest of the morning giggling and sharing last night's exploits while companionably sprawled on my bed. Breezehome was becoming a home instead of just a house in which to lay my head and leave my stuff. There would have been a time that would have scared me, but for now it was a nice change. 

A place to call home. I liked that.


	6. heiwako

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Copyright Bethesda  
> Comments appreciated!
> 
> Man, I've been waiting to write this chapter! Diana finally realizes that she is the Dragonborn is awesome, but going to the Radiant Raiment was even better! XD
> 
> I love writing Altmer. They're so superior acting, but fun to write because I feel most of the time they don't realize that their attitude is obnoxious.
> 
> Combat is always a bit rough for me to write, but I'm pretty happy with how the fight with the dragon went.
> 
> Part 7: [fav.me/d593xx9](http://fav.me/d593xx9)

Fredas 23 Heartfire 201 4E 12:00 PM

"For the last time, Farengar, I don't know anything else about dragons!" I yelled as I stomped down the hill towards the Plains District. I had gone up to Dragonsreach to turn in another bounty and had unfortunately run into the court wizard while I was there. "For Mara's sake, leave me alone!" 

"Are you sure there isn't anything else?" Farengar Secret-Fire whined. "Maybe we could go over the encounter again?" 

It had been a little more than a month since I came to Skyrim. As far as I knew, there had been no further dragon attacks since Helgen. I could only hope it was an isolated incident, but that didn't stop me from keeping a bow and quiver of arrows always ready by the door of Breezehome. 

Nothing had stopped that black dragon. Not blade, arrow, or magic had put a single dent in that ebony black hide. I had seen him fly away with my own eyes; going gods know where. He would show up again someday, maybe in Whiterun or maybe in another Hold, but when he did, I wanted to be ready. 

I still had disoriented dreams of that day. The dragon Shouting and speaking his unknown language as he searched for something. In my dream, it felt like I almost understood his words. A thrum of power had run through me like an electrical current making me feel alive in a way I never had before. The ground shook as fire consumed everything around me, and all I wanted to do was listen to the dragon's words. If I could understand him, then I would finally understand the world. 

_"Zu'u Alduin, zok sahrot do naan ko Lein!"_

What did it mean? 

"I swear, Farengar, if you don't leave me alone, I'm going to tell Arcadia about your little Breton girlfriend," I threatened. 

"What?" Farengar stammered as he blushed. "I have no idea what you're talking about!" 

"That blonde woman?" I said with a leer. "The one who always comes in wearing a hood before promptly going to your work area? Don't think I haven't noticed how you always close the doors when she's around." 

I had been spending a fair amount of time up at Dragonsreach the last couple of weeks. Lydia and I had been taking as many bounties as there were available, and as a result, our reputation had grown tremendously. Jarl Balgruuf invited us to stay for dinner more often than not, and neither Lydia nor I were the type to turn down free food. 

"Do you know who that is?" I had asked Lydia one night when I noticed the mysterious woman scurry into Farengar's quarters. 

"No," Lydia had shaken her head as she tore off a mouthful of meat from a goat's leg. Say what you will about Skyrim's food; it might not be tasty, but it's plentiful, especially if you like meat and potatoes. "Never seen her before." 

"She must be Farengar's secret lover," I had joked. "Why else would she hide her face in shame?" The two of us had laughed about it, and thought no more about the matter until now. 

I shook my finger under the wizard's nose. "I tell you what," I said sarcastically, "you tell me about your girlfriend, and I'll try to dreg up a memory if the dragon was attracted to Ulfric Stormcloak." 

"I'll have you know that she is helping me with a secret project!" Farengar huffed, his face turning red. "A very important, secret project!" 

"If figuring out all of your private kinks is a secret project," I said with my hands on my hips, "then try to be a little more discrete in the future. I assure you that no one else wants to know." 

"Stupid Imperial!" Farengar muttered as he turned tail and retreated back to Dragonsreach. "I should have known you were like the rest of the 'mighty' warriors." 

"Maybe you should try asking her to dress up like a dragon!" I offered as I called after Farengar's retreating back. I laughed, feeling a bit bad for teasing Farengar. He was pushy and overly sensitive about how the other Nords looked down on him for using magic instead of fists, but I couldn't take any more of the same questions about that dragon. 

"Diana!" Adrianne waved to me from Warmaiden's just as I was about to enter Breezehome. "I was wondering if I could ask a favor." 

"What's up?" I asked as I came over to Adrianne's work bench. 

"You remember that shipment of blades that you helped me craft?" Adrianne asked. After I nodded, she continued, "Ulfberth was supposed to deliver the shipment, but he threw his back out a few days ago. I sent a letter to Solitude asking if they could come get the swords, but I just got a courier saying that they weren't able to send anyone down to pick up the weapons for several weeks, and I don't get paid until then. Would you mind terribly to deliver the blades for me? I would gladly pay you for your time." 

"You don't have to pay me," I said as I flipped my braid over my shoulder. "I have wanted to go to Solitude for some time now. This is the perfect opportunity." 

"Well, I insist," Adrianne said. "You helped me get those blades done in a fourth of the time I could have on my own, so part of the payment should go to you anyway." 

I shrugged. Honestly, my money problems were long over. Lydia and I had earned more than enough septims to completely furbish Breezehome, I had bought a mount for each of us, and I even had a secret stash buried in the backyard, just in case. "Cannot say I'd turn down coin. As long as you know that you're exempt." 

"I do appreciate it," Adrianne smiled. "I guess some Nordic pride has rubbed off on me. I don't like feeling in debt, and I believe in fair coin for fair trade." 

I nodded. It was common Imperial attitude, and the reason our race was known as shrewd traders. We knew how to earn a coin, fairly and well. "If your shipment is ready, I can head out right now." 

"I didn't mean to rush you," Adrianne apologized. 

"Don't worry. I needed a good reason to get out of town. Farengar has been getting on my nerves lately." 

"It's all packed up, so whenever you're ready." Adrianne smiled. "To be honest, I'll be glad to have the space back." 

 

Sundas 25 Heartfire 201 4E 2:00 PM

If I could fall in love with a city, it would be Solitude. 

Our trip to the capital of Skyrim was blissfully uneventful. Maybe we had created enough of a reputation that bandits didn't want to challenge us, or maybe we had been lucky, and no troublemaker wanted to risk the open trade routes. The Legion's resources might have been spread to the limit with the Stormcloak Rebellion, but that didn't mean they couldn't have some presence on the larger trade roads. 

It was a hot, beautiful day with no clouds in sight of the blue, blue sky. Sunlight glittered off the buildings that lined the stony perch of Solitude as it hung out over the sea. The waves of the ocean lapped lazily on the shore as Lydia and I rode up on our horses. I patted the neck of my new stallion, a dappled gray steed, whom I had named Frostbite. 

Local guards called out, "Good day, citizens," as we rode past. I waved in return, but Lydia studiously ignored them.  She had been less than pleased to hear that we were traveling to Solitude. 

"It will be harder for me to protect you in such a large city," Lydia complained. "Solitude has been on edge ever since Ulfric walked in and killed High King Torygg in the middle of his own court. All that security, all the promises of the Empire, and no one could keep him safe from the thu'um! Did you know they executed the man who was operating the gates that day? They said that he claimed that Ulfric was in the right, and he did what any good Nord would do for Skyrim. Solitude cannot even agree on the politics of this war, and it is the Hold that has the most support for and from the Empire!" 

"Lydia, what are you worrying about?" I asked a little annoyed. "From what I understand, Solitude is an Imperial controlled city. I'm one ordinary Imperial. Why would anyone target me out of an entire city full of actual delegates and courtiers?" 

"It's my job to worry," Lydia snapped. "A housecarl must be ready for any situation." 

"Meh," I shrugged, knowing the action would drive Lydia crazy. I personally hated when someone did that to me, but it was the only reaction I would give the situation. "I trust you." 

The two of us stationed our horses and wagon at the stables before walking up the hill to Solitude. I breathed deeply of the salty, sea air and enjoyed the faint sound of the crash of the waves and the cries of the seagulls. "I honestly don't understand why you're getting so uptight over nothing. We might have a reputation in Whiterun, but no one knows us here. We're going into the Legion headquarters, sign over the shipment, do some shopping and leave. Simple and boring." 

The market was placed next to the city gates. The streets were busy with throngs of people hurrying back and forth as they completed their shopping for the day. I felt a bit out of place in my dust covered traveling clothes as I looked at the well-dressed patrons. Jewelry glittered from necks and hands as ladies handed purchases to handmaidens. Circlets sparkled as lords nodded to each other. Even the servants were dressed in well-cut suits made of fine cloth. The rest of Skyrim might be suffering from the effects of the war, but for Solitude, it was only a rumor whispered in the wind. 

Getting directions to Castle Dour was simple enough and quickly Lydia and I found ourselves at the fortress that doubled as the headquarters of the Legion. I was a little worried that I would somehow run into General Tullius here. Would the man remember me? He had left before my scheduled execution, and then he'd had his hands full with a dragon attack immediately afterwards, but there hadn't been many people at Helgen and fewer survivors, so maybe he would recall my face. 

"How may I help you, citizen?" a soldier asked. 

"We're here to deliver a shipment from Adrianne Avenicci of Warmaiden's," I said as I presented the slip with the Imperial seal on it that confirmed my statement. The soldier carefully looked over the statement before nodding and pointing down a hall. 

"Go down that way and speak with Lieutenant Hadvar," he told me. I gulped in surprise. 

"I don't like that look on your face," Lydia said lowly as we went down the hall. 

"Eh, well you see, remember how I said I didn't know anyone here?" I smiled weakly. 

The door to the barracks opened and standing there was the young Nord who escaped Helgen with me. "By the Eight, Diana, you came to join the Legion?" Hadvar smiled. He gave me a great bear hug which left me breathless. 

"Why am I not surprised?" Lydia asked sarcastically. 

"Who's this?" Hadvar asked. He grinned as he looked Lydia over, taking in her armor and huge axe. 

"Hadvar, this is Lydia, my housecarl," I said gesturing to each person. "Lydia, this is Hadvar. We met at Helgen. He helped me escaped and if not for him, I might not have gone to Whiterun." 

"Housecarl?" Hadvar whistled. "By Shor, you're doing well for yourself." 

"I got named thane of Whiterun," I admitted, blushing. 

"And only a month here? Wow, maybe I should have dragged you here to Solitude with me instead of splitting up," Hadvar said. "It would be nice to get Legate Rikke's attention." 

"We're only here to transport a shipment of weapons that Idolaf Battle-Born ordered from Warmaiden's in Whiterun," I said abruptly. "Sorry, but I still have no interest in joining the war." 

"As long as it's not about holding a grudge over a clerical error," Hadvar chuckled. I laughed weakly when Lydia shot me a curious look. "Hey, if you're in town for a while, how would you feel about joining me for dinner? I have the evening off, and I would love to hear how you've found Skyrim since we parted ways." 

"Sure," I nodded. "It will mostly be about Whiterun. This is my first trip outside of Whiterun Hold." 

"Great!" Hadvar replied. "Let's just go over this paperwork together. Then, while I have some men unload your shipment, I can escort you down to the Blue Palace to talk to the steward, Falk Firebeard. He'll be the one to actually pay you." 

When Hadvar turned away to get his personal seal, Lydia leaned close, "Try to not sleep with this one too," she whispered. I had already worked my way through the younger Companions' beds, except for Aela, and that was only because she was with Lydia. 

"Ha, ha," I said dryly while trying to not look at Hadvar's butt as he bent over to pull a quill out of a drawer. Those short Legionnaire leather skirts left nothing to the imagination. Why did Lydia have to say something like that? 

 

Sundas 25 Heartfire 201 4E 3:00 PM

"I think you'll love the Blue Palace," Hadvar said as he offered his arm to me. I took it, but not without noting Lydia's smirk. "It's the castle of the High King and has the most amazing view of the ocean, especially during the sunset. If you like, I could get permission for us to use one of the balconies that look right out over the Cliffside." 

"Oh, would you?" I asked gleefully. I thought of the scene Hadvar described and couldn't wait to see the ocean from so high above, especially with the sun painting it a dozen different colors as it descended into the horizon. 

"The balconies are a bit small," Hadvar hedged as he wrapped his arm around my waist. "I'm afraid Lydia would have to wait in the hall while we were outside. We wouldn't want to risk the three of us falling into the ocean if the ledge gave out." 

"Divines forbid," Lydia muttered. 

"Lydia, you wouldn't have to wait," I offered. "You could explore a bit if you like, unless you really wanted to see the view too." Lydia hadn't seemed as fascinated by the ocean as I had on our trip up, but maybe she would be more interested in the Cliffside view. "I am sure I'll be perfectly safe with a Legionnaire as my escort in the royal palace." 

"I'm sure High King Torygg felt the same way," Lydia said. Her eyes flew open as she realized what she said. Hadvar frowned as his hand hovered over his short sword. 

"Your housecarl is a bit rude," he said shortly. 

In typical Nord fashion, Lydia didn't just apologize and back down. Instead, she just instigated the matter by continuing, "It's true, isn't it? Wasn't King Torygg killed in his own court surrounded by all of his most loyal soldiers and courtiers?" 

"A bit unfair considering that everyone thought that Ulfric Stormcloak was a friend of the king's," Hadvar snapped back. "Why would we expect an attack from an ally? The Legion is prepared for armies and assassins, not backstabbing two face bastards who claimed friendship." 

"Guys, don't fight!" I said holding up my hands trying to keep the two Nords as far apart as possible. "I just want a chance to visit the Blue Palace and get paid. We don't have to watch the sunset, okay?" 

"The Blue Palace? Did you say you were going to the Blue Palace?" a feminine, cultured voice asked. I turned and saw an Altmer wearing exotic looking clothes with her golden hair pulled up in twin pigtails tightly wrapped on each side of head into buns. "Oh gods, I should hope not in those clothes!" 

The Altmer grabbed my hand and dragged me away from my companions and back towards the market square. "Darling, if you're going to go to the Blue Palace, you simply cannot wear those rags. It would be criminal, and I assure you that Skyrim cannot afford another international scandal." 

"Who are you, and where are you taking me?" I screamed, shocked by this sudden turn of events. Lydia and Hadvar, their argument forgotten, followed in the High Elf's wake as she pushed aside shoppers while continuing her long strides. 

"My name is Taarie," the elf stated with the same emotion most people stated that the sky was blue. "I am the owner of the Radiant Raiment, Skyrim's one and only true clothier. My sister, Endarie, and I are campaigning to bring fashion to this little, backwater hovel the Nords call home." 

Altmer are a tall race. Even the women average about seven feet tall which makes them about a hand's breadth taller than most male Nords. I felt like a small child being pulled along by her mother while out shopping in comparison to Taarie. 

Taarie pulled open the door of a store that sported a sign with the picture of a spool of thread and needle. A bell pleasantly tinkled somewhere above my head as we entered. "Endarie, sister dear, pull out your scissors and cloth. I found a customer!" Taarie called. 

Another Altmer emerged from the back room with what could only generously be called a bored expression. More accurately would probably be to say that Endarie looked disdainful. "Gods, sister, really? Her?" 

"She has an appointment at the Blue Palace," Taarie explained as she untied my dress and started to pull it off me. 

"Excuse you!" I yelled as I alternately tried to slap away the elf's hands while covering my exposed body. I looked up as the store door tinkled again, revealing Hadvar and Lydia. The man blushed furiously before doing an about face and stumbling back outside while muttering something about waiting. 

"I suppose we can work with her," Endarie said languidly. She looked like someone who would fall asleep at any moment from sheer disinterest. She pushed back her shorter brown hair as she knelt and took my measurements. "I really wish you would find a better model." 

"Unfortunately, there aren't any Altmer around," Taarie sniffed as she pulled my bow and quiver away. "Although we're accepted here well enough, you must admit that the natives would accept a Nord better." 

"I'm an Imperial!" I yelled. 

"Close enough," Taarie shrugged. "Goodness, whatever will we do with her hair?" 

"Cut it?" Endarie suggested. 

"You try that, and you won't be able to count to ten with your hands anymore!" I snarled. 

"Oooh, tough gal," Endarie responded, clearly unimpressed. She stood up from having measured me despite my flailing about to try to protect my person. "I think we have something back that works. I'll be right back." The other elf wandered off to the back room. 

"What is wrong with you people?" I asked. I looked over at Lydia, clearly wondering when my housecarl was going to step in and defend me, but the Nord was too busy trying to stifle her laughter as she bent over holding her sides. "You assault me and insult my clothes all in one breath!" 

"Darling, I am just trying to help you," Taarie said calmly. "If I was bleeding from a terrible cut, and you were a doctor, then I would expect you to say something and help me. I am just doing that, except with fashion. I promise after we're done with you that you'll be the topic on everyone's lips. The court will buzz thinking of what a beauty they saw." 

"Beauty?" I paused. There was some appeal there. I don't think of myself as terribly vain, but everyone likes to feel attractive. 

"It would help our store out tremendously if you were to model some clothes for the jarl," Taarie admitted. "We've been trying to months to get Jarl Elisif's attention, but her man keeps saying that she is far too busy for such trivial matters. As if looking one's best isn't the most important thing you can do! People judge others by their appearance. If you dress in rags, then people will treat you like a beggar. Dress in only the finest money can buy, and people will treat you like royalty!" 

I was a little stunned by Taarie's sincerity. She seemed to really care about looking good. Maybe it was a shallow reason, but it really meant something to her. And it would mean helping someone out. It wouldn't even cost me anything since I was going to the palace anyway. Plus, I would get free clothes. 

"Okay, okay," I sighed, holding up my hands in surrender. "I'll give you a try. And I'll be sure to mention your name if anyone asks. Does that sound fair?" 

"Oh, very!" Taarie's grin was short lived. "Now what are we going to do about your hair and makeup?" 

The next hour was spent with various hairstyles and trying on clothes. 

First, they tried twin braids. "Too cute," Taarie sneered. 

Second, they tried leaving my hair loose. "Too likely to simply become disheveled," Endarie sniped. 

Third try was two huge buns on each side of my head. "Too sweetroll," Lydia offered. The two elves looked at her as if she had sprung from the ground naked and singing the ballad of Ragnar the Red badly. "Well, it is," the Nord shrugged. 

After what seemed forever, Taarie finally settled on a hairstyle that involved multiple, smaller braids of my long hair all interwoven so it looked like three distinct braids that looped around my head in almost a crown shape. "Hm, I like it. Distinctive and practical. The Nords go crazy for practical. You can fight or ride and not lose the shape." 

"I still think we could have done better if we had cut it," Endarie suggested. She clicked her scissors meaningfully. 

"We must work with what we have, sister, not lament what could have been," Taarie said superiorly. "You may look in the mirror now." 

The elves turned me so I could look into the full length mirror they had set up. I was wearing a new brown dress with embroidery along the hem, some jewelry, makeup, and the new hairstyle. I gasped in surprise when I saw myself. I did feel like I had been transformed.  The style of the dress was completely different from what I had seen in Skyrim. There was a bit of a low neck line and tighter cut to help show my natural curves instead of the heavy, thick straight lines of typical fine Nordic fashion, but the material was still thick enough to help keep me warm. The skirt billowed out nicely as I turned. The embroidered flowers made the dress look like the dark earth right after it had rained in the spring and wild blooms had grown overnight. "Ladies, you did an amazing job," I complimented them. 

"Eh," Endarie grunted before going back to behind the counter. "Still feels like putting a crown on a pig."  
I growled at the comment, but before I could do anything else, Taarie was taking my hand. "Thank you for your help," she said almost smiling. I got the impression Altmer don't mar their faces with expressions, especially happiness or sorrow. "Please be sure to let me know what Elisif thinks." 

And with that, she threw Lydia and me out of her store. 

"Altmer are insane," Lydia muttered as she stared at the door as it literally hit her in the behind when we were ejected. "No wonder the White Gold Concordat was so poorly received." 

"By the Eight, you do look lovely," Hadvar spoke up. We had been so busy with clothes, I had actually forgotten about the soldier. 

"I'm so sorry you were left out here for so long," I said blushing. "I really didn't have much say in the matter, but is there any way I can make it up to you?" 

"Just dinner and watch the sunset with me, my lady," Hadvar said as he bowed and kissed my hand. 

Oh gods, he was being romantic! Dammit! All of my instincts screamed, "Run, run, run!" but I pushed them down as I stammered, "As you wish." 

 

Sundas 25 Heartfire 201 4E 7:00 PM

"You know you can dismiss your housecarl at any time," Hadvar whispered into my ear. We were standing on the promised balcony watching the sunset which was just as amazing as I imagined. Unfortunately, I was unable to enjoy it with how close Hadvar was pressed against me. 

The evening had been terribly awkward once I realized Hadvar's intentions. I had insisted that Lydia accompany us everywhere, making her a very pleased third wheel to Hadvar's dismay. It had taken the balcony to give us any semblance of privacy since Lydia had to wait in the hall. 

"Oh, I couldn't possibly," I laughed weakly. "Lydia is very clingy. She absolutely hates to be alone. It's tragic really. I think she might have had some traumatic experience when she was a young child." 

"Diana," Hadvar sighed, "I know I'm not the smartest man in the Legion, but I'd like to think I'm not the dumbest either. Do you not want to spend some time alone with me?" 

I blushed furiously as I leaned against the rail that surrounded the balcony. I looked down to the shore far below as the waves crashed against it. Would I survive if I tossed myself over? It felt easier than trying to explain my feelings. I always feel like an idiot if this topic came up. 

"You are very sweet," I said slowly. I managed to look up and saw the crest fallen expression on Hadvar's face. I suppose being told that he was sweet was not what he had wanted to hear. "And you're handsome, and kind, and generally pretty amazing. The problem is you strike me as the type to fall in love and be a forever sort of guy. And that's not what I'm looking for. I would love someone to have a casual tumble, but that's all." 

Hadvar laughed which startled me, but also made me feel more comfortable. "Diana, I'm a little flattered that you think of me that way, but I'm a soldier. You know what it's like on the field, I'm sure, since you served too. We're always surrounded by people, but they're usually just strangers that we call brothers-in-arms. It's hard to get emotionally close to someone when you know either of you could die during a war. 

"You really impressed me back at Helgen. You didn't cry or beg for your life. You didn't run like a fool like that thief, either. Instead you fought because you hadn't done anything wrong. I think if you had a chance, then you would have taken that dragon on by yourself. You survived when many didn't. Add in the fact that you're incredibly smart, funny, and beautiful, I would be a fool to not want to get to know you better." Hadvar leaned forward and kissed me deeply as he wrapped his arms around me pulling me close. 

"Of course, if you would be interested in a night together, I wouldn't object to that either." 

"I think Lydia just remembered that she had several chores she has to take care of right now," I said a little breathlessly. "She'll probably be busy all night. I hope you don't mind if I ask you to stay with me. A woman all alone in a strange city is just asking for trouble." 

"I think I could be persuaded," Hadvar said as he pulled me close again. 

 

Tirdas 27 Heartfire 201 4E 6:00 PM

"Honestly, are we going to talk about this, or are you going to keep avoiding me?" Lydia complained. We had left Solitude early Morndas morning, and most of the trip back to Whiterun had been in silence. 

"There's nothing to talk about!" I replied. I looked over my shoulder to Lydia who was riding slightly behind me. "I don't feel comfortable talking about my personal life." 

"You say your personal life, but you really mean your sex life," Lydia retorted, "although, in all fairness, you haven't told me one thing about your life before Skyrim. I don't know anything about you when you lived in Cyrodiil." 

"There's nothing to know," I said trying to sound casual. 

"I'm not trying to be a mother hen, here," Lydia huffed, "and believe it or not, I do respect that you're a full grown woman who can make whatever choices about who she wants for a bed partner. We Nords believe that life is too harsh and short to worry about long courting and generally get right to the point. However, I find it concerning how many partners you've already been through since I've met you. You've gone through at least half a dozen and it's been barely a month." 

"Well, that means I've had sex about six times," I said stiffly. I did not want to have this conversation, I really didn't. "That's much less than the number of times you've done it with Aela." 

"That's because I am with someone I know and respect and am able to find comfort when I need it," Lydia responded. "You could have that too if you didn't hop from bed to bed." 

"Look, I don't want to make any long term attachments, but I like sex!" I snapped. "Gods, this is embarrassing. Why do you even care?" 

"Because it's my job," Lydia said softly. I turned and looked at her. Her eyes were worried. "I am sworn to protect you, my thane, and sometimes that protection is more than simply whether someone is going to hurt you by attacking you." 

"I'm fine," I promised. "I've lived this way all my adult life. If you're worried about my feelings getting hurt, then don't. It's one of the benefits of living casually. You don't get close enough to someone to feel betrayed by them." 

Lydia rode so she was next to me. The housecarl extended her hand and took mine. "I've got your back," she reminded me. It's what she said whenever we were about to enter a bandit lair or some strange cave. 

"Thanks, I" I started to say, but a loud roar interrupted me. The ground shook causing our horses to rear up and neigh in terror. 

I looked up and saw in the distance the Western Watchtower for Whiterun Hold. The building was on fire, and I could barely make out several silhouettes running around with weapons drawn. Another roar shook our ears before a gout of flame erupted from behind the tower killing several guards. 

"Gods, what is that?" Lydia asked in shock. It was impossible to see what had caused the fire, but I knew nonetheless. 

"Dragon!" I whispered. I started shaking all over. It was time. The dragon had come back. For whatever reason, the black dragon had come to Whiterun. I drew in a deep breath and repeated louder. "Dragon!" 

Without waiting for Lydia, I spurred forward towards the tower. "Where are you going?" she called after me. 

"To help them!" I called back. I pulled my bow which was awkward while riding full speed on a horse. Some of my arrows fell out of the quiver and were lost somewhere on the road as I galloped on. I could hear loud clanking as Lydia spurred her own mount to action. She quickly passed me, but not without shooting a dark glare at me first. 

Before we could reach the tower, the dragon took flight. Claws and scales rushed past us as the beast ascended. I had both of my hands on my bow, so the sudden force of wind from the back draft of the dragon's wings threw me off my mount. 

Frostbite neighed in terror from the sight of the dragon. I knew how he felt. The stallion reared on his hind legs and rotated around to turn back the way we came. I barely escaped from being trampled by the horse as he fled.  

The dragon saw the motion and turned in midflight to come back. I was astonished something that big could move that quickly and smoothly. As the dragon landed on Frostbite's back, snapping the spine with his weight, I realized that this was a different dragon than the one that had attacked Helgen.  His coloration was different. 

The dragon that attacked Helgen had been as black as the Void. He had dark scales that could have been made of ebony, while this dragon's color was more of a dark red color. The hide had been dark enough that when in flight, he had looked black like the first dragon, but now on the ground I could tell the difference. 

I scrambled to my feet trying to get my bow untangled from my clothes from when I had fallen. I couldn't spare time to think about what was; I had to focus on the now. At least Frostbite's screams of terror had ended, even if it had been abruptly in the middle of one particularly painful yowl. 

Lydia had dismounted from her horse and slapped its flank so it would run away from the dragon. She ran towards the dragon, pulling her axe, and screamed, "For Skyrim!" at the top of her lungs.  Arrows flew in the air towards the dragon and pelted off the creature's tough hide. I turned and saw Irileth leading the guards who had been stationed at the tower. 

The Dark Elf gestured and the men let lose another volley of arrows. Most missed the dragon despite his large size, but even the ones that hit kept bouncing off his scales. Gods, how tough must the dragon's skin be if nothing pierced it? 

Lydia finished her charge against the dragon and sank her axe in his back. The dragon looked up from his feasting and rotated his long, serpentine neck around so he was facing my housecarl. He snorted disdainfully; the force of his breath strong enough to send Lydia skidding back a few feet. 

As the dragon repositioned himself so he was facing Lydia, she darted back towards the creature swinging her axe rapidly. The steel head bounced off the dragon barely scratching him in the slightest. I knew that blade was recently sharpened and had split mammoth bone before. Couldn't anything hurt these damn dragons? 

It's not like there was any part of the dragon that wasn't covered in scales. 

The dragon snapped his jaw open, ready to bite Lydia in half. I could see halfway down his throat past rows of sharp fangs longer than my arm. Without thinking, I pulled up my bow and shot at the dragon's eye. 

Breathe in. 

The arrow flew. 

Breathe out. 

Start moving. Don't stay still. Don't think about where you're moving. Don't run. Running would draw his attention like with the horse, but if you stay still then he'll come and eat you. Fire an arrow. Pull another. Fire again. 

The first arrow landed directly in the dragon's eye. The monster reared back roaring in pain. "YOL!" he screamed and a jet of fire shot from his mouth. He jerked his head back down as Lydia pelted his chest with attacks. One wing tip slammed against her, throwing her to the ground. Drool dripped from his jaw and landed next to Lydia as she struggled to back to her feet. 

Oh gods, Lydia! 

As the dragon opened his jaw, I shot several arrows down his throat. The look of surprise on his face was so comical that I would have laughed if I hadn't been so terrified. He rolled his head towards me and managed to utter, " _Dovahkiin_ , no!" before falling to the ground dead. 

I ran to Lydia and helped her to her feet. Next to us, the dragon's skin began to crumble as some sort of inner fire ripped through the hide. It felt like a hot, dry wind blasted out of the creature and into me as I watched the dragon's form disintegrate.  In my vision, there was nothing but golden fire pouring out of the dragon into me. 

As the light entered me, I felt like I couldn't breathe. My lungs were full of fire, my ears full of thunder, and my skin covered in burning ice. I felt like I was dying, but at the same time I had never felt more alive. It was as if everything that had ever made me feel good, happy, or real was relived in that one perfect moment, filling me completely in a way that I had not known I was missing. 

When it ended, I found myself standing on my very tip toes with my arms outstretched. Lydia was standing with her hand supporting my back in case I fell backwards. "What happened? What was that?" she asked. 

"I don't know," I murmured. I wanted it to happen again. 

"Dragonborn," one of the guards whispered. 

"What was that, soldier?" Irileth snapped. 

"Dragonborn, housecarl," the soldier replied. "The legends say Tiber Septim was one. A mortal who could eat a dragon's soul and gain its power." 

"Nonsense," Irileth scoffed. 

"How do you explain what just happened?" another guard asked. 

"You don't understand, Dark Elf," a third interjected, "you're  not a Nord." 

"And I cannot express to you how relieved I am for that fact," Irileth said. She turned to us saying, "I am grateful for your help, but maybe we should get you back to Farengar. I have no idea if this is some last trick of that dragon, and if there is anyone who would have some answers, it would be that dragon obsessed fool." 

"I feel fine," I said, and I meant it. I had never felt better in my life. 

"Trying using the thu'um," the first guard suggested. At least, I think it was the first guard. It was hard to tell with those face concealing helms they wore. "Say something in dragon." 

"How would she know dragon, you idiot?" another guard jeered. 

"Because she's the Dragonborn?" he replied, doubtfully. 

"This is ridiculous, superstitious nonsense," Irileth said, shaking her head. 

I felt a need to prove the Dunmer wrong. Ever since I had arrived at Whiterun, she had treated me with nothing but suspicion and disdain. I don't think she treated anyone else any better, except Jarl Balgruuf, but it still galled me how much Irileth looked down her nose at the rest of us. 

I thought about that Shout Ulfric had done. What were the words? The ones that made the world shake from thunder from a mortal man's lips? 

" **FUS RO DAH!** " I Shouted. I had been facing one of the guards and when the words erupted from my lips, they sent the man flying away.  I had a brief moment of panic when it happened. Had I killed him like Ulfric had killed Torygg? 

Thankfully, the man got groggily to his feet seconds later, but in some ways it was too late. The guards went crazy reacting to my Shout. "Dragonborn, she's Dragonborn!" one or another was screaming. Their voices varied from fear to astonishment. 

I looked over at Lydia, whose mouth was hanging open and her eyes looked like they were going to pop out of their sockets. One hand covered the lower half of her mouth. "Divines preserve us," she whispered. 

Irileth still looked completely unimpressed by my exhibition, but she did grab my arm. Not too roughly, she wasn't treating me like a criminal or prisoner, but as a way to get my attention. "I'm not exactly sure what that was, but Jarl Balgruuf will want to see that immediately. Come, we'll take some of the men's horses. They can walk back." 

I nodded mutely as Irileth, Lydia and I ran to find fresh mounts. I had a moment of sadness when I looked over at Frostbite. I had barely had that horse for a week and now he was dead. In the heat of battle, I had not been able to register that my horse was gone and now it just felt incredibly sad. 

I looked over at Lydia and relief flooded my chest. I thanked the Eight that she hadn't been the one rent apart in front of me. I reached out and grabbed her hand, squeezing for comfort. She smiled and squeezed back. 

At least the worst was over. A dragon had attacked, confirming my report from last month, and we managed to defeat it. It wasn't easy, but we had proven it possible and now we knew that dragons have some weak points just like any other living thing on Nirn. 

What could possibly go wrong now?


	7. heiwako

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Copyright Bethesda  
> Comments loved
> 
> Part 8: [fav.me/d59czuf](http://fav.me/d59czuf)

Tirdas 27 Heartfire 201 4E 7:00 PM

How was it that two days ago I was enjoying watching a beautiful sunset in the company of a handsome, young man, and now I was racing towards Whiterun with Lydia and Irileth to report to Jarl Balgruuf that not only had we killed a dragon, but I might also be something called "Dragonborn"? 

I should have been scared out of my mind. I should have wanted to crawl into a corner and tried to control unstoppable shaking and weeping, much like one of the guards I had seen out of the corner of my eye as we left the Western Watchtower. I should have felt paralyzed with the knowledge I had faced yet another dragon and somehow lived to tell the tale. 

Instead, I felt amazing! 

I had never felt better my whole life. Energy hummed through my whole body as I rode on the borrowed horse towards Dragonsreach. I wanted to laugh, dance, or sing! Anything to help work off the excess energy I had acquired after killing the dragon. I couldn't stop replaying the memory of that golden light as it flowed from the burning corpse into me. 

My senses were hypersensitive. The feel of the reins under my hands, the fabric of my dress against my body, the wind in my hair, the fading heat of the sun on my skin, all of it felt a hundred times magnified than normal. Is this what it felt like for dragons? How long would this last? 

I briefly worried that I shouldn't have teased Farengar so much before leaving, but it didn't last. The mage would be much too eager to talk about the battle with the dragon and the following results to hold a grudge. And on the very small chance he did, well I'm sure Irileth would change his mind. Even if that involved twisting his arm behind his back. 

When I laughed at the thought, Lydia and Irileth looked at me as if I had gone insane. I just shook my head instead of trying to explain. It was hard to talk from horseback when we were riding as fast as we were. 

I looked to my right and saw a couple of wild goats watching us as they chewed cud while standing in the field. Impetuously, I took a deep breath and Shouted, "FUS!" A burst of something solid flew from my mouth and knocked the poor creatures off. It didn't have the same amount of power the first Shout and it didn't create that shudder of thunder, but the goats still had lost their footing and caused them to bleat angrily at me. 

"Could you please not do that?" Lydia called nervously as I laughed at the poor befuddled goats who had been left behind in the dust. "It makes me feel uncomfortable." 

"Spoilsport," I grumbled good-naturedly, but I didn't use any more Shouts the rest of the trip back. 

 

Tirdas 27 Heartfire 201 4E 7:30 PM

The guards gave us no hassle as we entered Whiterun. Although Lydia and I constantly used the gates, the guards liked to make us stop and announce who we were. For "security" reasons was the official excuse, but I think they either liked to do it because they were disgruntled for being on a boring duty or some of them were flirting with Lydia. Or both. This time we were waved immediately through, the large wooden doors already open by the time we approached. Clearly it was because Irileth was with us. Most of the guards were scared to death of the Dunmer housecarl. 

We had barely entered the city when the call came. 

**"DOVAHKIIN!"**

It echoed through the whole city. It sounded like it came from high above and far away, but it was spoken as clearly as if the speaker was standing right next to me. Everyone stopped what they were doing and looked to the sky in confusion. Some citizens who had already entered their homes poked their heads out of their front doors. 

"What was that?" Lydia asked, pulling her axe. 

"I have no idea, but that's the same thing the dragon said before he died," I replied. 

"I knew you were trouble the first moment I laid eyes on you," Irileth grumbled. "Don't stop. We don't know if it is some sort of attack or warning. We must get to Jarl Balgruuf immediately." The three of us ran through the Districts towards the keep. Irileth barked orders at guards as we passed; telling them to keep the order and assure the people of Whiterun everything was under control. 

Dragonsreach was on full lockdown mode. Commander Caius, the captain of Whiterun's guards, was stationed by the front entrance with a quad of his best men. Balgruuf's three children, unruly and wild creatures, were nowhere in sight.  Hrongar, Balgruuf's brother, and Proventus stood with their weapons ready near the jarl while he remained seated on his throne. 

I had to give Balgruuf credit that during all the chaos and madness, his outward appearance never seemed anything other than calm and in control. He remained lounging on his throne while giving commands to the guards and servants. Irileth immediately rushed to the end of the great hall and gave a short half-bow to her liege. 

"Jarl Balgruuf, I have returned to report to you the death of the dragon that attacked the Western Watchtower," Irileth said. She gave a terse retelling of how Lydia and I arrived and helped kill the dragon before his corpse burned and I absorbed his soul. "The men seem to think she is something called 'Dragonborn,' my lord, though I am not convinced myself." 

"I believe the men are correct, Irileth," Balgruuf said. His blue-green eyed gazed turned to me. "That Shout we heard before you arrived That was the Greybeards summoning you." 

"What are Greybeards?" I asked. 

"Masters of the Voice," Balgruuf explained. "They live in seclusion in High Hrothgar high on the slopes of the Throat of the World." 

"Why would they want me?" I asked. Suddenly all of my elation was gone, and I felt panicked. "I didn't do anything wrong!" 

"Somehow they felt your presence when you demonstrated your Shout," Balgruuf said gently. "No doubt they are calling you to teach you how to use your gift." 

"Was that what the thundering sound was?" Hrongar asked, clearly relieved. "We should alert the people then." 

"Agreed," Balgruuf nodded. "I wasn't certain until after Irileth's report." He turned to Proventus. "See if you can get a squad of Imperial soldiers from Commander Caius to escort the Dragonborn and her housecarl to Ivarstead." I wasn't completely comfortable with how Balgruuf was calling me the Dragonborn now instead of using my name. 

"Wait just a minute!" I yelled. "What makes you think I'm going to Ivarstead?" 

"You are Dragonborn," Balgruuf said. "The first one in centuries, since the time of Tiber Septim when he was still Talos of Atmora. Would you truly deny their calling? It is a great honor to be summoned by the Greybeards." 

I paused. The stubborn part of me wanted to refuse, but the other half of me was curious about this whole Dragonborn business. I did want to learn more; I just didn't like Balgruuf forcing the issue. "You said they lived at the Throat of the World. Why are you sending me to Ivarstead?" 

"It is small village at the foot of the mountain and is before the only path that leads to the top, the Seven Thousand Steps," Balgruuf sighed, a wistful expression on his face. "I envy you, you know. To climb the Seven Thousand Steps again I made the pilgrimage once, did you know that?" His eyes clouded over with the memory. "High Hrothgar is a peaceful place. Very disconnected from the troubles of the world." Balgruuf's attention suddenly returned, "It is strange that they noticed anything that happened down here. They didn't seem to care before." 

The Nord stood and advanced until he was standing before me. Irileth's stance shifted so her hand was hovering over her blade and her gaze burned into me, daring me to try anything dangerous with her jarl. "Find out what the Greybeards want, Diana," Balgruuf said as he placed his hands on my shoulder. "Their wisdom is legendary, and they will only help you in whatever your destiny may be." 

 

Turdas 29 Heartfire 201 4E 3:30 PM

It had been two days since I killed a dragon and absorbed his soul. Two days and I felt like my life had flipped upside down, rolled down a hill, and kicked into a river. The guards who had been assigned to escort Lydia and me to Ivarstead had stayed about thirty feet away from us at all times. When they had needed to speak to us, they had usually argued amongst themselves, as if I couldn't see and hear them, before sending one of them over. Even then, they preferred to speak to Lydia instead of me. I let them, although it galled me to do so, because I couldn't stand seeing the raw fear in their eyes when they looked at me. I didn't think any of them realized that they flinched whenever I opened my mouth, fearful that a Shout would erupt from my lips and rip them to shreds. 

I sighed a breath of relief when the guards left us outside the border of Ivarstead. We would have been here sooner if I hadn't insisted on making a detour. Weighing down the saddlebags of my new mount were scavenged bones and scales of the dragon. There weren't many for whatever destroyed the body rent most of the flesh and bone apart, but I hoped there was enough for something I had in mind. If I ever had a chance to sit down and thoroughly look at the materials. 

"I'm getting really tired of buying a new horse," I grumbled to Lydia. "You think this one will last a bit longer?" 

Lydia shrugged before asking, "What is really bothering you?" 

"Stability, consistency, some pretense of normalcy," I complained. My whole adult life had been spent moving from one place to another adopting new identities and roles, but it had always been when I pleased and when I decided. I didn't like feeling like fate's fool tossed about in some sort of maelstrom I had no control over. "Ever since I've come to Skyrim, it feels like I've been following someone or other's command without a moment to think for myself. Or scrambling to survive whether that be a dragon attacking me or finding enough coin to eat. Horses aren't cheap, and needing to buy a new one every few days is really straining my wallet." 

My newest steed was a mare I had named Patchwork since she was a lovely brown and white pinto colored mare. She was a pleasant enough steed, and I think Skulvar almost didn't sell her to me. The stablemaster had eyed me warily before saddling the horse. 

"You must really like horses," he had said simply. 

Ivarstead seemed like a pleasant enough little village. At a glance, it looked like there were about a half a dozen families that lived here. Ivarstead didn't appear to have any specific export, so I could only assume it had grown up here to provide supplies to pilgrims who walked the Seven Thousand Steps to High Hrothgar. There was a river that cut between the buildings and the tall mountain that dominated the skyline which must have provided fresh fish for locals. 

Although the sky was clear of clouds, Ivarstead still stood in shadow. The Throat of the World loomed high above blocking out the sun. The village itself still enjoyed the late summer heat, but I could see drifts of snow that trailed half way down the mountain. 

"We should stop and buy extra furs," I told Lydia. "Getting some extra food couldn't hurt either." Although Balgruuf had provided us with some supplies, I wasn't certain it would be enough for the trip up. 

We entered the Vilemyr Inn, which also served as Ivarstead's local bar and general store. The owner, Wilhelm, was a typical vendor  friendly and full of gossip. Normally I loved finding out what the local news was even if I had planned to simply pass by, but my mind was on my trip to the Greybeards, so I didn't inquire about the locals. 

"Oh, Klimmek, it's been a month already?" Wilhelm said when the front door of the inn opened. 

I turned and saw an older looking Nord enter the inn. He laughed at Wilhelm's comment, but it sounded more weary than amused. "Aye, it has, Wilhelm," Klimmek replied. He rolled his head, and I could hear joint popping from the motion. "Not sure how many more times I'm gonna be able to do this. I'm getting older, and the Steps feel like they get longer every time I make the walk." 

"I don't know why you bother to begin with," Wilhelm commented as he reached behind the counter and pulled up a prepared supply bag. "They've never come out of their monastery once. Not even to thank you. Why make that long journey for nothing?" 

Klimmek shrugged. "Because it's the right thing to do. They keep to themselves and don't bother anyone. Even as masters of the thu'um, they still have to eat." 

"I still think you're a fool," Wilhelm said as he exchanged the supplies for coin. "The Greybeards don't even know that you exist." 

"Mayhap, but I know they do," Klimmek said as he hefted his burden, "and that's enough for me." 

I had stood silently during this exchange, moved by the man's generosity. From everything I had heard, the pilgrimage up the mountain took some time, at least a day's travel. For this man to faithfully walk the Steps every month or so to give food to strangers that he had never met was amazing. I had not seen much in the way of kindness here in Skyrim, especially to outsiders. 

"Excuse me!" I called following Klimmek. "If you want, I am going up to High Hrothgar, so I could take the supplies for you. Save you a trip." 

"Really?" Klimmek asked, relief obvious in his voice. "It wouldn't be any trouble?" 

I motioned to Lydia who took the bag from Klimmek. "I'm sworn to carry your burdens," Lydia muttered. 

"No problem at all," I smiled, deciding to ignore my housecarl's snark. 

The three of us exited the inn and walked towards my and Lydia's horses. "Is this your first pilgrimage?" Klimmek asked. "If so, I recommend stopping at the little way shrines. They have etchings that detail the history of the Greybeards. Most travelers have a favorite one that they like to meditate at." 

"What about you?" I asked, intrigued. "Which one catches your eye?" 

"I haven't looked at them in years," Klimmek admitted. "It's a shame really, but I know if I stop that it would be too easy to convince myself to head back home and forget coming back. I only stop when I reach the top. There's a chest at the foot of the steps of the monastery. Pilgrims will leave little offerings like flowers or personal memento, and it's where I leave the supplies. 

"I always step back and look at High Hrothar," Klimmek said, his eyes glazed in memory. "That tall, proud building of stone always covered in swirling snow every time I visit. It doesn't matter if it is the dead of winter or the height of summer, it is always snowing. I look at that building and think of how damn lonely it must be. What kind of person gives up living a normal life so they can be tucked away from the world to learn a power that could kill with one word? It is both terrifying and inspiring." 

The Nord suddenly laughed, a bit too loudly to be natural, and shook his head. "Look at me waxing poetic. Before you know it, I should be heading north to Solitude to join the Bard's college. But, I'm old and stuck in my ways. No doubt I'll still be traveling every few weeks to take the supplies, but I appreciate you helping me out this one time, stranger. Farm always has something that needs to be done, and any time away triples the work." 

"I wish you luck, friend," I said shaking the man's hand. "It's been a pleasure to meet you. Maybe if I come back this way, I could give you a hand with your farm too." 

"No need," Klimmek said. "Honestly, most days I think I should have settled down with a wife. Having someone by your side makes the work easier, you know? But, I waited too long and I think I lost my chance." 

"Surely someone like you could find a wife," I said gently. 

"Oh, there was a girl, but she lost interest for someone younger and more interesting," Klimmek said sadly. "She told me that she was thinking of eloping with him to Riften. Dangerous place, that town is. Full of thieves and cutthroats, and that's just the jarl's court." 

"If she's still here, you should say something to her," I suggested. 

"Oh, I couldn't!" 

"Why not?" I laughed. "By your own admission, you travel every month to a place full of people who could kill with a single word. What's the worst this girl could do? Say 'no'? It won't blast you to pieces." 

"It would feel like it," Klimmek replied. 

"But it wouldn't, and you would have no more lost her than if you said nothing," I retorted. "Go ahead and try. Better to have said something and failed than to have said nothing and be left wondering." 

Klimmek was silent a moment before nodding. "I'll think about it. Thank you again, miss." He waved goodbye and headed towards his home. 

Lydia, who had been silent during the entire exchange, spoke, "I don't understand you. Not only do you randomly decide to help a stranger out, but you then give him advice on getting married when I know you detest the thought of marriage personally." 

I shrugged as I tightened the saddle on Patchwork. "Just because I want to live a certain way doesn't mean I think everyone should live that way. I've seen some happy couples over the years just as I've seen equally happy single people. That's part of what it means to be part of the Empire. Accept other ways of life and integrate it all into one mash up of community. We help each other because we're stronger together than apart." 

"We Nords don't need the sympathy of others," Lydia said stiffly. "We can stand on our own." 

"It's not a matter of strength or independence," I said as I mounted. I waited for Lydia to mount so we could start riding. "It's a matter of cooperation. Take these Greybeards, for instance. They are complete strangers, yet they have sent a call out for the 'dovahkiin'. I don't know their reasons, but I do know that they should be able to teach me what I need to know about this dragon soul business. They are going to teach me how to be strong and independent, but for what benefit? What do they get out of this other than the knowledge that they trained someone to be the best they could be?" 

"It could be that they have an ulterior motive," Lydia suggested. 

"Maybe, but it doesn't fit what I've heard of them," I replied. "They keep to themselves, so to invite an outsider to their sanctuary has to mean something." 

"If you feel so strongly about the whole is greater than the singular, then why haven't you joined any faction?" Lydia asked. "Why not join the Companions? They help people out all the time, and from what Aela has said, they really respect you. She said you're almost as good as she is at the bow." 

"Better! I am better than she is," I bragged. I shrugged. "Maybe I haven't found the right group to join yet. "

 

Fredas 30 Heartfire 201 4E 5:30 PM

Balgruuf had been right about how disconnected you felt walking the Seven Thousand Steps. Far from civilization, there was none of the background noise I had gotten used to, but never noticed until it was gone. There were no yells of children playing, no cries of vendors pushing their wares, no clank of Adrianne's forge. There was only the wind blowing snow across the path, and the steady clop of our horses' hooves as we traveled. It was not uncommon to see a hare or deer bolt across our way as we traveled. 

As Klimmek suggested, I stopped at each shrine and read the inscription. I didn't understand all of the references, such as Sky-Children and Jurgen Windcaller, but together the etchings did seem to detail the origin of the Greybeards. Something about a Dragon War and how Kyne gave humans the ability to use Shouts. 

"The Voice is worship. Follow the Inner path. Speak only in True Need," I said reading the final etching out loud. It was verypretty, for lack of a better word. The writing left a sense of tranquility, although I'm not sure why. I don't think I could ever follow a life of quiet. I liked talking too much. Gods knew that I had my share of inspired tirades when angered. 

"You ready?" I asked Lydia as I stood and brushed the snow off my pants. 

"Ready as I'll ever be," Lydia answered. She had been tending to the horses while I had meditated before the shrine. "Do you think half of what we've heard about the Greybeards is true?" 

During our journey, we had met a few other pilgrims. One hunter had told us that if a Greybeard spoke it could start an avalanche while another said their whispers created earthquakes. Because of this, the Greybeards rarely spoke and even then it was only under the most dire circumstances. 

"Who knows?" I said, but inside I was worried. We had heard their call from Whiterun, and that was not nearby. One word spoken and it had carried for miles. There was a power there, and that same power laid dormant in me. 

The two of us ascended the stone stairs of High Hrothgar and knocked on the huge doors. When there was no response, I pulled the portal open and stepped in. The inner chamber was bare of decoration except for a few banners that held writing I didn't recognize. Ahead, I could see a set of short step leading to a higher pathway that divided into the wings of the building. 

An elder man, sporting a literal gray beard, wearing dark robes with a cowl descended from the inner steps. His hands were tucked before him into the long sleeves of his robe. His face was a map of wrinkles, but his blue eyes were clear and intelligent. 

The Greybeard paused when he was a few feet from me. " _Drem Yol Lok, Dovahkiin_ ," he said. The ground rumbled below my feet, and the air between us trembled with the passing of his words. Lydia fell to her knees from the force, but I managed to keep to my feet. The Greybeard smiled, apparently pleased by what he saw. When he spoke again, it was in the common language. "Welcome, Dragonborn. I am Arngeir."


	8. heiwako

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Copyright Bethesda  
> Comments appreciated  
> I hate html and draconic language because of it.
> 
> Diana meets the Greybeards and trains under them. It doesn't go well for either side.
> 
> Part 9: [fav.me/d59lmh3](http://fav.me/d59lmh3)

Fredas 30 Heartfire 201 4E 5:30 PM 

An elderly man, sporting a literal gray beard, wearing dark robes with a cowl descended from the inner steps. His hands were tucked before him into the long sleeves of his robe. His face was a map of wrinkles, but his blue eyes were clear and intelligent. 

The Greybeard paused when he was a few feet from me. " _Drem Yol Lok, Dovahkiin_ ," he said. The ground rumbled below my feet, and the air between us trembled with the passing of his words. Lydia fell to her knees from the force, but I managed to keep to my feet. The Greybeard smiled, apparently pleased by what he saw. When he spoke again, it was in the common language. "Welcome, Dragonborn. I am Arngeir." 

"How do you know I'm the Dragonborn?" I asked as I helped Lydia to her feet. "How do you know it is not my companion?" 

"Because you were able to resist my Voice," Arngeir said serenely. "I didn't use an actual Shout, but I did speak the dragon language which carries its own presence. Your friend was affected, while you were not. Thus, I concluded that you were the Dragonborn." 

"Maybe I was a simple traveler who decided to visit the Greybeards face to face," I said trying to sound casual. 

"Hardly," Arngeir smiled. "No one has knocked on our doors in years. Only the one we called for, only the _Dovahkiin_ , would dare to enter this place. Still, if you wish to allow us to taste your Voice, I would welcome the demonstration." 

"Taste my Voice?" I asked with disbelief. "I knew you were secluded, but I hadn't expected you to be so secluded that you don't realize how perverted that sounds," I continued, ignoring Lydia's hiss of disapproval. "Still, if you want a demonstration, try this out! **FUS!** " A wave of force rolled over Arngeir who was pushed back a bit. Not as much as the goats had been, but he had been moved. I smirked. So much for being unmoved. 

"Ah, I see that you have already learned _fus_ which means 'force' in our tongue," Arngeir said, unruffled by my demonstration. I had not expected that. I thought he would have been a little irritated by my Shout being used on him, similar to the goats. During my time learning from the Greybeards, I would learn very little would faze these peaceful men who had dedicated their entire lives to a path of pacifism. 

By this time, three other elderly men had wandered into the main room with us. All of them wore the same style of robe as Arngeir, and all of them looked equally old. They nodded greetings to us, but did not speak otherwise. Arngeir introduced them as Borri, Wulfgar, and Einarth. 

"Hello," I said a little timidly. 

Silence. 

"My name is Diana," I said. "This is my housecarl, Lydia." 

Silence. 

"Apparently, I'm the Dragonborn?" 

More silence. 

"Did I do something wrong?" I asked, feeling a little confused and hurt. "Is there some test I need to pass or something?" 

"No, you've done nothing wrong, my dear," Arngeir said gently. "My fellow Greybeards do not speak. They have not completely mastered the thu'um, and thus their voices shake the world around them. They will help teach you in the Way of the Voice, but they otherwise will not speak with you." 

"This is going to be so much fun," I muttered. Six people in an entire hold, and only three of them capable of speaking. 

"Now that we've established that you are indeed Dragonborn, let me show you to your room. Your companion may stay the night, and she may leave in the morning," Arngeir said. 

"Whoa, hold on a minute," I shouted, holding up a hand. "Who said anything about Lydia leaving?" 

"Training in the Voice takes time. You must unlock its meaning through constant practice in order to use it as a Shout," Arngeir explained.  He paused. "Well, that is how the rest of us learn Shouts. It could take you months or years to learn a Word of Power. All Shouts are made up of three Words of Power. As you master each Word, your Shout will become progressively stronger. I doubt your housecarl would wish to remain while you mediate." 

"Where she goes, I follow," Lydia said. "I have sworn to protect my thane, and nowhere in my vow does it mean leaving her alone with a bunch of monks." 

"I'm afraid that's not possible," Arngeir said, shaking his head. "The Way of the Voice can be dangerous. It is why we live so far away from others; so they will not be harmed by our training." 

"If Lydia leaves, then I leave," I said. 

Arngeir hesitated at that statement. He glanced at the other three Greybeards who all made noncommittal motions. "I cannot recommend that you stay, but if you wish to stay I will not take responsibility." 

"Lydia, do you want to stay?" I asked. I didn't want to risk my friend's life by having her remain. 

"I swore to protect you," Lydia repeated. "Besides, I fear if I didn't remain, you might end up hitting one of these old men for something or other. You need me for the company if nothing else." 

"Thank you," I said as I hugged her. 

 

Fredas 30 Heartfire 201 4E 9:30 PM 

After agreeing that Lydia would stay, the rest of the evening had been spent settling in, and Arngeir giving me a little history of the Greybeards. 

Back during the beginning of time, dragons were common. They were able to use their thu'um and it hindered man and mer greatly. Kynareth, or Kyne as the Nords call her, goddess of air and sky, granted mortals the ability to use the thu'um so they could defend themselves from the dragons during the time of the Dragon War. Kynareth instructed Paarthurnax to teach the thu'um which ultimately allowed heroes to Shout the leader of the dragons, Alduin, out of the world. Which I could only suppose was a fancy way to say they killed him. 

After that, the Tongues, as they were called, were seen as unstoppable. They could lead sieges without the need of heavy, slow equipment for they needed only their Voices to bring down battlements. At least until their defeat at the Battle of Red Mountain in Morrowind. The strongest of the Tongues, a Nord named Jurgen Windcaller, decided to meditate on the matter, and after seven years of meditation, came to the conclusion that the thu'um was being abused. 

Jurgen believed it was never the intent of the goddess for men to use the thu'um as a common tool like a sword. Dragons used the thu'um for debate as often as they did for combat, and that is how humans should use it also. The strongest voice was one who spoke judiciously, and the best path was one of silence until True Need arose. 

Jurgen brought his students to the Throat of the World, and High Hrothgar was built to house them. The Way of the Voice was born and taught that the Voice must be used only for the worship and glory of the gods, and that true mastery of it can only be achieved when one's inner spirit is in harmony with one's actions. This philosophy was exemplified by the motto " _Lok, Thu'um_ " or "Sky above, Voice within" in the common tongue. 

"I don't know if this is a life I could follow," I admitted nervously after Arngeir finished his lesson. "I honor Kynareth and pray to her often when I use my bow, but to live quietly in solitude the rest of my days? I don't see it possible." 

"Well, to be honest, the Dragonborn is exempt from our path of peace," Arngeir admitted. My respect for the man grew from that admission. Many men would have withheld that information, and how would I have known any better? "As Dragonborn, your soul is like a dragon's so you may use it intuitively.  You cannot use a thu'um incorrectly. We are honored to welcome a Dragonborn to High Hrothgar. We will do our best to teach you how to use your gift in fulfillment of your destiny." 

"What is my destiny?" I asked. 

Arngeir smiled, "That is for you to discover. We can show you the Way, but not your destination." 

 

Loredas 1 Frostfall 201 4E 8:00 AM 

"Learning a Word of Power is only the first step," Arngeir said. We were standing outside in the courtyard behind High Hrothgar. I was wearing several layers of furs and trying to not shiver too much from the cold while Lydia was wearing her normal steel armor. The Greybeards were wearing only their unique robes, which I had no idea how they managed. Stupid Nords and their stupid ability to ignore the cold. "You must hear the Word within yourself before you can project it into a thu'um. Thus, not only must you know what a word is, but you must also be able to visualize it in your mind. 

"Today, we will study _'ro'_. It means 'balance' and is the second Word of Power in the Shout you demonstrated. The first word, ' _fus_ ,' means balance. Borri will teach you the meaning of ' _ro_ '." Arngeir gestured for Borri who stepped forward to teach me. 

"Wait a moment," I said holding up my hands. "I already know ' _ro_ '. Watch. **FUS RO DAH**!" I Shouted towards a pile of snow and sent flakes flying everywhere. 

"At least it wasn't goats this time!" Lydia commented from the safety of the porch which made me laugh. I had decided to take the Greybeards' warning seriously and asked Lydia so watch from the porch where it was unlikely our Voices would do her any harm, but leave her close enough to observe and interfere if necessary. 

"You've already learned a whole Word of Power?" Arngeir asked, disbelief clear in his voice. "How?" 

"I saw Ulfric Stormcloak use it during the dragon attack on Helgen," I said. "It was the only dragon words I knew, so it's what I tried when someone saw me absorb a dragon soul." 

"Dragon attack? At Helgen? When did this happen?" Arngeir asked. 

I quickly related the attacks, both at Helgen and the Western Watchtower.  I felt foolish when I realized that there had been no reason for the Greybeards to know about the attacks. They were completely isolated up here, and if I understood correctly, the last time they had talked to anyone new had been when Ulfric had come to train with them however long ago that was. "And then a golden light came into me before the dragon's body mostly disintegrated. I managed to save a few scraps of scale and bone, but it is not much considering how large the creature was." 

"And you say that Ulfric Stormcloak taught you the Words of Power? Just like that?" Arngeir asked. He seemed more interested in my learning of the Voice than the dragons. 

"I wouldn't say he taught me," I hedged. "I saw him do it, and then remembered what it looked like when I tried to do it later. I thought it was this easy for everyone." 

"Your quick mastery of a new thu'um is...astonishing. I'd heard the stories of the abilities of the Dragonborn, but to see it for myself..." Arngeir held his hand against his forehead. I felt slightly bad for the old man. To spend your whole life to master a handful of words, and then see some stranger show up and be able to use them without any assistance, I could only imagine how frustrated he must feel. 

"Do you know any other Words of Power?" Arngeir asked cautiously. When I shook my head negatively, he motioned to Borri. "Then we will teach you ' _wuld_ '. It means 'whirlwind.'" 

"Why not teach me the whole Shout?" I asked, interrupting Arngeir. 

"Excuse me," Arngeir asked. I swear his right eyebrow had developed a tic. 

"Why not teach me all three Words of Power instead of just one?" I asked. 

"Because I'm not used to someone learning all three words at once," Arngeir said. He took a deep breath and held it for a moment before releasing it. "I suppose you have a point though. The proper Shout is ' _wuld nah kest_.' It means 'whirlwind fury tempest.' Borri will demonstrate it for you." 

Borri bowed formally before positioning himself about thirty feet away from an iron wrought gate. Since there was no fence on either side, I wasn't sure what the point of the gate was until I heard one of the other Greybeards Shout, " **BEX**!" and the gate flew open on its own. 

Borri responded by Shouting " **WULD NAH KEST**!" and suddenly he was on the other side of the gate. He had been in position one second and gone the next. 

"Holy crap!" I yelled in excitement. I cleared my throat when the Greybeards looked at me with disappointment from my coarse language. "Ahem, I mean that was amazing! I wanna try now." 

I stood before the gate in the same place Borri had been. It was easy to tell since there was a set of footprints up to that point, and then a slight trail that showed his gliding over the snow to his stopping point. ! I was bouncing on my tiptoes in excitement." 

"Now, Dragonborn," Arngeir said gently, "you may not get it right the first time. Do not become discouraged if this is the case. You have yet to mediate on the Word." 

Once again, one of the Greybeards Shouted, " **BEX**!" and the gate flew open. 

I Shouted, " **WULD NAH KEST**!" and suddenly I was on the other side of the gate. "By the Eight, that was one of the most amazing things I've ever done!" I squealed as I jumped up and down in a circle. 

Dimly, I could hear Lydia say, "What's wrong? You look upset. She passed, didn't she?" 

"Yes," Arngeir admitted, "but I'm concerned by how fast she's learning. It took Borri three years to learn _'wuld_ ' and she learned the whole Shout after one demonstration. I thought we would be the ones teaching her, but maybe the Dragonborn will be the ones to teach us what it means to be Dovahkiin." 

As I trotted over, Arngeir turned his attention to me. "Ah, well done," he said. I would have never have known he was put off by my demonstration if I hadn't overheard his conversation with Lydia. "The rest of us usually spend the entirety of the day meditating, but if you wish, then you may keep practicing your Whirlwind Sprint." After I agreed, Arngeir bowed and excused himself. 

"This isn't going how they hoped at all, is it?" I asked Lydia. 

She shook her head. "I take it that you overheard us?" After I nodded, she said, "They are as wise and patient as all the tales I've heard, but seeing them in person and their reactions to your power just reminds me how human they really are." 

I spent the rest of the morning practicing the Whirlwind Sprint. I loved how it made me feel. It was like flying without leaving the ground. The wind created by my passage made my hair fly backwards, and I could hear the 'whoosh' of air as I moved. I could see all sorts of uses for this Shout. I'd never have to awkwardly hurry my pace if someone was ahead of me and decided to hold the door open for starters. 

_Fus ro dah_ , or Unrelenting Force as Arngeir would tell me later, felt completely different. It felt like a pressure building up inside of me that could only be released by Shouting, and when I did the world rippled around the word. It was similar to slapping my palm against the surface of a pond. The water rippled and moved away, but at the same time it resisted and pushed back. 

 

Loredas 1 Frostfall 201 4E 11:00 AM 

"Do you think I should practice _fus,_ some more?" I asked Lydia after a couple of hours of practicing the Whirlwind Sprint. I had shed a few layers of furs and was pleasantly warm and slightly sweaty from running back and forth so much. 

In my practice, I had found that I couldn't Shout continuously. If I used a Shout, I would be slightly breathless and couldn't get the proper amount of air needed to do a new one. The stronger the Shout, the more recovery time I needed. 

"I think if you do that and cause an avalanche, Jarl Balgruuf would never forgive you," Lydia said. She had patiently watched me the entire time and never complained once. I suddenly felt bad for making her wait and out in the cold too, but she didn't look affected even slightly by the weather. 

"You weren't too bored, were you?" I asked worriedly. 

"No," Lydia shook her head as she reached for the door. 

Before she could, I Shouted, " **BEX**!" making the door open on its own. I laughed at her expression of surprise and then annoyance at me. 

"As I was saying," Lydia said glaring at me before entering the building. "I wasn't bored. Bodyguards are trained to wait in one place and in one position for long periods of time. There might be a thane who spends hours in court, and it is a housecarl's duty to not bring any attention during that time. Or we might be infiltrating a bandit camp and have to wait hours before advancing." 

"Good to know," I said. "Especially if I find a particularly frisky, young thing to tumble into bed. You could watch the door for hours and block all the sounds coming from within." 

"Oh, so just like at home?" Lydia quirked. 

"Shut up!" I yelled, laughing. 

The two of us started play slapping each other and giggling loudly until I heard Wulfgar cleared his throat. The Greybeard stared disapprovingly at us before silently turning and walking away. Lydia and I watched him until he was out of sight, then we fell into gales of laughter. 

"Gods, I am so happy that you stayed," I said as I gave Lydia a hug. "I probably would have gone completely insane here alone." 

"I'm glad I stayed too," Lydia said, hugging me back. "I'd hate to come back here and discover I had to change your underclothes if you had gone completely Void touched." 

The two of us laughed loudly before looking for the dining area. The Greybeards were already there getting simple meals that consisted mostly of vegetables. They weren't vegetarians, but none of them hunted to bring in fresh meat, so they only had whatever Klimmek brought. Einarth kept a small garden, but that was mostly for medicinal herbs. 

"How would you ever survive if pilgrims didn't bring food for you?" I asked in disbelief. It was only practical to not indulge in drink or women, but to not have a self-reliant system for basic food seemed oddly foolish for such an esteemed group of wise men. 

"We often fast," Arngeir admitted. "One of Jurgen's teachings was that cleansing of the body was the first step of cleansing of the mind which led to cleansing of the spirit. Pure spring water gathered from melted ice and snow can be all we will partake of for days on end." 

Lydia and I shared a look; there was no way in Oblivion that we were going to go down that particular path of training. "Well, I guess we could spend some of our time hunting," I offered. "At least you don't have to worry about food going bad up here." 

"We would prefer if you didn't hunt, Dovahkiin," Arngeir said. "Our way is a way of peace. Even hunting has its own path of destruction that is counterintuitive to our mediations." 

"Yet, you eat the flesh left for you?" I asked. "You realize that meat always used to be alive, right?" 

"Yes, we acknowledge that," Arngeir admitted, "but often they bring chicken or beef. Both are domesticated animals that feel no pain when used for their intended purpose. And it is very different to accept a gift from a stranger than to encourage violence from one's guests. I could not in good conscience ask you to kill for my benefit despite how much I might enjoy the benefits." 

"Meat is meat," I said. "It doesn't matter how it died; it was still killed before you can use it." 

"Maybe it is a matter we both could meditate upon," Arngeir said, clearly closing the topic for discussion. 

 

Loredas 8 Frostfall 201 4E 6:00 PM 

The next week was very similar to the first day of training. Arngeir would explain a Shout to me, provide the words, and then have one of the other Greybeards demonstrate it for me. Usually after one demonstration, I would learn the new Shout and practice it for the rest of the day until lunch time. 

After lunch, I would attempt to mediate, but I did not find the Greybeard's methods productive. It's not that I couldn't spend hours thinking of one thing, so much as I did not want to stay still to do it. I worked best being active and preferred to walk though snow covered forests or staring up at the sky instead of kneeling in a dark corridor before a shrine. 

The problems were mostly in the evenings. Lydia and I were not used to the quiet and having nothing to do. Even if we decided to not spend the evening at the Bannered Mare, the two of us would frequently be invited to Dragonsreach by someone in the court, visit Adrianne and her husband for some hot drinks, or even spend the night chatting while doing the small chores needed around the house whether it was repairing armor or cleaning the house. 

It was equally hard for the Greybeards. They were older men who had spent most of their lives with other equally older men. They weren't used to the needs of two young women who were used to giggling and roughhousing daily. The Greybeards were never rude, but, honestly, it's hard to do so when you've taken a vow of silence. Arngeir would patiently try to explain their ways, but we never seemed to agree on a course of action, and Arngeir would have to end with his "We shall mediate upon this matter," line almost every time. 

In addition to _Fus Ro Dah_ and _Wuld Nah Kest_ , I learned _Yol Toor Shul_ , which translated into Fire Breath, _Feim Zii Gron_ , which translated into Become Ethereal, and _Ilss Slen Nus,_ which translated into Ice Form. Every day Arngeir would try to only give me the first word of the Shout, and he was always leery to tell me the three Words of Power. 

"The Way of the Voice is not the only way to learn the thu'um," he admitted, "but it is intentionally styled to learn slowly. Wisdom and patience is our focus, not power. You should focus on becoming one with each thu'um and make it part of you instead of just channeling it." 

One evening, Lydia and I were playing a card game that involved matching cards and slapping the pile of discarded cards. This often resulted in screeching and accusations that echoed and bounced off the bare stone walls of High Hrothgar. 

"Ahem," Arngeir cleared his throat, drawing our attention. 

"Are we being too loud again? I'm sorry, Arngeir," I apologized. I really did feel bad every time we disrupted their meditations, but I just couldn't live the way the Greybeards seemed to want. "We'll quiet down." 

"Actually, I wanted to speak with you about something," Arngeir said. He held out a book for me. When I took it, I saw it was a primer for a strange alphabet. "That is a book that teaches the draconic alphabet. I think it would be beneficial for you to learn it. You were right in that training you the way we have always trained is not practical. Your soul is a dragon's soul, and dragons were not meant to stay still. There are many places throughout Skyrim called 'word walls' that hold old passages in the dragon tongue. I think you would learn more by finding those walls and studying them, or at the very least transcribing them for us to study, than staying here." 

I was overjoyed at Arngeir's suggestion until I realized something. "This is your polite way of kicking us out, isn't it?" I asked. 

Arngeir had the good grace to look embarrassed before simply answering, " _Geh_ ," which is draconic for "Yes."


	9. heiwako

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Copyright Bethesda  
> Comments appreciated.
> 
> Diana and Lydia meet a familiar Breton woman who asks that they come with her to Kynesgrove. Adventure ensues!
> 
> Honestly, I hate writing dragon dialogue. You need to include the draconic language and I'll be the first to admit that my eyes glaze over it. 
> 
> Writing combat was fun this time. I was really excited about writing the tumbling of the lumber onto Sahloknir. Also, Alduin has a name. Yay!
> 
> Part 10: [fav.me/d5a7zdi](http://fav.me/d5a7zdi)

Loredas 8 Frostfall 201 4E 9:00 PM

"How in Oblivion did you lose our bags?" I complained. "We've only been here a week." 

Lydia and I were up in the attic of High Hrothgar. When we had first arrived, the housecarl had stored our carrying bags up here since we had thought we were going to be here for some time. Lydia was currently rooting around some fallen boxes trying to find our wayward luggage that seemed to have disappeared into the Void. 

"Maybe skeevers found them and dragged them away to make nests for their younglings," Lydia said sarcastically. 

"Ugh," I groaned as I flopped onto an abandoned bed. The mattress creaked dangerously and dust flew up everywhere from the motion. I coughed violently as I tried to clear the air. "Please, don't joke like that. I know at heart the Greybeards are politely throwing us out, but I cannot wait to get out of here too." 

I rolled over so I was lying on my back on the bed and discovered that the bed was too small for me to properly lie down. I frowned at the realization because by Nord standards I was short for a woman and even shorter compared to male Nord. As far as I could tell the term Greybeards also referred to the faction's tendency to only accept male applicants, although I didn't know if it was some sort of gender bias or pragmatic rule to prevent initiates from being distracted by desires of sex. 

I turned again so I was on my stomach to examine the bed frame more closely. Although the frame looked old, it didn't look damaged or warped in anyway. There were faint paintings that must have once been part of a design for the bed that had faded over time. On the far right corner were two crude letters that were written in large, childish script. 

U.S. 

A wave of sadness washed over me as I realized whose initials I was looking at. I knew Ulfric had studied with the Greybeards, but I had assumed it was after he had been a grown man and not a child. Based on the shape and roughness of the writing, Ulfric had to have been young, very young, when he came to High Hrothgar. 

I thought I was going to be sick the more I thought about it. What would life have been like for the young Stormcloak to grow up here? The Greybeards weren't cruel or harsh masters, but what could they have had in common with a child? I could see the four older men as excellent mentors and teachers, and maybe even fellow students, but they could never have been friends with the boy. 

"Hey, I finally found them!" Lydia exclaimed happily. She came over and shook my shoulder to get my attention. "What's wrong?" 

All I could manage was to shake my head before turning away so I could wipe the tears from my face. It was the one time I was grateful for Nordic pride since Lydia left me with my sorrow and didn't push the matter. 

 

Loredas 8 Frostfall 201 4E 11:00 PM

"Where are we going to go from here?" Lydia asked. 

The two of us were happily tucked away in our beds. First thing in the morning, we would head out and all of Skyrim was our domain. There was no immediate need to return to Whiterun, since we had nothing other than Breezehome to call us there and the jarl's court was expecting us to study in High Hrothgar. 

I paused as I stared at the ceiling, deep in thought. Part of me wondered if this was the same room Ulfric had used when he lived here. "I want to go to Windhelm." 

Lydia whistled lowly. "You won't be welcomed there," she admitted. "Windhelm doesn't take kindly to outsiders. Why do you want to go there?" 

"I'm curious about this Stormcloak Rebellion," I answered blithely. Lydia and I might be close, but I felt too embarrassed to admit that I wanted to see Ulfric again. "I've seen Solitude and even talked to Hadvar a bit about the Imperial stance on the matter. Since it seems to be on everyone's lips, I thought I'd see what the other half has to say." 

I had tried to ask Arngeir about his old student, but the Greybeard had refused to speak on the matter. "We took Ulfric in, and he studied with us for ten years before he chose to go be a soldier in the Great War," the old man said with some amount of bitterness in his voice. "He discarded our teachings as easily as most men discard yesterday's trash. That is all I will say on the matter." 

"And what about the rumor that he Shouted High King Torygg to pieces?" I asked, pushing the matter. "What do you say about that?" 

Arngeir had closed his eyes and sighed, his face pinched and tense. "Skyrim must attend to her children on her own. Her concerns are not ours," he said before leaving to go outside to the courtyard. I knew he would to and mediate in the tower that looked out over the mountain. It was his favorite place and I would often find him there when it was time to call everyone in for meals. 

Although I was tired, sleep was slow coming. Part of me was excited about traveling again, and I never could sleep the night before a big event. No doubt I would be exhausted and irritable the whole trip going down the Seven Thousand Steps. But I also couldn't sleep because I couldn't stop thinking of what Ulfric must have been like as a child, how he looked, how he acted, and how hard it must have been to adapt to life here. And I wondered how he could speak when the Greybeards couldn't utter more than a few words without risking environmental disaster. 

 

Sundas 9 Frostfall 201 4E 6:00 PM

"You are a hard woman to track down," the middle aged blonde Breton woman said. 

Lydia and I had just finished our trek from High Hrothgar and were standing at the stone bridge that would lead into Ivarstead proper. Waiting for us at the end of our journey was a grumpy looking, and somewhat familiar, Breton. 

"Do I know you?" I asked politely. 

"We haven't met personally," the woman admitted, "but we encountered each other in passing. My  name is "

"Oh," Lydia exclaimed, "it's Farengar's girlfriend!" 

"By the gods, you're right!" I responded. We completely ignored the indignant look on the Breton's face as we continued to talk. "I didn't recognize her with her cowl off." 

"Is everything okay in Whiterun?" Lydia asked, concerned. "Does Jarl Balgruuf need us? Was there another dragon attack?" 

"Has Irileth pulled the stick out of her a- Ow!" I said as Lydia elbowed me hard in the sternum. 

"Enough!" the Breton yelled. She reached up and grabbed her ponytail. I think she was trying to refrain from yanking on it out of frustration. "I'm here on serious business. I heard the call for the Dragonborn from the Greybeards and went to Dragonsreach to see if there were any rumors on who was being summoned. Farengar told me that you had answered the summons, so I immediately rushed here to try to intercept you. Unfortunately, I missed you and have been waiting here for the last several days." 

"How long were you planning on waiting?" I asked. "Don't you know that most people who study with the Greybeards study for years on end, Farengar's girlfriend?" 

"I am NOT Farengar Secret-Fire's girlfriend!" the Breton yelled. 

"Did you guys break up? I'm sure Arcadia will be pleased. She's had her eye on the court mage for a while now," I said. "I feel sorry for the guy though. He's not much to look at, but Farengar is a sweet enough guy once you get past the whole bitterness about not getting respect because he's a mage thing. I hope you didn't break his heart too much." 

"I have never been Farengar's girlfriend, and the gods preserve me if I ever even consider the idea," the woman growled. "My name is Delphine, and I have a personal interest in the Dragonborn, if one of you happens to actually be the Dragonborn." 

"Well, that's me," I admitted. "Or that's what I've been told. It's actually more hype than anything else. Would you like a demonstration?" I drew in a deep breath. There weren't any goats nearby, but I'm sure Lydia wouldn't mind being my test subject. 

Delphine's lips pinched in disdain and I saw her eyes flicker to Lydia. Apparently she had hoped it was the Nord who was the legendary Dragonborn. In all fairness, Lydia was the more impressive between the two of us, but I didn't think I was that bad of a choice. 

"No, no demonstration, at least not one of Shouting. Anyone can learn Shouting. I want more definite proof. If you'll come with me, I can prove to myself that you're really the Dragonborn and not some trick by the Thalmor," Delphine said. 

"Why should I prove myself to you, lady? You're the one who was willing to camp out at the base of mountain for Oblivion knows how long," I snorted. 

"One, I knew sooner or later that you or your housecarl would have to come down for supplies. No man is an island after all. Both of you are full grown women used to normal society. There was no way that at least one of you wouldn't come down here for some human interaction. Two, I am a very patient woman. I've waited a long time for the slightest hint of a Dragonborn. I could wait for years if I had to. Three, I have information about the dragons coming back. They aren't simply returning. They are being resurrected from their burial mounds. That was why I was meeting with Farengar in secret. 

"Only the Dragonborn can permanently kill a dragon, so if you come with me to the next spot where a dragon is going to rise, you can prove that you're the Dragonborn. Do that, and I'll answer any questions you have to the best of my ability," Delphine said. 

Lydia and I exchanged a look, all playfulness gone. Lydia nodded. I turned to Delphine, "Okay, we're in." 

 

Mondas 10 Frostfall 201 4E 2:00 PM

We had left at sunrise to head north towards a small village called Kynesgrove. Delphine didn't talk much during the trip, and the pace she set was grueling which left Lydia and I unable to converse as we normally would have. 

I don't know if I would have spoken much even if we could have. My mind was still spinning with Delphine's declaration that dragons were being brought back from the dead. She didn't make it sound like a bound Draugr or mindless thrall state of return either, but true resurrection. I didn't know such magic was even possible. 

Who could have access to such power? And why would they want to resurrect dragons? Surely there were other safer allies that a necromancer could turn towards who would be thankful for their generous actions. Although I admit I don't know if necromancer was the right term, since those mages worked with undead. What did you call someone who brought life to the dead instead of undeath? 

Kynesgrove was mostly set on the side of a mountain. I could make out a small inn and what looked like a metal smelter as we approached. A woman was running down the hill towards us. She waved her hands frantically as she tried to flag us down. 

"Don't go up there!" she cried. Now that we were closer, I could see that she was wearing clothes typical of an innkeeper. "A dragon was sighted near the burial ground. We've sent my husband to Windhelm for help." 

"Gods, don't tell me that we're too late!" Delphine screamed. Without waiting for Lydia or me, she spurred her mount ahead up the hill. 

"Well, she's dedicated, I'll give her that," Lydia muttered before following suit. 

As we neared the burial ground, I could see trees toppling over from the force of a wind that didn't exist. The steady beat of giant wings could be heard as a constant thrum. A voice speaking a foreign language resounded through the grove. 

_"Sahloknir, ziil gro dovah ulse! Slen tiid vo!"_   

The only word I recognized was 'dovah'. Dragon? They were speaking draconic? 

Rounding the corner, the three of us skidded to a halt. The beat of wings and deep rumble of voice wasn't the voice of the dragon being resurrected. It was the black dragon that had attacked Helgen who was casting the spell! 

"The Nine preserve us!" Lydia cried. 

The ground ripped open, tearing the burial mound asunder as a skeletal claw reached out and grasped the earth above. The rest of the frame followed revealing brittle bones full of dirt and bugs that fell to the ground that wiggled helplessly before being crushed under the weight of the dragon as it emerged. 

Flesh and muscle knitted together before our eyes; much faster than I would have ever imagined possible. When his tongue finished growing back, the dragon roared, _"Alduin, thuri! Boaan tiid vokriiha suleyksejun kruziik?"_

_"Geh, Sahloknir, kaali mir_ ," the black dragon responded, clearly pleased by whatever the resurrected dragon had said. 

"Any idea what they're saying?" I yelled as I drew my bow. 

"You tell me," Delphine retorted, "You're the Dragonborn!" 

The black dragon whirled to face us when he heard us talking. _"Ful, losei Dovahkiin? Zu'u koraav nid nol dov do hi."_ He sneered in contempt when he saw the lack of understanding on our faces. I almost fell off my horse when he spoke in the human language. "So, my false Dragonborn, I do not recognize you as a dragon. You do not even know our tongue, do you?" 

The black dragon launched himself into the air, the force of his wings driving us backwards. I jumped off my horse to avoid possibly being crushed by her if she fell over. He circled in the air a couple of times before flying away. "Sahloknir, kill these mortals!" 

Sahloknir raised his head to the sky and Shouted a gout of flame into the sky. _"Geh, Alduin!"_

Well, at least the black dragon had a name now. Alduin. 

When the dragon swerved his great triangular head towards us so he could see us with his large, slitted eye, I could see a hunger there that was older than an Era. Sahloknir had not eaten for a long time, but tonight he would feast well by starting with three nosy women. 

"Split up!" I yelled, jumping to my right as the dragon lunged forward. His powerful jaws snapping shut so hard I could hear the click of fangs. "If we separate, he won't be able to use his fire breath as effectively." 

Delphine took my advice and rolled away while pulling her own bow out to start shooting the beast. Lydia, however, had her own ideas. 

"FOR SKYRIM!" She screamed as she pulled out her axe. The Nord leapt into the air and landed a blow on the dragon's snout right between his eyes. It was truly impressive; especially considering Lydia was wearing that heavy steel armor that she favored. 

Sahloknir bellowed in pain as he reared back to avoid Lydia hitting him again. A massive claw backhanded my friend in the midsection and sent her flying into a pile of lumber that was piled up nearby before taking to the air. 

Glancing around, I tried to take in our immediate environment. It is essential to know what terrain is between you and your enemy. Missing a step on a flight of stairs or tripping over an unnoticed rock has killed more adventurers than not and it is an embarrassing way to die. 

I could see that before Alduin had arrived to resurrect Sahloknir, someone had been doing a logging operation here. By the lack of equipment and the age of mold and water damage, it had been some time since anyone had been here. If I had to guess, it was because of the burial ground; this place was sacred and someone hadn't checked their permits carefully before starting work. Maybe unfortunate for them, but good for us. 

"Use the lumber piles as cover!" I yelled. "Lydia, don't get too close if he lands. I don't think you'll want him rending you asunder." Gods, I sounded stupidly formal when fighting. I blamed military training.  
I was vaguely pleased to see Patchwork behind the pile I was using. The poor mare had caught her reins on some loose branches and she looked absolutely terrified, but at least she was alive. "It'll be okay, girl," I promised, hoping I was telling the truth. 

Sahloknir was swirling around in the air in dizzying patterns; too randomly and quickly for Delphine to get a good shot. Her arrows kept flying wild. Lydia was left uselessly on the ground screaming curses at the dragon for being a milkdrinker since she did not carry a ranged weapon. 

This was bad. With his height advantage, the dragon could simply use his breath weapon on us forever. Even if he missed, he could just take his time to breathe again. I could only assume he felt the same sort of breathlessness I did when I Shouted and that was why he had not done it again yet. 

I scrambled onto the wooden pile and drew my bow so the feathered part of the arrow was brushing gently against my cheek. I closed my eyes and took in a deep breath. 

Breathe in. 

Push away the yells of combat. Push away the rush of the air as the dragon flew past. Push away the rapid beating of my heart. 

Breathe out. 

Ignore the scream of the horse. Ignore the scraping of the rough wood against my knee from kneeling. Ignore the gentle tickling of the feathers touching my face. 

Find the target. 

Fall into the Void. 

Release. 

In rapid succession, I shot three arrows into the air. For a moment, it looked as if they would merely fly through clear sky, but then Sahloknir flew into them. The thin arrows ripped through the fragile dragon wings, right near the joint, just as I had hoped. Sahloknir cried out in pain and crashed to the ground below ungracefully as he lost use of his wing. 

Lydia and Delphine descended upon the downed dragon, but Sahloknir was far from done. He was a flurry of tooth and claw as he thrashed about wildly. He even used his wings and tail to slam into my companions as he fought. 

The women were making headway. I could see small cuts and the flow of blood mar Sahloknir's body, but too soon he would breathe again, and this close there was no way he would miss. One of them would die and that was unacceptable. 

I looked around again, hoping to see something that would give us an edge. But what? 

An idea struck when I saw that Patchwork had mostly calmed down. I leapt down from the lumber pile and mounted up. As I rode up the hill, I could hear Lydia call after me, "Running away? Coward!" 

That hurt. 

When I reached the top of the rise, I wheeled Patchwork around so we were facing downhill. "I'm sorry, girl," I said gently as I patted her neck. I hadn't got to use her much the last two weeks, but she was a good mount and had lasted longer than the last two. 

I urged Patchwork forward with my knees as I drew my bow and shot some arrows at the rope securing the logs into place. The arrows sliced into the hemp, but it was not enough to cut them completely apart. I had expected no less, but it did weaken the ropes enough that when Patchwork and I slammed into them, the logs started an avalanche down the hill. 

"Get out of the way!" I yelled as I continued to shoot arrows at the dragon. I was not even trying to guide my horse now. I let my horse find her own path among the tumbling, crushing logs as they rumbled down the hill. I could only hope I would be able to jump clear when Patchwork finally lost her footing. I would make her end quick when the time came. 

The other two ran away from the dragon who was comically gaping at the oncoming rush of lumber. Although lightning fast in the air, dragons were much slower on the ground and Sahloknir was unable to take flight with his wounded wing or scramble away before being crushed by the onslaught. 

A cry of anguish filled the air as the dragon died. The world moved and once again that amazing golden light tore through a dragon's corpse before filling me. I could see the fire burning the dragon essence away as scale and bone disintegrated for the last time ever when I gave an immortal creature his final death. Every breath tasted like honey as I drew in the life force of my foe, and I felt dizzy from the rush. 

When it ended, all I could think was, "By the daedra, Patchwork is still alive." 

Delphine stumbled towards me; her mouth hanging open. "By the Eight, you really are the Dragonborn!" 

"Well, yeah," I said trying to sound nonchalant. I thought about dismounting, but decided that my legs were too wobbly. 

"We have to go back to Riverwood immediately," Delphine said, having gotten her composure back. She straightened her armor with a snap. "There's no time to lose." 

"Wait a damn minute, why are we going to Riverwood?" I snapped. "I thought you were going to answer my questions if I proved I was Dragonborn." 

"I will, but not out here. It's not secure enough," Delphine said. 

"You've already shown us dragons are actually resurrecting," I countered. "I don't see what else you can possibly tell me to drag me anywhere else." 

Delphine sighed. I could practically see the Dwemer gears grinding in her head as she weighed the pros and cons of being forthright. "I know the pattern of dragons that have emerged already and the burial sites of dragons that have not risen yet. More importantly, I have a good idea of who benefits from this and how we can try to stop them. Finally," she paused, "I'm a Blade and sworn to serve the Dragonborn." 

"What's a Blade?" Lydia asked. She had been strangely silent during the conversation. My housecarl didn't speak much, but there was a stillness in her stance I didn't usually see. 

"Only the personal bodyguard of the Emperor," I said, stunned at Delphine's admission. "Or they used to be before Uriel Septim was assassinated at the end of the last Era." 

"Our true purpose is to be the line of defense against dragons if they should ever return," Delphine said. "Which they have! WeI have been trained in combat against the ancient foe. I have documents and proof of my information at my headquarters. It's completely secure. No one would ever think to look there." 

"Okay, show me your proof," I said reluctantly. "I've shown you mine after all." 

"What about Windhelm?" Lydia asked. 

I looked north towards the capital city of Eastmarch. This far up the mountain side, I could see the outline of the walled city on the horizon. Although I was dying to know more about the Rebellion, the dragons were definitely a more pressing matter. I wheeled Patchwork around to go find the other horses so we could start our ride back to Riverwood. 

"It'll have to wait."


	10. heiwako

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Copyright Bethesda  
> Comments appreciated  
> Diana gets to learn a bit about the Blades.
> 
> Part 11: [fav.me/d5ahw5k](http://fav.me/d5ahw5k)

Tirdas 11 Frostfall 201 4E 9:00 AM

"The Blades were officially disbanded at the end of the Great War. Appropriate enough since the death of so many of our agents living in the Summerset Isles started it," Delphine said. She paced around the table in the middle of the room. "The Thalmor hated us so thoroughly that it seemed almost personal. When they first approached the Emperor in 171, one of their primary demands was the destruction of the Blades, the Emperor's personal guard. When Titus Meade refused, the Thalmor opened a wagon and tipped its contents to the ground to reveal over one hundred decapitated heads Are you even paying attention?" 

Delphine slammed her hands down on the table and faced Lydia and me. Her expression was irritated and her face red from anger. 

"I am," I said lazily, not looking up from the sketch pad I was doodling on, "but I know all this already. I grew up in Cyrodiil and lived all of this first hand. Well, more or less, since it started the year after I was born. Lydia is the one you should be yelling at." 

I gestured to the Nord who was nodding off next to me. I poked Lydia really hard under her armpit where her armor gave the least protection. "Pay attention! You're making me look bad." 

"I'm awake!" Lydia protested as she sharply sat up. "By Shor, I swear I'm awake!" 

"Yeah, great job on that," I teased before returning to my drawing. 

"What's the big deal?" Lydia grumbled. "We're in Delphine's headquarters, right? The basement of the Sleeping Giant Inn. Woo. Thankfully, no Thalmor would ever look here." 

We had traveled all day yesterday and late into the night to get to said inn. I had been rather surprised to find out that Delphine had been here waiting for a Dragonborn to emerge when I had passed this very village a couple of months ago. 

Fate seemed to have all sorts of funny twists for me lately. 

Delphine had been greeted warmly by the barkeep, a Nord named Orgnar when we entered before she had arranged rooms for Lydia and me. "We'll talk more in the morning. I don't know about you, but I'm exhausted from our long back to back rides and fighting well, you know." The Breton had glanced around nervously to see if any of the sleepy patrons were paying attention. 

Other than Orgnar, there was a Nord drunkenly passed out at a table and a young Nord bard playing a lute at the far corner near the inn's entrance. "I don't think you have to worry about anyone overhearing you," I said. "Unless you think your man, Orgnar, is actually a Thalmor spy." 

"You never know who you can trust," Delphine hissed. "There have been plenty of 'loyal' men who turned heel for a bag of gold. I lost many friends that way. You keep your head firmly attached to your neck by taking every precaution." 

"You trusted me, didn't you?" I asked, raising one eyebrow. 

"You have proven yourself to me, Dr- Diana," Delphine said, her expression softening. "I know that you are the one who can make everything better again." 

"No pressure or anything," I muttered. 

"Get some rest," Delphine said, clapping me on the shoulder. "We've had two long journeys back to back, and I don't know about you, but I could fall over right now." 

When I settled down for the night, Lydia had opted to stay awake. "I should keep watch. We don't know anything about this Delphine woman, not really. She says she's part of this Blades organization which you recognize, but how much of it is probably true? We followed her here and no one knows where we are. I'd feel more comfortable keeping watch for at least tonight until we get a better read on her and her motivations." 

Gods, everyone was twitchy tonight. 

"Okay," I said sleepily. This wasn't the first time Lydia had been paranoid, but she also had been right on enough occasions I wasn't going to argue. I didn't think Delphine would attempt anything. It would have been easier for her to just subdue us instead of getting rooms. However, if her fear of the Thalmor was justified, it wouldn't hurt to have an extra set of eyes awake during the night. "Wake me up in a few hours, and we'll switch." 

"I got your back," Lydia said as she blew out the candle. 

I didn't wake up until Delphine knocked on our door and told us to get up for breakfast. 

"You twit," I hissed at a bleary eyed Lydia, "I told you to get me up to stand watch." 

"It's my job to watch you, not the other way around," Lydia sneered. She stood up from her vigil and blinked her eyes slowly a few times. She looked utterly exhausted as she swayed slightly. I had no idea how she managed to not only stay awake all night, but that she had done it in her heavy steel armor. "I'll be fine. I've stayed up longer before." 

During breakfast, Lydia had stared blankly into space between slow, languid bites of cereal. It was kind of creepy how flat her expression was. "Oh, for the sake of Mara, go and get some sleep. I'll fill you in later," I grumbled. 

"Where you go, I follow," Lydia insisted. 

Now my housecarl was passing out because Delphine was lecturing about the entire history of the Blades, starting with how they were originally Avakiri warriors that invaded Tamriel during the first Era. Legend had it that they encountered Reman Cyrodiil and recognized him as a Dragonborn and swore their fealty to him. 

"Oh really?" Delphine said snidely. "If you know so much, then impress me with your knowledge." 

"The Avakiri were part of a group of dragonslayers. Their heavy armor is supposed to be similar in design to dragon scales and their long, curved blades, known as katana, are akin to a dragon's claw." I gestured to the outfit Delphine was wearing. "By what I know, that's a set of Blade armor that you're wearing right now." 

"By the Nine, Diana knows something?" Lydia snickered. 

"Have you been taking notes?" Delphine asked as she snatched the drawing pad from me. She looked at my doodle. "What is this? Armor design?" 

"Yes," I said. I wasn't much of an artist, but all blacksmiths have to be able to draw a little bit if they want to be able to share their ideas for new armor or blades. "I want to make a modified version of your armor with actual scale and bone instead of lacquered metal and wood." 

The Breton whistled lowly. "That is impressive. It would make quite the statement of who you are. Are you comfortable with that?" 

"Of course," I said. "People need symbols. They  need something they can see and believe in. Songs and stories are good and last longer in their own way, but it is the idea that people can see that they believe in more than the idea they are told. If you want a Dragonborn, then I'm going to need armor that people will remember and nothing says dragonslayer like armor completely made of dead dragons." 

"I'm not comfortable with this idea," Delphine said critically. "Although you have many advantages as a Dragonborn, you're not invincible. The Thalmor can still kill you. They are an entire organization that has only grown in the last three decades. I've looked too long and hard for a Dragonborn for you to die from one well-placed arrow. I think you should stay low. I can have my people spread rumors and sightings instead." 

I stood up and snatched the drawing pad away from Delphine. Her look of shock was rather comical, and I had to refrain from laughing at her. "Odd, I don't remember asking for  your opinion. You say the Blades serve the Dragonborn, and last time I checked I'm the Dragonborn and you're the Blade. Let's go with my plan for now, what do you say?" 

"As you wish," Delphine growled, her jaw set stubbornly. "And where are you going?" 

I stopped at the foot of the stairs. "Alvor's forge. He's a friend and said I could use it." 

"How do you know Alvor?" Delphine demanded as she followed me up the stairs. "You never mentioned that to me before." 

"It's not like I've really had a chance," I said, "and it's not like you asked. I met him before when Hadvar and I escaped Helgen after Alduin's attack. Hadvar and I came here to alert Riverwood. We split up afterwards so I could inform Balgruuf and he could tell Solitude." 

"That doesn't mean he's trustworthy," Delphine said. "We don't know if Alvor is aligned with the Thalmor." 

"He's a blacksmith in a small village," I said. 

"And I own an inn in a small village!" she countered. She grabbed my arm to stop me from exiting the stairwell. "People are rarely what they appear, Dragonborn. It would do you well to remember that." 

I jerked my arm out of Delphine's grasp. "You'd better be careful with that hand of yours if you want to keep it attached to the rest of you," I warned her. For a brief moment, rage flashed through me and it took everything in my power to not kick Delphine down the stairs into her basement lair. 

I managed to take a calming breath before leaving the Breton woman behind. 

 

Tirdas 11 Frostfall 201 4E 11:00 AM

"I feel that we've gotten off on the wrong foot," Delphine said. She was wearing normal clothes again instead of her armor. It didn't make her look any less the warrior though. Most inn owners didn't stand with arms crossed like that while in a military resting position when talking to someone. "I don't know how or why we butted heads, but I do want to work with you, Diana. I need to work with you. It's been my life's mission since I was younger than you are now. The Blades have been rudderless since Martin Septim sacrificed himself during the Oblivion Crisis and there have been no Dragonborn to follow." 

Part of me wondered how she had managed to live among citizens and no one notice her dominant demeanor. The other part recognized that the war had been going on for a long time, in one form or another. If it wasn't the Great War, then it was the Markarth Incident.  If it wasn't the Markarth Incident, then it was one of many border skirmishes between neighbors. Now it was the Stormcloak Rebellion, and to top it all off dragons returning. 

"I don't take well to authority," I admitted. I was crouched on my knees next to Alvor's outdoor table. I had laid out all of the pieces of scale and bone I had collected so far. I wasn't certain if there was enough for a full set of armor, but I could at least start the torso piece. 

First, I needed to see how malleable it could be before getting too hopeful of a real set of armor. A living dragon's scales were tough enough to deflect most blows. It was only getting into the weak points between the scales or joints could you really harm them. I had worked with scaled leather in the past, and although a living creature's scales were comparably tough, they grew brittle and useless in death unless cured properly. Even then, there was the chance that it would be unusable. 

"Must have made your years of service difficult," Delphine said with a sympathetic smile. 

All native citizens of Cyrodiil have to provide two years of military service starting at the age of eighteen. I actually joined when I was seventeen because I was sick to death of life at home in Bravil. My mother had been threatening marriage, the only option for being excluded from military service outside of permanent physical injury, and she had wanted to keep me close. 

Unfortunately for her, I had other plans, which involved getting away as fast as possible. It had been lucky for me that I had left; I found out about a year and a half afterwards that a cell of the Dark Brotherhood had been discovered under the Lucky Old Lady statue. Fighting had broken out and the streets ran red with blood. 

I couldn't believe it when I had heard. I remembered many happy days playing around that statue pretending the statues of children at the base were real. There had been a Breton woman who prayed there often. Sometimes she and I would talk, but mostly I left her alone with her prayers. Once a week without fail, she would come to the statue and kneel to pray. I don't know what she asked for, but she seemed happy and always had a kind smile. 

"Here, I bring a peace offering," Delphine said as she held out a piece of paper. "Since you seemed interested in the Akaviri design, I drew this. I don't own one personally, but I remember seeing pictures of them when I was stationed in Cyrodiil's Cloud Ruler Temple. Maybe you could use it for your armor." 

A drawing of a helm was on the parchment with a unique design. It had the standard flaps to protect the side of the wearer's head, but the top was triangular in design with flap that swept back that looked reminiscent of a dragon's claw. With a little leather and iron, I could easily make it with some of the scales I had gathered. 

"Thank you," I said with a smile. Having a definite design helped greatly, and making a helm was much more realistic than a full set of armor immediately. "I think I can use this." 

"Good," Delphine nodded firmly. "It is essential that the Dragonborn and the Blades work together." 

"Who else is in your organization?" I asked, trying to refrain from sighing. 

I found that I didn't particularly care for Delphine's insistence of our continued cooperation. It was too pushy. At least when I had worked with Balgruuf's court or the Greybeards, it had been at my own decision and they had asked nicely. Delphine seemed to think I should immediately be grateful and fall into the party line -- which I didn't completely understand yet. 

It was true that the Thalmor were hated in Cyrodiil. Losing the Great War to them did not endear the High Elf government officials of the Aldmeri Dominion to the Imperials, especially since some believed that the Thalmor wanted to completely end the Empire's rule and reinstate one government that they ruled. But to be the center of some conspiracy seemed too surreal to believe. 

Their primary objective seemed to be complete eradication of the worship of Talos, since there were several laws that gave the Thalmor agents authority over the local law officials on how to deal with any rumors of worshippers. It was not uncommon for people to be arrested, taken away, and never seen again based on hearsay. 

It was terrifying and cruel, but it was also direct. There was no question that the Thalmor were completely dedicated to reinforcing the ban of Talos worship. Although I had never worshipped him, I remember seeing the empty pedestal where his shrine used to reside in the Temples of the Divines growing up. It seemed so tragic for that lone empty space in the middle of the other shrines. In some ways, I felt it drew more attention for that Void amongst the Divines than if they had simply left it alone. The emptiness was like a memorial to a fallen friend than anything else. 

I started putting the extra parts away. No sense leaving them out where anyone could see it. Alvor was discrete and Delphine was as paranoid as a long tailed Khajiit in a room full of rocking chairs, but who knew who else had been drawn to the sleepy town of Riverwood. 

Delphine paused, obviously embarrassed. "Um, it's just me," she admitted. 

"Are you serious?" I asked. 

"The Thalmor have been thorough in their cleansing of the Blades," Delphine said defensively. "I'm lucky to be alive. Now, they are resurrecting dragons when there are none who would stand against them. No Blades, no Dragonborn, and not even the unified presence of the Empire. They've done their job well. The Thalmor are thorough, and I fear to what ends." 

"Why are you so convinced it is the Thalmor?" I asked. "You haven't really given any proof that it's them." 

"I know it!" Delphine declared. "Who else would have something to gain from bring dragons back to life? Who knows why the Thalmor do anything? What did they benefit from banning worship of Talos? They think men are below mer, so why do they care if we live differently than they? It's because they have something diabolical planned. I just know it!" 

"I'm going to need a little more proof than that," I said doubtfully. "After all, the Empire lost a war and they had a lot more than a Dragonborn, a Blade, and a housecarl." I glanced over to Lydia who was standing watch at the small set of stairs that lead to the street. She was yawning loudly but still alert. I guess she felt we were pretty secure down in Delphine's basement. 

"I have an idea, but it will take some time," Delphine said carefully. "The Thalmor throw regular gatherings at the embassy manor, northwest of Solitude. The next one is for New Life Day. I could make arrangements for you to attend. It shouldn't be hard since the Thalmor always make sure to invite any one of importance to make better alliances and you've made quite the name for yourself in Whiterun. Once you're inside you could find proofsolid proof. They must have some sort of correspondence that validates my theory." 

"Okay," I said, "but if I find proof that you're wrong, then you'll give up this idea?" 

"You won't," Delphine said smugly, "but I agree anyway." 

Delphine and I shook over it. It was settled, until New Life Day I would search for word walls and keep studying the thu'um while she prepared for me to infiltrate the Thalmor embassy party.


	11. heiwako

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Copyright Bethesda  
> Comments loved!
> 
> Lydia and Diana's first dungeon! With ensuing lolarity. XD
> 
> I don't know about anyone else, but I frequently forgot to use my Shouts my first play through. The result was similar to Diana's first encounter with draugr. =3
> 
> I had a lot of fun with this chapter. Writing two people who've never been in a tomb before and completely unprepared for what waited inside was just a pleasure to write.
> 
> Part 12: [fav.me/d5anif4](http://fav.me/d5anif4)

Fredas 14 Frostfall 201 4E 2:00 PM

"It's impressive. I'll give it that," Lydia whistled as she looked at the stone entrance to Silverdrift Lair. The old tomb had been marked on my map by Arngeir to help me learn the Way of the Voice in a manner more fitting for a Dragonborn than the way the Greybeards learned. 

The peaceful monks studied by mediation and contemplation, a method that was incompatible with how quickly I could absorb their teaching. After only a demonstration or two, I would learn a three-word Shout, which normally took the Greybeards a decade to master completely. 

Arngeir felt it would be better to temper my training with adversity, so he marked a map of Skyrim with some known word walls. No doubt, Lydia's and my youthful exuberance had nothing to do with the laconic monk's decision to send us off to explore Skyrim and her tombs. 

Silverdrift Lair's entrance had a long stone porch that arched into a semicircle that was shrouded by a stone arch. Twin stairs ascended the front, divided by a stone pillar. We were about two hours southeast of Solitude. 

"Want to hit Solitude after this? Maybe go shopping? I could use some new armor, and I wouldn't mind an enchanted blade. I think it could only help with stopping any dragons we might stumble upon," Lydia suggested. 

"Yay, shopping!" I said, hopping from foot to foot in an impromptu dance. I clapped my hands in a goofy way which made Lydia laugh. Suddenly, I took a serious pose with one foot raised on the stairs while pointing towards the door. "Let's do this!" 

"You're weird," Lydia commented as she bonked my newly-made dragon scale helm. It had earned quite a few glances when we stopped in villages for supplies. 

The stone door didn't want to open at first, but after Lydia and I combined our efforts, we managed to push it open. The inside chamber was just as cold, if not colder, than outside. Lydia lit a torch while I drew my bow before we continued advancing. The air tasted stale and a thin layer of dust coated everything. Obviously, no one had been here for a long time. 

"I don't know how I feel about this now that we're here," Lydia admitted as she drew a short sword. Although she normally favored two handed weapons, she had been forced to switch to a lighter weapon. I couldn't carry the torch, and we had to have some sort of light source. "Barrows are ancient tombs that belonged to someone of import at some point. They are usually filled with entire families tracing back a bloodline to some great hero. Often, servants would ask to be interred with their lord so they could serve in the afterlife as they did on Nirn." 

"Don't tell me that you're scared of some long dead, mummified corpse," I scoffed. 

"Hey! We Nords don't take reverence of our dead lightly," Lydia protested. "It is to honor the memory of those before us that we strive so hard to earn valor and glory before dying and going to Sovngarde. Besides, you're the one with her weapon drawn." 

"I am ready for any skeevers or frostbite spiders we might run into," I said defensively. Vermin, no matter how big, always seemed to be able to get into places no one else could. Even if this place had been sealed for an Era, I wanted to be ready for something creepy and crawly that might want to bite my tender flesh. I definitely didn't want to come down with some sort of disease from a bite. 

We continued past the large entry room into a descending stairwell which opened into another hallway. Outside the glow of the torch, I could barely see the silhouettes of multiple niches that held the preserved remains of the long dead. Most of them held a weapon or shield of some sort and many also had some sort of armor. 

"The way I see it, a spider or skeever is much more dangerous," I said. "These guys are just dead. What harm can they cause?" I walked over to one of the niches, ignoring Lydia's gasp of indignation as I poked one of the interred bodies. The skin flaked under my touch. "See? Nothing to worry about." 

That's when the body's hand shot up and grabbed my wrist. 

I screamed like a little girl when the undead sat up, his iron-like grip holding my wrist tightly. He slowly reached for a long rusted sword that had been placed by his side. I tried to slap his chest with my free hand, but it had absolutely no affect. 

"By Talos' balls!" Lydia yelled. She swung her sword and it bit into the corpse's shoulder. The only reaction was the creature slowly turned his head towards my housecarl and made a noise that sounded like air escaping a valve. Little flecks of dust erupted from his long unused throat and into the air. 

"Gross!" I cried as I continued to slap the undead with my hand. "Get it off, get it off, get it off!" 

"Why don't you Shout?" Lydia cried as she continued to hack at the creature. He had finally grabbed his sword and was slowly raising it to swing at me. 

**"YOL!"** I Shouted. The zombie took the blast fully in the face and quickly crumbled to dust and ash. 

"Why didn't you do that sooner?" Lydia scolded. 

"I forgot!" I cried, tears streaming down my face. I tried to scrub my face clean. "Why didn't you tell me that they literally meant they would serve in death as they did in life? 

"I didn't know!" Lydia snapped. 

We probably would have continued arguing, if not for the scrape of metal on stone. Lydia and I looked up and saw more of the undead slowly moving towards us. There were at least three more like the first with bits of flesh barely clinging to their bodies as they raised their axes and swords to fight us. In the back, there were two skeletons raising bows to fire at us. 

"Oh shit!" Lydia and I screamed in unison before we turned around and retreated outside. 

 

Fredas 14 Frostfall 201 4E 2:30 PM

The entrance to Silverdrift Lair flew open a lot easier and faster when Lydia and I burst out of the tomb. We scrambled down the stairs to where our mounts were waiting. Patchwork snorted nervously when we ran past her. 

"Oh, gods," Lydia breathed heavily. She slumped down until her hands were resting on her knees. "Do you think they'll follow us outside?" 

"I don't know!" I cried. 

"How many are there?" 

"I don't know!" 

"Why would Arngeir send us here? He had to have known, that sadistic bastard," Lydia said as she glanced over her shoulder to the crypt's entrance. 

"I DON'T KNOW!" 

I had to admit, this last little encounter made me appreciate the mediations on Words of Power that the Greybeards used to learn the thu'um a little better. In my panic, I had completely forgotten that I could Shout to help myself. If I had practiced more, maybe I would have remembered and used it without Lydia's prompting. 

Then again, I hadn't thought to grab my steel dagger either and I had used one of those for years. 

Several minutes passed and no undead came shambling out to eat us. Lydia and I managed to calm down until I started feeling foolish for overreacting. 

I should have known there would be defensive measures of some sort. It just made sense, right? 

"Okay, I'm okay. Are you okay?" I asked Lydia. She nodded. "Okay. We're going back in." 

"What? Are you insane? We cannot go back. There's undead in there!" Lydia protested while pointing towards Silverdrift. 

"Yes, I know," I said calmly, "but we came here to learn some more draconic words, and I don't plan on leaving empty-handed." 

"It's blasphemous to desecrate burial places," Lydia said. 

"We're here by the direct command of the Greybeards, right?" I asked. Lydia nodded, albeit reluctantly. "They're wise old men who are highly revered and are seen as spiritual mentors. Surely, Arngeir wouldn't have sent us here on this mission if it was wrong. Maybe he didn't tell us about the undead because he forgot or maybe he wanted to test us. Regardless, we're here and it's the only way to learn." I paused. "Unless you want to spend the next eighty years up at High Hrothgar learning Shouts like the Greybeards do." 

Lydia picked up her axe. "Let's do this," she said with a grim look on her face. 

 

Fredas 14 Frostfall 201 4E 3:00 PM

"Tiber Septim," I swore softly as Lydia and I reentered the tomb. We were slowly walking back in while crouching to avoid the notice of the undead. 

"What?" Lydia asked. She glanced over her shoulder to where I was standing behind her. 

"I just realized that I dropped my bow back where we encountered the first zombie," I said sheepishly. 

"Draugr," Lydia replied. 

"Bless you?" I said confused. 

"No, draugr is the proper term for undead," Lydia clarified. "At least for interred undead. Thrall is the more common term for recently dead bodies that necromancers raise for their own personal use, but draugr is what we Nords call spirits that protect tombs from vandals. It means 'ghost'." 

"That doesn't make sense," I countered. "They're solid. Ghosts are ethereal." 

"I didn't make it up," Lydia snapped. 

"Stupid Nord dialect," I grumbled. 

"Since you're going to be pretty useless anyway, why don't you hold the torch for me?" Lydia asked as she shoved the burning log into my hands. She released her steel shield that she had strapped to her back. "I feel a little better with some more protection." 

"Oooh, I get to hold a torch for Lydia," I giggled. When Lydia failed to get my pun, I just rolled my eyes. "Never mind. If I have to explain it, it's not funny." 

We continued to skulk down the stairwell, Lydia's armor clanging loudly with each step. "I don't even know why we're sneaking," I complained. "You're as loud as a Dwemer factory." 

"Shut up," Lydia hissed. "I'm not the one who agitated the draugr to begin with." 

I stuck my tongue out at her, but held my silence as we continued. At the bottom of the stairwell, we saw the draugr milling about randomly in the hallway. They didn't seem particularly on alert, but they had not returned to their eternal rest either. Maybe whatever magic that was used to animate them left them ready for intruders after a certain period of being roused. 

My bow lay on the ground next to the ashes of the first draugr, but one of the other axe wielders was standing right next to it. 

"Okay," I whispered, "here's the plan. You go in and attack the one who is next to my bow. After you take him down, rush into the crowd to push them back so I can get my weapon. I'll provide cover fire while you fight them." 

"How are you going to do that with a torch in hand?" Lydia asked. 

"Toss it down?" I replied. 

"And if it goes out? That means we're stuck in the dark with angry undead," Lydia scowled. 

"Do you have any suggestions then, smarty pants?" I asked, irritated. 

"Why don't you use one of your Shouts on them?" Lydia suggested. "What was that one that pushed things back?" 

_"Fus ro dah?"_ I asked. 

"For Mara's sake, don't say it while looking at me!" Lydia almost squealed. The draugr stopped roaming around and looked in our direction. We ducked back behind the corner before talking. "What if you Shouted me to pieces by doing that?" 

"It only works with intent," I said haughtily. "I can say the words all I want, but if I don't visualize and focus, nothing happens." 

"I'd rather not take the chance," Lydia said, clearly shaken. 

Now that we were prepared for the draugr, it was easy to defeat them. The creatures were slow to move so when I Shouted at them and sent them flying, it took them too long to get back up to be a threat. Lydia dispatched the lone axe wielder near my bow which allowed me to grab it after putting the torch in a nearby sconce while she ran after the fallen enemies. It was much easier to destroy draugr than bandits, since the living were able to think and adapt faster and easier than the long dead. 

"That wasn't so bad," I said after the fight ended, "although skeletons are going to be a pain in the ass. I never thought that they would be more resistant to arrows or my Shout. I guess that means they default to you for fighting." 

"You're so generous," Lydia said. She noticed me glancing at a nearby burial urn. "You're not going to rifle through that, are you?" The disdain was clear on her face. 

"No!" I said, although I had been curious as to what Nords gave their dead. "That would be crude. Let's go." 

 

Fredas 14 Frostfall 201 4E 3:30 PM

"Okay, now what?" Lydia asked. We were staring at a barred doorway with no apparent chain to open it. Flanking us were several animal themed stone carvings, and behind us was a lever. 

"Pull the lever?" I asked. 

Lydia shrugged and pulled the device. Suddenly arrows shot out of the wall from all directions. The two of us managed to dodge most of them, Lydia using her shield and I by throwing myself on the ground. When I stood up, Lydia was wrestling with an arrow jutting out of her chest plate. I checked myself and found that I had several gashes and cuts all over my arms and legs. One arrow had left a painful cut along my cheek that bled profusely until Lydia gave me a healing potion that sealed the wound. Thankfully, none of the arrows had hit a vital spot. 

"This is why you should wear heavy armor," Lydia remarked when she took the empty bottle back. "It provides much more protection." 

"It's also heavy, loud, and impractical for archery," I shot back. "What is up with you Nords and traps?" We had stumbled onto several pressure plate traps that released swinging spears or axes along hallways which had taken a fair amount of patience to surpass. There even had been a battering ram at one point. By now, Lydia and I were pretty banged up. I don't think there wasn't any part of me that wasn't bruised or sore. Healing potions helped with surface wounds, but real healing took time. 

"I told you that we don't take reverence of our dead lightly," Lydia responded. "I have to admit High Hrothgar is looking more and more appealing as time passes." 

"Let's just figure out how to get past this," I said wearily. So far each trap had a counter, but one had to know where to look first. Most of them involved levers on the opposite side of the trap, which clearly wasn't the case here. 

"Maybe it was back-a-ways," I said as I leaned against one of the carvings. Suddenly, the base moved and I could hear a distinct click. "Okay, that's convenient." 

"Try the lever again?" Lydia asked. 

I backed up until I was outside of the room. "Sure, go for it." 

"Coward," Lydia scowled. 

"You're the one with the amazing armor!" 

Not convinced that we had solved the puzzle that easily, Lydia crouched next to the pedestal with her shield already in a blocking position. When she pulled the lever, more arrows shot out, but none of them pierced her armor. 

A quick survey revealed that there were a total of six pedestals that rotated, each with three sides with a specific animal  whale, eagle, and snake. Even if we decided the arrows were no longer a threat, trying to guess the combination would take forever with that many options. Neither Lydia nor I were comfortable finding out how many arrows were hidden in the walls. There was always the chance a lucky shot could seriously hurt the housecarl. 

"Set them all to one animal?" Lydia suggested. 

"Which one?" 

"That is the question, isn't it?" 

We backtracked to previous rooms and found no clues. There was nothing about any of the animals connected to Silverdrift Lair. Turning the pedestals produced no unique clicks either. 

"This is so aggravating," Lydia proclaimed as she flopped on the ground to lean against one of the carvings. "To come this far and to be stuck!" She leaned her head back and frowned. "Dammit." 

"What?" I asked as I looked up from the carving I was examining for the fifth time. 

"It was here the whole time," Lydia said as she pointed above her head. Behind the carvings, obscured by shadow and tattered hangings, were copies of the animals on the pedestals. 

There weren't words enough to describe the curses that came out of my mouth, but at least we got past the puzzle. 

 

Fredas 14 Frostfall 201 4E 4:30 PM

"Do you ever wonder how dragons made these word walls if they're buried so far down in a tomb?" I asked Lydia. 

"Maybe they were here a long time ago and the tomb was built up around it," Lydia suggested. "Arngeir did imply that there used to be many Voice Masters since men were taught the thu'um in a much faster method than the Way of the Voice." 

As we exited another narrow hallway, the room opened up into an enormous cavern. Both of us whistled in appreciation. "Or maybe they just had a huge cavern," I commented. 

At the far end of the room was a smooth man made wall that contrasted sharply with the jagged, natural contours of the rest of the cavern. Even from this distance, in the dim glow of our torch, I would make out some gashes in the stone that looked like the draconic alphabet from the primer Arngeir had given me. 

Before the concave wall was a flat platform that held a sarcophagus that looked to be made of ebony metal. Several other sarcophagi lined the far walls. Torch sconces lined the pillars around the room, which we took a moment to light to give some better illumination. 

"Be careful," Lydia cautioned as she pointed to the ground. There were several pools of oil. Whether it was from some sort of spill or leak, I had no idea. "One spark from our torches could cause some major trouble." 

"Let me just make a rubbing of the words and we'll get out of here," I said as I stepped up to the platform. "I can try to translate them later. We should be able to get to Solitude in time for a late dinner." 

As I passed the coffin, the lid flew off, flying into the air. "Oh, for the sake of Mara!" I screamed as I scrambled back. 

"Are you going to scream every time something like that happens?" Lydia yelled as she drew her axe and shield.  Other draugr were bursting out of their resting places and drawing their weapons much faster than the previous ones. 

"Yes!" I retorted, "I'm twitchy by nature. That's why I'm an archer." I turned my attention back to the draugr getting out of the casket and Shouted, **"FUS RO DAH!"**

Nothing happened. 

"What in Oblivion?" I stammered. 

The undead I was facing was wearing much better armor and weapons than any of his predecessors. It was made of rare ebony which still glistened as if new instead of having been interred for hundreds of years. The creature sneered at me, his glowing green eyes hateful. Long unused jaws creaked open and he Shouted, **"FUS RO DAH!"**

I flew backwards through the air, and all I could think was, "I'm dead, I am so dead!" I landed heavily, my head slamming into the stone floor, and for a moment all I could see was stars. But I was still breathing and could move, which was more than I could have hoped for. 

"He knows the thu'um!" I cried. 

"I noticed!" Lydia said. She slashed at one draugr while blocking another. Two more were moving to flank her. "A little help here!" 

I managed to scramble to my feet and draw my bow, despite the dizziness that made my head ring. I managed to shoot one down before he could reach Lydia, but not before his companion slashed the back of her leg. The housecarl grunted in pain as she fell, her leg unable to support her. 

"Lydia!" I yelled. **"YOL TOOR SHUL!"** Flames shot over the Nord's head and incinerated the draugr. 

_"Aav Dilon!"_ the master draugr growled as he charged me with his two handed ebony sword. 

"What's he saying?" Lydia asked as she struggled back to her feet. 

"I don't know!" I replied. It seemed that phrase was being used a lot today. 

I stumbled back as the draugr slashed at me. The blade tore my leather as easily as bread and blood ran down my arm. It felt numb; I doubted I would be able to use my bow effectively. I couldn't Shout again so soon. I was too expended. This, unfortunately, wasn't true for the draugr and he Shouted again which caused me to fly back and slam into a pillar under one of the lit torches. 

"Man, this is so obnoxious on the other end," I muttered. 

No Shouts, no bow, no Lydia. Head was still ringing from the first fall. What the hell was I going to do now? 

_"Sovngarde Saraan!"_ the draugr threatened as he stepped forward. Some oil splashed under his feet. 

Oil. The oil! 

_"Yol,"_ I said as I grabbed the torch and threw it at my enemy. 

The oil immediate caught aflame, igniting the long dead and dry flesh. The draugr screamed in rage as he was completely consumed. I hugged the pillar until long after the flames died down. When I felt like I could walk without collapsing, I walked over to the ebony blade on the ground and picked it up. "You keep what you kill," I said hefting the sword. "That's what you told me, right Lydia?" 

"Sure, why not?" Lydia panted. "Now get that damn rubbing and let's get the Void out of here."


	12. heiwako

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Copyright Bethesda  
> Comments appreciated
> 
> Diana and Lydia get some R&R in Solitude.
> 
> Tried a little bit of new writing style at the end with the forward shadowing. Stephen King uses it quite a bit and it allows me to mention something that Diana doesn't know anything about without having to break into third person for a section.
> 
> Part 13: [fav.me/d5azv2u](http://fav.me/d5azv2u)

Fredas 14 Frostfall 201 4E 10:00 PM 

"Another round on me!" I shouted as I raised my empty mug high in the air. 

A cheer rang around the room as the patrons also raised their tankards in salute to my generosity. Lydia and I had managed to drag our sorry carcasses to Solitude after retrieving the rubbing of the draconic language from Silverdrift Lair. 

After selling the ebony greatsword I had taken from the master draugr, we had more than enough septims for new glass armor for Lydia, a new elven bow for me, and plenty left over to get an entire village drunk. 

Which is exactly what we decided to do. 

The two of us rented a room in the Winking Skeever, dropped off all of our gear, and then promptly started paying for everyone's drinks. There had been only a handful of people in the bar an hour ago, but now the place was pretty packed. I could only assume word had traveled fast. 

"Lisette, play that one song again!" Lydia called out. 

The bar's bard nodded and started strumming on her lute before singing,   
_  
Our Hero, our Hero, claims a warrior's heart  
I tell you, I tell you, the Dragonborn comes  
With a Voice wielding power of the ancient Nord art  
Believe, believe, the Dragonborn comes_

"I love this song!" I yelled as I slung one arm over Lydia. 

"Me too!" she said clinking her newly filled drink against mine. 

After the Greybeard's mysterious summons of the Dovahkiin, the bards had researched the term and found out it was linked with the prophecy of the Dragonborn. They dredged up an old song detailing the Dragonborn and it had spread like wildfire. The song was just as popular as "The Age of Aggression" or "The Age of Oppression," two war propaganda songs that supported either the Empire or Ulfric. It seemed like you couldn't go into a tavern without a bard singing one or the other. 

Lydia and I were very vaguely doing something similar to dancing on the common floor. There was no actual rhythm to our movements, but we were bouncing and jiggling quite a bit. When a Nord came over and asked Lydia to dance, she looked to me for askance. I simply pushed her towards him. 

"That's a very interesting helmet you have there," an older looking Altmer male commented. His robes looked to be well kept and good quality. He had his golden hair swept up in what I could only think of as a flame style since it tamped to a point in the back, and he kept his goatee in a short braid that hung down past his chin. "I've never seen material quite like that." 

"Yeah, I made it myself," I bragged. "Made it out of some dragon scales from a dragon I killed near the Western Watchtower in Whiterun." 

Suddenly the room was dead silent as everyone turned to look at me. I could even hear the music screech to a halt as Lisette's fingers went numb. 

"What?" I asked the crowd. "More drinks! Huzzah!" 

Everyone raised their drinks and cried back, "Huzzah!" before returning to their previous conversations. Lydia shot me a dirty look before getting pulled into an arm wrestling contest. 

"Interesting," the Altmer said, his eyes burning with an intensity that made me feel like he would devour me alive. "I seem to remember hearing a rumor of two women helping Irileth and her guards with that fight. Shortly after that the call for Dovahkiin rang through all of Skyrim." He left the implication hanging between the two of us. "Very interesting indeed." 

I decided to not answer by taking a long gulp of my drink. I don't care for mead very much, but it's cheap and plentiful in Skyrim and after a few drinks I can hardly taste it. Even in the midst of drinking my liquid courage, I realized being slightly drunk was why my tongue ran away from me. 

"My name is Diana," I said, trying to change the subject. Maybe I would run up to the room first chance I got and drop off my helm instead of wearing it. "What is yours?" 

"Viarmo," he said, offering his hand. "I'm the Headmaster of the Bards College here in Solitude." 

Gods dammit. Out of everyone I could possibly end up talking to, I ended up talking to not only a bard, but the headmaster? 

"Care to tell me how you got a hold of those scales?" the elf asked, obviously not willing to let the subject drop. 

"I'm not much of a storyteller," I hedged. 

"You seemed to have done fine earlier when you were regaling the tavern with your journey through Silverdrift Lair," Viarmo countered. Lydia and I had reenacted our foray into the tomb without mentioning the word wall or my Shouts. "For what it's worth, if you tell me about your helm, I could teach you a bit about the different type of draugr. For example, it sounds like you fought a draugr deathlord at the end. They're very tough foes." 

"Could you tell me a bit more about what it means to be Dragonborn?" I asked, hesitantly. It would be nice to learn more from someone who wasn't Delphine. She seemed very focused on the dragonslayer aspect of it and only cared about using that to destroy the Thalmor. 

Although Viarmo was an Altmer, he was also bard and as the headmaster of the college, he had to have access to histories others might not. The bards were famous for their neutrality in all matters political, so I didn't have to worry that he was part of the Thalmor embassy. 

"Is tomorrow okay?" I asked when Viarmo agreed. "I just want to relax tonight." 

"I'm supposed to have an audience with the jarl tomorrow," Viarmo said. "However, I usually find that I'm left cooling my heels in the waiting room longer and longer most days. If you don't mind to keep me company, I think that would benefit both of us greatly." 

After we shook hands, sealing the deal, Viarmo bid me a good night. 

 

Loredas 15 Frostfall 201 4E 8:00 AM 

"Oh gods, it's like a whole herd of mammoths are trampling my brain," Lydia moaned. The two of us were sprawled across the large double bed that was in the room we rented. Lydia was still wearing most of her steel armor although parts of it were strewn across the room from where she had tossed them when she came into the room last night. "I'm surprised to see you here. I thought you'd run off to bed some stranger as usual." 

I was wearing only one boot on my right foot, a glove on my left hand and a bowl on my head. I had no idea how the last one got there though. "I'd like to think you know I don't sleep with someone every night," I grumbled. The light streaming in through the window was hurting my eyes. "Are you being bitchy because you're hung over or are you missing Aela?" 

"I'm going with hung over," Lydia said. She tried to get up from the bed, but only succeeded in falling onto the floor. 

"Gods, I think you drank twice what I did," I said leaning over the bed and looking at my prone housecarl. "You know that you could just stay here, right? I'm only going across town to the Blue Palace to be interviewed by Viarmo. It's not like I'm going into a dungeon or bandit lair. We don't have to spend every moment together." 

"It's my job to protect you," Lydia insisted. I didn't like how pale she looked. 

"I know, but if I cannot be safe in a major city, where can I be?" I asked. 

"I stand by the same argument I used" Lydia paused to cover her mouth as her eyes bulged. I managed to pull the bowl off my head and place it under my housecarl's mouth just in time. 

"Oh gods," I groaned as Lydia emptied her stomach. "That settles it. You're staying here." 

 

Loredas 15 Frostfall 201 4E 9:00 AM 

"I must admit that I am surprised to see you up this early," Viarmo laughed when he saw me waiting at the bottom of the college's steps. "I would have thought you would still be passed out until noon." 

"I'm a cheap drunk," I admitted. "It only takes a couple of glasses of wine, and I'm good the rest of the night." 

"Hm, good to know. I'll be sure to add that to the history books," Viarmo teased. 

"Oh, please don't!" I said. 

Ever since Delphine I had felt more uneasy with people knowing that I was the Dragonborn.  The Breton's intense desire to see me fell the Thalmor and go destroy dragons was just a bit unsettling. I had taken many identities over the years, but they had never been positions of power. Instead, it was more like the life I had been living until that fateful day at the Western Watchtower. Make friends, run errands, live the good life and when I was bored, move on. 

When Delphine looked at me, she didn't see Diana. She saw a person of legend come to life - her dreams finally realized. It scared me to have that much responsibility on my shoulders. And it felt wrong to be so depersonalized. To be simply a title instead of a person made me feel a little sick to my stomach. 

"Don't worry," Viarmo smiled, making the corners of his eyes crinkle, "I'll represent you well. The legend of the Dragonborn has been around for some time. If I am worth my salt as a bard, it will be around a lot longer than even the memory of this civil war Skyrim is so up in arms about lately." The bard held out a black book with the stylized dragon symbol of the Empire on the cover. "I thought you would like this. It's called _The Book of the Dragonborn_ , a book from year 360 during the Third Era, and it talks a bit about some of the theories about those with the blood of dragons. If you skip to the back, there is a prophecy involving you." 

"Me directly?" I asked as I followed Viarmo's directions. 

Towards the back of the book were the following words:   
_  
When misrule takes its place at the eight corners of the world  
When the Brass Tower walks and Time is reshaped   
When the thrice-blessed fail and the Red Tower trembles   
When the Dragonborn Ruler loses his throne, and the White Tower falls   
When the Snow Tower lies sundered, kingless, bleeding   
The World-Eater wakes, and the Wheel turns upon the Last Dragonborn.   
_  
"Quite possibly," Viarmo said as we walked together towards the Blue Palace. "You're the first recorded Dragonborn since Martin Septim and that was over two hundred years ago. Some of my historians have linked the lines of the prophecy to important events that have happened to various countries over the Eras. 

"The first line probably refers to the Simulacrum during the Third Era after the book was written. The second line's 'Brass Tower' definitely is talking about the Morrowind's Tribunal Numidium, a gigantic golem. The third line talks about when the Red Mountain erupted. Finally, the fourth line details how Uriel Septim's line was destroyed and the White-Gold concordat." 

"You said finally," I said, "but there are two more lines in the prophecy." 

Yes," Viarmo sighed, "I don't have proof, but I fear the recent struggles over the title of High King might be the fifth line. Skyrim is at the top of the world and known for her snow. She is also sundered by brother killing brother and kingless." 

"That means this World-Eater is awake?" I asked with a shiver running down my spine. I didn't know exactly what the title meant, but it definitely wasn't good. 

"Possibly," Viarmo said. "Probably. Ah, we're here." Before us were the flower gardens of the Blue Palace. "Why don't you read the book when you get a chance? It may answer some of your questions. And you'll always be welcome to our library. It's not as good as Winterhold's, but it is rather extensive." 

"A bard library that is outshone by another?" I asked, skeptically. 

"Urag gro-Shub is every serious about collecting ancient tomes," Viarmo admitted. "He also has the additional interest of anything arcane while we focus on history and cultural influences. We've done some fair trading over the years, but he hoards like a skeever while we tend to loan books to apprentices and they don't always make it back." 

"It seems a shame to lose the knowledge." 

"Yes, but if that knowledge is locked away in a room, it is just as lost. Better for it to travel the world some and let us find it again than to be never heard to begin with," Viarmo said passionately. We took some seats in the front foyer of the Blue Palace after a servant acknowledged the bard. "Now, I've kept my end of the bargain. Why don't you tell me your story?" 

"I guess it all started with my horse being stolen," I said before launching into my narrow escape from Helgen and continued until getting the rubbing from the word wall. Several hours passed and we weren't disturbed. Viarmo was an excellent audience. He only interrupted to clarify points, but mostly he took notes in his traveling book that he had on him. 

"My, you've had an exciting last couple of months," he commented when I finished. "I'm glad to see that you're not afraid I'll turn you into the Thalmor." 

"You're a bard," I said simply. Bards have always been known to be neutral in all matters political. They're a force of their own by their ability to get information on almost anything, and their ability to put even the most complex stories to simple song to be remembered is a strength to be reckoned with. "And you're the nicest Altmer I've ever met. Most of your kin like to look down at the rest of us, and I don't mean because they're taller." 

"Being a bard has given me quite the insight for diplomacy," Viarmo snorted. "Still, I thank you. This is invaluable information. What did your rubbing say?" 

"I haven't had a chance to decipher it yet," I admitted. "After the harrowing experience with the draugr, Lydia and I just wanted to relax for a bit. As you said, it's been an exciting couple of months for us." 

"Where is your housecarl?" Viarmo asked. "Having her run errands?" 

"I think she's sick," I admitted. I had seen Lydia drink enough in the past to doubt that she was just hung over. "I made her stay at the Winking Skeever in bed." 

That had been quite the struggle. Lydia has insisted that she was going to accompany me despite her continued contributions to the bowl's contents. I had finally convinced her to take off her armor and tucked her into the bed by asking her to just rest her eyes for a few moments.  I had sat on the bed by her side until her breathing had deepened to that of sleep before leaving to meet Viarmo. 

"If your friend is feeling bad, I recommend that you stop by Angeline's Aromatics," Viarmo suggested. 

"I don't think Lydia needs perfume," I said, although the room had smelled a little rank when I left. 

The Altmer laughed at my misunderstanding. "No, no, although Angeline does brew a fine scent. She's the local alchemist. I'm sure she'll have some potions to help your friend feel better." 

"I appreciate the advice." 

"Headmaster?" a pretty maid asked. "Jarl Elisif is ready to see you now." 

"You might as well come with me," Viarmo sighed. "These interviews never last long." 

"Why not?" 

"I'm petitioning the reinstatement of a festival that involves the burning of an effigy of an old king," Viarmo scowled.  "With the recent death of her husband, you can appreciate why Elisif finds it distasteful. I, however, feel it is important to have a continuity of history and everyone has a good time with the merry fire and plenty of food vendors lurking about." 

We ascended the stairs to the main hall. The Blue Palace's hall was much smaller than Balgruuf's, but in many ways it was much nicer. The room had natural lighting from windows in the ceiling that gave the room an open, airy feeling that Balgruuf's defensible Dragonsreach did not. Since Solitude was newer and strategically positioned at the top of a hill over a seaside cliff, it would afford some allowances for aesthetics that Whiterun could not. 

To our right, I could see several people sitting at small tables and long backed chairs. Immediately next to the throne, a man and woman stood, obviously the steward and court wizard. To the left was a burly Nord housecarl ready for any possible trouble. 

And in the middle, sitting primly on her throne, was the most beautiful woman in the world. 

The throne didn't suit Elisif the Fair. It was much too big for her, and she looked more like a child sitting on her father's seat while waiting for him instead of a ruler awaiting the needs of her people. While Balgruuf lounged in his throne, Elisif sit on the edge of her seat with her feet firmly planted on the ground and her small, fine hands resting on her knees. 

Even if the throne hadn't overshadowed her, Elisif was obviously youngyounger than me. To call her "Fair" was an understatement, for her skin was pale as cream and just as smooth, even if she was wearing a small frown as Viarmo and I entered her court. Her shoulder-length strawberry-blonde hair reached past her shoulders, held back by a delicate golden circlet. Her eyes were as blue as the most perfect summer sky and enhanced by the simplicity of her dress; although her clothes were rich in fabric and cut, they were not overwhelmed by complicated designs or jewelry like those of her thanes. 

"Viarmo, not again, I beg you," Elisif said wearily. "How many times must we have this conversation?" 

"Until you relent, my lady," Viarmo said with his most charming smile. "I thought today I would regale you with some stories of King Olaf's rule." 

"I would much rather know more about your companion," Elisif interrupted, obviously trying to change the subject. "Did you decide to bring an apprentice along?" 

"No, jarl, this is the Lady Dragonborn," Viarmo said as he gestured to me. He pushed me forward so I was standing between him and the jarl. Which was probably for the best for him since I was going to stomp his foot if I had the chance. 

"Pleasure," I muttered, trying to curtsy but mostly just sort of stumbling. 

"You've been rather the subject of discussion lately," Elisif said, a small smile gracing her face. I almost swooned with how lovely she looked. I simultaneously swore I would kill a dragon just for her while cursing how I'd never be able to bed the widow. "Everyone has wondered what the legendary Dragonborn would look like after the Greybeard's call." She paused and tilted her head slightly, "I admit you're much prettier than I thought. I had imagined a rough male Nord wearing leather armor, not an Imperial with such lovely clothes." 

"Oh? These?" I laughed nervously. "I got them at the Radiant Raiment. Taarie and Endarie are very innovative seamstresses. They're a bit rough around the edges with compliments, but they do enjoy making the finest in clothes." Gods, I sounded like a walking advertisement, which I suppose was what Taarie had hoped for when she gave me the dresses. I had forgotten I was even wearing one of her creations until Elisif had said something. 

"My sister owns that establishment," the male thane commented as he got up from his spot off to the side. He came over and took my hand. "I'm Erikur. It is a pleasure to meet you." The way he said pleasure sounded way too dirty. 

"Charmed," I said through gritted teeth. I was going to have to have a talk with Viarmo about discretion later. 

"Imagine the Dragonborn here in the Blue Palace. And an Imperial to boot," Erikur smirked. "The irony is delicious. I'm sure Ulfric will Shout his own beard off when he finds out." 

"Why?" I asked. 

"Because one of his platforms is how worship of Talos is essential to our way of life. By extension the thu'um is a Nord convention. For the Dragonborn to be an Imperial would definitely vex some of his supporters," Erikur explained. 

"Erikur," Elisif said sharply, "you know how I feel talking about that murderer in my court. War council is reserved for when General Tullius is here, or if you cannot wait that long, then you are more than welcome to go over to Castle Dour and hold a meeting with him there. Meanwhile, I am running a Hold and must attend to my citizens' needs. The Rebellion may be on everyone's lips, but that doesn't mean it is the only matter of import around here." 

I liked Elisif more and more every minute. 

The jarl turned her attention back to me. "I hope you're not here to champion Viarmo's request?" 

"No, ma'am," I said. "I was talking to the headmaster about another matter and simply accompanied him while he waited for your time." 

"I'm glad," she smiled prettily. "I'd hate to have to refuse a celebrity such as yourself." She turned to Viarmo, "Master Bard, please don't trouble me again on this matter until you bring some sort of solid proof of your proposal. I feel I've given you enough of the court's time for debating." 

"Thank you, Lady Elisif," Viarmo said as he bowed. When he backed up to leave, I turned to follow. 

"A moment," Elisif said, holding up her hand. "I would speak with you a bit more, Lady Dragonborn." 

"Diana, if you don't mind, my Lady," I said as I approached the throne. "I'm not really used to this Dragonborn business yet." 

"As you wish," she said stiffly. I didn't get the impression that Elisif was offended, that was just the way she was. "What are your intentions for Skyrim? Do you plan to get involved in this war?" 

"No, Lady," I said, "I'm interested providing help where it is needed, but on a more personal level. When I'm not studying with the Greybeards, I hope to expand my understanding of the thu'um by exploring for places that have draconic writing." 

"That is good to hear," Elisif said. "Well then, if that is the case, you are more than welcome to my court any time. I would love to hear something other than the constant hum of war for a change." 

"Anything for you, Jarl Elisif," I said with my best smile. "But what about your court jester? Surely he has had a few entertaining distractions for you this last year." 

"We don't have jesters here in Skyrim," Elisif said. 

My face fell. What kind of barbaric backwater had I found myself in? How could a court function without a jester? If a bard's role was to find truths and keep the histories accurate, it was the jester's role to speak them when no one else dared. And to bring some much needed comical relief in otherwise stressful situations. 

"My Lady, if I may," the court wizard spoke up. It was a bit hard to tell under her arcane robes, but she looked to be a middle aged Breton who looked sickly pale. Elisif was pale like someone who had never had to work under the harsh sun, but still looked healthy while the mage's skin was a gray, ashy tone. "If the Dragonborn is looking for ways to be of assistance, there is a matter I have that needs tending." 

"Of course, Sybille," Elisif nodded to her court wizard. "Sybille Stentor has been part of the Blue Palace's court since Torygg's father's time." A shadow fell across Elisif's face when she mentioned her dead husband's name. "If you don't mind, I think I shall take a short recess." The jarl stood and inclined her head to me. "It really was a pleasure to meet you, Diana." 

I liked how she didn't stumble on my name by almost calling me Dragonborn. 

"How can I help you?" I asked the mage after Elisif left. 

"Depends," Sybille smiled. It reminded me of a deadly predator's grin. "How do you feel about vampires?" 

 

Loredas 15 Frostfall 201 4E 10:00 PM 

"You shouldn't have let me sleep all day," Lydia grumbled. 

"You shouldn't have gotten sick," I retorted. I was sitting at the desk in the room with the rubbing laid out in front of me with the primer Arngeir had given me. 

Lydia was still tucked into the bed. I had carefully hidden her clothes and armor so she wouldn't go charging around Solitude to look for me. Lydia was tough, but she was still pragmatic like most Nords and it would never have done for a housecarl to embarrass her thane by being seen in such an inappropriate state of undress. 

After I had talked to Sybille Stentor about her vampire nest problem and assured her I would look into it as soon as my housecarl felt better, I had stopped by Angeline's for some remedies. The older woman was very sweet and friendly. She had told me that her daughter had been stationed near Whiterun and she hadn't heard from her in a very long time. 

"I'll ask about for her when I go back," I promised. "My house is there, so it's not a problem at all." The woman's grateful smile had been well worth the minimal effort it would take to deliver the message. 

Lydia had still been asleep when I returned, so I made arrangements for Corpulus Vinius, the Winking Skeever's owner, to bring up some broth and other soft food later. I had then sat down and finally started deciphering the writing we had found on the word wall. 

The draconic alphabet is actually pretty simplistic in execution. All of the letters are done with sharp strokes similar to what one would expect from a claw. Most of the letters involved about three strokes and none of them looked like any mortal writing system I had ever seen. I was pretty good with learning the new letters though and had already memorized a few of them. 

"What does the rubbing translate into?" Lydia asked. Apparently she had decided that arguing about the matter wasn't worth the time or energy for either of us. 

"Do you want just the common tongue or do you want me to say it in draconic?" I asked. 

"The common tongue, please," Lydia snorted. "It would just sound like you were gagging if you say it in the dragon tongue."   
__  
Brothi raised (this) stone in memory of his son  
Odrav Anvil- **Hand**  
(who) brought much honor to  
Clan Red-Mountain. 

"I had to guess on some of the words," I admitted after saying it out loud. "It looked like haal was engraved a bit deeper than the rest." 

"Any idea what for?" Lydia asked as she looked at my translated text. 

"It might be the word of power, but I don't know why," I said. "I keep envisioning a hand, but it means nothing to me. It's weird because before I could easily imagine what I should do without further instruction." 

"I guess that means we're going back up to High Hrothgar anyway?" Lydia grimaced. 

"After we clear out that vampire nest for Sybille," I said, "which only happens when you get better." I stood up and stretched, enjoying how my back popped. Other than translating the word wall, I had spent a good part of the evening reading the book Viarmo gave me. I had also picked up a couple more of related subject matter from the Bard's College. 

I grabbed some extra blankets and pillows I had asked Corpulus for and arranged them as a sleeping roll on the floor. 

"What do you think you're doing?" Lydia asked. 

"I don't know why you're ill," I said as I flopped onto the floor. "It could be you've managed to pick up a bug or it could be something simple like food poisoning. I do know I'm not going to risk myself by sleeping next to you and letting you breathe all over me. I don't want whatever is making you upchuck everything that goes in your mouth." 

"Thanks," Lydia said. "I'll keep that in mind if you're ever sick." 

"Aw, I know you'll climb into the bed and keep me warm," I said, "because you're" 

"Sworn to carry my burdens," we said at the same time. The two of us laughed as I blew out the candle before settling down for the night. 

All in all our trip to Solitude had been very profitable. We sold off some extra armor and weapons, got some better quality gear in return, had a great time at the local tavern, I learned more about what it was to be Dragonborn, and I got to meet the local jarl. 

Little did I know that at that moment, Erikur was busy writing a letter to the Thalmor Embassy telling them pretty much the exact same thingand how much trouble that would be for me later.


	13. heiwako

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Copyright Bethesda  
> Comments appreciated
> 
> This was one of those chapters that just kind of ran away on its own. I had no idea it was going to turn out how it did. XD
> 
> Part 14: [fav.me/d5btw0q](http://fav.me/d5btw0q)

Morndas 17 Frostfall 201 4E 2:00 PM

"By the Nine, if Sybille Stentor ever asks you for a favor again, you be sure to tell her to stick it where the sun doesn't shine," Lydia lamented. 

We had headed west out of Solitude early Sundas morning following my meeting with the court wizard. Apparently whatever Lydia had only had twenty-four hour duration. I admit that getting away from my housecarl for a bit had been rather refreshing. I really liked Lydia's company, but there is such a thing as too much of a good thing and I was used to having some alone time. 

Finding the cave had been easy and the nest was close to the front. No dungeon crawling involved at all. However, there had been almost half a dozen vampires who had hungrily descended upon us when we found them. I had been expecting the blood suckers to be asleep since it was day time, but they had been up and roaming around their cavern lair. 

Lydia and I had managed to fight them off and kill them, but not without much cursing and screaming on our part. Mostly mine to be fair, but Lydia had shrieked a fair bit too. After confirming the vampires were dead with our own version of a King Olaf festival -- meaning we made a huge bonfire out of their corpses -- Lydia and I straggled back to Solitude to report to Sybille our success. 

She had thanked us by enchanting our weapons with fire charms. Now each successful hit would harm our foe with some extra fire power. Literally. 

"Would have been nice if she had done that before we had gone to fight the vampires," Lydia grumbled. 

"Hey, an enchantment is an enchantment," I said cheerfully. I was enjoying the red swirl of magic that my bow now possessed. "Look at the bright side. You'll have a fine tale to tell Aela when we stop by Whiterun." 

Lydia merely grunted. 

We had decided to swing by Breezehome before going on to High Hrothgar. Neither of us was ready to go back up the Seven Thousand Steps, and I wasn't certain if the Greybeards were ready for us to be back either. Swinging by Whiterun would give us a chance to drop off some souvenirs we had collected, visit some friends, check in with Balgruuf, and let me fulfill my promise to Angeline. 

"Do you want to visit Delphine in Riverwood?" Lydia asked. "It's not really out of the way." 

"Not really," I said. "I am perfectly happy waiting until the end of the year like we agreed to see her again." 

"She's not that bad," Lydia said. 

"Maybe to you," I snorted, "but she makes me uneasy. Fanatics creep me out." 

"There's nothing wrong with having dedication to something," Lydia protested. 

"What's that supposed to mean?" I asked. 

"Nothing," Lydia muttered. 

"No, it's not nothing," I countered. "What's really on your mind?" 

"I said that it was nothing," Lydia insisted. 

"Tell me!" 

"Fine!" Lydia snapped. "It means you only care about flitting from one thing to the next without really ever giving any consideration of what your actions are. You're perfectly happy just coasting along without swearing your arm to an idea or cause because you would rather be selfish instead of thinking of others." 

"Maybe I shouldn't have asked," I said. I hated how tears had gathered in my eyes. I looked away quickly, dashing the unshed waterworks away. I didn't understand the vehemence in Lydia's voice. I thought I was a helpful person and pretty giving. 

"I'm sorry," Lydia sighed after a few minutes of awkward silence. 

"You were just being honest," I managed to choke out. My throat felt like it was closed up. "Maybe it was better that I know how you really feel." 

"I" Lydia stammered, but didn't continue. 

"I know on some level that you'll never respect me," I growled. Anger was building up to replace the sadness I had felt at my housecarl's reprimand. "You think I'm not as good as you because I'm an Imperial and because I prefer a bow to a sword. You think I'm some sort of coward for not wanting to rush into melee and risk getting hurt by staying safely in the back and sneaking when I can." 

Lydia didn't try to deny my statements, which made me even angrier. I could see Whiterun in the distance, so I decided to ride across the plain instead of sticking to the road. I wanted to get away from Lydia and the thought of holing up in my room in my bed was suddenly very appealing. 

I spurred Patchwork and took off across the field, ignoring Lydia's cry of protest. I liked how the wind whipped through my hair as I rode. This was how I should be living my life. On my own on my terms and not worrying about what stupid Nords or crazy Bretons thought. 

 

Morndas 17 Frostfall 201 4E 7:00 PM

"I'll get some fresh food while you set up the fire and put our things away," I said stiffly as we entered Breezehome. 

"You don't have to," Lydia started. 

"Look, the market closes in an hour and I don't want to do the household chores," I snapped. "So, you get to do that while I go to market." I threw my bow and bags down on the table before turning around to go back outside. 

Lydia had managed to catch up to me for most of the ride back, but there had been a heavy silence between the two of us. The Nord had tried a few times to start conversation, but I had just given her the silent treatment. 

I sighed as I looked at the quickly fading sunlight. The walk to market wasn't too far, but it still would take some time, I needed to pick out what I felt like for dinner, and sometimes merchants left a little early. Carlotta, the vegetable vendor, was the one most likely to leave early since she had a little girl and didn't feel very comfortable staying out too late. With autumn here, dusk came sooner and she wouldn't want to walk in the dark with her child. 

I looked up and saw a flood of people leaving the market, confirming my suspicion. I growled as I quicken my step, but felt it wouldn't do any good. If only if there was some way to get there faster. 

Maybe there was. 

**"WULD NAH KEST!"** I Shouted. Within seconds, I was at the outside of the market stalls. I felt pretty clever for my unconventional solution, until people started yelling. 

"That was a Shout!" 

"By the gods, she used the thu'um!" 

Maybe that wasn't the most discrete thing I could have done. 

Two guards ran up to me, although I don't know if standing fifteen feet away counts as running up to me, and paused. I wished I could tell if either or both of them had accompanied me to Ivarstead. The two held a fast, hushed conversation before one stepped forward. 

I thought he would inform me that I needed to follow them to Dragonsreach or at least slap a fine on me, but instead he simply said, "You're making people nervous. Don't dothat again." 

"I'm sorry," I said. I had thought I would need to pull rank as thane or use gold to make the problem go away, but I didn't even get a verbal wrist slap. "It won't happen again." 

"Um, good, good," the guard said eagerly as he and his partner backed away. "Everyone go on with your business. Nothing to see here!" They quickly hightailed it back up the stairs to the Cloud District. 

Carlotta looked a little nervous as I approached her stall, but the woman was always in need of any septims for her family and wouldn't refuse a sale unless the customer was being rude. Her daughter, on the other hand, looked at me with wide, excited eyes. 

"That was so cool!" Mila exclaimed. 

"It was, wasn't it?" I asked. The two of us laughed, and I was pleased to see Carlotta smile. 

I picked out some vegetables for the evening meal which Carlotta quickly bagged. I was worried that she was trying to get rid of me as soon as possible, but when she hesitated before handing me the bag, I knew something else was on her mind. 

"Dragonborn," she said formally, "I know this is a petty matter, but I was hoping that you could do a favor for me." 

"What's wrong?" I asked; glad to see that she wasn't going to ostracize me because of my Shout. 

"I've been having some trouble with Mikael lately," she admitted. Mikael was the bard at the Bannered Mare. "He's been giving me unwanted advances. I've told him multiple times that I am only interested in taking care of Mila, but he won't take the hint. Even worse, he wrote this wretched book." 

Carlotta reached behind her stall and handed me a book titled _A Gentleman's Guide to Whiteru_ n. "What's wrong with it?" I asked. 

"Just read it and you'll see," Carlotta grimaced. She looked up to the night sky. "If you don't mind, we better hurry home. Not all of us can be carried by the wind when in a hurry." 

 

Morndas 17 Frostfall 201 4E 9:00 PM

"By the Divines, I cannot believe that Mikael wrote this trash!" I yelled. I was sprawled across one of the chairs that went with the small table in my room. 

"What are you reading?" Lydia asked. The Nord had been sitting in the other chair and quietly peeling an apple before my outburst. She stood up and looked over my shoulder at the book. 

" _A Gentleman's Guide to Whiterun_ ," I explained. "Carlotta gave me a copy to show how Mikael is harassing her. It's more a dating guide of the single women than about the city itself. The parts that do involve the city sound like they were written by a ten-year-old. Listen to this part. 

" _When you first enter through the city's main gate, you will find yourself in the Plains District. This is so named because it is the lowest of the city's three neighborhoods."_

"By the gods, that's terrible," Lydia snickered. "I mean, it's true, but you would think a trained bard would be able to describe it better." 

"There's a whole section of how he found 'true love' with Carlotta, how he's going to win her someday, and he appeals to the reader to not try to take her first. No wonder she asked for help." 

"Is there anything in there about me?" Lydia asked bashfully. 

"No, not unless you're one of the 'easily impressed serving girls' supposedly up at the keep," I said. I raised an eyebrow in surprise at Lydia's look of disappointment. "Please tell me that you don't want to be in this book." 

"No, it's a crass piece of literature," Lydia snorted as she sat back down, "but a girl likes to know she's been noticed and who would want to be excluded from the list of attractive and single women?" 

"Aw," I said. Although eating and getting to relax a bit took out most of the resentment of our fight earlier, I was still a bit peeved about Lydia's comments. "Aela thinks you're pretty." 

"Doesn't do me much good," Lydia sighed. She started cutting the peeled apple into quarters with her dagger. "Aela only has eyes on Skjor. I'm a diversion at best." 

"Skjor? The one-eyed old man?" I made a face. 

"Yeah," Lydia said. "Aela's had a crush on him forever, but he's her boss and she would never make the first move. Chain of command and all that." 

"You'll find someone who'll appreciate you some day," I said, suddenly feeling bad. I sat upright in my chair and placed my hand on Lydia's knee. "I know you will." 

"I'm not even good enough to be mentioned in the local gossip rag," Lydia said, suddenly tearful. "I'm forgettable. Just another housecarl doing her duty for her thane and jarl. No one is going to remember me or even notice me." 

"I'm not in this either," I said encouragingly, "and if I were you, I'd be glad to not be in it either. It's terribly written and condescending. It's just a list of women Mikael either wants to sleep with or claims to have slept with. You don't want to just be a notch on someone's conquest belt, do you?" 

Lydia shook her head sharply. I was glad to see a small smile on her face. 

"Come on," I said getting up. "Let's go set things straight with our local bard." 

 

Morndas 17 Frostfall 201 4E 9:30 PM

Mikael was in his usual spot in the Bannered Mare with his lute singing for the patrons. The usual crowd was in tonight  Hulda and Saadia providing food and drinks while Uthgerd and Sinmir sat in their usual seats.  Njada and Ria were drinking relatively quietly for Companions by the fire pit. 

When Mikael finished his current song, Lydia and I approached him. "Hey, Mikael, I need to talk to you about something," I said holding up the book. 

"Ah, I see that you've read my book!" he said proudly. "I will gladly sign it for you. I know it will be a collector's item in a few years." 

"I am not here for a signature," I stated, trying to not grit my teeth. 

"Let me guess then," Mikael said placing one hand on his chin. He snapped his fingers. "I know! You're upset that you're not in it. It's okay, my dear, I didn't neglect you. I had already sent it to the publisher in Solitude before your arrival in our fair city. I have plans on making a second edition that will include you." He paused and fluttered his long eyelashes at me suggestively. "In fact, why don't we retire to my room for a private interview? Clothes are optional." 

I growled and reared my hand back to hit the impudent bard, but Lydia grabbed my wrist and shook her head. I sighed and took a deep breath as I lowered my fist. "I don't want to be in your book, Mikael," I said. "It's a matter that I know at least one woman doesn't want to be mentioned in this thing." 

"Are you talking about Carlotta?" Mikael growled provocatively. "Someday that feisty widow will be mine." 

Behind me, I could hear the front door open and Hulda call out a greeting as some customers came in. Adrianne and Arcadia returned the welcome as they settled down for some drinks. 

"Argh, Mikael, you cannot be writing about your conquests. Did you even ask permission from any of the women you described?" 

"No, but it's very legitimate," Mikael protested. "I merely described their business in relation to Whiterun and why a man would want to visit there." 

"It's more of you describing the woman and using her business as a reason to get close to her," I countered. 

"What is all this noise about?"  Njada asked, coming over to investigate. She had her perpetual scowl in place. Ria, the newest Companion, stood behind her Shield-Sister to protect her back. "You're getting awfully loud." 

"Oh, nothing, it's nothing," Mikael said casually. "I think we were just about done. By the way, Njada, I was thinking about writing a book about the Companions. Maybe you could spare some of your time for an interview?" 

"Clothing optional," Lydia chimed in. 

"What?!" Njada screeched wheeling around to face the Nord. 

Lydia shrugged, "That's what he told my thane moments ago. I suppose it is a unique style for Mikael here." 

"Now wait a minute, I don't have much of a reputation in Skyrim yet, but I'm working on that, one sweet lady at a time. Haha!" Mikael chuckled unabashedly. 

The commotion had drawn the attention of Arcadia, Adrianne, and Saadia over. "Have any of you read this book?" I asked holding it up. "You should. Let me read some choice parts. 

_Saadia, the barmaid, is an exotic Redguard beauty. She is quite mysterious, and your humble author is determined to learn her secrets._

"You did NOT mention me in there!" Saadia cried. 

_"Arcadia herself is an amiable sort. I often visit her to make conversation, as she is a fellow Imperial far from home. She is, however, a bit old for my taste. A gentleman of advanced years might find in her a worthy companion._  
  
"What?" the alchemist stammered. 

_Adrianne is quite fair, but I should not want to find myself being introduced to the keen edge of that husband's war-axe. If married ladies are your preferred sport, then have at, but don't say that you weren't warned!_

"Husband, did you happen to bring your axe along?" Adrianne asked in a deadly tone. 

"Oh man, they messed up our races," Mikael whined. "I was assured that would be corrected. It's just unprofessional. I told them to be sure to proofread their work when they made the additional copies." 

"There's more than one of these?" Saadia screamed. 

"Ladies, ladies, calm down! None of your reputations have been harmed in the slightest. I dare say all of them have been enhanced by my praise of your beauty and grace," Mikael said holding his hands up. "However, if anyone does feel that she was misrepresented, I'll gladly revise her entry after a thorough interview." 

"Clothing optional?" Lydia growled. 

"Get him!" Adrianne yelled, holding her husband's axe aloft. 

The crowd of women dog piled Mikael who cried out for Hulda to help him. The Nord innkeeper just shook her head from her place behind the bar. "Boy had it coming," she said simply. 

 

Morndas 17 Frostfall 201 4E 11:30 PM

"Could someone please explain why it is almost midnight and I've been dragged out of the warmth of my bed?" Jarl Balgruuf the Greater asked irritably to his court. The jarl was still in his bed clothes with a bed robe thrown over for decency. 

His steward, Proventus Avenicci, looked almost as bleary eyed and dressed in little more. Hrongar and Farengar Secret-Fire were both suspiciously absent. I suppose no one thought their presence was necessary for dealing with our bar brawl. 

Only Irileth was dressed in her normal armor and not a hair out of place. She stood awake and proud, glaring at the rest of us for disturbing her lord's sleep. 

Once the fight had started Uthgerd and Sinmir had joined the fray. I think Uthgred had jumped in because she always loved a good fight and Sinmir had assisted Mikael for being vastly outnumbered and he loved to complain about how bad security was around Whiterun. 

The lot of us had been arrested by the local guards and dragged up to Dragonsreach for the jarl to deal with us. Normally disorderly conduct constituted a fine, but with so many people involved, the guards had deemed it necessary to have the jarl put in a personal word. I had noticed that the guards had stayed a healthy distance away from me as we were escorted up to the keep. 

No one wanted to start, so I stepped forward and held out the _Gentleman's Guide_. "It's because of this, jarl." 

Proventus took the book and gave it to Balgruuf. He flipped through the book and snorted at some of the descriptions. "Well, Avenicci, it looks like your daughter is in here." The steward only raised an eyebrow and looked at his disheveled daughter who was sporting a bruise on her left cheek. 

This encouraged everyone to start speaking at once. The women complained about being included in the book while Mikael continued to maintain that he had only helped their reputations. 

"Silence!" Balgruuf roared. He looked through the book again. "Mikael, you are to interview each woman, WITH CLOTHES ON ONLY, and only if the woman wishes to be part of your book. If you do not conduct an appropriate interview, then you may not include that lady by name. Any business may be mentioned since this is supposed to be a guide to our city. 

"Quite frankly, I am very disappointed in you, bard," Balgruuf snorted as he tossed the book back to Mikael. The jarl stretched as he turned to go back to his bed. "You left out the most important single woman in all of Whiterun. You didn't include Irileth." 

If her skin hadn't been so dark, I would had sworn the Dunmer housecarl was blushing with pleasure as she followed her jarl out of the great hall.


	14. heiwako

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Copyright Bethesda  
> Comments loved.
> 
> I like Paarthurnax, but I hate writing his dialogue. Having to deal with the dragon language drives me nuts.
> 
> I was glad to write this part though.
> 
> Part 15: [fav.me/d5cbci2](http://fav.me/d5cbci2)

Morndas 24 Frostfall 201 4E 3:30 PM 

"What have you learned while you have been gone, Dovahkiin?" Arngeir asked. 

"Well, I learned a new word of power, but I'm not sure how to use it," I admitted, "but I think I also learned that practice makes perfect. When Lydia and I fought some draugr that guarded Silverdrift Lair, I froze and forgot to use my thu'um. I had a hard time even remembering the words you had taught me. So, although I can use the Shouts, I wasn't ready to apply them." 

After our venture into Silverdrift Lair, I had decided to start practicing every night with my thu'um. I used fus ro dah the most, partly because I really liked how the Shout ripped away from me and through the air and partly because it was the one I could practice with the least environmental damage or no target. Lydia didn't seem to like being frozen for some reason when I used the Ice Form Shout. 

"Sounds like you have found some wisdom while out in the world after all," Arngeir smiled. The Greybeard and I were sitting in the dining room drinking hot tea while Lydia took care of our mounts. "Some learn better by experience than by being shown. It seems that is your way, Dovahkiin." 

"I also have a better appreciation of the Seven Thousand Steps," I continued. "Although High Hrothgar is far from everything, there is serenity to leaving the world behind. It is almost like ascending to the heavens themselves as you travel the path. There is a silence here that you cannot find anywhere else. There are no distractions of any noises, regardless of whether is it from the sounds of civilization or even the natural noises animals make. I am truly impressed by Klimmek coming up here every month." 

Lydia and I had made sure to swing by the Nord's house before coming up to offer to bring his supplies for him since we were already making the journey. He had been very grateful by our assistance.  Klimmek admitted to me that he had talked to the girl he had been pining after, and the two of them were giving a relationship another chance. They hadn't done more than taking evening walks, but it was much better than before. 

"Who is Klimmek?" Arngeir asked as he refilled our cups. 

"The man who leaves supplies at the base of the monastery," I said. "You don't think they just appear there on their own, do you?" 

"I suppose not," Arngeir chuckled. "Still, you must keep in mind that I have never met the man or any of the pilgrims who have walked the Seven Thousand Steps. Of all who have studied the Way of the Voice in the last generation, only Ulfric ever" Arngeir frowned, lost in thought of the memory. 

"Only Ulfric ever?" I prodded. 

"Only the lad ever met any of them. He would often transverse up and down the Steps. Looking for what, I do not know," Arngeir admitted. "Life here was not easy on the young boy, but it never is when one first comes here. I can remember my first days when my own mentor brought me from my home in Morthal, but it is an old memory. So old that it feels like it belonged to someone else and I am only seeing it through his eyes instead." 

"I thought the Greybeards didn't leave High Hrothgar?" 

"We don't except when there is one who should join us. Just as we sensed your presence, Dovahkiin, we sensed his. I was sent out to find our brother in the Way of the Voice and found the boy playing with his toy soldiers in his father's court. Hoag was extremely honored that his son was chosen and gladly sent the boy to be apprenticed with us. The Stormcloak line has a proud sense of tradition that stretched all the way back to Ysgramor. Did you know that the palace in Windhelm is called the Palace of Kings?" 

I shook my head. 

"It is because Windhelm was once the capital of Skyrim, back during Ysgramor's time. After Skyrim became part of the Empire, the capital was moved to Solitude." 

"It's part of the continued strife with the Civil War," Lydia said as she came into the room. Arngeir poured the Nord her own glass as she shook the snow off her furs. "It seems that Elisif and Ulfric both have legitimate claims, though in different ways. Elisif represents the new ways while Ulfric champions the old. Both appeal to people in different ways." 

"And what about you?" I asked. "Which way calls to you?" 

"My axe is Jarl Balgruuf's," Lydia said neutrally as she drank. It was a very appropriate answer for a housecarl of Whiterun to say. 

"That is talk for when you've returned to the world of men," Arngeir reminded us gently. "Now, tell me about this word you found." 

" _Haa_ l," I said. "It means 'hand' according to the primer you gave me, but I don't know why it would be a word of power." 

"You must meditate on the word. Not just what it could mean, but what it can mean in every instance. You must draw the word into yourself, make it part of you, before you can send it back out into the world," Arngeir instructed. 

"Do you know how _haal_ works then?" I asked. 

"No, but I look forward to meditating upon it," Arngeir said. And he actually did sound eager. "You must remember before that you drawing upon the experiences of your teachers. We provided a visualization and demonstration of the word that you were able to focus on your own. Now it is up to you to find meaning without that aid." 

As we cleaned up, Arngeir seemed lost in thought. He would take a deep breath and let it out slowly, often pausing in his work. 

"What are you thinking?" I asked. 

"Contemplating a course of action," Arngeir said mysteriously. "The problem is that I am used to having years before deciding what path I wish to take. Your way is so much faster, I am not sure I can keep up any more. Maybe a younger man, but not I. So I think of information that may or may not be beneficial for you, and once given it cannot be taken back, but if not given properly, it could be harmful to you. So, I contemplate." 

"Monk stuff would have sufficed," I teased as I took the plates from the monk. 

"As I told you before, the Way of the Voice is only one way to learn the thu'um," Arngeir clarified as he followed me to go wash the dishes. "Voice Masters numbered in the dozens instead of the mere handful we keep now. Men and women learned Shouts like combat forms. Jurgen Windcaller learned the virtue of silence and the grace of Kynareth, and he changed how the thu'um was taught." 

I waited patiently while Arngeir thought. He cleaned while I dried. Lydia yawned lazily from her position by the doorframe. 

"If I tell you this secret," Arngeir said, "then it will be to you only. You will continue traveling to the top of the Throat of the World by yourself. It will not be negotiable for you to bring your housecarl this time. Do you agree to this, Dovahkiin?" 

After my own moment of reflection, I agreed. After having spent some time with the Greybeards, I felt that I could trust them to do what they felt was right. These men had no desire to cause harm to anyone. If they did, they could have easily have disrupted the structure of Skyrim with their Shouts just as easily as Ulfric had done when he had dueled High King Torygg. Instead, they stayed in their isolated monastery, studying and teaching, content with the belief that their ways were honoring their goddess, Kynareth. 

"Then I think it is time that you met the last member of the Greybeards," Arngeir said solemnly. "I think it is time for you to meet Paarthurnax." 

 

Tirdas 25 Frostfall 201 4E 8:30 AM 

"I'm not happy that you're going without me," Lydia grumbled. She was helping me put on another layer of furs. This late into the year, High Hrothgar was freezing and even inside the stone monastery I didn't dare wear less than one layer of furs at any time.. I didn't look forward to going even higher on the mountain where it would only be colder and less protected. 

"I know, but I promised Arngeir," I said. I tugged on a pair of heavy mittens that were covering the pair of wool gloves I already had on. "He's been nothing but fair to us so far. I think I can trust him." 

"You trust too easily and quickly," Lydia complained. She wrapped a scarf around my face before pulling up the hood of my cloak and tucked my hair into the piece. "You have a bad habit of meeting someone and thinking they have nothing but your best interests at heart." 

"It's not a bad way to live," I said, my voice slightly muffled by the scarf. 

"It's a good way to get killed," Lydia growled. "I'd never live with myself if I let you get killed under my watch." 

"Please," I snorted as I pulled the scarf down. I could pull it back into place later when I wasn't talking. "I know that Sovngarde would never accept a suicide.  You would be much more likely to try to find some way to go out in a blaze of glory instead of going back to Whiterun and facing Irileth's wrath at disappointing Balgruuf." 

"I could imagine it," Lydia gave a bark of laughter before turning serious. "Still, don't get killed out of my sight. I don't have much honor as a housecarl, but I would like to say that I did my best when it is time for me to be judged." 

"Oh, you Nords are so obsessed with death," I said. "I am just taking a small walk up a mountain to talk to the leader of some pacifists that we've been staying with recently. It's not like I'm trying to close the Oblivion gate or take on a daedra lord."  I gave my housecarl a hug. "I'll be back before you know it and annoying you just like before." 

"I cannot wait," Lydia deadpanned. 

I went outside to the courtyard alone to meet Arngeir. The Greybeard waited with his hand tucked into the long sleeves of his robe. Behind him, a maelstrom of wind tore across the pathway towards the top of the Throat of the World. 

"Dovahkiin, I will now teach you a new Shout that will calm the winds for a short time. It will allow you to travel to Paarthurnax. _Lok Vah Koor_. It means 'sky spring summer' and reflects the perfect blue sky one hopes for during the warmer days of that season. **LOK VAH KOOR!** " 

When Arngeir Shouted, the winds stopped completely. One second they were blowing hard enough to send piles of snow down the mountainside, and the next nothing. 

"It's like the calm before the storm, isn't it?" I asked, a little nervous. 

"That is a good way to visualize it," Arngeir agreed. He had me practice the Shout a few times to make sure I understood it. "Don't forget the Shout. If you do, the winds will likely tear you apart." 

"No pressure," I muttered as I advanced up the mountain path. 

 

Tirdas 25 Frostfall 201 4E 11:30 AM 

The last stretch of the Throat of the World was not like anything I had ever seen before. If High Hrothgar was disconnected from the rest of the world, then the top of the Throat of the World was like being on another plane of existence. 

I could see for miles around and there were even clouds that were floating along closer to Nirn that I was. I had taken a few breaks on my trek up. There had been a couple of places where the wind didn't tear at my skin and threaten to blow me off the side of the mountain. I even found a few hardy mountain goats who walked with me for a time as I traveled. Presumably having never met men, they were fearless little creatures who begged me shamelessly for food before moving on. 

I did find a few unfortunate goats that had gotten caught in a sudden gust of wind. There were little more than a few scraps of fur and bone to mark their remains. 

After a while, I didn't even have the company of the goats. I had made it to the top of the Throat of the World. There was nothing here. No buildings. No people. Not even animals or plants. There was only the cold and the quiet. 

And the sky. Kynareth's domain. No wonder this mountain was sacred to her. 

Well, that wasn't quite true. There was an old, worn word wall up here standing alone. I ran my hand over the surface, but it had long ago submitted to the ravages of the wind and time so that nothing of the ancient markings remained. 

"Hello?" I called loudly. My voice echoed "Hello, hello, hello" as it rolled down the mountain. I vaguely wondered if I would accidentally cause an avalanchewhich would be somewhat ironic given the Greybeards reputation of doing that very thing with a whisper because of the power of their thu'umbut I didn't have much time to complete that thought before the very ground started shaking. 

A spray of snow flew up into the air, blinding me momentarily, as something huge flew by. I could hear the rustle of gigantic wings and the rattle of scales, but I couldn't make out anything of the creature as I threw a hand up to try to shield my face from the stinging snow. When the powder finally settled, I saw a dragon, golden-scaled and old. He was bigger than the two I had fought, almost as big as Alduin, but his scales were tattered with damage and age and the tips were faded into a silver sheen. I would see large gaps in his wings where the flesh had been destroyed a long time ago and part of me marveled how he could fly given their condition. 

The dragon settled on the word wall like a bird on its perch. A large triangular head swerved down until an eye as big as I was could stare intently at me. The dragon snorted and hot breath washed over me, almost knocking me over but warming me at the same time. 

I was frozen in place. There was nowhere to hide and I had brought no weapons with me, not even a simple dagger. A novice's mistake, but I had not expected to find a dragon here. 

_"Drem Yol Lok, Dovahkiin_ ," the dragon greeted me calmly. The world shuddered at his words, and even I felt like the vibrations were rippling through me. "Arngeir has seen fit for you to meet with me, has he?" 

"You, you know Arngeir?" I stammered. 

"Yes, I do," the dragon nodded. "I am Paarthurnax, the leader of the Greybeards." 

"Holy shit, you're a dragon," I gasped. 

"So I have noticed," Paarthurnax chuckled. "Why has Arngeir sent you to me? I welcome the chance to _tinvaak_ , exchange words, but it has been decades since one has conversed with me. The Greybeards know that it is not wise for the uninitiated to speak with me. My thu'um is mighty against a joor, mortal." 

"Arngeir feels that he can no longer teach me in the Way of the Voice because I am learning too quickly," I said as I recovered from my surprise. "He said that he thought that only you could teach me." 

Paarthurnax nodded. "There is _onikaan_ , wisdom, in his words. Tell me what you know of the _dovah_ , dragons." 

"You're big, scary, and can breathe fire," I said carefully. 

"That is _vahzah_ , true," Paarthurnax laughed, "but it only scratches the surface of dovah. We were born to _rel ahrk bruniik_ , dominate and destroy. It is part of our very natures. One way a dragon gains power is by slaying another and stealing his experiences by _du ok si_ l, devouring his soul. You can do the same thing. When you kill another _dovah_ , you steal his soul and thus his memories and experiences." 

Paarthurnax launched into a long series of dragon speech. 

"Wait, wait, I don't understand," I said holding up my hands. 

" _Krosis_ , I forget that you don't know my language," Paarthurnax apologized. "As I said, it has been a long time since I have conversed with another. I have been living up here alone for a long time waiting." He shuffled on the wall until he was comfortable again. "I was trying to explain how you must look into the _vahrukt_ , memories, of dragons you have taken the souls of and learn the importance of the thu'um so that you may use it against _vokoron_ , your foes." 

"Why don't you teach me?" I asked. "You could show me what the words mean instead of me needing to slay other dragons." 

"Because the way I would teach you would be the Way of the Voice," Paarthurnax said patiently. "It would be the same method as the Greybeards. It would take time, meditation, and reflection. If Arngeir thought you should learn another way, then it is the way of a true dovah and that unfortunately involves _dino_ k, death." 

"How do I access these dragon memories?" I asked. 

"Close your eyes. Think about the dragon you killed as well as the word you wish to learn. Think of the word in your language and ours. Think of how it felt when you took your foe's life. Breathe in as you did the soul of the fallen dragon, and when you breathe out you will have learned his power." 

I followed Paarthurnax's directions. As I thought of absorbing the dragon's soul, I thought of the word _haal_ , hand. I thought of a foe holding a sword and I thought of Shouting the word. Suddenly, it clicked into place and I could see how the word would force my target's hand open. 

"I understand," I whispered. It was such a different feeling than when I learned from the Greybeards. Their way was calmness and peace, while the dragon's way was power and hate. "How many words can I learn from one dragon?" 

"Only one," Paarthurnax sighed. 

"It seems so wasteful," I said. "It feels terrible to kill something so old and powerful for such a small return." 

"We are a terrible species," Paarthurnax admitted. "Most dragons care only for themselves. They crave only their own _suleyk arkh mulaag_ , power and strength." 

"What about you?" I asked. "You spend your time teaching the Greybeards and live up here all alone instead of hurting people." 

" _Aam_ , as I said, 'most' dragons are that way. I am not," Paarthurnax sighed, "not any more at least. For which I am glad." 

The next several hours were spent with Paarthurnax teaching me about dragons and talking a bit about his time with the Greybeards. I had forgotten about how the ancient dragon's name was part of the tablets that lead up to the monastery and was amazed at how the dragon had been part of the Greybeards since the beginning. 

I was also taught the other two words of the Disarm shout that included _haal_. They wouldn't be of any use to me until I killed more dragons, but at least I wouldn't have to look for them in word walls. 

Finally, Paarthurnax looked up and sighed at the descending sun. "It has gotten so late already. _Tiid_ , time moves too quickly sometimes and too slow at others. You must leave now. There is no shelter up here for a _joor_ like you. It is time to return to High Hrothgar. You can continue your studies there." 

"But don't I need to find other dragons to kill to learn more thu'um?" I asked. 

"I never said that you should do that," Paarthurnax reprimanded. "I showed you a way it could be done. It is the easiest and most natural way for you to learn, but I never said it was the best path." 

"How should I learn then?" I asked, slightly put off. 

"That is for you to decide," Paarthurnax smiled. He repeated something Arngeir said once. "It is our job to show you the path, but it is your job to figure out what your destiny is."


	15. heiwako

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Copyright Bethesda  
> Comments loved!
> 
> I've been so excited to get Diana to meet Ulfric again. And then when she did, I froze. I just didn't know how to make the conversation go forward because honestly I write arguments better than a conversation where someone is being completely understanding. Unfortunately, Ulfric is a clever bastard.
> 
> Seriously though, I had a hard time convincing myself of his sincerity, so that was a problem.
> 
> Then I realized, just intentionally make the conversation awkward for Diana. It rolled well from there. XD
> 
> Part 16: [fav.me/d5cjf5o](http://fav.me/d5cjf5o)

Tirdas 25 Frostfall 201 4E to Morndas 5 Evening Star 201 4E 

The next two months passed in a blur. After my meeting with Paarthurnax, Lydia and I fell into a semi-regular routine. We would look for rumors of dragons and word walls before going off to find out how true they were. After a harrowing experience either climbing high up various mountains to either battle dragons or descending deep into the earth to translate a word wall after fighting the defending draugr, we would stop by Whiterun for a few days of relaxation before tearing off to another adventure, pursuing a new rumor. 

I must have run up and down the stairs of Breezehome dozens of times, always forgetting a weapon, piece of armor, or a component for my smithing. Sometimes I can still close my eyes and see the exact number of steps it took to get to the chest upstairs where I must have keep handfuls of miscellaneous items. 

Adrianne was eternally busy at her forge continuing filling new orders for the Imperial Army for weapons, but she always allowed me to use it as she promised. I liked working at Warmaiden's. Not only was I familiar with all the equipment, but I had happy memories of working alongside Adrianne when I first came to Skyrim. Like many smiths, I believed that if you treated the forge well, it treated your creations well in return. 

I quickly had enough material to make dragon scale armor. I ended up going through various designs until I found the one that worked best for me. Adrianne would enviously watch me work on my unique armor. It was the only time I could think that the Imperial wasn't working hard on fulfilling her shipment. 

"Are you sure you couldn't spare some of those dragon scales or bones?" she would ask wistfully. "I could finally rival Eorlund Gray-Mane. Let the old man have his Skyforge, I would make my name with your dragon bones!" 

Although I felt guilty, I would always refuse her. I might have killed the creatures to protect the people they attacked and on some level for their power and knowledge, but I felt a kinship nonetheless and felt their remains should belong only to me. I had taken to hiding the extra parts in various places throughout Skyrim. I had already made a hiding hole in the floor of my room in Breezehome, but I firmly believed that it was important to have other hidden caches in different places. One never knew when she couldn't access her possessions again, a bitter lesson I had learned upon coming to Skyrim, and I never wanted to be in a similar situation ever again. 

I knew that Arngeir and Paarthurnax disapproved of my killing of the _dovah_ , but I loved how it felt whenever I absorbed those ageless souls. The air felt fresher, I felt younger, the world felt new again. It was a rush similar to what skooma addicts had to feel when they reached that desperately needed high. There was always the fear of dying under the powerful jaws or sharp talons, but it was always worth it to take the soul into my own before searching the dragon's possessions for precious gems and coins. 

 

Morndas 5 Evening Star 201 4E 11:00 AM

"Ready to head back to Whiterun?" Lydia asked wearily. 

We had just ascended Bonestrewn Crest, a mountain in Eastmarch where we had battled a frost dragon. There had been a word wall where I picked up a new word, _fo_ , which meant "frost", appropriate enough given its former guardian. I had just gotten done rooting through the dragon's hoard. The dragon had accumulated a nice collection of various pieces of jewelry and weaponry before we had ended his life. 

In addition to Bonestrewn Crest, Lydia and I had taken care of several bandit lairs and explored several caves, so our bags were overflowing with various items of interest. 

"Actually, I was thinking we could go to Windhelm," I said as I stuffed the last of the dragon's coins into my pouch. "We never made it up there, and I'm really curious about what it's like." 

"My thane," Lydia sighed, "I really recommend against going there. You won't be welcomed, and I think we both know how that will turn out. Why don't we just go back to Whiterun, get some mead at the Bannered Mare for a few days? Or we could try one of the local hot springs in Eastmarch. I've talked to some hunters, and they have quite a bit to say about the heated waters." 

"Because I want to go to Windhelm!" I snapped. I immediately felt bad for barking at my housecarl. It felt like I had been doing that more and more lately. I blamed long hours on the road, sleeping on hard, cold ground, and constant stress of the life of adventuring.  Although Lydia and I were much more practiced now, there were still moments of wondering if we were going to get out alive together. It didn't help that Lydia constantly alerted our foes to our location with the clanking of her heavy armor. I took a deep breath before continuing. "You know I've wanted to go for a while. I think we've gone to all of the other major cities. It would seem a shame to never go to the original capital of Skyrim." 

There were two types of large settlements in Skyrimwalled and open. The non-walled cities were much more rural and would have only qualified as villages back in Cyrodiil, but here several of them were the local ruling towns where the jarls resided. I wasn't certain why any jarl would ever have a non-walled settlement to live in, but there had been a few, specifically Dawnstar and Morthal. 

The walled cities tended to be more refined, like Whiterun and Solitude, although there were some more corrupt towns like Markarth and Riften. Markarth at least had the excuse of being besieged with the barbaric Forsworn, but Riften was overrun by the local Thieves' Guild. 

"As you wish, my thane," Lydia shrugged, "where you go, I follow, but don't say I didn't warn you." 

"Whatever," I grumbled as I closed my bag up. How bad could it possibly be? 

 

Morndas 5 Evening Star 201 4E 2:00 PM

I hated when Lydia was right. 

From a distance, Windhelm was an impressive city. It was not a beautiful as Solitude on her perch above the sea or as eye catching as Windhelm on her hillside, but Windhelm did have a pragmatic side that could be described as lovely. 

The walled city was extremely defensible. It had a long bridge to cross before entering the gates with three sides protected by the White River while the northern end was guarded by a mountain range. Even from a distance, I could see the outline of the Palace of the Kings proudly towering over the rest of the buildings of the city. 

At the far northern end of the hold, Windhelm was cold. The wind constantly blew with chunks of ice and snow mixed into it. Although it was a bit dangerous since dragon or bandit attacks could happen at any moment, Lydia and I had traded armored protection for furred protection to keep us warm as we traveled. 

The city I saw inside the gates felt like a completely different place than the image I had noted from the outside. Outside the walls, Windhelm looked old, but proud. Inside, one got a close up view of the level of decay the city was suffering since the Stormcloak Rebellion. 

There was filth everywhere  the streets were covered in old refuse that looked like it had been there for months. There were very few residents out, and those who were hurried along the streets with their heads down avoiding eye contact. 

The Candlehearth Inn was located near the gates, so we made sure to stop there first and rent a room to drop off our extra things before proceeding to market. I definitely felt a chill from some of the patrons glaring at me over the rims of their mugs as I talked to the innkeeper about local rumors. Bloodshot eyes followed my every step as I left the front counter to go to my room to let Lydia know what I had heard. 

"Not a very friendly sort," I admitted nervously. I had never gone to a city and received such a cold reception without having done something to at least earn that ire. "Let's head down to the market quickly." 

I gave Lydia credit in that she only smirked as we left the inn. 

When we left the inn, we headed down to the market. Windhelm did have an advantage that most of the stalls were together in one spot instead of spread across the city. Aval Atheron, a Dunmer who ran a general vendor stand, did cheerfully mention to me that there was a used wares store down in the Gray Quarter that belonged to another Dunmer named Sadri. 

"What is the Gray Quarter?" I asked. "Is Windhelm divided into colored districts?" It would be similar to the different districts of Whiterun named after their locations. 

"No, miss," Aval said. "The proper name is the Snow Quarter, but locals call it the Gray Quarter now since that is the only part of the city the Dunmer are allowed to reside. There are many refugees from Morrowind because of the eruption of the Red Mountain. Since Windhelm is so close to the border, it is a natural place for my kind to retreat." 

"You're only allowed to live in one part of the city?" I asked, confused and appalled. There had always been social and economic sections for cities in Cyrodiil, but I had never heard or seen a place that forced a certain race to live in one place. 

"Yes," Aval said. "It's terribly run down. Brunwulf Free-Winter does everything he can to help us, but Jarl Ulfric doesn't take audiences with the man to discuss the matter anymore. At least we're allowed within the gates. The beast kin aren't allowed within the city proper. The Argonians are restricted to the water front while the Khajiit caravans cannot come any closer than the stables located outside the city." 

Before our conversation could continue, a snowball pelted the stall. Aval ducked behind the cover of his goods, obviously practiced in such manners, while I was hit with another snowball. This one had a rock wedged in the middle of it, so when it hit me, I blacked out for a few seconds. When my vision cleared, I touched the side of my head, and discovered to my horror that my fingers were covered in blood. 

I turned to see two Nords, both male and clearly drunk, packing more snowballs from the filthy piles that covered the ice covered roads of Windhelm. 

"Filthy Imperial," the smaller of the two roared, "we don't want you in our city! Get the hell out before we throw you out." 

"Dirty gray skins," the other said simply as he tossed his projectile at the vendor. His clothes looked old and ragged, especially compared to his companion who wore thicker clothes. 

"How dare you attack a thane of Whiterun, you miserable wretches!" Lydia growled as she pulled out her shield and sword. She moved between me and the two men, but didn't attack until I gave the word. "Do you know who you're talking to?" 

"We know that you're damned Empire loving ass kissers," the first Nord growled as he threw his arm back to throw his snowball. It hit Lydia's shield with a sickening thud and revealed to have another stone in the middle. The rocks he had chosen were not small and could seriously harm someone. I was lucky to not be unconscious from the first ball. 

I looked around and noticed that the guards were completely ignoring the situation. While they had been placed strategically around the marketplace before, they were now either walking away to other quarters of the city or casually looking away. 

Anger washed through me at the indignity of it. I had been peacefully talking with a merchant when I was attacked, and the guard willfully did nothing. That never would have been tolerated back in Cyrodiil, not matter how bad things had gotten with the civil unrest regarding the Thalmor. The guards' job was to protect the citizens, all of the citizens, not a favored few. 

"I don't know who you are," I growled as I pushed past my housecarl, "but I think it's time you know who I am." 

The Nord snarled at me as I advanced. "I'll have you know that I am an important person in this city. I'm Rolff Stone-Fist and my brother"

He didn't get to finish his sentence as I took a deep breath and Shouted, " **FUS RO DAH!** " My Shout slammed into the two Nords, sending them flying back into a large snow pile full of trash. I could hear Aval laughing softly behind me. 

A couple of guards started to draw their weapons, but thought better of it when I glared at them. Clearly, Windhelm guards were familiar with the thu'um, since their jarl possessed its power, and didn't want a sample themselves. 

"I hope that will teach them a lesson," Aval snickered. I couldn't have agreed more. 

"I don't suppose that you'd be willing to take the rest of my merchandise down to Sadri for me?" I asked the vendor. I suddenly found myself dizzy and worried that I wouldn't be able to stand for much longer. "I have found that I have a terrible headache and would like to lie down." 

"No problem at all, miss," Aval smiled. He glanced over at an Altmer merchant who also ran a booth. "I'll get Niranye to help me. I can even drop it off at the Candlehearth if you like." 

"I'll come by tomorrow to get it," I said waving. My head was ringing, and it took everything in me to not slump from the pain. I wanted to use the whirlwind sprint to get back to the inn as fast as possible, but I felt so dizzy that I didn't risk it. "Come on, Lydia, let's get out of here." 

 

Morndas 5 Evening Star 201 4E 4:00 PM

"I should have caught it," Lydia lamented. "I should have been able to intercept that first rock so it didn't hit you." 

I was lying on the bed of the room we had rented with a pack of fresh snow wrapped in cloth on my forehead. I had wanted to sleep, but Lydia insisted that it was safer that I stay awake in case I had gotten a concussion from the impact. 

"You couldn't have known," I mumbled. The side of my head still felt tender, and it hurt to touch. Thankfully, it had stopped bleeding, but the amount had been scary. I knew scalp wounds could bleed profusely, but I had never suffered one before. 

"I should go to the local alchemist," Lydia insisted. "Buy some healing potions for you." 

"I don't want to be alone," I said softly. I wanted to just close my eyes and sleep so I could forget about this terrible town. Lydia had been right, we shouldn't have come here. 

It was taking everything in me to not jump up from the bed and stalk the streets of Windhelm until I found those two assholes again. I wanted to use my Ice Form shout to render them helpless before I beat them bloody. Part of me wanted to stab Rolff over and over again. 

It scared me. 

I had always had a bad temper, and it was something I had struggled with a long time to conquer. I had managed to put that rage on a back shelf in my mind and close it away. Instead of being pissed, I tried my best to laugh off any situation or find a peaceful solution. 

But since coming to Skyrim, I had become a bounty hunter. I had killed giants, mammoths, sabre cats, bears, dragons, and bandits. I had killed humansterrible humans, but still humans. What was one more step to killing rude, obnoxious Nords who thought it was okay to throw rocks at strangers for simply being different? 

That train of thought was terrifying, so I pushed it away. It's why I wanted Lydia to stay nearby. I wouldn't be tempted to go out if Lydia was nearby watching over me. 

I wrapped my fingers with hers and it felt something like holding onto a lifeline. 

I felt the icepack being removed and a cool, damp cloth wiped across my face.  I opened my eyes and saw Lydia's worried face as she replaced the cold pack. "I could have sworn that you've taken worse wounds in combat before." 

"Not really," I whispered, "usually I stay in the back like a proper cowardly Imperial, remember?" 

"That's not really fair," Lydia snorted. "You've killed your fair share of opponents and helped keep me safe." 

"That's nice to hear," I smiled. 

Our conversation was interrupted by a knock at the door. Lydia grabbed a sword as she stood up to answer it. I doubted anyone who wanted to attack us would politely knock on the door, but I knew that Lydia thought that it didn't hurt to be careful. 

"How can I help you?" Lydia asked cautiously as she opened the door. Several guards stood on the other side. 

"Jarl Ulfric Stormcloak commands that the Dragonborn present herself to him at the Palace of Kings. He has heard of your presence here in Windhelm and wishes to meet you in person," the guard said formally. 

"I'm not the Dragonborn," Lydia said stiffly. 

"We were told that she was staying in this room," the guard responded. 

"I am the Dragonborn's housecarl," Lydia retorted. "She is resting after being attacked by one of your people earlier." 

"That matter has been taken care of," the guard said nervously. "However, if you wish to further discuss the matter, the jarl is at your disposal." 

I slowly stood up and moved over to the door. "Tell Ulfric that we accept his invitation for dinner." After the guards nodded and scurried off, I turned to Lydia. "Go get those potions. I want to be at my best for our host tonight." 

 

Morndas 5 Evening Star 201 4E 7:00 PM

"I must admit that I am not used to being kept waiting, Dragonborn," Ulfric said from his raised throne. 

The main hall of the Palace of the Kings was a long, stone room that housed an equally long dining table that could easily sit twenty to thirty people and have plenty of room left over. At the far end of the room was a dais with a throne where Ulfric lounged, one hand propped under his chin. 

I had expected the man to be more irritated after waiting for three hours, but he seemed more amused than anything else. 

"I'm so sorry if my message was improperly conveyed," I said sounding anything but sorry. I had intentionally taken my time getting ready to come here. I had felt it was important to let Ulfric know that we didn't bend to his schedule and that the Dragonborn was not someone who came running at his beck and call. "My housecarl and I usually dine late." 

I had made sure that there would be no mistake that I was the Dragonborn. I was wearing my dragon scale armor while Lydia was in her steel armor. Both of us were carrying our preferred weapons. 

"No offense taken," Ulfric said as he stood and descended towards us. "It is my own fault for not having the guard get a specific time from you." He held out his hand and clasped my forearm when I responded in kind. 

I raised an eyebrow at the greeting since it was an Imperial tradition. Although we were a united empire, there were still some old traditions that remained, and one of those was to grasp the forearm of someone you had just met. Not only did it show that your weapon hand was empty, but it gave you a chance to check the other person for hidden weapons. Nords typically hugged or gave hearty slaps on the back as a way of greeting. 

"That's a very interesting way to greet me given your reputation for other races, Jarl Ulfric," I said. 

Ulfric laughed, a deep and pleasant sound, although to be fair those words always described his voice. "I did serve in the Imperial Army for many years," he reminded me. "Old habits die hard. Besides, I find it very beneficial to remember the habits of others who visit my home.  A good jarl is a diplomat as well as a soldier." 

The Nord swung one large over my shoulder and drew me close in a companionable bear hug. "Does this make you feel more comfortable?" he said quietly in my ear. 

"Not really," I admitted, blushing terribly. I gently pushed the jarl away. "Besides, I thought that greeting was for close friends and family members." 

"I feel that we share a kinship considering that we both studied under the Greybeards," Ulfric said, a small smile on his lips. "I hope you're not offended, but the rest of my court ate hours ago. I have awaited your arrival and am quite famished. How would you feel if we took to the kitchens and see if my steward Jorlief has saved a few scraps for his jarl and the Dragonborn?" 

Ulfric offered his arm which I automatically took before I realized what I was doing. As he escorted me to the kitchens, Lydia and a gruff looking older man wearing a bearskin mantle followed discretely behind us. Close enough to be of assistance, but far enough away to not listen to our conversation. 

I had to admit that I was a little in shock. I had expected Ulfric to be pissed that I had kept him waiting. I had thought that he would be condescending, rude, or even out right hostile because I was an Imperial. I didn't have any illusions that he would remember me from Helgen. That was months ago. 

Given his reputation regarding the Empire and non-Nord races in general, I had thought Ulfric would be unbearable. Instead, I was greeted by the most consummate host one could hope for. Not only was he understanding of the delay, he had actually waited for us instead of continuing on his normal schedule. I suddenly felt ashamed at my actions. Imperials believed very strongly in the concept of the host and guest relationship, and we had several customs regarding proper etiquette after one shared bread at another's home. 

"How is Arngeir?" Ulfric asked softly. He was looking at me, his expression oddly vulnerable. "I haven't heard from him since I left High Hrothgar. The old man was more of a father to me than the old Bear of Eastmarch ever was." 

"He is well," I said carefully. 

"Still disappointed in his wayward student for abandoning Kynareth's ways?" Ulfric asked, looking away suddenly. 

I swallowed, not sure how to answer. There had always been a layer of bitterness whenever Arngeir mentioned Ulfric, but there was also a twinge of regret too. I decided to give a neutral answer. "Probably no more than his current one," I joked. "I think I've managed to make his hair even grayer in the time I've been there." 

Ulfric laughed heartily at my response. I couldn't help but notice a sense of control with how he spoke and even when he laughed. It reminded me of Arngeir's measured words and how he always had to control the thu'um lest it get away from him. "I must hear about this!" 

A pot of stew was waiting for us when we arrived in the kitchens. Ulfric casually served me before getting a bowl for himself. "You don't mind if our housecarls also eat?" he asked.  "Galmar gets completely unreasonable if he doesn't eat at least five times a day." When I shook my head, the jarl also grabbed a bowl for Lydia and Galmar. 

"It's not what you deserve," Ulfric said apologetically, "but I think you'll find it satisfactory. Maybe we'll manage to make better arrangements for tomorrow. You'll get the feast worthy of the Dragonborn and have a chance to meet my court." 

Ulfric guided me to a small table next to the fireplace so we could eat. "You assume that I'll come back," I said, trying to sound a bit cold, but it came off as coy instead. "After all, one of your citizens attacked me unjustly and your guards did nothing." 

"That man has been dealt with appropriately," Ulfric frowned. "That behavior was completely unacceptable. Rolff and Angrenor will be spending the night in the prison cooling their heels." 

"And your guards?" I asked. "They did nothing while a woman was attacked in their presence." 

"I have talked to the captain of the guard," Ulfric sighed. "Many of the recruits are new, very new. The seasoned veterans have all joined the Rebellion and are off on the field. What they saw was a verbal altercation and harmless tossing of snow. They aren't trained enough to notice that it had escalated more than that. My men are taught that it is always a person's right to vocalize their opinion, no matter how loud that may be." 

I quietly absorbed what Ulfric told me as I chewed some bread. It made sense that Ulfric would champion freedom of speech with his platform of freedom of religion. It was rather poetic too since he was able to Shout. 

"I thought you hated Imperials," I said. "Why not side with your citizens?" 

"I hate the Empire," Ulfric snorted. "There is a huge difference between an organization and the individuals who are ruled by it. Although it was Titus Mede who chose to submit to the unfair demands of the Thalmor, it was the Elder Council and the Imperial Army that gave him the power to make the choice." 

"What about High King?" I started to ask, but Ulfric halted me by placing his hand on mine. 

"Please, if I may be a bit selfish," he said hesitantly, "I talk about the war all day, every day. It's the first thing I think of when I wake and the last thing before I manage to get a few hours of sleep before starting all over again. I would like to speak of High Hrothgar and the Greybeards with you. Just for a few hours. You're the only one who understands. And I would like to hear of how my mentors are faring." 

I nodded, finding myself unable to resist Ulfric's steel gray eyes. "Thank you," he whispered. His tone was so grateful that I thought my heart was going to squeeze shut. 

Our meal finished, Ulfric took my hand and lead me away from the table. "Come with me. I find the parapets usually have some semblance of privacy unlike the Great Hall or the War Room." Although our housecarls obediently followed behind us, I barely noticed their presence as I followed Ulfric outside. 

This was not the man I was expecting when I came here. 

At Helgen, Ulfric had been as charismatic as he was now. But he had been cold and calculating, already planning his next step while trying to deal with the chaos of escaped prisoners and a fire breathing dragon. Here he was an apt listener, eager to have someone equal to speak with, patient and sweet. I hadn't been prepared for sweet. His attention had been completely on me during the meal and not worrying about the million little things a jarl must be concerned with, especially one in the middle of a war that he had started. 

My attention was drawn back when we emerged outside. The walkways were clear of any guards patrolling. I wondered if Galmar had somehow sent word ahead that his jarl would be coming up and wanted privacy. 

The night sky full of twinkling stars and the two moons stretched above us. To the east, I could see the sparkling water of the White River empty into the bay that provided the fishery and docks of Windhelm. Down below, I could see some straggling shoppers make their way home. It was quiet up here. Much more quiet than I ever thought any city had any right to be. 

Ulfric placed his arm around me and pulled me close so he could get my attention as he pointed south. "You can see the Throat of the World from here," he said, his breath warm on my ear despite my helmet. "Sometimes I come out here and look towards it for inspiration. I know that I have fallen from the Way, but I want to think that I took some wisdom from that place and will use it to serve Skyrim well." 

Although he wasn't holding me tightly, Ulfric left his arm around my waist. I looked up and smiled at the wistful look on the Nord's face as he remembered his time at High Hrothgar. The monastery had that effect on me too. It drove you mad while you were there, but when you left and the burdens of the world were upon you again, you couldn't help but think of the serenity of that place. 

"I have a confession," Ulfric said suddenly. He turned towards me and it struck me how handsome he was. I had thought so the first time I had seen the jarl in the wagon on its fateful trip to Helgen, but now under the night sky, I could see a certain boyish charm to his mature features. That his time in High Hrothgar had left a sense of hope that life in Tamriel would have taken away a long time ago. "I didn't ask you up here to just talk about old men on a mountain far away." 

"Oh?" I asked, suddenly finding it very difficult to breathe. "What else did you want to discuss?" 

"I wasn't really thinking of talking at all," Ulfric said. 

That's when he kissed me.


	16. heiwako

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Copyrights Bethesda  
> Comments loved!
> 
> I hate myself a little for this chapter. >.>
> 
> Ulfric keeps giving me funny feelings. ;_;
> 
> Part 17: [fav.me/d5co77r](http://fav.me/d5co77r)

Morndas 5 Evening Star 201 4E 9:00 PM 

"I have a confession," Ulfric said suddenly. He turned towards me and it struck me how handsome he was. I had thought so the first time I had seen the jarl in the wagon on its fateful trip to Helgen, but now under the night sky, I could see a certain boyish charm to his mature features. That his time in High Hrothgar had left a sense of hope that life in Tamriel would have taken away a long time ago. "I didn't ask you up here to just talk about old men on a mountain far away." 

"Oh?" I asked, suddenly finding it very difficult to breathe. "What else did you want to discuss?" 

"I wasn't really thinking of talking at all," Ulfric said. 

That's when he kissed me. 

I've been kissed by many people over the years. Some were good, some were excellent, and some were so bad I immediately told them to stop and ran home before we could go any further. I've been kissed heavily and sloppily, while other times I've been kissed so passionately I wondered if the other person thought they would never have a chance to kiss someone ever again. 

Ulfric was an excellent kisser. His lips were firm and confident. His hands both cupped my face, and the slight touch of his fingers running down my cheeks sent chills down my spine. What really surprised me most of all was how gentle he was. He didn't try to push past my lips or crush me against him. 

"I'm sorry, that was inappropriate," Ulfric said softly as he stepped back. "I hope that was more pleasant than the last time we met. How did you put it? 'I wish I could say it was a pleasure, but it wasn't?' Is that right?" 

"Oh gods, you remembered me?" I asked, blushing so hard I thought I would pass out. I hid my face behind my hands. I don't know why, but I had jumped on Ulfric and kissed him before escaping the Stormcloaks in Helgen. 

"It's a little hard to forget a woman who kissed me before throwing herself out of a three story building," Ulfric chuckled. He gently grabbed my hands and pulled them from my face. "As well as the same woman who saved my life from the executioner's block." He frowned sadly. "I have regretted how I treated you that day. It's no excuse, but I don't think I was thinking very rationally." Ulfric's expression darkened with the memory of that day. 

"We had been ambushed about two days before. I don't think any of us had slept at all in that time. I thought the Imperials would take us to the Imperial City to stand trial, but instead General Tullius decided to hold to his own brand of justice by merely having us executed. How can the Empire speak of equality and fairness to all of their people when their 'greatest' general casually chose to take the law into his own hands? 

"And for that bitch Elenwen to be there," Ulfric growled, "it was like fate had abandoned me to die with her watching and laughing." 

"How do you know the ambassador?" I asked. 

Ulfric closed his eyes as an expression of pain flickered over his face. "It's not something I'm proud of," he said slowly. "I've never talked to anyone about her. Maybe once we get to know each other a bit better?" 

I nodded, feeling sorry for the man. Ulfric hadn't struck me as someone to shy away from something simply because it was unpleasant. So whatever had happened with Elenwen must have been truly bad. 

"It is a much too nice of a night to be speaking of such unpleasant subjects," Ulfric said. When Ulfric leaned forward to kiss me again, I was a little more prepared. 

I held one hand against his mouth. "Our housecarls are watching," I said shyly. I wasn't really one for public displays of affection. I still didn't feel comfortable talking to Lydia about my past sexual exploits, although it had been over two months since I had been with anyone. Hadvar had been the last. My body was tingling from the jarl's touch. Even through the dragon scale armor, I could feel Ulfric's hands as if I was wearing only cloth. 

"We could dismiss them," Ulfric suggested as he slid one hand under my helm to touch my hair. I winced when he touched the sore spot from where the rock had hit me earlier. "What's wrong?" 

"Head still hurts," I admitted. 

Although I had downed several healing potions, they had only delayed and dulled the pain of being hit. The wound was still there, clean and bound, but not gone. Healing potions made it possible to work through the pain of being hurt, but they never completely restored someone. It took magic to do that, and even then you usually needed a dedicated healer to do anything once any amount of time had passed. If I had not drunk the healing potions, I would probably still be in my room lying on my bed wishing the room would stop spinning. 

"Let me see," Ulfric commanded as he removed my helm. He handed it to me to hold as he gently ran his hands through my hair. I stifled a pleased sigh. It felt nice to have someone do that. "I'm not much of a healer, but you pick up a bit when on the field." 

"I know," I said softly with my eyes closed. I felt like I could melt from Ulfric's touch on my scalp. "I served." 

"About the only good tradition of the Empire," Ulfric snorted. "It looks like your housecarl did a good job, but I would like for you to see my court mage in the morning. Wuunferth can cast some restoration magic, although he is specialized in destruction." He brushed a stray lock of hair away from my head. "Stay the night," he offered. 

The offer hung awkwardly between the two of us. Ulfric blushed slightly, an oddly endearing sight to see on such a confident man. He cleared his throat. "In one of the guest bedrooms, of course." 

"I rented a room at the Candlehearth," I said as I played with my helm. "I really should get back there. I still have quite a bit to do, and we should head out soon." 

"Please," Ulfric said gently as he took my hand to calm my fiddling. "It would mean much to me to have you stay at the Palace of the Kings. At least for tonight. I have recently been told that there is a serial killer loose in my city, targeting young women. I couldn't have it on my conscience if he were to target you or your housecarl, especially as you left my protection." 

"I suppose I could stay for a few days," I hedged, "but only if you promise to talk to me about why you dueled High King Torygg." I had been terribly curious about the whole ordeal. Some said it was murder while others said it was a fair duel. What was the truth? At least in Ulfric's eyes? 

"Hm, only if you talk to me about High Hrothgar more," Ulfric chuckled. "And if you're very nice, I'll tell you a secret." 

"A secret?" I grinned. The offer did intrigue me, so it was not hard to pretend to widen my eyes in awe as I teased, "What kind of secret could you possibly tell me?" 

"If you're nice," Ulfric said lowly as he ran his hand over my chin and up my jaw, "I'll be sure to tell you." 

 

Tirdas 6 Evening Star 201 4E 8:00 AM 

I awoke the next morning with sunlight streaming on my face. I stretched, enjoying the softness of the mattress. This was by far the nicest room I had stayed in since coming to Skyrim. The rest of Windhelm might be in shambles, but the Palace of the Kings was in immaculate condition. 

A knock at the door told me that Lydia was already up and dressed. She had a unique pattern that she used whenever she wanted to let me know that it was her. "Come in," I called unnecessary. The housecarl was already halfway into the room before I could even acknowledge her. 

I flopped back onto the bed, aware of the stupid grin on my face. Last night had been so amazing! Ulfric and I had talked late into the night of High Hrothgar and our experiences with the thu'um. It had been so nice to have someone else who knew what it was like. To have someone not afraid of the Voice, but who accepted it and understood. 

Ulfric hadn't tried to kiss me again, which was almost a little disappointing, but he hadn't stopped touching my hand or holding me close. "To keep you warm, of course," he had assured me with a boyish grin. "I couldn't risk allowing the Dragonborn getting sick while my guest." 

I hummed happily as I dressed. "Do you think it will be a problem if I wear my armor to court?" I asked Lydia. "I don't have a change of clothes." The rest of our things were still at Candlehearth. 

"I doubt it," Lydia said. "It is not uncommon for visiting dignitaries to wear even their weapons to court. It can see seen as a sign of respect of the strength of your host." She fiddled with her shield. "Care to tell me what happened last night?" 

"You were there," I said casually. It still felt weird how Ulfric was able to completely ignore the presence of the housecarls during our private moment last night. 

"I saw Ulfric kiss you," Lydia said unabashedly, "but I couldn't hear anything that passed between the two of you." She paused. "May I give some advice?" 

Ever since our argument about my sex life a few months ago, Lydia and I had been much more careful about talking about anything serious. She had been very unhappy that I had taken off and was wary to say anything that I might be offended by. 

Lydia licked her lips nervously before continuing. "Jarls are different than the rest of us. Ulfric might be interested in you, but don't expect it to be anything personal. They can dally with whomever they want, but anything permanent is always with other nobles. He may like you, but that's all it will ever be." 

"I'm not looking for anything permanent," I sniffed. "He's the one who started it anyway." 

"As long as you're aware," Lydia said. "It's not like you haven't gotten us in trouble for not knowing Nordic ways before." 

"Hey!" I yelled. "We both agreed that you would never bring that up ever again!" 

"It's not my fault you're left handed!" Lydia snapped back. 

"It's not my fault that your culture is so backwards!" I countered. 

During our travels in the Reach, we had made contact with some Forsworn who had initially appeared friendly. Until we sat down to eat with them. When I had picked up my fork with my left hand, the chieftain flipped out and the entire group had swarmed us. 

While Lydia and I were tied back to back to a stake over the beginnings of a bonfire, I had said, "We're never going to talk about this." 

"Fine," Lydia had responded with her most monotone voice. 

I shivered at the memory. 

Our conversation was interrupted by a man coughing pointedly. We turned to see Ulfric's steward Jorleif standing in the doorway. "If I may, the jarl wished for you to know that breakfast is being served. He wanted me to make sure to say 'We don't want a repeat of last night'." 

"Thank you, Jorleif," I said. "Come, Lydia." 

The two of us followed the steward to the great hall. Ulfric was standing before his throne on the raised dais, obviously speaking to a crowd of court petitioners. His arms were raised as if to draw in the whole room. 

"I fight for the men I've held in my arms, dying on foreign soil! I fight for their wives and children, whose names I heard whispered in their last breath. I fight so that all the fighting I've already done hasn't been for nothing! I fight... because I must," Ulfric said passionately. The crowd applauded enthusiastically at Ulfric's speech. 

The jarl descended from his throne to talk to individual people. I watched him, intrigued by the change. Last night he had been vulnerable, but today he was in his realm with his people. Confident and strong, much like the stone the Palace of the Kings was built from. There was no hint of doubt or fear on Ulfric's face as he spoke with the members of his court. 

"Ah, the Dragonborn has joined us," Ulfric smiled. He motioned for me to come to his side. "Despite our lack of communication last night, I did get to have a personal audience with the newest hero of Skyrim. I am sure many of you have heard tales of her deeds these last couple of months since the Greybeards summoned her to High Hrothgar." 

That's when I was swarmed by thanes. 

 

Tirdas 6 Evening Star 201 4E 11:00 PM 

"I don't understand how you handle that all day, every day," I said wearily. 

All day long I had been bombarded with thanes and nobles wanting to know what it was like to be the Dragonborn, what kind of adventures I had, where I was going to go next, and if I would help them with their own problems. 

While I fielded questions, Ulfric had held court dealing with the fine details of war. He spoke with Galmar about relocating troops and making sure the supply lines were clear while occasionally dealing with local matters. Most of the time though, he delegated those issues to his steward to deal with. 

"I do weary of hearing the complaints of the Gray Quarter," Ulfric sighed as he moved a rook. We were playing a game of chess in Ulfric's room. Our housecarls were stationed outside in the hall, an arrangement I was sure vexed Lydia to no end. "TheDunmer complain frequently of the state of their residences instead of trying to take care of matters themselves. I am in the middle of a war for our country, and they wish to whine about a few homes. Why cannot they see that I am striving for the greater good? They would do much more if they would contribute instead of hinder." 

"I have heard that part of the city receives no funds unlike the rest of Windhelm," I said carefully as I moved a pawn. I had not had any opportunity to leave the Palace at all today. I had heard quite a bit about the state of the Civil War, including Ulfric's stance of his duel with Torygg, but I had been too busy to get to finish my tour of the city. Given yesterday's events, I wasn't sure that I particularly wanted to. 

"And who whispered such things in your ear?" Ulfric ask as he rested his chin on his hands as he contemplated the chessboard. 

"Brunwulf," I admitted. "And you take far too long for your turns! I swear that I'm going to fall asleep if you don't move quicker." 

"Well, I suppose that would mean I would win by default," Ulfric snorted. "Didn't the Greybeards teach you the power of patience, my dear Dragonborn? A battle isn't won by making hasty decisions. It is won by not only examining every aspect of your army, but the power and position of the opposing force. You must know every piece intimately if you wish to succeed." 

"Is that why all of your troops are in waiting positions?" I asked. "Because you don't feel that you aren't ready?" 

"I still hope to win as much of this war with as little bloodshed as possible," Ulfric said, his eyes still sweeping intensely over the game board. "Holds I can win with words are fewer kinsmen killed. I am in no rush to slaughter men who wish to only protect their families and their lands. I would stand with those men, not against them." 

"And Torygg?" I asked gently. "You had no problem walking into his home and killing him." 

Ulfric shifted his gaze to match mine. "That bothers you?" he asked. I nodded. "I killed Torygg in a fair duel, true to the old Nord traditions. I started the duel with my Shout, but the King died under my sword." 

"Some say he would have joined you if you had but asked," I countered, returning Ulfric's gaze. 

"Torygg was the Empire's pawn through and through," Ulfric scoffed. "He had neither the willpower nor the determination of a proper Nord. His defeat proved that. If the Empire's chosen ruler couldn't hold his kingdom, what hope is there for the Empire in general?" 

The Nord finally picked up a knight and moved it. "It looks like I have you," he smirked. 

"I'm not so easily caught," I countered by moving my queen, taking the knight, but putting her in position to be captured. I stood up and stretched. "I think I am done for tonight." 

"You would leave me in a stalemate?" Ulfric asked, raising one eyebrow. "And just when things were getting good too." He stood and took my hand. "Would you really leave me so neither side wins?" 

"It means neither side loses either," I said as Ulfric ran a rough thumb over my hand. "Sometimes that is just as good." 

"I disagree," Ulfric said as he leaned forward. "I would rather lose knowing I had fought well and with honor than live in stasis." 

"Clearly we have different definitions of victory," I said trying desperately to not imagine what would happen if I moved closer to the man's bed. Ulfric had been purely professional in public, but once we were alone, he had continuously made small flirtations like touching my hand or adding little endearments to my title. 

"I hope to sway you to my way of thinking," Ulfric admitted. "I know you told some of the thanes that you wish to remain neutral, but your sponsorship to the Stormcloaks would greatly aid us in garnering support." 

"I am an Imperial," I said. "Seems counterproductive to your cause." 

"Not really," Ulfric shrugged. "You are a true daughter of Skyrim. You have helped her people at the risk of your own life. I would be honored to have anyone like that join my ranks. We turn no one away who agrees with us. You may have been born an Imperial," Ulfric said as he placed his hand on my chest, "but in your heart, you are a Nord." 

My body flushed with the physical contact. Ulfric's hand was close to my breast, although the touch was obviously not intended to be lustful. Part of me wanted to blatantly move it so he cupped the swell of chest, but I wasn't sure where things stood between us. After Ulfric had kissed me, he hadn't tried anything else. Had he regretted his action? 

"What would it take to convince you to join me?" Ulfric whispered, his lips brushing the tip of my ear. Breathing suddenly became a lot more difficult. "What do I need to do to have you join the Stormcloaks?" 

"Maybe you could tell me that secret you mentioned yesterday," I stammered. I had to consciously tell myself to breathe, otherwise I found myself holding my breath. 

"I don't think you've been nearly good enough yet for that," Ulfric smirked with half lidded eyes. His hands moved to my hair where he ran his fingers over my scalp. "I see that Wuunferth did a good job healing you." 

I managed to nod as I sort of purred a positive response. 

"You like this?" Ulfric asked, amused, not really needing an answer. He idly undid my braids as he continued to run his fingers through my hair. 

"Why do you torment me so?" I asked, almost moaning. "First you kiss me, then nothing, and now this. I have no idea what you want." 

"I'm waiting for you to take make your move," Ulfric smiled. "It's your turn." 

"Life is not a game board with moves and countermoves, Ulfric Stormcloak," I berated. 

"Of course it is," Ulfric chuckled, "only most people don't know that it is." 

I licked my lips, trying to decide if I was willing to play this game of his. Ulfric's face was only inches away from mine and horribly tempting. Then I decided to hell with it and leaned forward and kissed the jarl. My tongue darted playfully past his lips and briefly against his tongue before I pulled back. "Your move." 

Ulfric responded by placing his hand against the back of my neck before kissing me back, fully and deeply. We wrestled for control as our mouths pushed against each other. When he broke the kiss, Ulfric smirked, "Your turn." 

I grabbed his wolf skin cloak and pulled the larger man to his bed where I made him sit on the edge of the mattress. I straddled his leg as I wrapped my hands in his hair while kissing him so more.  "Your move," I managed to mumble in Ulfric's ear. 

Ulfric grabbed my shoulders and rolled so that he was on top of me and I was sprawled across the bed. I couldn't help but note how calm and in control he looked as he ran his hands down my body which was flushed with desire and the loud rasp of my own ragged breathing. I groaned nosily when his hands cupped my breasts and he ran his thumbs over the cloth. 

Ulfric leaned forward so his lips were against my ear. "Remember earlier when you ended our game for the night?" 

My eyes shot open. He wouldn't dare! 

"You would leave me in a stalemate?" I asked, mimicking his earlier question. "And just when things were getting good too." 

"It's not time yet," Ulfric leered. He stood back up and offered his hand to help me stand. The jarl escorted me to exit of his room. "I want to get to know everything about you before I conquer you. Every detail, every line of your body. I want to know you as well as you do yourself, and at the rate we're going tonight, I won't be able to control myself." I whimpered slightly at how his hands felt running up and down my sides. "So, I think I'll call it a night and we'll continue our game another time." 

Ulfric opened the door and gave a slight bow to me. Galmar and Lydia were standing on opposite sides of the frame. I gave a sarcastic half-courtesy in return as I exited Ulfric's room. "You are welcome to stay with us again tonight, Lady Dragonborn," he said formally. 

"I may just do that, Jarl Ulfric Stormcloak," I responded. 

Galmar growled at me as he brushed past to enter Ulfric's room. If looks could kill, I would at least be paralyzed by the older Nord's gaze. Not because it wasn't deadly, but because he would want to make sure I suffered before I died. 

"Let's get some sleep, Lydia," I said as I turned away. I licked my lips, still tasting Ulfric on them. 

There was something about being denied that made Ulfric even more attractive to me. He wouldn't be some simple tumble in the bed. The man was strategic in all matters and clearly wanted a partner who would be able to keep up with his clever mind. 

It would be a challenge to bed Ulfric Stormcloak. And I did so love a challenge. 

The hunt was on.


	17. heiwako

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Copyright Bethesda  
> Comments loved
> 
> We finally get to meet Aventus. Yay!
> 
> I didn't get to do much alteration to his section since I felt I couldn't play with it much because of Innocence Lost, but I also didn't feel like there was much that needed to be changed.
> 
> More fluff with Ulfric and Diana.
> 
> Part 18: [fav.me/d5ct532](http://fav.me/d5ct532)

Middas 7 Evening Star 4E 201 11:30 AM

"Where do you think you're going?" Galmar snarled. 

I wrinkled my nose in disgust as the older man intercepted me as I tried to leave the Palace of the Kings. I realized that he wore the standard issued armor of high ranking officers in the Stormcloak army, but there was something about the man that reminded me of wet bear. Musky and rank smelling as well as cranky as hell. 

"Out," I said simply. 

"Have you cleared that with Jarl Ulfric?" Galmar asked suspiciously. 

Ulfric was currently in the war room going over battle tactics with some of his other generals. I was a little curious about why Galmar, his highest ranking officer, wasn't there, but I suspected it was because the Nord wanted to keep an eye on me. He hadn't talked to me before now, but his constant glares clearly indicated that he felt the enemy was in their presence and it was his duty to eradicate me. 

"Do I have to?" I asked, raising an eyebrow. "It was my understanding that I came here willingly as a guest and could leave when I chose." 

"It's only," Galmar searching for the right word, "proper." He spat the last word out like a curse. I could not imagine the man doing anything proper in his whole life. "You would not wish to disrespect the jarl by simply leaving." 

"I'm just going out for a few hours," I said, trying to not sigh in frustration. Galmar kept edging into my personal space trying to force me to back up, but I wasn't moving which meant the man was practically in my face. "I have to get my things from Candlehearth, pay my tab, and pick up some items from the market. I would also like to finally get to see some more of the city." 

"I'll assign a personal guard," Galmar growled. I wasn't sure the man could just speak like normal people. "If he is available, I'll have Jorleif give you a tour." 

"I don't need or want a guard," I snapped, my patience finally wearing out. "I have Lydia," I waved to my housecarl who nodded emphatically at my gesture, "and I assure you that is more than enough people trailing around me unnecessarily." 

"Hey!" Lydia said. 

"I'm teasing about you," I reassured her. I turned back to Galmar. "But I really don't need anyone else to watch out for me." 

"She didn't do a very good job of protecting you the other day," Galmar leered. 

"You insult my honor!" Lydia yelled as she stepped forward, her hand on her blade. 

I held my hand up, holding my housecarl back. "I suggest you apologize to my housecarl," I said. "It's your city where I was attacked without provocation, so if anyone here has any shame, it is you, Galmar. Or would you rather pass the blame to your jarl?" 

"How dare you imply that Jarl Ulfric is at fault?" Galmar spat. 

"I imply nothing nor do I blame anyone other than the man who threw the rock," I said calmly, enjoying provoking the man way too much. "You're the one tossing accusations of incompetence. I am merely pointing out your follies." I frowned. "Now, apologize!" 

Galmar switched his gaze to Lydia. His hand fiddled hungrily with his axe, but he left the blade sheathed. "I'm sorry," he grumbled as he stomped off. Lydia and I smiled. "I'm sorry that you're stuck with such a sorry excuse of an Imperial as your master." 

"What the hell is his problem?" I muttered. I couldn't help think of Irileth who also seemed to have an irrational hatred of me. "Are all jarls' housecarls this insane?" 

 

Middas 7 Evening Star 4E 201 12:00 PM

Lydia and I went to Candlehearth Hall first to clear my account with the innkeeper, Elda, who looked extremely relieved to see us. 

"I was worried that you had become the Butcher's next victim," she admitted. "I was starting to wonder what I should do with your possessions if you were dead." 

"Has that been a frequent problem?" I asked, suddenly feeling nervous. I hadn't given the serial killer much thought since I had dealt with much worse problems, but Elda's reaction worried me. 

"He's killed four women that we know of," Elda admitted. "The guard hasn't been able to do much since they are spread so thin. I wouldn't be out alone at night if I were you. Even then, it would be best to stay inside." 

"I'll keep that in mind," I said cautiously. I pushed over some coins. "Could you make sure my belongings are taken to the Palace of the Kings?" 

"Oh my! No wonder I hadn't seen hide or hair of you," Elda smiled broadly as she took the proffered coins. "You must feel very honored to be guests of the jarl." 

"I guess," I said. 

When we left the inn, I decided to go left instead of immediately right towards the marketplace. At the far end of the path, I found a shop that was labeled "Calixto's House of Curiosities." 

"Do you think it's an arcane shop?" I asked curiously. 

"Could be," Lydia said. 

I tried the door of the shop and found that it was locked. I frowned in surprise. I guessed the owner was out to lunch and I would have to check back later. It was a shame since the name of the store intrigued me so much. 

The path curved left and I followed it downward. This part of the city was in much worse repair than the rest, which led me to conclude it had to be the so-called Gray Quarter. I saw many Dunmer huddling around fire pits wearing little more than rags as they tried to cluster together to keep warm. Windows were covered over with cloth and boards instead of proper panes of glass or shutters. 

The stench of old garbage and too many bodies packed together was almost overwhelming enough to make me gag. 

We hurried out to the docks which were cleaner, but the smell of old fish and guts didn't improve matters any. I didn't stay there long, but I did note how tired the Argonian dock workers looked. 

Next, Lydia and I went back to the market to get the rest of my coin and any items that Aval had not been able to sell. People looked nervously at us as we passed since I was still wearing my dragon scale armor. I felt safer wearing it here and did not want to risk any repeat performances from two days ago. 

I walked up to the Dunmer's stall and was surprised to see him glaring at me. "Aval," I said as a way of greeting, "were you able to talk to Sadri about my items?" 

"Yes," he said shortly as he roughly plopped a bag of coins on his counter. 

"Is something wrong?" I asked as I took the bag. I opened it and took some coins out. "I'd like to give you a little something in return for helping me." 

"Keep your money," Aval snapped. "I heard how you've been such cozy friends with Ulfric Stormcloak. I thought you would go up there and give that racist bastard a piece of your mind since you're an Imperial and the Dragonborn, but it seems everyone can only talk about how warmly he's received you. Which is very odd since you're supposed to be one of the enemy." 

"Look, I don't know what you heard," I started. 

"If you're not going to buy anything, please leave," Aval growled. He started to pull down the curtains that surrounded his cart. "I have a business to run." With that said, he snapped the final curtain in place, effectively cutting me off from him. 

I glanced over at the other stalls, confused by Aval's reaction. The vegetable seller, a female Nord, shrugged while the Niranye, the female Altmer who ran the other general stall, studiously avoided eye contact. 

"I don't understand why he's so mad at me," I mumbled. 

Placing the coins I was going to give Aval on the edge of his stall, I hurriedly left the market. I wondered if he would take them and hoped the Dunmer would. Times are always harder during war and I couldn't imagine that he had much to his name. 

 

Middas 7 Evening Star 4E 201 8:00 PM

"Don't let that Dark Elf get you down," Lydia suggested. "You know how people love to gossip. I'm sure whatever he heard was blown way out of proportion. He should have given you a chance to defend yourself instead of huffing off like that." 

We were in the guest room Ulfric had assigned me with me curled up on the bed with my arms wrapped around my knees and my face buried in my lap. I had changed to my brown dress with the flower embroidery for dinner instead of wearing the armor again. Lydia was sitting next to me and patting my back. 

"It's not just Aval," I said sadly. 

All during dinner, I had overheard other conversations of the thanes of Ulfric's court. They constantly spoke poorly of the other races. Over and over, I heard derogatory terms such as "damned cats," "filthy lizards," or "dirty grey skins." I was horrified to hear such crass talk from the upper class nobility of the city. They were supposed to be role models and watch out for the other classes. That was what the nobility did. 

Or what they were supposed to do. 

Although Elisif didn't have any nonhumans in her court, I had never heard her or any of her people speak in such a crass way as I had heard tonight. They were always polite and respectful of all the races who petitioned the young queen of Solitude. Even when Viarmo had gone before Elisif regarding a matter she found distasteful, the burning of King Olaf festival, she had treated him fairly. 

Here, no nonhumans were granted an audience at all. Brunwulf Free-Winter had to champion the elves and beast kin, and he was rapidly being ignored by the other members of the court. The few times I had heard him speak directly to Ulfric, the jarl had shut him down saying that he was much too busy with much more important matters. 

How could anything be more important than Ulfric's own city? If he didn't have a solid foundation, how could he hope to expand his influence to all of Skyrim and keep her in any sort of running order? Ulfric might not respect the Empire for submitting to the Thalmor's demands, but I had not seen such destitution anywhere in Cyrodiil as I had in Windhelm. 

The matter regarding High King Torygg's death still bothered me. How could one justify a duel as fair when using a power such as the Voice when you know your opponent did not possess a similar power? It felt like bringing magic to a fist fight. Ending the fight with a sword to the chest did not rectify starting it with a Shout. 

"My thane, please talk to me so I can know what's going through your head," Lydia sighed. "You've been quiet most of the night, and I have to admit that I find it unsettling." 

"This place," I said darkly, "I think it's damned in some way. So much decay and hopelessness. I never imagined seeing something like this in my life. Maybe in hell or some daedric plane, but not while I lived." 

"You're being awfully poetic tonight," Lydia smiled. "Maybe you're just anxious to see Ulfric again." 

The jarl had made arrangements for me to meet with him later tonight. Theoretically we were going to continue our game of chess, but I wondered exactly how many words would pass between us. 

"I think I'd like to take a walk," I said, getting off the bed. When I saw Lydia start to stand, I quickly added, "Alone. A little fresh air may help." I wanted to give the city another chance. Try to see it again with fresh eyes. Try to find something good about it. Whiterun had Jorrvaskr and Dragonsreach. Solitude, perched on her lonely ocean-side cliffs, held the bardic college and the palace of the High King. What cultural significance did Windhelm provide for Skyrim? 

"What about the Butcher?" Lydia asked, worried. 

"I'll be fine," I assured her. "If anyone tries to kill me, I'll just use my Ice Form Shout on them first." 

"Jarl Ulfric isn't going to be happy that you went out alone," Lydia tried next. 

"Ulfric isn't in charge of me," I snapped. "People need to remember that." 

 

Middas 7 Evening Star 4E 201 9:15 PM

 

In the last hour as I walked the streets of Windhelm, I still found nothing but despair.  Rolff was still patrolling the streets with his friend Angrenor screaming curses and insults at Dunmer. The two men demanded to know why the Dark Elves had not joined the Stormcloak army, somehow completely unaware that Dunmer would have no desire to side with such men. Argonians complained of how low their wages were compared to the Nords who did the same work in better conditions and better equipment. 

 

I was about to give up and return to the palace when, passing the residential section, I heard the high voice of a young boy from inside one of the houses. "Sweet mother, sweet mother, send your child unto me. For the sins of the unworthy must be baptized in blood and fear." A sob. "Why isn't it working?" 

 

I glanced at the house I had been passing. It looked rundown and abandoned like so many in the city. Was a child playing inside this late? I walked around front and found the door unlocked. I cautiously stepped inside noting the lack of maintenance. All the furniture was covered with protective cloth and a thin layer of dust coated everything. 

 

"Sweet mother, sweet mother," the boy intoned again, a frantic tone building in his voice, "send your child unto me." 

 

"What's going on in here?" I asked as I stepped into the room. I gasped in horror at the scene before me. A young boy about the age of nine was kneeling on the ground. His face was covered with dirt and gaunt with hunger while his ragged clothes hung loosely on his too thin frame. Even more horrific were the artifacts around him. A skeleton was carefully arranged on the ground with a desiccated human heart and a pound of withered flesh placed next to it. A nightshade and lit candles created an enclosing circle around the macabre scene. 

 

"Oh, you came!" he exclaimed with relief. "I knew if I did it enough you would come." The iron dagger he held in his hand fell to the ground as he stumbled to his feet. I quickly walked towards him ready to catch the boy if he fell. He looked weak. 

 

"Why don't you tell me what's going on?" I asked. I guided him to the kitchen table and handed him some hard bread from my travel pack. The boy guilelessly accepted the bread and hungrily bit into it. "What's your name?" 

 

"I'm Aventus Aretino. My mother died," the boy said. A single tear slid down his face leaving a clean streak on his cheek. "I don't know what happened to my pa. He went to the war and didn't come back. They sent me to the orphanage in Riften. The other kids were nice, but Grelod the Kind," he looked at me with his large brown eyes, "Grelod isn't kind. She beats us and tells us no one loves us and we'll always be alone. So I ran away and came home. I found a book that told how to do the Black Sacrament, how to call the Dark Brotherhood." 

 

I handed him a wedge of cheese which he gladly accepted. A chill ran down my spine thinking about the Dark Brotherhood. Unlike so many other unfamiliar things I had encountered in Skyrim, the Brotherhood was something we shared back in Cyrodiil. About a decade ago a crusade to destroy the crypt of the entity the Brotherhood worshipped, the corpse of a Dunmer known as the Night Mother, had taken place in Bravil. The raid had destroyed the Brotherhood's power base. Some said they had been completely routed while others whispered they had merely scattered until a time for vengeance. Regardless, a mighty cult that had once been the shadowy executioners of political troublemakers had been reduced to little more than a tale to scare children with at night. 

 

"Please, you must kill Grelod the Kind," Aventus begged. "She's a terrible person. She's a monster." 

 

"Sweety, I'm not an assassin," I told him as gently as possible. I could barely speak because my heart was beating so hard in my chest. What kind of terror had the boy been through to have performed this monstrous ritual? How long had he been performing it? How long had he been alone waiting for some mysterious assassin to fulfill his dreams? 

 

"But you came! You came as I did the sacrament," Aventus protested. "I can pay you. I have a reward. I wouldn't expect you to do it for free." 

 

"I'll see what I can do," I promised, mentally deciding to placate the child. I would go to Riften and let the people in charge of the orphanage know where their charge had fled to. They could send people to come and convince him to come back. I could also look into this Grelod and see if she was as bad as Aventus said she was. If so, I would make sure she was replaced. "But in return, I want you to take better care of yourself. Get more to eat." 

 

"I don't have much coin," the boy looked away in shame. I mentally winced at my callous statement. Of course he wouldn't have much money if he was an orphan on the run. How had I expected him to make coin? 

 

"Why don't we look around the house and see what we can find?" I suggested.  As Aventus checked his room, I slipped a coin pouch into a drawer in the front room. It held about a hundred septims, more than enough for a young boy to survive on for a couple of months and more than enough time for someone to come for him. 

 

I moved to pretend to look through the kitchen cabinets when he came back. "Why don't you check the front room?" I suggested casually as I shuffled a couple of pans back and forth. His squeal of joy alerted me to when he found the coin pouch. 

"Aventus, it is very important that you only take a few coins with you when you go to market," I lectured him. "Never tell anyone how much you have either on you or at home. Most people are honest, but these are hard times and desperate people sometimes do terrible things because they're scared." My stomach rolled over at the thought some destitute might kill the boy for his money. "I'll go to Riften and after I take care of Grelod, I'll come back for you." 

As I stepped back out into the cold night, I looked over my shoulder and saw Aventus' pinched, pale face peeking at me through the slit of the door. He looked a lot more hopeful and happy than when I first saw him, but it wasn't much of an improvement. He was still alone in a city hostile towards his race. I swallowed hard as I hurried back to the Palace of the Kings. Hopefully, he would be returned to the orphanage and given the love and care he deserved. 

 

Middas 7 Evening Star 4E 201 11:00 PM

Ulfric sighed as he tipped over my king. 

"Why did you do that?" I asked, outraged. If the jarl had wanted to indicate that he forfeited the game, he should have turned over his own king, not mine. 

"Because your mind is not on the game," Ulfric said sounding slightly disappointed. "Defeating you would be too easy and not satisfying at all. Tell me what has you so preoccupied." 

I leaned back in my chair and sighed. "Your city is in shambles." 

"Tell me something I don't know," Ulfric said sarcastically. "I hear petitions every day regarding the state of my people." 

"I wonder if you understand exactly how badly in disrepair it is," I responded. "When was the last time you walked among your people?" 

"I have never had that luxury," Ulfric said bitterly. He twirled my king piece in one hand as he spoke. "I have always been set apart from the people of my homeland that I love so much. My childhood was spent in High Hrothgar instead of here in the court. When I was sixteen, Galmar came to the monastery and told me about the Great War. My old friend would visit every year to check on my progress with the Greybeards. Not once did my father come personally. He didn't even see me when I left with Arngeir to go to High Hrothgar." 

The Nord suddenly stood up and started to pace back and forth next to me. "I knew I couldn't stand by and do nothing while war raged on. Back then I believed in the Empire. I believed like you that we were stronger together than separately. I left the Greybeards despite Arngeir's protests. I joined the Imperial Army with Galmar at my side. I fought. I bled. I saw others do the same and sometimes die. 

"During a skirmish, I was captured and given over to Elenwen to be interrogated. You wanted to know how I knew that woman?" Ulfric asked, looking at me over his shoulder. "That was how. She tormented me day after day. Always asking the same questions. I was left alone in a small cell with no one else to talk to. Then one day a letter came informing me that my father had died. I was forced to deliver my father's eulogy by letter written in a foreign land. 

"I heard that the Imperial City fell, and I could not believe my ears when I heard that Titus Mede agreed to all of the demands of the Thalmor. We had been promised that the Empire would honor our ways and the Emperor forsook our greatest hero to placate some elves. He should have fought, never surrendering, until nothing remained whether it was the Aldmeri Dominion or the Empire. 

"I couldn't tolerate the stalemate any longer and managed to escape the prison. I came home to a city in mourning. The people cried for justice and war against the Thalmor. Naturally, I was placed on the throne. I was a war hero and the son of my father. Every day I have given myself to my people. We have struggled over and over again." 

The jarl paused in his speech, his eyes far away in memory, his voice cracking on the last sentence. I stood and placed my hand on Ulfric's shoulder. He turned to me and smiled sadly. "I do love my city. I love Windhelm dearly, but I love my Skyrim more. Some part of me still believes that only by standing as brothers-in-arms that we can win our freedom. The Holds must be united together. So I strive to pull our country together. Even after broken promises, I still believe that the other jarls will finally see the truth." 

"What broken promises?" I asked. 

"After I assumed the throne of Windhelm, Jarl Igmund approached me about a problem involving the Reach, his hold. The Forsworn had taken Markarth after the White Gold Tower fell because the Imperial Legion had been recalled home instead of protecting their post. Igmund's father was killed in the uprising and the man had no idea how to reclaim his own city. 

"He came to me and promised that the worship of Talos would be reinstated if I helped him," Ulfric smiled bitterly. "And I did. I took my men and used the thu'um and we liberated Markarth. Igmund kept his wordat first. When the Legion finally dragged its sorry carcass back from Cyrodiil two years later, they insisted that the worship of Talos had to be eradicated or the Thalmor would start the war again. Igmund meekly agreed despite his promise to me because he was scared of the Legion." 

Ulfric pulled me so that the two of us were sitting on the edge of his bed. One arm was draped around my waist while the other rested on my knee. "I was devastated. I returned to Windhelm determined to make her the best city in all of Skyrim. The others would see how we thrived here with the free worship of Talos and surely they would be moved. But there was always something that needed my attention. More troops, more funds, more repairs. It was never ending. And in all that time I could not get out of my mind the lives of the men and women who died beside me on the field." 

Ulfric took a deep breath and gave a long sigh. The two of us were lying side by side on his bed, his arms wrapped around me while my hands were on his chest. "I've never talked to anyone about this," he confessed. "There's been no one to talk to before now. Always before I was surrounded by my generals, my soldiers, and my people, but I always felt alone because there was no one I could be myself with." He leaned forward and kissed me. "You are a good listener." 

"Thanks," I said shyly. I pressed my face against his chest trying to absorb everything Ulfric had told me. 

"I feel like I've laid myself bare before you, but I don't know anything about you," Ulfric said. 

"What you see is what you get," I said, shrugging. I had pretty much lived in the moment my whole adult life. There was nothing to tell compared to Ulfric's tale. 

"You don't strike me as shallow," Ulfric teased. His expression turned serious. "Would you spend the night with me? Like this? I find I don't want to be by myself right now." 

"I can do that," I said softly, find it hard to breathe again. As the two of us moved so we were under the covers without our shoes but otherwise fully clothed, I couldn't help but feel this was much more intimate than actual sex. I curled up so my head was resting on Ulfric's shoulder and quickly fell asleep. 

 

Turdas 8 Evening Star 4E 201 6:00 AM

"You're going to leave," Ulfric said simply. 

I was standing before one of the many windows in Ulfric's room with my hand resting on the pane. I could see the bay from here, albeit dimly. The sun wasn't up yet, but I could still make out the silvery reflection of the rippling water. 

"Yes," I said. "I have much I need to do." I couldn't stop thinking of Aventus Aretino. I needed to go down to Riften and talk to the people in charge of the orphanage. I had thought about mentioning the matter to Ulfric last night, but after his story I realized that it was out of his realm of responsibility. 

"Will you come back?" Ulfric asked as he got out of the bed and moved so he was standing behind me. His hands rested on my shoulders. 

"When I can," I said vaguely. I felt a turmoil of emotions. On one hand, I was scared of how strongly I was starting to feel for the Nord. On the other, part of me embraced it. I needed time away to think. 

"I have a request," Ulfric said uncertainly. I turned to face him and was surprised by the hesitation on his face. "I know you're busy, but I don't have anyone else I can ask." 

"Ask," I said. 

"I need something recovered. The Jagged Crown belonged to King Harald, one of Ysgramor's descendants, and was lost Eras ago. It should be here in the Palace of the Kings where it belongs. My scholars have found traces that it may be located in Korvanjund, a tomb west of here," Ulfric paused. 

"I could get it," I offered. 

"You don't mind?" Ulfric asked. He smiled slightly. 

I shook my head. "I don't mind at all," I said. 

 

Turdas 8 Evening Star 4E 201 9:00 AM

"Lydia, I want you to head back to Whiterun while I go down to the Rift," I said. We were getting our horses from the stables. 

"Why?" Lydia asked. 

"I found a rumor of a bandit camp down there and it's a lot easier for me to just sneak in and kill the leader from a distance than alerting them to our presence," I said casually. The rumor was true, but I didn't want to bring Lydia along for the trip to Riften. I didn't have a good reason other than my instincts said it was better if I went to the orphanage alone. 

"Is something wrong, my thane?" Lydia asked. "I have barely seen you these last couple of days. It feels like you've been holed up with Ulfric." She left it unsaid that I never came to my room last night. 

"Nothing happened," I reassured her. "I promise that I haven't ruined Ulfric's reputation." 

"It's not Ulfric I am worried about," Lydia muttered. 

"Ha,ha," I said sarcastically. I mounted up on Patchwork and wheeled her around so she was facing south. "I'll take care of this and then we'll relax for a while." I waved to my housecarl before spurring my mare towards Riften. 

Little did I know I was racing towards my destiny.


	18. heiwako

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Copyright Bethesda  
> Comments loved
> 
> Diana goes to Riften to try to make arrangements for Aventus to return to Honorhall. Things don't go as planned when she ends up killing Grelod as requested.
> 
> Part 19: [fav.me/d5d0qja](http://fav.me/d5d0qja)

Tirdas 13 Evening Star 4E 201 8:00 PM

The attack on the bandit camp went very well. I ended up sniping the whole camp instead of just the bandit leader, but that had been surprisingly easy without Lydia there. I adored her as my friend and bodyguard, but sometimes I tired of her constant insistence of doing everything for glory and honor.  Lydia hated shooting from hiding to kill our targets and complained every time despite my reminder that dead was dead. 

Often she would alert the guard about our presence with her loud armor and we would have to fight for our lives, which I hated but she seemed to thrive on. 

It felt good to be out by myself for a few days. Riding under the winter skies with Patchwork with just my thoughts helped me feel a lot better about my situation with Ulfric. I had been overanalyzing his intent last time. Clearly the jarl had just had a moment of vulnerability with me and opened up about his past because of our shared experiences in High Hrothgar. He saw me as reliable confidante and nothing else. Otherwise, why would he have me sleep as a sister by him instead of bedding me? 

But then I thought of how his lips felt on mine and that chased all thoughts of simple brotherly affection from my mind. Ulfric was extremely charismatic and I felt it every time I was near him. I wanted to be close to him, but I feared I would be swallowed by his passion at the same time. 

There were two types of people I slept with  those who were nearby while I had a few drinks in me and I was able to throw all caution to the wind, and those who I felt some connection with. It might be only a smile or a touch of my hand, but just a tiny bit of kindness and I would fall in love. That was my major problem with relationships; I fell in love too easily. 

When I was younger, I would fall in love constantly and pathetically. I would do anything to make the other person happy and often my attentions were ignored. That person was the center of my world and I never knew if they even knew who I was. I would be devastated when I finally acknowledged that they had absolutely no interest me. 

After a while I realized the best way to avoid being hurt was to have a happy memory with the person of my affections and then move on. If I didn't linger, then I couldn't be disappointed by not having the "more" that I desperately craved. After a while, it was just normal for me to have a one night stand and the thought of trying to make something more solid was an alien concept. 

Ulfric should have been a simple conquest. As Lydia had made sure to point out, he was a jarl. Nobility were expected to marry other nobility to solidify alliances and bloodlines. Despite being the Dragonborn, I was still a nobody from Cyrodiil. Ulfric should want nothing more than to dally with me at most. 

Yetyet I knew that Ulfric didn't play by the rules like everyone else. He did what he felt was right and what should be instead of what was. Why would he expend so much time and energy in getting to know me if he only cared about bedding me? Especially when he clearly had so little of either for himself? 

It was complicated and confusing and I hated it. 

At the same time, I couldn't stay away. 

Ahead I could see the wooden walls of Riften. I had heard many rumors of how the Thieves' Guild was headquartered here. It was a corrupted city that was known for its mead and fishery, both of which could be used as convenient ways to dispose of the bodies of meddlers. 

I wasn't particularly excited about coming here, but I didn't want to leave Aventus alone in his house in Windhelm longer than necessary. Riften might be bad, but Windhelm had to be worse. I had not heard any rumors of the bigotry that ran rampant in Windhelm have any roots in Riften despite its allegiance to Ulfric's cause. 

After stabling Patchwork, I entered the city. For a second, it looked like one of the guards was going to give me hassle, but the other nudged him in the ribs and pointed at my dragon scale armor before whispering furiously in the first guard's ear. 

Riften was an oddity for a walled city in that most of the buildings were wooden instead of stone. It might have been because half of the city was perched over the water. 

I walked into the first large building on my right as I entered the city thinking it must be the local inn. I had found that most cities had the inn near the main gates for obvious reasons. Visitors might not be familiar with the layout of the city and would not want to wander around without being able to dispose of their possessions quickly. 

Inside I found a handsome looking woman working the counter. She appeared a little older than me and had shoulder length honey blonde hair. Her blue eyes ran over me as I walked up to her. 

"I'd like to rent a room," I said as I put my backpack on the counter. 

"I'm sorry, but this establishment is only for local workers and not an inn for tourists," she said. 

"Oh, I didn't know," I stammered. "I've never been in Riften before. My mistake." I turned to walk away. 

"My name is Haelga and this is my bunkhouse," the woman called. I stopped and looked at her. "Are you here for business or pleasure?" 

"Business," I had answered simply thinking of my visit to the orphanage the next day. 

"A shame," Haelga smiled suggestively. "Next time if you're here for pleasure, be sure to visit." She licked her lips slowly. "I might be able to make a special exception for you. In the meantime, I recommend that you try the Bee and Barb. It's the other inn in the city, run by a pair of Argonians. It's located across the walkway." 

"Thanks. I'll keep your offer in mind," I said, blushing. As I exited the building, I couldn't help but think of how friendly the people were in this town. 

 

Middas 14 Evening Star 4E 201 4:00 PM

Most of the day had been spent exploring the city. I thought Riften seemed a bit dirty with its fishery, but overall it was a neat enough place. The local palace seemed nice enough and I liked how neatly arranged the market was. I always found a well-organized market to be a very beneficial feature of a town. I always had something to sell, and I did love buying any jewelry or gems that were for sale. 

I was especially excited to find that one of the merchants specialized in jewelry, a friendly Argonian named Madesi. I got into an interesting conversation with him about the locals, and he told me how Haelga often would purchase specially cut sapphires. He wasn't sure what she used them for, but he appreciated the business enough to not inquire further. 

There was the usual smith, a Nord named Balimund, who told me that his forge fed off fire salts. "If you come across any, I would appreciate it greatly. My forge's fuel is running low and it is almost impossible to start a forge once it goes cold." 

I tried to sell some armor to Grelka, a cranky Nord who ran the armory stall. "If you're not going to buy anything, quit wasting my time," she snapped. 

"Have you ever wondered that your sales pitch needs work?" I retorted as I walked away. 

I knew that I was procrastinating. I couldn't help but notice how long the journey was from Windhelm to Riften, especially if one was on foot instead of on horse. And if that person was a child instead of an adult. And if that child was untrained in fighting of any sort. How in the world had Aventus managed the trip by himself? I sincerely doubted that he had rented a carriage for the trip given the lack of funds he had when I found him. 

Finally, I admitted to myself that it was time to get this over with. No doubt the woman would be a shrew of some sort, but I would talk to her rationally and we could figure out a way to get Aventus to come back. If need be, I would go get him myself and pay for his care to make up for the fact that he ran away. A little coin always made any transaction go over a little smoother. 

I knocked on the door of the orphanage and after no one answered, I let myself in. Maybe they were getting ready to eat. It was a little early for a meal, but with multiple young children, it would probably be easier to eat earlier than later. My theory was ruined when I saw the empty long table. 

As I entered, I could hear an older woman screaming. "I want the whole basement cleaned out before dinner. If you maggots can't handle that, then don't expect to eat." 

"But Grelod, there's skeevers down there," a girl protested. 

"I don't care. You work or you go hungry. Don't forget, no one loves you or wants you. No one will ever adopt you. I'm the only one who is willing to put up with your sniveling, whining, and crying. You should thank me." Her tone trilled on the final two words. 

I walked further into the building and saw there was a large room in the middle that housed six small single beds intended for children. There were four children, three boys and a girl, around Aventus' age standing in front of a woman with steel gray hair pulled back into a sharp bun who could only be Grelod. She was thin to the point of emaciation and her green dress was of poor quality and cut. Her expression was cruel and calculating as she leered at the cowering children. Another younger Imperial woman who looked in her mid-twenties stood meekly behind Grelod with her head bowed in submission. 

"Thank you, Grelod," the children said in unison. If Grelod's clothes were of poor cut, then the children's were worse. The fabric was thin and heavily patched. Their faces had the pinched look of hunger, their skin pale, and their hair greasy. 

Grelod made a gesture and the children scurried to do their chores. The woman snorted and went into an office in the back. I followed quickly behind. 

"I don't you think you're being a bit rough with those kids?" I asked as Grelod sat behind a desk and picked up a copy of _The Pig Children_. I stepped into the room, closing the door behind me quietly. 

"Who are you? Who let you in here?" Grelod snapped. "Don't think you're going to walk in here and adopt anyone. There are no children available. Now get out before I call for the guard and have you thrown in jail." 

I could feel anger washing over me. I had tolerated Galmar's rude behavior because of his friendship with Ulfric, but I had no reason or desire to listen to the outburst of this woman. I drew in a deep breath trying to calm my nerves. "There are plenty of children here and they need love and respect, not your tirades." 

Grelod stood up and stalked over to me. "I don't know who you are, missy. I don't care either. I am a personal friend of Jarl Laila Law-Giver, so unless you want to spend the rest of your miserable little life in a cell, you better leave now." She was jabbing my chest with a long bony finger emphasizing each sentence. 

Suddenly my glass dagger was in hand and I found myself sinking the blade into her bony chest. A look of genuine surprise flashed across Grelod's face before her body collapsed. I gasped, shocked by what I had done. The dagger had become lodged in Grelod's ribcage and I almost lost it as the body slid away. I managed to pull the blade with a loud sickening wrench. 

Hot blood poured over my hand. I thought that I should feel sick, but I only felt pleased. A part of me loudly crowed at what had happened. That bitch had dared to insult me and then put her filthy hands on me. She had paid with her life just as she deserved. I wanted to sit down beside the body and press my hand against the wound so the hot, sticky blood would run over it some more. My heart thudded loudly in my chest as if to make up for Grelod's stopping. 

The door to the office swung open. "Your tea, Grelod," a young voice piped. A platter holding a small tea pot and cup fell to the floor, the glass shattering. "Grelod's dead," the girl whispered. Then she smiled like most children would on their birthday. "Grelod's dead," she repeated louder for the other children. "Aventus did it!" 

A loud cheer went up among the children. I couldn't believe my ears. I thought they would be scared or horrified at what I had done, but instead they were happy. These children were happy that I had killed the woman who had taken care of them. 

"Grelod!" the Imperial woman screamed as she ran into the room. She knelt by the body and tried to find a pulse to see if somehow she was actually still alive. I backed away as she sobbed over the body. 

The severity of what I had done started to crash down on me. I had killed an old woman who had not attacked me or even held a weapon. Oh gods, I would go to jail. My reputation would be ruined. The Dragonborn title associated with a murderer! I had worked so hard to be a hero, someone worthwhile and honorable, and now I had just thrown that all away because of some crazy, impulsive action. 

I spun around still in shock trying to take in the whole scene. Children were screaming in joy, dancing or jumping up and down, while the assistant wept over the dead matron. I looked down at my body and saw with relief that I was wearing one of my nondescript dresses today instead of my unique armor. The black cloth had absorbed any blood that may have splattered on it leaving no trace, but my hands were covered with it as well as my dagger. I quickly dropped the murder weapon and hastily rubbed my hands on my dress trying to clean them of the evidence. 

I had never been to Riften before. I hadn't asked about the orphanage. No one should recognize or remember me. I prayed to the Eight that no one had recognized me. 

Trying to not scream, I fled out a back door before anyone could talk to me. 

 

Middas 14 Evening Star 4E 201 4:30 PM

As soon as I exited the building, I saw the wooden stairs that led down to the lower level of the city. I hurled myself down them and when I reached the bottom I didn't hesitate to throw myself into the water. 

It was oily and filthy, no doubt from the city's refuse and the fisheries, but I didn't care. In fact, I was partly glad because it meant that it would cover the blood as it washed off me. I swam across the way and pulled myself back up onto the wooden walkway before running along the lower level. 

Once I circled the bottom tier, I ran up the stairs that led behind the Bee and Barb. I looked a wreck with my drenched dress, but at least I was no longer covered in blood. I burst into the inn with my head down, drawing the attention of the local patrons. 

"I cannot believe no one thought to put in rails on the walkways," I screeched as I wrung out my skirt on the floor. Talen-Jei, one of the co-owners of the inn, growled in disgust at the mess I made. "I slipped and fell into that damned canal. I could have drowned! I'll be sure to complain to the jarl about this." 

I ran up the stairs to my room and tore off the soaking black dress. I wadded it up and crammed it into my backpack before quickly pulling on my spare leather armor. It wasn't always comfortable to wear the dragon scale armor and sometimes I wanted the greater mobility of the lighter material. I hastily jammed all of my possessions into my carry bags before running back downstairs again. 

"Talen-Jei, there's a sighting of a dragon northwest of here," I said hurriedly. "I have to go deal with that and I don't think I'll be back in time for my room, so feel free to rent it out. Don't worry about my tab!" 

The Argonian grinned at my generosity, clearly willing to forgive the mess I had made in my hurry to get my things, as I ran out of the inn. I bolted for the gates screaming about a dragon the whole time. I hoped desperately it would cover up my erratic behavior for anyone who might remember me later. 

The orphanage had seen a woman in a black dress, and the rest of the town saw a woman in leather armor whose face was covered in a helm. It would be hard to make a connection. At least, that's what I prayed to the Eight. 

I mounted Patchwork and took off down the road, riding as fast as my mare would go. I barely saw the world around me as we flew north. I was shaking all over, barely able to hold onto Patchwork's reins. I wanted to go home. I wanted to be with Lydia. I wanted the safety of my bed with my blanket wrapped around me as I shut my eyes and tried to forget this horrible day. 

Suddenly, I thought of how Whiterun was west of Riften instead of north. I decided I could knock off several hours of travel time by cutting across the hills instead of staying on the road. I jerked Patchwork off the road and my surefooted mount scrambled up the hill with little problem. 

I pushed my pinto mare as fast as she could go across the plain. Several times, Patchwork wanted to slow down, but I wouldn't let her. 

Ahead, I could see only the unclaimed land full of forests and hills. Patchwork ran and ran. I thought we could run forever. 

Then suddenly, we were out over a ledge hovering in the air. The ground had given away suddenly by a hidden incline and I had ridden Patchwork right off it. My horse and I both screamed in terror as we fell. Patchwork landed hard and I heard her leg snap as we hit the ground again. The horse rolled forward and tumbled down the hill. 

I thought I was going to die, crushed by my mount, but I managed to cry out, " **FEIM**!" and pulled the Void around me making me ethereal. Patchwork continued to roll down the incline while I came to a stop. Now that I was immaterial, I had no mass to keep pulling me downward. 

When I regained my physical form after the Shout's power receded, I stayed where I was on my hands and knees. I was now in the middle of nowhere with no mount and scared out of my mind. 

What had come over me? What had made me grab my dagger like that? 

Oh gods, what was wrong with me? I knew had a bad temper, but I thought I had gotten control of it. The last couple of months it seemed that anger kept getting away from me. I wanted to be in charge all the time. I didn't want anyone to tell me that I was wrong. I wanted them to bend to me. To acknowledge that I was better than them. 

And if anyone disagreed, then they would pay. Like Grelod. 

I don't know how much time passed, but when I finally got up and started walking down the hill, the sun was well past the mountain line. The day was dark and full of shadows. 

I wept when I saw Patchwork's body. She had been a good horse. She had survived so many dragon attacks. I had been the one to kill her with my recklessness. Not a dragon, not a troll, not a sabre cat. Not even a bandit. It had been me. 

It felt like I was death incarnate to everything around me. 

My body hurt from hitting the ground. I had kept Patchwork from rolling onto me, but I had tumbled down the rocky side a ways before becoming ethereal. I managed to crouch and gather up my things. It was bulky, but I pulled all of my carry bags around me before hobbling northward towards civilization. 

 

Loredas 17 Evening Star 4E 201 7:30 PM

"You want ANOTHER horse?" Skulvar asked incredulously. 

I nodded wearily. I didn't even have the energy to speak. I had walked the last three days straight. There had been a few houses I could have tried to stay at, but I didn't feel like I deserved to be around anyone. The villages I had passed didn't have either carriages or stables to purchase any mounts, and I didn't want to try to haggle with a farmer for his horse. It was unlikely the steed would be much use for riding, and I didn't want to take away the valuable asset a horse represented. 

It felt a little pointless to buy a horse since I was almost home, but I wanted to take care of it now when Lydia wasn't with me instead of later when she would be full of questions. At least I could buy this new one without hassle. At least, I hoped so. 

"Do you want to sell me a horse or not?" I muttered. I was so tired I could barely talk. 

Skulvar eyed me warily. I must have looked terrible. I had no mirror on me, but I could only look like something the Khajiit dragged in after living outside for three days. It had been painfully cold, but I had managed to survive somehow. 

"Sure," the Nord finally nodded. I handed over the usual fee with a bit extra for stabling costs. "What do you want to name him?" 

"Number four," I said. 

"What?" Skulvar asked, confused. 

"Just Number Four," I said as I turned to stumble the last few steps up the hill to Breezehome. "If he lives longer than a year, I'll give him a real name. No point otherwise."


	19. heiwako

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Copyright Bethesda  
> Comment appreciated!
> 
> I really loved the conversation with Balgruuf. He's an awesome dude.
> 
> Part 20: [fav.me/d5dhq7d](http://fav.me/d5dhq7d)

Sundas 18 Evening Star 4E 201 11:30 AM

"My thane?" 

Lydia was standing hesitantly in the doorway of my room. After I came home yesterday, I had immediately crawled into the bed and pulled the blanket over my head. Lydia had tried to talk to me about my trip, but I refused to answer any questions. After a while she had left me alone with my thoughts, only coming back with a bowl of soup to be left on the night stand, before retreating to her own room. 

It was almost noon, and I still had not budged from my bed. The bowl of soup stood untouched. I was starving, but I was still too upset to emerge from my makeshift cocoon. 

I had spent most of my time back sleeping, trying to escape what I had done. When I was regretfully awake, I played over and over what happened. Killing Grelod, fleeing, Patchwork dying. Oddly, I felt worse about my poor mare than I did for that shrew matron. Patchwork had been a sweet, loyal steed, while Grelod had been a vicious monster. 

But she had been human too. 

Shouldn't I feel worse about the death of a human than a horse? 

"My thane," Lydia repeated a little louder, "Proventus Avenicci is here. He wants to speak with you. Should I tell him to leave?" 

"No," I sighed as I pulled the blanket off my head. I didn't particularly want to face the world, but I knew that laying there would do no good. "Let me clean my face and I'll be right down." 

Lydia nodded, her face full of concern, but thankfully she didn't ask me any questions before going back downstairs to let our guest know I was coming. I crawled out of the bed and tore off my travel stained dress before dragging a fresh one out of my clothes chest. I splashed some water on my face and dragged a brush through my hair before going downstairs. 

Lydia and Proventus were chatting amiably while sitting at the dinner table as I descended. Conversation screeched to a halt when both of them looked at me. I must have looked like death warmed over judging from the pinched looks on their faces. 

"Ah, Lady Dragonborn," Proventus said formally, a smile quickly appearing on his face. I had to give Balgruuf's man credit for his diplomacy. "Jarl Balgruuf heard that you were back in Whiterun and wished for you to join him for dinner tonight if you plan on staying in the city for a few days." 

"I don't know what my immediate plans are," I said vaguely. I had originally planned to stay in Whiterun for a few days, but after what happened in Riften, maybe it would be better to be on the move so I wouldn't be stuck with my thoughts longer than necessary. "However, dinner with the jarl and his court sounds wonderful. Please give Jarl Balgruuf my thanks." 

"Very good," Proventus nodded. "Dinner will be at seven unless you prefer another time." 

"Seven is fine," I said, smiling at the memory of the last time a jarl invited me to dinner. I had to give Balgruuf credit for having a much better messenger than Ulfric. 

Proventus bowed and excused himself. Once the Imperial was gone, Lydia turned to me. "Okay, since you've regained the ability to speak, why don't you tell me what happened?" 

"Patchwork died," I said. It wasn't really a lie, I was upset about it, but I couldn't bring myself to tell Lydia everything. As close as I felt to her, I couldn't bear the thought of her thinking less of me for what I had done. Regardless of the reasons. 

"I had no idea you were so attached to that horse," Lydia said skeptically. No doubt her Nordic mentality thought me foolish for getting attached to a beast. 

"I'm more mad at myself than anything else," I said shrugging as I turned away. I never could lie while keeping eye contact. My guilt always made my eyes flick away. "I decided to try a shortcut since I wanted to get home, came across a sudden decline, and she fell." I mentally shuddered at the memory of falling with the horse almost landing on me. "Don't worry about it. I already purchased a new steed from Skulvar." 

"Are you sure that you're okay?" Lydia asked. 

I tried to not sigh in frustration from my housecarl's question. I hated when someone asked if I was sure. "Yes, I was just tired. I had to walk three whole days on foot while carrying my gear. I was just too tired to think when I got in. You know how I am." I flopped down at the dinner table. "Now, could you please give me something to eat? I'm famished." 

"Yes, my thane," Lydia said slowly before serving me. "I'm glad you're home." 

"Me too," I mumbled before shoving my face into the bowl. 

 

Sundas 18 Evening Star 4E 201 9:30 PM

"I swear, if Balgruuf doesn't learn how to get his brats under control, I am going to end up Shouting one of them off of Dragonsreach," I muttered angrily. 

Although I respected Jarl Balgruuf greatly as a leader and lord of his hold, I had serious doubts about his ability to be a father. He had three children, two boys and a girl, aged about eight to twelve. 

Frothar, the oldest, was the best one of the lot. After Balgruuf's brother Hrongar, he was next in line to inherit the Whiterun throne, so maybe he had been trained a bit better about etiquette at a younger age. He was obsessed with learning how to fight and a bit loud letting others knows, but he pretty much was what you would expect from a boy his age. 

Dagny, the middle child and only girl, was a spoiled little princess in the purest sense. She constantly talked down to the servants and complained about the quality of the food. I couldn't help but imagine that she was going to end up a fat sweetroll someday. 

Nelkir, the youngest, was the worst one. He had no qualms about following visitors around and making derogatory remarks about their intent for visiting the jarl. I had frequently heard him mutter lines like, "Another wanderer here to lick my father's boots." 

I knew the children had a nanny to take care of them, although Divines knew I never saw the woman watching or disciplining them. It was a poorly kept secret that the jarl's children ran as wild as wolves and was even common gossip down at the Bannered Mare. 

The children had been particularly terrible tonight. Dagny kept loudly returning every dish stating what she thought was wrong with it and giving her opinion of the heritage of the cook in so many words. Frothar started an impromptu wrestling match with his uncle, and after he lost he tried to wrestle Nelkir instead. Nelkir seemed intent at glaring at me personally all night to the point I wasn't certain I would be able to eat since I was worried he would use his dinner knife for something other than its intended use. 

Now the three of them were running around the table screaming their fool heads off while playing a game of tag. I was sorely tempted to stick my foot out and trip the next one to streak past me. I had a rising desire to catch one of them, especially Dagny, and just slap the spit out of them. I swear the noise was driving me mad. 

"Diana," Balgruuf said, placing a hand on my shoulder and drawing me out of my murderous thoughts, "if you don't mind, I would like to speak with you privately." 

"Of course, Jarl Balgruuf," I said, standing quickly. I subtly pried my white knuckled grip off the eating knife I had been holding and left it on the table under a tablecloth. 

"Let's go stand on the Great Porch," Balgruuf suggested as he offered his arm to me. I gladly took it before he escorted me to the upper level with Lydia and Irileth following discretely behind. 

When I looked over my shoulder, I was relieved to see that Lydia looked pretty relaxed. If it was anything bad or something that would affect my relationship with the housecarl, she was unaware of it. Irileth, on the other hand, was shooting poisoned daggers at me with her mind. I would be dead five times over if the Dunmer had her way. 

Gods, sometimes I wished she would just jump Balgruuf and be done with it. I could imagine bedding her beloved jarl would help calm the Dunmer down. Not only would the rest of us not have to deal with her insane, protective jealousy any more, but then she could discipline the hell out of those wild children of Balgruuf's. 

The Great Porch was a huge open area that overlooked the northern side of Whiterun city. It was a common meeting area for guards and servant during their off hours since it was open and just slightly breezy with lots of natural sunlight unlike the rest of the keep. 

Irileth and Lydia waited obediently at the door that led to the main part of the building while Balgruuf and I walked out to the edge of the porch. Balgruuf had removed his arm from mine and now had his arms crossed behind him as he looked out to the star filled sky. The night sky lights were particularly bright tonight. 

"Did you know that King Olaf once used this castle as a trap to capture a dragon?" Balgruuf said suddenly. When I shook my head, he continued. "That is why it is called Dragonsreach. The dragon Numinex was lured here and trapped by Olaf. The dragon was imprisoned and the building built around him. It is why we have the Great Porch." 

"Very interesting, my jarl," I said politely. 

"Am I?" Balgruuf asked quietly. "Am I your jarl? Or does your loyalty lie with another?" 

"My loyalty?" I asked, still confused. I thought furiously of what could have caused this question. "Is it because I bought a residence in Solitude? I was assured there would be no conflict of interest there, and Elisif seemed to need the money for taxes for the soldiers." 

Balgruuf laughed loudly at my reaction to his question. "I suppose that answers me much more effectively than a simple yes or no would have," he admitted. "No, Diana, I meant how much time you've been spending in Ulfric's court lately. Or more worrisomely, how much time has been reported of you alone with him in his chambers." 

"Oh!" I said blushing. "We merely spoke of High Hrothgar and played chess, Jarl Balgruuf." 

"Hm," Balgruuf grumbled, "I doubt that was the only thing either of you were thinking of if I know my rival at all. No doubt he's planted other ideas in your head." 

"My jarl!" I stammered, blushing more. If I was sometimes uncomfortable talking about sex with Lydia, I was definitely horrified to even suggest it around Balgruuf. 

"You're a grown woman," Balgruuf said casually, not appearing the slightest embarrassed by our conversation, "and normally I would say it is none of my business, but unfortunately you are the Dragonborn and Ulfric is a ruthless, power mad warlord. He is trying to convert you to his side in this war to gain a huge advantage against the Imperials." 

"He has mentioned it," I admitted, "but I told him that I wanted to remain neutral. I did the same with Elisif." 

"The problem is that you haven't been sequestered alone in Elisif's room with her," Balgruuf reprimanded me. "No one thinks you've bedded her." 

"Do you think she'd let me?" I asked sarcastically before I could stop myself. I winced once the words were out of my mouth. 

Balgruuf laughed at my impudence. "It would make my life much simpler if you would. It might even make the lovely widow a bit happier too. Divines know she deserves some joy. It has been a hard year for her. Her husband murdered before her, her country thrown into war, counselors who may have something other than her best interests in mind, and she gets placed on a throne she has no training or desire for. Yes, a tryst of some sort could only be good for her, if you asked me." 

The jarl placed his hands on my shoulders. "Diana," he said, "I am not going to tell you what you can or cannot do other than follow the laws of my land while you're in my hold. And that is something I would do with even the lowliest citizen. But I feel it is my duty as your friend to warn you that you're an important person now. Everyone's eyes are on you, and they follow your exploits, no matter how small, everywhere you go. No matter how small of a deed, everything you do is noted." 

I swallowed hard at Balgruuf's words. My mind immediately went to Riften and Grelod. Gods please, let no one know what I had done there. I had tried to cover it up as well as I could have and unless I had been willing to kill the younger caretaker and the children, there was nothing else I could have done. 

"Do you understand what I am telling you?" Balgruuf asked, drawing me back to our conversation. 

I nodded. No more randomly killing little old ladies in charge of orphanages, even if they deserved it. Also, I needed to be careful of the many gossiping tongues of thanes and the other members of the various courts. Sometimes reputations were made and lost on what others thought and not just what had been done. 

"I worry that you don't," Balgruuf sighed, "but unfortunately time is the best teacher of wisdom. It cannot be given, only earned. Thank you for listening to me." He moved to turn away and go back inside. 

"My bow is yours," I called after him. "You were kind to me, gave me a home and a purpose when no one else did. I won't forget that. I will always stand by Whiterun regardless of anything else. By this, I swear!" 

Balgruuf paused with his arms once again crossed behind his back. He looked over his shoulder at me, a small smile on his face. "Praise Talos," he said sincerely before going inside. 

 

Sundas 18 Evening Star 4E 201 10:00 PM

I was deep in thought as Lydia and I returned to Breezehome. Balgruuf was a worshipper of Talos! Although his hold was neutral in the Civil War, he was still bound by the laws of the Empire and if the Thalmor were to discover this, they could have him executed for his belief. 

It showed a deep level of trust that he had told me, however indirectly. It helped explained why Balgruuf tolerated old Heimskr's ranting in the town square and the statue of Talos that dominated it. In a way, it helped drive home the thought that not all worshippers of Talos agreed with Ulfric. I found that strangely comforting. 

"You seem a little more at ease," Lydia commented. She had respected my need for quiet during the meal, and we had hardly spoken all day. 

"I guess I am," I said. "Talking with Jarl Balgruuf has given me much to think about, and it is much more appealing than the dark thoughts that had been plaguing me before." 

"What next, my thane?" Lydia asked. 

I bowed my head and sighed. Balgruuf was going to be so mad at me. "We're going to Windhelm." 

 

Tirdas 20 Evening Star 4E 201 3:00 PM

Ulfric was kneeling with his head bowed before the huge statue of Talos that dominated the room. One knee was bent so he could rest both of his hands on it as he prayed. Except for a priest or priestess of the god, no one else was allowed in the Temple of Talos when the jarl of Eastmarch came to say his daily prayers. 

The Temple of Talos was beautiful in its simplicity. The stone building was located immediately outside of the Palace of the Kings. The main room was huge and held several pews for worshippers of their god for sitting and contemplation. The statue of Talos stood about thirty feet tall. I had seen several shrines and the one in Whiterun, but all of them were about twelve feet high and looked much smaller than this one. Protected by the stone walls, there was no sign of wear from the elements for this ancient sculpture. The natural sunlight fell about the icon in such a way that it looked like Talos was always slightly glowing. 

"What troubles you today, child of Talos?" 

Ulfric sighed. "The same burdens I face every day, priestess. I struggle to bring honor and glory to our land, while our very people fight against me. I see the faces of those who fight with me falling in my dreams. I look to mighty Talos for guidance in these dark times." 

"He thinks you should stop being such an asshole to the Argonians and Dunmer." 

Ulfric's head snapped up, his expression one of shock which quickly dissolved into anger when he saw that the woman beneath the hooded monk robes was not Jora, but me. I laughed at his look of dismay. 

"What do you think you're doing?" Ulfric growled as he got to his feet. His demeanor was completely different than his usual calm, collected self. An aura of rage rolled off the Nord as he advanced towards me. I quickly scurried backwards away from his grasp towards the private area in the back of the temple. 

"Ulfric, you and I both know it's not safe for me to talk the streets openly as an Imperial," I taunted playfully. "So, I borrowed these robes since I know that your god wouldn't want the Dragonborn to get hurt again." 

"Your actions are blasphemous!" Ulfric snarled. "Those robes are intended only for priests of Talos and not as some plaything!" 

I glanced around and noticed that I had nowhere else to retreat to. We were in the private room of the resident priests which held mostly a double bed the couple used. I tried to move quickly around Ulfric to get to the other side of the bed and to the second private room that held the living area, but the Nord grabbed me and threw me on the bed. 

"Take them off!" Ulfric demanded. 

"No," I said staring at the outraged Nord in the eye. 

"Then I will," Ulfric said coldly, his face as stormy as his family name. The jarl fell on me and held me down as I kicked and screamed while he removed the clothes from me. I tried to kick him in the midsection, but he had me too pinned down for me to move. 

Once the robes were tossed aside, rather unceremoniously for being so holy, I panted heavily under Ulfric's weight. I was having a little bit of problem breathing since Ulfric was much bigger than me and not trying to hold any of his mass off me. The room was cool since the building was made of stone and there was little in the way of insulating furs or fires to keep it warm. My flesh broke out in goose bumps since I was wearing nothing but my bra band and smallclothes now. 

Ulfric and I glared at each other, daring the other to break eye contact first. The Nord was breathing heavily despite needing to use minimal effort to hold me down. I could tell that he was using the same breathing techniques Arngeir used to help calm down after something had particularly frustrated him. I grinned evilly, enjoying seeing Ulfric's normal, calm demeanor shattered for a change. That perpetual calm was actually quite infuriating. 

"What do you plan on doing with me now?" I asked raising an eyebrow. My arms were pinned to the bed, each held down by one of Ulfric's hands. 

"Please don't disappoint me by acting in a typical Imperial fashion," Ulfric scolded. He sat up and pulled off his wolf skin cloak. "Wear this until we can get to the Palace, and I'll have Jorleif get you something appropriate." 

"No," I repeated. I scooted away from Ulfric's reach. "And you cannot make me!" 

"I am pretty certain I just proved that I can," Ulfric snapped as he advanced. "It wouldn't take any effort at all for me to wrap this around you and drag you up to the Palace as easily as I would with a disobedient pup." 

"And have all of Windhelm see her jarl dragging a kicking and screaming half-naked Dragonborn up there?" I stuck my tongue out. "I doubt you would want that scandal." 

"If this is some clever attempt to seduce me into bed, it is failing horribly," Ulfric said darkly. "I am not impressed by your childish game." 

"Yet, that's what you've been doing with me this whole time," I said. Ulfric stopped his advance and a smile started to form on his face. "You've been promising me that you would tell me a secret if I was good, and I realized that I would rather get to know the secret by being bad." 

Talking with Balgruuf reminded me how important image was to the Nords. What people thought of you was almost as important than what you had actually done. If Ulfric had been carefully crafting a closer relationship with me was the truth, then he wouldn't want to lose it over something like this. 

I also didn't like being manipulated and thought it was time to remind Ulfric that he did not have me under his control. If he thought dangling a promise over me and never delivering was going to work, then he had another thing coming. 

"You're blackmailing me over that?" Ulfric laughed. "Woman, you are insane." 

"Maybe," I teased. I leaned forward and ran a hand up Ulfric's arm. "But if you do what I ask, then I'll promise to be a very good girl." 

"You'll retrieve the Jagged Crown like I asked?" 

"I won't return to Windhelm without it," I promised. 

"Mm, I do like a woman with some fire in her," Ulfric said as he pulled me close. "Very well, my dear Dovahkiin, I'll tell you what you want to know. But I expect you to keep your promise to me. Can you do that?" 

"I always keep my promises," I said firmly, "no matter how much I may regret it." 

"More than I can say for some Imperials," Ulfric said disdainfully. "Listen closely then." And he whispered his secret in my ear. 

 

Fredas 23 Evening Star 4E 201 6:00 PM

"Delphine is going to be pissed if we're late for the rendezvous," Lydia cautioned. 

"Delphine can kiss my ass," I said haughtily. 

We were supposed to meet the Breton in Solitude in five days at the Winking Skeever to go over the plan for the Thalmor Embassy party I was supposed to infiltrate. Winter was in full effect, so although we would normally get there in about four days, it was very likely we would get held over at some point. 

I had decided to travel to High Hrothgar despite the inconvenience and added travel time. Nominally, I had come up here to talk to Arngeir about more Words of Power and their locations, but in reality I had come to see if what Ulfric had told me was true. If the Nord was lying to me, it was better to find out sooner than later. 

"Who is Delphine?" Arngeir asked. He had just come in from the courtyard and had overheard the last part of our conversation. "Please don't tell me she is one of the pilgrims. I would hate to think that you've managed to get into some sort of personal feud with a traveler who wants to learn about the Way." 

"No, Master Arngeir," I said laughing as I gave the old man a hug. He looked comically surprised by my display of affection. "Delphine is this bossy Breton that we had met in Ivarstead who lives in Riverwood." 

"She says she's the Grandmaster of the Blades," Lydia chimed in. 

Arngeir's expression turned sour at the mention of the dragonslayers. "They are a violent group," he warned. "You should have nothing to do with them. All they care about is killing." 

"She says she has some information about the black dragon that is bringing the other dragons back," I told Arngeir. "I think it would be wise to find out what we can so we can know what to do next. I have no idea how many dragons there are that can be resurrected, but there are reports of attacks daily. If I don't have to fight every dragon in Tamriel, the happier I'll be." 

"You won't have to fight every dragon," Arngeir said softly and meaningfully. "I assume you didn't come all the way up here just to tell me that. The paths are treacherous this time of year." 

"No, no. I have some new Words of Power for you, and I hoped you had heard whispers of more," I said as I backed up to the courtyard door. "Lydia, why don't you fill Master Arngeir in while I go meditate outside?" 

"You never meditate," they said at the same time with identical suspicious expressions. 

"First time for everything," I said as I pulled the door open. I slid past it, "See you soon!" 

Once outside, I ran towards the gate. 

_"Up on High Hrothgar, past the gate they use to practice the Whirlwind Sprint Shout, on the right is a tree,"_ Ulfric had told me. _"It is on the northeastern part of the mountain. If you dare to get close enough to the edge, you can see Windhelm from there. At the base of the tree is a stone that is as large as two loaves of bread side by side. If you pull up the stone and dig, you'll find a treasure I left a lifetime ago."_

I followed the jarl's instructions and found to my pleasure that it was exactly as he had told me. The man hadn't been here in over thirty years and the stone was still unmoved. I dropped to my knees and pulled up the rock. It took some doing since the ground was frozen, but my fire breath helped melt the surrounding area. I pulled out an iron dagger and chipped away at the earth. 

About a hand's length down, I hit some metal. With a cry of victory, I sheathed my dagger and pulled the small chest free of the earth. It was freezing to the touch, but I was too excited to care. The box was about the same width and length as the stone that had covered it but about awhile only six inches wide. I eagerly opened it, glad that there was no lock to fiddle with. 

I paused when I saw what was inside. Carefully stacked side by side were small tin toy soldiers. The five faceless foot soldiers wore the faded blue and silver of Windhelm, but their general had a distinct face and golden blond hair that not even time had tarnished. The figures were a little beaten and only slightly rough, but they were still usable. 

_"I was sent out to find our brother in the Way of the Voice and found the boy playing with his toy soldiers in his father's court,_ " Arngeir had told me. 

These had to be the same toy soldiers that Ulfric had been playing with when he was a child. And when it was time to put away childish things, he had left them here in what was probably the only place he had ever known growing up. Instead of placing them in the attic with the rest of his things, he had buried them in the earth. 

I gently ran my thumb over the face of the smiling, blue eyed general. Had Ulfric imagined that he was the general leading his army to victory and glory? How many stories of battles had he reenacted with these little men? What songs had he sang while they defended their land from the enemy? 

I licked my lips, deep in thought. What did it mean that he told me about them? Ulfric didn't strike me as a man who did something without reason. It was a message of some sort. 

I carefully dusted off the box before placing it in my bag. Much like the dragons, the little army had rested in the earth long enough. It was time for them to be in the sun again. 

I stood and dusted my knees off before running back into High Hrothgar to see what Words of Power Arngeir had discovered. I would sit with the Greybeard, drink tea with him, and speak of the Way of the Voice. Tomorrow, Lydia and I would head for Solitude. 

In my hand, the little blond general smiled widely.


	20. heiwako

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Copyright Bethesda  
> Comments appreciated
> 
> I know Diana is acting like a bit of a jerk at the beginning, but trust me, there's a reason.
> 
> We're definitely back into "meh" territory for me. I don't know the main plot very well, and I do try to do research, but the reasons of what is going always felt a little vague to me. I was always much more interested in the Civil War plot, which I think is pretty obvious by how fast I churned out chapters involving it. 
> 
> Still, I'm pretty happy with how this chapter turned out. As you can see, I took out the part of the Thieves' Guild and the Ratway to get to Esbern faster.
> 
> Part 21: [fav.me/d5dkyej](http://fav.me/d5dkyej)

Loredas 31 Evening Star 4E 201 6:00 PM 

"I told you to be here days ago," Delphine hissed. "Why did you wait so long? What if you had missed the party?" 

"We were delayed by the storm," I snapped. 

Lydia and I had just entered the Winking Skeever to find Delphine and a male Bosmer sitting at a corner table. I wasn't surprised to see that Delphine was sitting with her back to the wall, given her paranoid nature, but I was surprised that she had company. The Breton was wearing simple leather armor while the Bosmer was wearing the clothes of a servant. 

I started shaking out my furs, trying to get all of the snow out of it before it had a chance to melt. I was frozen to the bone and barely had any feeling in my fingers. Skyrim had decided that it was time for the winter storms to hit in force, making our journey to Solitude slow to a virtual halt. 

"We have too much riding on this for you to be fooling around," Delphine warned darkly. "If I hear that you've been running around dungeons instead of coming here" 

"You'll do what?" I asked too sweetly. "Please tell me that you'll replace me and find someone better suited for the job. It would tickle me to no end." 

Delphine bit her tongue and sat back in her seat, knowing her bite had no teeth to it. I was the Dragonborn, and she was stuck with me regardless of whatever she may have wanted otherwise. 

"Who's your friend?" Lydia asked a little too loudly, clearly trying to change the subject. "I thought you didn't trust anyone, Delphine." 

"Not out here," Delphine shook her head. "I rented a room where we can speak privately." 

"You know I own a house here, right?" I asked, still irritated by Delphine's attitude. "In Solitude? Right down the road?" 

"Yes, but I don't know how defensible it is or if the Thalmor know about it," Delphine said looking around the room. The storm had kept everyone but the owner and bard inside today. Even the Argonian who always sat by the door wasn't in. "I was able to check the room earlier." 

Without another word, the Blade got up and walked off to her room. The Bosmer quietly followed after her, leaving Lydia and me sitting at the table. Lydia shrugged and stood up, but waited for me. I briefly thought about just waiting here or even getting up and leaving. But I remembered how crazy stubborn Delphine was, how she was ready to wait for weeks at the bottom of the Throat of the World for a chance to meet me, and decided that it would be easier to just go see what the Breton had to say than attempt to deal with a power struggle. We had already traveled here; no sense making it a wasted trip. 

The room was a small single and crowded with four people standing in it. Lydia and I took seats on the narrow bed while the Bosmer sat in the only chair. Delphine pressed her back against the wall and stood so she could keep an eye on the hall as we spoke. 

"This is Malborn," she said tersely, nodding at the elf. "He's going to be your contact in the Embassy." 

"The Thalmor killed my family," Malborn said, his voice low and his expression dark. "I've been waiting a long time for revenge. If there is anything you need to smuggle in  armor, weapons, hell even poison, give it to me and I'll be sure to get it in." 

"Why cannot we just wear our normal gear?" Lydia asked. 

Delphine snorted, "Because this is a very fancy, high society party thrown by some snotty High Elves. They would never allow anyone to just walk in armed to the teeth." Delphine gestured to a package next to the bed. "I took the liberty of getting you some suitable clothes for this sort of function. Only the Dragonborn will go. No housecarls, not even for Lady Elisif if she were to attend." 

I unwrapped the package and wrinkled my nose at what passed as fine quality clothes in Skyrim. Nords seemed to thrive on clothes that did not flatter a woman's figure in the slightest. They may be thick and warm, but never attractive or colorful. I casually tossed it on the floor. "They're ugly. I'll get my own." 

"They are perfectly fine," Delphine said through gritted teeth, "and I don't know how you expect to get replacements before tomorrow." 

"I know the local clothiers," I said as I kicked the offending cloth away. "They're both Altmer, so I know they'll make exactly the right thing for this affair." 

Delphine growled lowly as she clenched her first. "I told you this is not a game! You are going into enemy territory essentially alone since Malborn will only be able to hide your things and help you find a back door to the private chambers of Ambassador Elenwen. So, don't be picky about what you're going to wear!" 

"You said I had to look the part!" I yelled back. "I know what I like, and that is not it. Tiber Septim, have a little faith!" 

"There's no way I can go with her?" Lydia asked, intercepting herself between me and Delphine. "I should be by my thane's side." 

"No, the Thalmor won't allow it," Delphine said, stepping back. "It can be only the Dragonborn." 

"It will be fine, Lydia," I said flippantly as I got up. "It's just a party. What's the worst that can happen? Now, I think I'll go to the Radiant Raiment and see about getting some real clothes." 

 

Sundas 1 Morning Star 4E 202 2:00 PM 

 

"Your invitation checks out. You may enter," the Altmer guard said. 

I nodded my head and entered the Thalmor Embassy. Delphine had not exaggerated in the level of security in this place. I had been personally escorted from Solitude to here, checked at the gate, checked again at the foot of the building, and then one last time at the entryway. The Aldmeri Dominion did not believe in taking chances with their social affairs. 

An Altmer woman was standing just inside the entryway. I recognized her as Elenwen from Delphine's description that she drilled into me before I came here. Although Elenwen had been at Helgen, I didn't recall her face from that horrible day. I had only seen her for a few seconds before the attempted execution and with the chaos afterwards, most faces had blurred in my memory. She was tall, typical for an Altmer, and dressed in the official Thalmor uniform  a long stiff black robe with a high collar, thick elbow length gloves, and knee high boots. Age was almost impossible to tell with elves since they live so much longer than humans, but she looked mature. Her golden shoulder length hair was swept back in a sensible fashion, and her eyes swept the main room watching her guests carefully. 

"You there," she said abruptly turning towards me. "Who are you?" 

"Diana, thane of Whiterun," I said, suddenly feeling nervous. I mentally thanked the Eight that we had decided that I wouldn't announce that I was the Dragonborn at this party. This was the same woman who had tortured Ulfric during the Great War. I didn't know her actual position in the Aldmeri Dominion nowadays, but I knew that torturers were excellent judges of character and able to read people extremely well. If the Thalmor really were involved with the return of dragons, I wouldn't want them to have an interest in me. 

"I don't recall you on the invitation list," she sneered. "Tell me" 

Before the Altmer could continue asking me questions, a voice to my right spoke up. "Ma'am, we've run out of the red wine. What should I use instead?" 

I turned and saw, to my relief, Malborn standing behind the bar. He carefully did not look at me while he talked to the ambassador. 

"I don't care, you idiot," Elenwen said. "Use the Colovian brandy." She rolled her eyes before walking away in disgust. "Honestly, how hard is it to get good help?" 

Malborn came from behind the counter and offered to take my cloak. As he took it, he leaned close, "I have your items hidden." I had only given Malborn the barest of supplies  a dagger and a handful of lock picks. "There is a door that leads to the kitchens that I will take you through, but we need a distraction first." 

I nodded as my eyes swept the room. The guest list was most impressive. I recognized several jarls  Igmund of Markarth, Idgrod of Morthal, and Balgruuf of Whiterun were all here, as well as Elisif with her thanes. Additionally, General Tullius was here talking to some man I didn't recognize. 

"Keep an eye out for that shrewish looking Nord," Malborn said, indicating a middle aged woman with black hair and sharp facial features. "That's Maven Black-Briar. She owns the Black-Briar Meadery and practically owns the Thieves' Guild and Riften. Lots of people are in her pocket, and there are a not a few stories of those who have crossed her suddenly disappearing. Rumor has it that she's also in good with the Dark Brotherhood." 

I nodded again as Malborn pressed a goblet of wine into my hand. I stepped into the room and made my way to Balgruuf. It would look odd if I did not speak with my jarl first. It was probably against protocol that I had arrived without the rest of the Whiterun contingency. 

"Ah, Diana," Balgruuf smiled broadly when he saw me, "I didn't know you were also invited to this function. If I had, I would have asked you to travel with us. Proventus is a fine fellow, but he's not much of a conversationalist." 

"I didn't know you were coming either, my jarl," I said. "I hope it's not problematic that I arrived later." 

"Hardly," Balgruuf snorted. "These functions are mostly a chance for everyone even slightly connected to the Empire to get together and see who's who." He gestured to the young Imperial woman he had been talking to before I had joined them. "May I introduce Vittoria Vici? She runs the East Empire Company in Solitude. You may have seen some of her ships down at the docks." 

"Pleasure," Vittoria said in a cultured voice. Her expression was a little distant as she spoke. "If you don't mind, Jarl Balgruuf, I need to go. I just remembered some things and I should write them down before I forget them again." She nodded and departed. 

"You'll have to forgive her. Vittoria has a lot on her mind right now preparing for her wedding. She represents a great hope for Skyrim," Balgruuf said jovially. "She is engaged to young Snow-Shod, the co-owner of the Black-Briar Meadery. The Snow-Shod family is strong supporters of the Stormcloaks, while Vittoria here is the cousin of the Emperor.  I can only hope that the rest of Skyrim will see their union as a way for the country to start healing again and become one instead of this ridiculous rebellion." 

"My jarl," I teased, "have you been drinking?" 

"A bit," Balgruuf admitted with a shrug, "but the alcohol always flows freely at these events, and it is getting harder to find proper wine. The border being closed keeps us from a few of the luxuries that trade with the Empire provides." He squinted one eye at me. "Are you going to drink that?" 

"I should get Proventus to keep an eye on you," I said trying to not laugh. I handed the jarl my drink. "I'll send him right over." 

Proventus was speaking with Elisif when I found him. "I do appreciate the Legion using my daughter's forge for the war," he was saying. "She's an amazing worker and a credit to the Empire." 

"The Imperial Army has been most impressed with her ability to deliver her orders," Elisif said. "Especially her first shipment. The soldiers received it in half the time expected." 

"Oh, that's because she had an assistant," Proventus said. He noticed me and nodded in my direction. "Our newest thane, in fact. Well, at least before she was named thane. Diana has been a huge help since she arrived in our hold." 

"I'm actually on a diplomatic mission right now," I said cheerfully. I leaned close to Proventus, "You might want to check on our jarl. I think he's had a bit much to drink." We both looked over and could see Balgruuf waving his arms to some silent song. 

Proventus sighed. "I swear, that man is the best jarl in Skyrim, but the few times he gets out of his hold, he is a terror. The whole ride here he complained about his children and kept asking me how I managed to raise one as fine as Adrianne." He turned to Elisif. "Pardon me, my lady." 

I smiled at the beautiful jarl after Proventus ran off to check on Balgruuf. "How are you, my lady? I haven't seen you in some time." 

Elisif sniffed and turned her back to me. She started to walk away, but I placed a hand on her arm. "What's wrong? I have done something wrong?" 

"Please don't act like you're my friend," Elisif said coldly. I thought my heart was going to break from her tone. "I trusted you. I let you have property in my city. I named you thane in addition to your title with Whiterun. And what do I receive in return? Stories of how you are such good friends with that murderer!" 

"What stories?" 

"How close the two of you are," Elisif hissed, "how you were seen leaving his bed chambers late at night and even in the early morning. Have you no shame? If you wished to throw your lot in with that warlord, that is your choice, but don't come around me and smile to my face while you stab me in the back." 

The young woman's words were hard enough to hear. It was the unshed tears in her eyes that undid me. "Gods, Elisif, I'm so sorry." Part of me wanted to deny the rumor, but even if I hadn't actually slept with Ulfric, I had wanted to and that was close enough to the truth. "I just wanted to hear his side of things. The Civil War is on everyone's lips, and I was curious." I bowed my head. "I just wanted a friend who could understand what it was like to study with the Greybeards." 

"A friend?" Elisif laughed bitterly. "I'll tell you who else Ulfric's friend was. My late husband, Torygg.  That monster would come and visit us in our own home. He was our guest, and he killed Torygg." She dashed her tears away. 

I looked around nervously as the jarl wept. This definitely could qualify as a distraction, but I doubted that Malborn wanted me to be in the middle of it. Luckily no one had noticed us yet, so I grabbed Elisif's shoulders and herded her behind some thick curtains. 

"Shush, shush," I whispered frantically, but it didn't seem to do any good. Elisif just kept crying. 

I felt terrible. I had never considered what Elisif would think or how she would feel. I had always thought of her as my friend, and it wounded me to see her so sad because of me. I had never been in a situation where being associated with someone would hurt another person's feelings. I desperately tried to think of how it must feel from her end, and I just couldn't. I never had any really close to me like a husband or even long term boyfriend. Lydia was the closest friend I ever had, and half the time we were master and servant instead of companions. 

As I ran my hand over Elisif's face, wiping away her tears, I was stunned by how much taller than me she was. It was easy to forget her Nordic heritage since I usually saw her sitting on her throne which was much too big for her thin frame. My hands cupped her face as I drew her close to me. 

"Don't cry, fair Elisif," I muttered. Without thinking, I leaned forward and kissed the other woman on the lips. 

Our eyes both flew open at my action. I jerked back, my cheeks flaming in embarrassment. Oh gods, I hadn't meant to do that. I was just so bad at comforting people. At least the kiss had been chaste. I think I would have died of shame if I had tried anything else. 

At least it caused the other woman to stop crying. Elisif was especially lovely as she stared at me with her wide blue eyes, one hand touching her lips in surprise, and her mouth just slightly open in an 'o' shape. 

"I'm very stupid," I admitted with my head bowed. I tittered nervously. "I suppose you can use this to spread a counter rumor of how I made out with you at a Thalmor party. That should put those stupid rumors about me and Ulfric to a halt." 

"But we didn't really" Elisif trailed off. "Oh, it was just rumors? You never slept with that man?" 

"No," I told her as I wrapped my arms around her in a hug, "but I won't lie to you. I was interested. Ulfric is very charismatic, which I'm sure you know. But I would rather have your friendship than bed him." I placed my head on her shoulder. "I'll make this right somehow. I promise." 

"Thank you, Diana," Elisif sighed as she returned the hug. 

I patted Elisif's back gently. One of the reasons I adored her so much was that she always called me by my name. I was never just another thane or the Dragonborn to her. I was a person. 

Elisif would make a fine queen someday. She currently depended greatly on her advisors and the Thalmor embassy to keep her country safe, but I thought that given time, she would find her own path. 

"You should go before those rumors you joked about actually happen," Elisif sniffed. She scrubbed her face. "I need a few moments to compose myself. I cannot go out there looking like Oblivion warmed over." 

"You're always pretty," I said, giving her a kiss on the cheek. Part of me wished that I could follow up on Balgruuf's advice and try to sleep with the lovely jarl, but after months of working for her and her court, I felt only sisterly affection for the woman. Trying to be lovers with Elisif would feel the same way about trying to seduce Lydia, it would be weird. 

Elisif blushed at my compliment. "Go, you," she commanded as she pushed me away. I obeyed, happy that I had comforted my friend. 

Once I was back in the party proper, I looked around trying to figure out what to do next. I was decent at making plans on the fly, but I had a flair for the dramatic that might or might not be appropriate for this setting. I couldn't just ask for something or get it; I had to do it with style. 

"Ah, there she is!" came the unpleasant, boisterous voice of Erikur. I whirled around and saw the Nord approaching me with Ambassador Elenwen. She did not look pleased. "Diana here has been graciously modeling clothes for my sister's shop which is run by a couple of Altmer sisters for some time now. She even convinced Elisif to buy from them. As you know the Imperials are good for business, and business is good for Skyrim. Right, Lady Elenwen?" 

"It is one of the many benefits of our alliance," Elenwen said, sounding bored. 

"As you can see, she is wearing one of their fine creations right now. No doubt inspired by the lovely Summerset Isles. Tell me about this dress, dear," Erikur practically oozed a salesman's aura. 

"Oh, I wanted something appropriate for this gathering," I said nervously. I had made sure the dress didn't have any blue or red that could be construed as favoring the Stormcloaks or the Empire. Although I didn't find it a flattering color, I had settled on the beige heraldry colors of Whiterun. Taarie and Endarie had pitched a fit over "that hideous color," but I had held firm. "I had to show solidarity with Jarl Balgruuf." 

"I'm surprised that you didn't announce yourself as the Dragonborn when you arrived," he chided me as he threw an arm around my shoulder. 

I thought my heart stopped a little when he said that. 

The Altmer suddenly looked interested. Elenwen raised one eyebrow. "I am also a little curious as to why our guest didn't either." 

"I am here in support to Jarl Balgruuf," I said, trying to shrug nonchalantly. No sense trying to deny the claim. I could only hope that she wouldn't try anything here. "My function as the Dragonborn is completely separate." 

"I've told her all about you," Erikur bragged. I could feel a nervous tic forming in my right eye. "I've been writing to the ambassador and detailing all of your adventures thoroughly ever since you came to Jarl Elisif's court." 

It took all of my will power to not clench my hands into fists or grunt in horror. 

"There's nothing you've done that the Thalmor don't know about," Erikur kept talking, completely oblivious to my reaction. 

Delphine was going to be pissed. 

"I would like to talk privately with the Dragonborn about her exploits personally, if you don't mind," Elenwen said smoothly as she extracted me from Erikur's possessive embrace. "Thank you, thane. Your work will be remembered and rewarded." 

The way Elenwen said that made shivers run down my spine. 

The Ambassador grabbed my arm in a firm grip and when she moved away, I followed her. My heart was pounding in my chest. I felt frozen, not sure what to do. Should I make a scene? There were at least three waves of guards between here and the wall. Even if I did make it, I had no protective clothes, no weapons, and no horse. I would be dead within the hour. 

My only hope was to follow the ambassador and hope that Delphine's fears were for nothing. 

Please be wrong, please be wrong, please be wrong, I mentally chanted over and over. 

Once we were out of sight of the party, my entire body froze in place as a green glow hit me. I had been targeted with a paralysis spell. I fell to the ground, completely unable to move. A male Altmer wearing the same clothes as Elenwen but with a hood and a pair of guards wearing elven armor appeared. "Take her to the questioning area," Elenwen said callously as she turned away. "Rulindil, you have my permission to start interrogating her. I will speak to her once this foray is over. There are too many important guests at this gathering or I would do it myself." 

"As you wish, First Emissary," the hooded Altmer said, bowing. He gestured to the two guards. "Pick her up." 

 

Sundas 1 Morning Star 4E 202 3:00 PM 

Before the paralysis spell wore off, the guards dragged me to another building and down into the basement to an obvious torture area. There were several cells, torture devices, and shackles on the wall. An old man was already bound to the wall. He looked tired and bloody. 

The guards efficiently locked me into place and gagged me before leaving. Rulindil settled himself in a chair behind a table with several ledgers. I warily eyed the cat of nine tails and spiked cudgel next to the ledgers. 

"Normally I would employ an assistant while I take notes," Rulindil said with as much emotion as most farmers would about what to make for dinner, "but our other guest hasn't been very vocal, and I highly doubt that you'll speak anything worth noting given your current condition." 

The Altmer fastidiously shuffled the ledgers and ink pot around a bit before taking off his gloves, folding them, and placing them on the table. He rolled up his sleeves and picked up the cudgel. "Besides, it has been a long time since I've had the opportunity to get my hands dirty. And New Life Day is all about contemplation and reflection." 

Rulindil hefted the weapon, testing the weight and finding it to his satisfaction. "Well, let's begin, shall we?" 

I've been in plenty of fights in my life. Usually while working as a guard or exploring a barrow with Lydia. I had even been in a few brawls in taverns after the mead had flowed too much and long. I've been hit, kicked, and cut many times, but at least there was always a reason. 

I had never been tortured before. I had never been someone important enough to know anything someone else would want to know at any cost. So, to be beaten without being asked anything or accused of anything didn't make any sense to me. I screamed as much as I could against the gag, but all it did was make my mouth dry. Tears and snot ran down my face, making it harder to breathe, but I couldn't stop. 

Rulindil just kept hitting me over and over. He would target different areas, never making a pattern so I could develop a tolerance or steel myself against the strike. I thought one of my ribs snapped and blood ran down my body in rivets. The wounds stung from the combination of sweat and tears that I shed. 

I kept thinking that this must have been how Ulfric had felt when he was gagged and going to Helgen. If only if I had my voice! 

"Leave the girl alone, you monster!" the other prisoner shouted. "She's done nothing to deserve your sadistic perverted nature." 

"Maybe you feel like volunteering, Esbern?" Rulindil smirked. "Would you rather feel my whip instead?" 

"I'd rather you went straight to Oblivion," Esbern snarled as he spit at the elf. 

Rulindil growled as he wiped the spittle from his face. He backhanded the old man so hard that his head whipped back with a crack. "If you don't start telling us what you know about the dragons, I'll make this child suffer three times as much!" 

Despite the pain, my interest perked up when Rulindil mentioned that Esbern knew about the dragons. 

"So you decided if you couldn't break me that you would use a hostage instead?" Esbern asked, his cheek already swelling. "It's a shame that the Aldmeri have completely forgotten the concept of honor." 

"I'll deal with you shortly," the Altmer sniffed. He turned to me. "Are you ready to answer questions now?" I nodded wearily.  "Good." He grabbed the back of my head and turned me so I was facing Esbern as he removed the gag. "I am aware of your Shouts, so don't think you'll be able to use your voice on me. If you try anything, the old man will pay the price." 

"I understand," I croaked as I licked my lips. I cleared my throat a couple of times, trying to get moisture back in my mouth. 

"No stalling," Rulindil growled, "and don't think you can twist out of my grasp. I'm stronger than you, girl." 

"I know," I said softly, testing my ability to speak. I hated that I had never met a man I was stronger than. I wasn't weak by any stretch of the imagination. You didn't handle a bow or run a forge without building some muscles, but the men I ran into tended to be hardened fighters and were bigger than me, and height always gave the advantage with leverage. "Funny thing. Not all Shouts are for fighting. **BEX!** " 

"What in Oblivion?" Rulindil yelled as my and Esbern's shackles flew open. 

Before the elf could react, I grabbed the dagger hanging from his waist and plunged it into his chest. I might not be a great warrior, but I was fast when it counted. 

"But," Rulindil stuttered, blood running down his chin, "but you were my prisoners." The look on his face was utter confusion before he fell dead at my feet. 

I stood there, shakingly, trying to not fall when Esbern wrapped an arm around me to stabilize me. The golden glow of healing magic surrounded his hands and seeped into me. "Child, that was amazing! What was that?" 

"The thu'um," I said, "the dragon language of old." 

"You're the Dragonborn?" Esbern whispered. "Praise the gods! I've been looking for you. I am a member of the Blades, and we are sworn to serve the Dragonborn." 

"You know Delphine?" I responded, feeling very confused. It was as if time had sped up. 

"Delphine is alive?" Gods, were we going to stand here all night asking each other questions to our questions? 

"Yes, she's waiting for me in Solitude."  I leaned down and started to undress Rulindil. 

"What are you doing?" Esbern asked, horrified. 

"I don't know about you, but I don't have any extra clothes, and these look pretty warm. We're going to need more than what is on our backs to get out of here," I snapped. Esbern's healing had stopped the bleed and sealed my wounds, but I still hurt and my rib still complained when I moved. "Grab what you can, so we can get out of here." 

As Esbern checked a nearby chest for clothes, I looked at the table where Rulindil had first sat. There were two books there  dossiers about Esbern and Delphine. I grabbed them up and stuffed them into a pocket. They would be useful later. 

The doors to the upper level were thrown open, and the two guards burst into the room dragging Malborn. "We found an accomplice," one of them yelled. He stopped and looked at the scene below. "What happened here?" 

" **IIZ SLEN NUS!** " I Shouted. All three were caught in the ice form shout, but I wasn't too worried for Malborn. The shout was a bit painful, but its main function was to hinder, not kill. I drew Rulindil's dagger again as I advanced up the stairs. The two elves' armor would be perfect to help us escape. 

 

Sundas 1 Morning Star 4E 202 5:00 PM 

The three of us managed to leave the embassy while wearing the clothes of the dead elves. No one wanted to gain the attention of the supposed Thalmor or his guards any more than I had earlier. Even getting mounts was easier than I could have hoped. As we rode away, I turned to Esbern. 

"Why did they have you? What did the Thalmor want?" 

"They wanted to know what I knew about the dragons," Esbern explained. 

"So the Thalmor are involved?" Delphine would be insufferable after this. 

"No, but they are very interested," Esbern said. "We must talk to Delphine as soon as possible." 

"Because of the Thalmor?" 

"No, because of the prophecy," Esbern said with haunted eyes. "Alduin, the World-Eater, has returned to Nirn. And he plans on destroying all of existence."


	21. heiwako

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Copyright Bethesda  
> Comment appreciated!
> 
> We are now officially getting to end game.
> 
> Part 22: [fav.me/d5dpxme](http://fav.me/d5dpxme)

Sundas 1 Morning Star 202 4E 7:00 PM

"By the Nine, what happened to you?" Lydia exclaimed when she saw me.  She ran over and threw her arms around me to support me, but it felt almost like I hug. I leaned against my housecarl, glad to take some weight off my feet for a bit. 

"I went to a high society party," I muttered. My face was still swollen and bruised from where Rulindil had hit me, and I was hunched over favoring the aching rib. Esbern had tried to heal me some more, but the magic had done all it could. 

The trip away from the Thalmor Embassy had been pleasantly easy once we got away. The weather was still cold and heavy snow, but at least we weren't pursued. 

"Where's Malborn?" Delphine asked. Lydia and she had been waiting in her small rented room. "And who is that with you?" 

"Malborn left," I said simply as I sat down on the bed's frame. 

Once we neared the Solitude stables, Malborn had turned to me. "I need to leave Skyrim now that the Thalmor know my face. I am going to travel to the New Gnisis Cornerclub in Windhelm and see if anyone can smuggle me into Morrowind. If you need me, I'll be there until I can get out of here." 

Esbern and I had dismounted, taken off our disguises, donned thick, hooded cloaks and given our horses to Malborn for quicker travel. I had thanked him and wished him fast journey before the elf had rode east as fast as the wind. 

"If you were smart, you would run too," were Malborn's parting words. 

"Got too much to do," I sighed before trekking up the hill to the Winking Skeever. 

"Delphine, I'm surprised that you don't remember me," Esbern chided as he removed his hood. 

"Esbern?" Delphine asked, shocked. "You're alive?" 

"Barely," he said with a wry smile, "and thanks to this young woman. The Thalmor had captured me and were trying to find out what I knew about Alduin's Wall." 

"Who is this man, Delphine?" I asked. Everything hurt and I was exhausted, but I needed to know what kind of situation we were in before getting any sleep. "He said he was a member of the Blades, but we didn't really get to talk as we rode back." 

"This is Esbern," Delphine gestured, "and he is a member of the Blades. By the Nine, I thought I was the last." 

"I hid," Esbern admitted unabashed. "I took as much as I could of the Blades library and hid it so the Thalmor could not destroy the knowledge I had spent my life studying." 

"He was the Master Librarian of our records," Delphine confirmed. "Is this about the return of the dragons?" 

"Pfft, dragons. Dragons can be killed," Esbern snorted. "They were merely the final portent of the end of days." 

The older man sat on the bed next to me. Normally, I would have given him the whole thing, but I was in too much pain to move and he didn't seem to mind. Esbern looked as tired as I felt. "The prophecies have been filled, one by one, and now Alduin has returned, just as they said. The dragon from the dawn of time who devours the souls of the dead from here to the end of time. Alduin will devour all things and nothing can stop him." 

"Oh gods, what can we do?" Delphine asked. 

"Nothing, I'm afraid," Esbern said with a shake of his head, "at least as far as you and I go. The prophecies were quite clear that only a Dragonborn can defeat Alduin. The last Dragonborn." 

"But she's here," Lydia said, pointing at me. "Diana is the Dragonborn." 

"Praise the Divines," Esbern smiled as he placed a hand on my knee. "You have no idea how long I had despaired that the world was doomed. Then I met you at the Embassy, and hope was returned." 

"Just doing my job," I said. I closed my eyes as I leaned against Lydia who was still standing next to me. She wrapped her arm around me protectively, and I swear nothing had ever felt so good. 

"As I said, I came here because of Alduin's Wall." Esbern motioned to Delphine who gave him her map. He marked a place in the Reach. "Sky Haven Temple, constructed around one of the main Akaviri camps, up in the Reach during their conquest of Skyrim. This is where they built Alduin's Wall, where they stored all of their Akaviri dragon lore." 

"I know that area," Delphine said grimly. "It is near a Forsworn camp called Karthspire." 

"Alduin's wall was where the ancient Blades recording all they knew of Alduin. Part history, part prophecy. Its location has been lost for centuries, but I found it again. The Blades archives held so many secrets," Esbern said as he looked at the map. "I think if we go there, we can find out how the Tongues defeated Alduin the first time. It's our only clue." 

"What is a Tongue?" Lydia asked. 

"The old Voice Masters," Delphine said, "back then Nords used the Voice instead of hoarding its power. They served Skyrim instead of hiding on a mountain and praying at the sky or whatever it is they do." The Breton nodded. "Okay, we'll rest here tonight. In the morning, we'll head out for Karthspire." 

"Diana is still hurt!" Lydia protested. "I want to take her to Proudspire Manor and let her rest for a few days." Proudspire Manor was my residence in Solitude. Other than surveying when Elisif gave it to me, I hadn't spent any time there at all, which was a damn shame since it was a beautiful building with an amazing view. 

"No, she should stay here," Delphine said, shaking her head. "It's not ideal, but we cannot get any traveling done tonight with the snow and dark already falling. However, it is better than risking the Thalmor or their agents ambushing us." 

Before Lydia could complain, I chimed in. "They do know who I am now, Lydia. They did this," I motioned to my bruises. "I had to admit it, but Delphine has a point. We can all bunk here tonight. You can get our bed rolls, and we'll sleep on the floor." 

"You should get the bed at least!" 

"No," I shook my head, "Esbern should get it. He's older and he was their prisoner much longer." The old man seemed to have handled the torture better than I, but he still looked bruised and battered. I could only assume they had gone a little slower with him because he was an elder or that he was just better trained to deal with the pain. 

"Okay," Lydia said hesitantly, not find a better argument, "but I'm going to stay right by your side the rest of the night. I never should have left your side. You get into the worst trouble when I'm not there." 

"It's true," I said with a smile. I buried my face against her shoulder, trying to not cry. I had been so scared and had wished over and over Lydia had been with me. I don't know if it would have been better or worse with her there, but I would have felt better. Lydia always watched my back. "I missed you." 

 

Morndas 2 Morning Star 202 4E 6:00 AM

I had gone to sleep shortly after our briefing last night. Despite being on the cold, hard floor with just a bed roll, I had slept long and deeply. If I had any dreams, I didn't remember them, but that wasn't unusually. Sleeping had always been like falling into the Void; I rarely dreamed. Given the last year, I could only be grateful. I couldn't imagine what kind of nervous wreck I would be if I had to relieve my daily activities in my sleep. 

I felt much better this morning. Between Esbern's restoration magic and the healing potions Lydia had given me, I felt much better. Still a little stiff and sore, but my ribs weren't complaining as loudly and my face looked almost normal. 

I put away my things and quickly changed, ignoring the sleeping figure of Esbern. The old man must have been exhausted. I smiled as I threw my blanket over his thin shoulders. I liked him, unlike my first impression of Delphine. Despite the fact that he was also a Blade, Esbern was a lot easier to talk to than his warrior counterpart. 

As I stretched, my stomach rumbled loudly. I had eaten last night, but only a single bowl of stew.  

"What is going on with the Dragonborn?" Delphine asked. I stopped in my tracks. I could hear the Blade and Lydia out in the hall. "She's never been very receptive to me, but at least she was semi-courteous before. Now it feels like everything I say or do, she has to challenge." 

"I don't know," Lydia sighed. "Diana has been getting steadily meaner. She snaps at people around her and gets defensive at the slightest criticism. The worst part is I don't think she's even aware of it." 

Lydia thought I was mean? I growled softly to myself. Thatjerk! 

I pulled the door the rest of the way open loudly and entered the hallway. Lydia and Delphine both acknowledged me with greetings, but there was no hint on either of their faces that they had just been talking about me. 

I was going to have to keep an eye on those two. 

 

Morndas 2 Morning Star 202 4E 4:00 PM

"We're at Karthspire," Delphine announced. She pointed to a hill. "We need to be careful. Forsworn live in these hills. They are a wild and fierce people who worship Hagravens, so negotiation with them is out." She dismounted from her gelding. "Let's start looking for the entrance to Sky Haven Temple." 

The rest of us followed suit as we ascended the nearby mountain.  I was grateful that it looked like it was going to be a clear day. The weather had lifted and there had been no snow on the way down here. I was still wrapped in more layers of furs than the Nords, who never seemed affected by the cold, but at least I didn't feel like I was going to freeze to death. 

"You've been quiet," Lydia commented softly as we followed Delphine. 

"Just a lot to think about," I replied. I had spent most of the trip worrying about what I had overheard Lydia saying. I knew I should be worrying about Alduin, but the whole end of the world thing didn't feel real. My friend's comment had been. 

"We'll get through this like we do everything," Lydia said comfortingly. 

"Lots of screaming, tears, and accusations?" I asked with a bark of laughter. 

"Together," Lydia insisted as she took my hand and squeezed it. "We're in this together." 

"Even if I'm the only one who can do anything?" 

"I've got your back," Lydia reminded me. 

"Thanks," I said, "I"

My reply was cut off when an arrow zipped past my face and struck my stallion. Number Four cried out in pain before falling at my feet. 

"Forsworn!" Delphine called out too late as a group of barbarians swarmed out from their hiding place behind the rocks. She drew her long dai-katana before running forward with a warrior's cry. 

"Gods dammit!" I yelled as I pulled out my bow. Lydia had her shield out and up in a protective stance as she stood between me and the attacking Forsworn. Arrows rattled off the shield like rain hitting a metal roof. 

Esbern had taken cover behind a nearby boulder. He started shooting balls of fire at the rear guard of the Forsworn to avoid hitting Delphine who was in the middle of a group. 

I had never seen Delphine fight humans before and I had to admit that I was impressed. For someone in her fifties, Delphine moved with precision and speed of a dedicated warrior. Pretending to be an innkeeper had not dulled her skills at all. 

"Go," I commanded Lydia, "I'll be okay." 

The housecarl nodded once before she joined Delphine in the fray to protect the older woman's back. I crouched next to another boulder away from Esbern so the Forsworn couldn't focus their fire. I closed my eyes, quickly prayed to Kynareth before drawing by bow, and started to focus on my breathing. 

Breathe in. 

Open my eyes. 

Find a spellcaster. 

Raise the bow. 

Pull the arrow. 

Release the arrow. 

Breathe out. 

A woman dies. 

There was chaos everywhere. Forsworn screaming, metal clanging on metal, blood flying everywhere with the occasional head or limb, lightning crackling, and fire burning. I tuned all of it out as I sought the Void. There was only my target, my bow, and me. 

The fight seemed to last forever and end quickly at the same time. That was how combat always felt for me. In the end, there were over a dozen dead Forsworn, and the four of us still standing. Delphine and Lydia were standing back to back, breathing heavily and cut in several places, but at least in one piece. 

Esbern was looking a little charred where some spells had gotten him, but he was on his feet. 

Other than losing my horse, I was fine. Archery gave the most range of all the fighting options, so the Forsworn had never touched me. Fighting these last three months or so had trained me to be much more aware of my environment, so I was able to take out any enemy who had tried to target me before he could attack. 

"If everyone is good, let's keep moving," Delphine barked as she sheathed her sword. "I don't want to have to worry if more Forsworn will follow these dead fools." 

I grabbed my gear off Number Four before following Delphine. 

"I'm sorry," Lydia said as she fell into step with me. 

"Why?" I asked dully. "It was just another horse." 

 

Morndas 2 Morning Star 202 4E 6:00 PM

"Hm, yes, this definitely is old Akaviri architecture," Esbern murmured. "We've definitely found the right place." 

"That's always good to hear," Lydia said. 

"We need to figure how to get that bridge down," Delphine said, pointing to a draw bridge that was in the up position. 

"It probably has to do with these," Esbern said pointing to three rotating pedestals similar to ones Lydia and I had seen in any barrows. "The three symbols are Akaviri for king, warrior, and Dragonborn." 

"These have gotten tragically simple," I said as I leaned forward to rotate them so they all pointed to the Dragonborn symbol. "Honestly, ancient Nords weren't very clever. They probably shouldn't just leave the clue out it the open like they do." 

"If they didn't, we would never get anything done," Lydia chided playfully as she passed me. 

The bridge led to a room that had stone tiles on the ground that had the same three symbols. Lydia stepped on one and gout of flame shout out. I managed to grab her and pull her back before she could be burned. 

"By Talos, that was close," Lydia muttered. 

"I got your back," I teased, trying to hide my own pounding heart. 

"Which one did you step on?" Delphine asked, all business. 

"I think it was that one," Lydia said, pointing with her foot to the closest tile. It had the symbol for king on it. 

"We'll just have to figure out the pattern," Delphine said. She pointed to the opposite side of the room to a chain. To the right side of the room, nowhere near the chain, the path continued. "If we pull that, then we should be able to cross safely." 

**"FEIM!** " I Shouted, turning ethereal. I skipped over to the chain and pulled it when I returned to the mortal plane. 

"You realize that we probably could have had someone cross stepping on the Dragonborn symbols, right?" Esbern asked belatedly. 

"Maybe," I said as I rejoined them, "but I'm lazy and I don't think anyone here wanted to risk getting roasted." 

The path led down to a huge open room that didn't have a ceiling. In front of us was a huge seal and beyond that a face. 

"This is it," Esbern said reverently. "You can tell by the bas-relief of Reman Cyrodiil. The Akaviri thought highly of the man." He gestured to the seal. "That's a blood seal. A few drops of your blood will open it." 

I crouched by the seal and gently cut my hand to do as the elder asked. The seal glowed as it absorbed my blood before the bas-relief drew back. 

"You should go first," Delphine said, nodding. She lit a torch and handed it to Esbern before lighting one for herself. "The honor of the first one to see the Temple should belong to the Dragonborn." 

"More like the first to take the risk of tripping any traps," I muttered, but I went ahead as instructed. 

"You can see the influence of the smoother Nordic style over time," Esbern commented as we walked up the stone stairwell. The historian was looking at the carvings in the wall. "Fascinating." 

"We're not here for a history lesson, Esbern," Delphine snapped. 

"Says the woman who wouldn't shut up about the Blades when we met her," Lydia snorted from the rear. 

"That was different!" 

"Shush," I said holding up a hand. We were there. 

Esbern used his torch to light some old braziers that flanked the doorway. The room was huge, all made of stone. There was even a long stone table that had withstood the ravages of time. Carvings were everywhere, but what drew our eyes was the long wall that dominated the room. 

"This is it," Esbern whispered as he walked forward. "Alduin's Wall." 

The old man lovingly ran his hand over the monument. It held several sections divided into panels displaying scenes of combat and a dragon who was obviously Alduin. 

"This first panel depicts Alduin at the beginning of time," Esbern said. "The middle part shows Alduin's defeat, the Tongues using a Shout against him. I have no idea what Shout they could have used though. It looks like whatever they used caused him to fall from the sky. The third panel has the prophecy: 

_"When misrule takes its place at the eight corners of the world_  
When the Brass Tower walks and Time is reshaped   
When the thrice-blessed fail and the Red Tower trembles   
When the Dragonborn Ruler loses his throne, and the White Tower falls   
When the Snow Tower lies sundered, kingless, bleeding   
The World-Eater wakes, and the Wheel turns upon the Last Dragonborn." 

 

"That's the same one Viarmo showed me in The Book of the Dragonborn," I said.  

"Yes," Esbern nodded, "that is how I knew the portents had been fulfilled. I am glad to see that someone else here knows a bit of history." Delphine just rolled her eyes at his comment. 

"Have you ever heard of a Shout that would knock a dragon out of the sky?" she asked. 

I thought about all of the Words of Power the Greybeards had taught me. "No, I've never heard of anything like that." It didn't really make sense though. Why would a dragon need or want to knock another dragon out of the air? 

"I was afraid you were going to say that," Delphine sighed. "I guess we're going to have to ask the Greybeards for help. I was hoping to avoid that, but we have no other choice." 

"What do you have against the Greybeards?" Lydia asked. "They've been nothing but helpful to us this entire time." 

"If they had their way, the Dragonborn do nothing but sit up there on their mountain and pray at the sky or whatever it is they do," Delphine snarled. "They're afraid of power. They're afraid of her. Think of Tiber Septim. Do you think he would have founded the Empire if he had listened to the Greybeards? 

"That's hardly true," I snorted. "Arngeir couldn't get us out of High Hrothgar fast enough." Although in all fairness, he would have been happiest if we, or at least I, could have adopted the quiet meditations of the Greybeards. "Don't worry. I'm not afraid of my own power." 

"Okay, here's what we're going to do," Delphine said as she set her bags on the table. "Esbern and I will stay here and see what else we can find from the old Blades. This will make an excellent base of operations. No one knows where it is, and in the case of discovery, it is extremely defensible." 

"In the meantime, Lydia and I will travel to High Hrothgar and see what Arngeir can tell us," I finished. "Sounds like a plan." 

"Try to not dawdle," Esbern cautioned. "We don't know what kind of time table Alduin is moving on. As an immortal dragon, he might take years or he could take months." 

I shuddered at the thought. Five months had already passed since Alduin showed up at Helgen, and we had only now discovered what his plan was. I had no idea how long he had been free before then either. Still, we had a plan for the first time since I had arrived in Skyrim. 

As Arngeir liked to say, he couldn't tell me what my destiny was, but he could at least show me the path. It felt good to see the path for the first time.


	22. heiwako

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Copyright Bethesda  
> Comments Love! (Seriously, they help me write.)
> 
> I love Paarthurnax, but I do hate writing his dialogue. I don't mind when I'm posting to FF.net, but here I have to put html for EVERY draconic word. No doubt people are tired of me complaining about it, but ...argh.
> 
> Part 23: [fav.me/d5dxe6j](http://fav.me/d5dxe6j)

Loredas 7 Morning Star 202 4E 4:00 PM 

"Back already?" Arngeir asked. "I didn't expect you so soon." 

"Believe me, it wasn't entirely by our choice," I huffed. I was so cold. It felt like I was always cold. I remembered thinking Cyrodiil winters were cold, but now after half a year in Skyrim, I was missing them fondly. "The weather was atrocious." 

It had taken us five days to get to the top of High Hrothgar. Even then, we should have taken more time, but I had pushed Lydia to go as fast as possible. Esbern's warning lingered in my mind. We didn't know how much time we had until the end. I was going to be damned if reality was destroyed because I decided I wanted to stop at an inn for some horker sandwiches. 

"There is no guarantee with prophecy," Esbern had told me as we shook hands before leaving. "Only hope." 

Knowing I could fail after being assured that I was the child of fate for so long really worried me. 

"Why didn't you use the Clear Skies Shout to make a path?" Arngeir asked as he helped me knock snow off my clothes. 

"You can do that?" 

"Yes," Arngeir nodded, "it's not just for the path to the top of the mountain." 

"You're a horrible teacher," I teased sticking my tongue out. It really was a comfort to know that we wouldn't have to worry about blizzards slowing us down if I could Shout them out of the sky. 

"Many apologies, Dovahkiin," Arngeir said humbly. "I will be sure to meditate on that when I next pray." 

"I'm starting to think you have some sort of sense of humor, old man," I retorted. "You might want to be careful about that." 

"I do admit that your presence here has been quite the learning experience," Arngeir smiled. "What can I do for you? Have you already found all the words of power I gave you?" 

"No, we've been working on something else," I said, suddenly feeling shy. "I wanted to ask if you could teach me a specific Shout." 

"Which one?" 

"Dragonrend." 

Arngeir's normally calm, cheerful face became stern and disapproving. "Who told you about Dragonrend?" 

"The Blades," I admitted. I suspected that there was no lost love between the two factions given Delphine's commentary when I last saw her. Unfortunately, I was right. 

"The Blades?!" Arngeir almost actually raised his voice. "They are nothing but trouble. The Blades are supposed to serve the Dragonborn, but instead they try to have the Dragonborn serve them. They care about power and destruction  the complete antithesis of the Way. 

"Why do you hate the Blades?" I asked. "Did you know any of them personally?" 

"Not hate, but distrust. They have always sought to turn the Dragonborn away from the path of wisdom," Arngeir said. "I have not known any, but their history precedes them in this manner. Their line is as almost as old as ours." He placed his hands on my shoulder. "I cannot tell you who to associate with and who not to, Dovahkiin, but I do recommend that you be wary of these people. A snake does not change its nature because it has molted its skin." 

"I'll keep that in mind, Arngeir," I said hesitantly, "but I still need to learn about Dragonrend. I have learned that Alduin wishes to destroy the world. It is the Shout the old Tongues used to defeat him. It is the weapon I need for this upcoming fight." 

"Maybe Alduin is not supposed to be defeated. Maybe the world is supposed to end and be reborn," Arngeir sighed. 

"Do you truly believe that with your pacifistic training?" I asked skeptically. 

"It is not my preference," Arngeir admitted, "but that does not mean it may be the truth. That is why I meditate  to separate desire from reality. Just because I want something, that does not mean I should have it." The Greybeard shrugged. "It is irrelevant. I don't know Dragonrend. It has no place in the Way of the Voice. The knowledge of Dragonrend was lost in the time before history began. Perhaps only its creators ever knew it, but I am not the one to speak of it to you." 

"What is so bad about it?" I asked. Arngeir had never cautioned me against knowledge before, especially in regards to the thu'um. 

"It was created by those who lived under the unimaginable cruelty of Alduin's dragon cult. They poured their anger and hatred into this Shout," Arngeir explained. "When you learn a Shout, you take it into your very being. In a sense you become the Shout. In order to learn this Shout, you will have to take this evil into yourself." The elder tucked his hands into his long sleeves. "I do not want you to experience this, child. I have taught you words that are part of the natural world, words that enhance what you should strive for  peace and harmony. Dragonrend may destroy part of you, and for that I would mourn." 

"If the Shout is lost, how will I defeat Alduin?" I asked frustrated. Arngeir seemed pretty dead set against me learning something that he claimed no longer existed. 

"Paarthurnax knows." 

"Then I must go visit him," I said firmly. 

 

Loredas 7 Morning Star 202 4E 6:30 PM 

The trip to Paarthurnax went quicker this time since I knew where I was going, but I was exhausted by the time I got to the top of the mountain. I dreaded the trip back. 

"It is late, _briinah_ ," Paarthurnax commented. His serpentine neck swerved around so his head was as close to me as possible. My vision was filled with one large eye. "It will be dark soon. Do you plan on staying the _vulon_ , night? What do you wish to _tinvaak_ , speak about that could not wait until morning?" 

"I need to talk to you about Dragonrend," I chattered. Despite the multiple layers of furs and clothes, I was chilled to the bone. Walking hours by myself up the mountain had taken its toll on me much more than I had expected. 

The mighty golden dragon slid off his perch on the ancient word wall so that he was next to me. Paarthurnax maneuvered a wing to keep the wind off me as we spoke, and he moved his triangular head so his warm breath washed over me. 

"Oh gods, that feels good. Thank you," I sighed, pressing against the warm scaled body. 

"If we are to _tinvaak_ , I would have you speak clearly and without stuttering," Paarthurnax said. " _Jorre_ are very fragile." He sighed. "You've come to seek your weapon against Alduin." 

"Yes, Dragonrend," I repeated. "Arngeir said that it was lost, but you would be the one who would know how to find it." 

"I do not know the thu'um you seek. _Krosis_. It cannot be known to me. Your kind  _jorre_  mortals made the Shout. Our minds, _hadrim_ , cannot even comprehend its concepts," Paarthurnax said. "I cannot even tell you the words of power that make the Shout. I don't know. I have not heard it. It was completely created by mortals. It was supposed to force a dragon to experience mortality  an incomprehensible concept to the immortal _dov_." 

"How can I learn it, then?" I whined. 

"Why do you want to learn this thu'um?" 

"I like this world. I do not want it to end," I said. "It's where I keep all my stuff." 

" _Pruzah_. As good reason as any," the dragon muttered, completely missing my scorn. "Many feel as you do. Some would say that all things must come to an end. Perhaps this would is simply the egg that is waiting to hatch. Would you stop the next world from being born?" 

"The next world will have to take care of itself," I grumbled. "I don't know if there is even one, but I do know this one exists, and there are many good things in it. I've seen some terrible people since I've come to Skyrim. There have been bandits, Thalmor, and politicians, but there have also been Adriannes, Klimmeks, Elisifs, and Lydias. Good people. Kind people. They deserve to live their lives happily and as many days as they can get and not be devoured by some dragon god of destruction." 

" _Paaz_. A fair answer," Paarthurnax contemplated. "Do you know why I live here, at the peak of the _Monahave_ n  what you name the Throat of the World?" 

"No. Dragons like mountains, right?" 

"True," the dragon grinned, his mouth full of teeth. "This was the very spot where Alduin was defeated by the ancient Tongues. _Vahrukt unslaad_. Perhaps none other than me remember how he was defeated." 

"It was the Dragonrend, right?" 

"Yes and no. _Viik nuz nk kroon_. Alduin was not truly defeated either. If he was, then you wouldn't be here," Paarthurnax snorted. "The Nords of those days used the Dragonrend Shout to cripple Alduin. This was not all. It was the _Ke_ l  the Elder Scroll. They used it to cast him on the currents of time." 

"Are you saying the ancient Nords sent Alduin forward in time?" 

"Not intentionally," Paarthurnax explained. "Some hoped that he would be gone forever, forever lost. _Meyye_. But I knew better. _Tiid bo amativ_. Time flows ever forward. One day he would surface, which is why I have lived here. For thousands of mortal years I have waited. I knew where he would emerge but not when." 

"But he's already here. How does any of this help me?" I asked, frustrated. 

" _Tiid krent_. Time wasshattered here because of what the ancient Nords did to Alduin. If you brought the _Kel_ , the Elder Scroll back here to the Time Wound, you could cast yourself back to the other end. You could learn Dragonrend from those who created it." 

"That would be wonderful if I knew where to find an Elder Scroll," I said sarcastically. "Do you know where I can find an Elder Scroll?" I had heard of the artifacts. They were supposed to be Aedric prophecies that both foretold the future and recorded the past. They told the prophecies of heroes, but if not read correctly could cause blindness or madness. They were powerful, dangerous, and extremely rare. 

" _Krosis_. No, I do not," Paarthurnax answered. I was starting to suspect that dragons didn't understand sarcasm. 

I sighed. "Then I better either go to Winterhold and ask the librarian there or go to Solitude and talk to the bards." I gave a one armed hug around the dragon's huge snout. "Thank you for your help, Paarthurnax. You couldn't give me what I wanted, but you at least gave me more information than I had and pointed me in a direction." 

"I am simply doing my job," Paarthurnax said, sounding pleased. He backed away from me before taking wing. As he flew above me, he said, " _Su'um ahrk morah_  breath and focus," before going to wherever he meditated when not speaking to me. 

I sighed as I started the path back down. I had sort of hoped that Paarthurnax would offer to take me back to High Hrothgar. It was a foolish hope. What dragon would ever let a mortal ride on him? At least the trip was all downhill. 

 

Loredas 7 Morning Star 202 4E 8:30 PM 

"I'm back," I called as I entered the monastery. 

"Welcome, my thane," Lydia called as she came running from a wing. She grabbed my furs and helped pull the frozen material off me. "How did your talk go?" 

I had told Lydia that I had gone to speak with Paarthurnax, the leader of the Greybeards, but not anything else. I wasn't sure how she would feel about him being a dragon, and Arngeir didn't want to spread the fact. There would be those who would not understand and neither of us wanted to risk the old being's life. 

"He didn't know the Shout," I said as I drew off my gloves and flexed my fingers, "but Paarthurnax thinks that if we obtain an Elder Scroll and bring it back here, we might be able to use it to discover the Shout." 

"Oh, is that all?" Lydia rolled her eyes. "And here I thought that you were going to ask something difficult for me to do." 

"I know, right?" I chuckled. "We'll head out in the morning to Winterhold College. I think they are our best bet for knowing where to find one. Viarmo, the headmaster of the Bard's School, once told me that the head librarian has the most extensive collection in Skyrim, especially in arcane subjects." 

"You lead, I follow," Lydia said dutifully. 

"Leaving already?" Arngeir said woefully. He offered me a cup of hot tea, which I greedily took. "You just got here." 

"I know, but there's a lot to do and not a lot of time to do it in," I said. "Maybe once this is all over and I don't have the fate of everything on my shoulders, I'll come and spend some time here." 

"I have gotten spoiled having someone to talk to," Arngeir admitted. "Do you think that you're rushing too fast?" 

"I have a few side trips that I need to make," I confessed. "I made some promises and I want to try to fill them before we go to Winterhold." 

"Do you think that is wise, my thane?" Lydia asked. 

"Maybe, maybe not," I shrugged, "but my promises are important to me, and if I don't do them now then I may never get a chance. What if I die while fighting Alduin? What if Alduin wins?" 

"It will hardly matter then, will it?" 

"I was raised to believe that a promise made was a promise kept," I insisted. "I don't see any reason to change now. It won't take much time. Besides, I'll send a courier ahead so Urag gro-Shub will be ready for our request. It's unlikely that he'll know ahead of time exactly what we need and he'll need time to research. It's really just as beneficial for us." 

"As you wish, my thane," Lydia said, rolling her eyes. 

 

Middas 11 Morning Star 202 4E 6:00 PM 

"You have to admit that went easier than expected," I crowed as Lydia and I stabled our horses at the Windhelm Stables. 

Thanks to the new application of the Clear Skies Shout, we were able to quickly travel to Korvanjund, the tomb that held the Jagged Crown that Ulfric had asked me to retrieve. Korvanjund had been a very simple tomb with only one puzzle trap and a set of draugr to guard it at the end. No winding tunnels or switchback routes to confuse us. I almost felt bad for not doing it sooner. 

"We even have some nice new shiny things to sell," Lydia joked. 

"Yes, yes, I know. As an Imperial I love to shop and get good bargains," I laughed, "so sue me." 

"Why aren't you wearing your dragon scale?" Lydia asked as we entered the city. 

I looked down at the normal clothes I had changed into at the stables. "It's complicated," I answered. I didn't think I could explain to Lydia very well about all the rumors regarding Ulfric and me. She probably knew most of them and maybe even believed them given her first hand experiences with me, but I was too embarrassed to discuss the matter. 

I knew now how delicate reputation was and I didn't want to feed the gossip by appearing in my armor. Most people probably only recognized me by my gear, so being in regular clothes would make me less noticeable. 

"It's too late to go to the Palace of the Kings tonight," I said as we headed to the Candlehearth Inn. "We'll rent a room, do some selling and buying, and then get a good night's sleep. Tomorrow, I'll go to the Palace of the Kings and give Ulfric the crown. Then we'll be off again. Easy, peasy." 

"It's never 'easy peasy' with you," Lydia chided. 

"Someday it will be," I remarked. 

"I doubt that." 

The plan went pretty smoothly. We got our rooms, dropped off our extra gear, ran down to the market, and even managed to do a quick run to Sadri's in the Gray Quarter for a few extra items. As we were returning, I noticed Calixto's House of Curiosities again. 

"I wonder if it's open," I muttered out loud. I tried the door and found it locked. Damned place was closed again. "Dammit, dammit, dammit!" I yelled as I kicked and pounded the door. Would these people never be open? 

"I could die of embarrassment," Lydia muttered as she hid her face in her hand. "Are you intentionally trying to act like a moron since you're not in your armor right now?" 

"I'm just so frustrated with this place," I grumbled as I gave the door one last kick. "It's never open. I wanna see what's inside." 

"Grow up!" Lydia teased as she pushed me towards Candlehearth. "We don't want to stay out too late. I hear they still haven't caught that serial killer yet." 

 

Middas 11 Morning Star 202 4E 9:00 PM 

"You're Torbjorn Shatter-Shield, aren't you?" 

The older man, probably in his fifties, looked up from his mug of ale. I could see four empty mugs surrounding his current one. "Who wants to know?" he mumbled. 

"I'm Diana," I said, offering my hand. He looked at it dubiously. I cleared my throat before taking my hand back awkwardly. "Um, I've heard a bit about you." 

As native Nords of Windhelm, the Shatter-Shield family was completely dedicated to Ulfric Stormcloak and his rebellion. Torbjorn, the head of the family, owned a business down on the docks of Windhelm and had hired Argonian workers to get the job done. On some twisted level, Shatter-Shield felt that he was doing the lizard folk a favor by allowing them work at all, even if it was a tenth of the normal wages of untrained Nords. 

To complicate matters, the Shatter-Shields had recently lost their family war axe causing a great loss of honor. Some were saying the clan was cursed since their daughter, Friga, was the first known victim of the Butcher, the serial killer stalking Windhelm. 

"I have a business proposition for you," I said, sliding next to the Nord. I gestured to Elda to bring us more drinks. "I think you'll find it most agreeable." 

 

Turdas 12 Morning Star 4E 202 8:25 AM 

 

"Neetrenaza, I've managed to secure a trade agreement with Torbjorn Shatter-Shield. He promised to give you wages equivalent to the Nords, so if he tries to do anything less, be sure to present this." I handed over the sealed scroll with all the legal technicalities for the new pay rates. 

 

"Thank you, landstrider," Neetrenaza said accepting the scroll. "How did you manage to convince Shatter-Shield?" 

 

"I'm very persuasive," I said, rubbing the palm of my right hand against my tired eyes. They felt swollen from lack of sleep. I had stayed up all night restraining from screaming at Shatter-Shield while liberally plying him with tankard after tankard of mead. The man had the constitution of a bear. I didn't think it was possible for anyone to drink that much. 

"Why did you do this?" Neetrenaza asked. "Did one of the others ask you to?" 

"No," I said, "I did it because it was right. The Argonian workers deserve equal pay for equal work. Ulfric is too busy with his war and no one outside of Brunwulf Free-Winter seems to care about the conditions of the citizens of this city. So, I thought maybe a little outside influence might be what was needed to get things moving." 

"I don't know what to say," Neetrenaza said, looking stunned. "This money will help feed, clothe, and shelter so many families. I hope that we will be able to save up enough to have our own housing instead of being forced to live in the Assemblage." 

 

I stifled a yawn as Neetrenaza spoke. My jaw cracked painfully as I tried to repress it. The Argonian's startled glanced made me chuckle. "Excuse me," I said. 

 

"No, pardon me," he said. "You were obviously very busy all night dealing with my problem. I should get back to work anyway. Don't want to risk giving that man any reason to complain." 

 

I waved goodbye and quickly left the docks. My bed was calling to me, and I couldn't wait to get away from the smell of fish curing in the morning sun.  

As I opened the door to Candlehearth, I almost bumped into a small figure. He was a bit cleaner and a little better fed, but I had no problems recognizing Aventus Aretino. Although I was happy to see he had a loaf of fresh bread and wheel of cheese in hand, I felt a pang of guilt. I had gotten so wrapped up with dealing with Alduin and my guilt over killing Grelod, I had forgotten about the small boy. I had assumed someone would have come and gotten him by now. 

Looking up to apologize, Aventus squealed joyfully.  "You came back! I knew you would," he said with youthful exuberance. 

I frantically looked around to see if anyone had noticed Aventus' announcement. I pulled him outside and closed the door before he could continue. It had been no small secret about Aventus' attempts to contact the Brotherhood. Even if the rumors were dying down now, I didn't want the Dragonborn connected to them. 

"I'm glad to see you look better," I said pleasantly. "I was worried." It wasn't a complete lie. Although I had pushed Aventus out of my mind, I had been concerned about him all alone in that house. 

"Oh, don't worry, I won't tell anyone," Aventus said in a conspirator tone. He winked.  "Please, come to my house, I have your payment." 

 

I followed him because it would be simpler than trying to quiet him on the steps of the inn. He lived close by; odds were we would be done in ten minutes and then blessed sleep. 

When we entered the house, I was pleased to see that it was much cleaner and warmer than last time. The remains used in the macabre ritual were long gone. I had no idea what he had done with them, but as long they weren't still here, I was pleased. Aventus hummed happily as he put his groceries away before picking up my "payment." 

"Here, take this," Aventus pushed a silver plate into my hands. He looked at me excitedly, proud of his ability to pay the supposed dark assassin who had killed the woman who had tormented him and his friends. "It belonged in my family for a long time. You could probably get a lot for it." I appraised the plate and decided it might fetch twenty septims. Its value was worth more, but merchants never paid full price. It was a pitiful amount of money to pay for someone's life, but I honestly couldn't say that Grelod's life was worth more. 

If I didn't think it would insult the boy, I would have just refused his payment, but I had become quite accommodated with Nordic pride. Although the boy was an Imperial, as far as I could tell he had spent his whole life here in Windhelm. The city was too proud of its old traditions for me to believe Aventus had been raised any other way. And there was always something to be said for a person to not wanting to be indebted to another. 

"I'll keep it to remember you by," I promised, dropping to my knees to give the boy a one handed hug, "but you have to promise that you'll return to Honorhall." A look of terror crossed Aventus' face. "Don't worry, Grelod is gone. Constance is a lovely woman. She'll take care of you and your friends and find you a new family." 

"I'll... think about it," was all Aventus would say. 

Part of me wanted to push the boy on the matter. I felt if I insisted that he promise then he would have been honor bound to fulfill that promise. But I was exhausted. Not only was I tired from staying up all night dealing with Torbjorn, but I was often tired from all of the long days of traveling with Lydia. The stress of the upcoming battle with Alduin had left me frazzled. I would often lay awake at night with my stomach in knots as I not only thought of the upcoming days, but I couldn't forget about Helgen. 

I wanted nothing more than to fall into the Void of sleep and sleep and sleep. Maybe even for days. But my mind was too active and I wouldn't stay asleep longer than six, sometimes five, hours at a time. It was wearing on me. 

So in the end, all I did was nod and smile. Aventus looked so relieved at my gesture that I felt a stab of pain for him. At least the terror was over for the boy. "I have to go," I said as I put the silver plate away. "If I come back to Windhelm, I'll try to check on you." 

I suppose on some level I knew that Aventus would never willingly go back to Honorhall. He had seen hell there with Grelod as its own personal daedra lord. It was much more comforting for him to stay in an empty house with no source of income or family than return to a place that had tortured him so. 

Even with that in the back of my mind, I still waved goodbye and left him, because I couldn't justify making him relive that terrible time again. It was better to live free than to be beholden to another. That was how I lived; I couldn't expect anyone else to live any differently.


	23. heiwako

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: The scene where Diana stumbled on Ulfric and Galmar discussing her was written on 8/24, almost two weeks ago. I was really excited about it and it popped full formed in my head. It originally led into Galmar asking Ulfric how he didn't break the Dragonborn when they slept together because I had thought they were going to. In fact, I *really* wanted them to. A lot.
> 
> But unfortunately, the timing of the story didn't allow it. It's too close to the end of the tale, and I needed Diana to be all kinds of frustrated by the start of Darkness Rises. Also, after she spent the night, there really was no reason for Ulfric to actually sleep with her. Rumor was good enough for what he needed.
> 
> I know some readers really wanted a steamy sex scene. I apologize.  If it's any consolation, I hate me too.
> 
> Reviews, comments, and PMs loved.
> 
> Part 24: [fav.me/d5e5fae](http://fav.me/d5e5fae)

Turdas 12 Morning Star 4E 202 3:30 PM

"Are you ever going to get up?" Lydia asked. "I thought you wanted to head out early." 

"What time is it?" I mumbled from under my pillow. 

"About three-thirty," Lydia replied. 

"Sweet Tiber Septim!" I yelled as I vaulted out of the bed. "Why did you let me sleep so late? 

"I tried to get you up several times," Lydia snorted, "but you just garbled something and rolled back over. I warned you to not stay up too late drinking with that guy. When did you go to bed exactly?" 

I was ripping off my clothes from yesterday and trying frantically to pull on some new ones without falling down. Lydia leaned over and placed her hand on my arm to help hold me up. "Um, about nine this morning." 

"By the Nine, no wonder you slept so late," Lydia grumbled. "What happened to your plan to save the world?" 

"I got distracted," I muttered. "Look, Ulfric should still be doing his daily prayers. I'll run to the Temple and give him the crown. You can pack our stuff and see about getting some fresh food for our trip." 

"I get all the fun chores," Lydia said. She picked up one of my discarded smallclothes with the tips of two fingers. "I cannot wait." 

"I'll be back as soon as I can," I yelled as I ran out of the room. 

 

Turdas 12 Morning Star 4E 202 4:00 PM

It turned out that I had missed Ulfric leaving the Temple of Talos. I had scurried to the Palace of Kings, hoping to catch the jarl on his return, but there was no sign of him in the great hall. When I asked Jorleif, he had briefly said that the jarl was busy. I suspected that the steward didn't recognize me out of my armor or he wouldn't have dismissed me so abruptly. 

When I couldn't find Ulfric or even his stupid housecarl Galmar in the war room, I had decided to look for him in his room. It wasn't the best solution, but I honestly didn't feel comfortable lingering in the great hall with Jorleif giving me the stink eye. Since I hadn't been announced as the Dragonborn when I came in, then surely there wouldn't be any gossip about me just sitting in the corner chair waiting for Ulfric. 

I was sitting cross legged in the chair with the crown in my hands as I fiddled nervously with it. The Jagged Crown was an odd piece of apparel. It wasn't a crown at all, more of a helmet. The cap was made of heavy steel, but the décor was made of dragon teeth and bones, a material I knew very well by now. The material proved that the crown was very old since before this last year, no one had seen a living dragon since the First Era. Well, not publically anyway. 

As I contemplated the crown, I got more nervous about waiting. Gods, this was probably a bad idea. I knew that Ulfric had a busy schedule. Maybe Ulfric had a dinner planned with a courtier or he was going to be busy looking at his newest soldiers. It could be hours before I saw him. Maybe I could just leave the Jagged Crown here, sitting on the table. 

That might be the best idea. 

I got up and had my back to the door as I placed the crown on the table, when I heard movement behind me. I whirled around, about to scream in surprise, when I saw that it was Ulfric. 

"Do you have a tendency to skulk around?" he asked with a raised eyebrow. "Or is that just in regards to me?" 

"Oh, thank the Divines," I said as I placed my hand on my chest. My heart was beating a thousand times a minute. "You scared me." 

"Sorry," Ulfric said, obviously trying to not laugh. His gray eyes flickered to the crown in my hands. The jarl stepped forward to take the crown from me and examine it, "Is this for me?" 

That's when I noticed that Ulfric was wearing only a towel. 

"Oh, Mara," I muttered, trying to step back away from the practically naked Nord, but found the table in my way. I held a hand up to cover my eyes. "You just came from your bath." 

"Is it that obvious?" Ulfric teased. He placed the crown on the table and cupped my face with his hand, pulling mine away. As he leaned forward, I could clearly see the lust in his eyes. "Most fortunate, wouldn't you say? Not having to bother with all of those pesky clothes." 

Gods dammit! How many times had I fantasized something like this happened? 

"I cannot!" I shouted as I pressed my hands against Ulfric's chest. His warm, muscular, still slightly damp chest. I closed my eyes and turned my head away so I wouldn't be tempted to gawk. Blood was rushing to all of the wrong places. My face was a furious red and I could feel the familiar throb of desire between my legs. 

Why did he have to pick now to want to sleep with me? 

"Why not? Is it your moon flow? A little blood doesn't bother me," Ulfric promised as he ran his lips down my neck. 

Great, now I was going to die of shame as well as embarrassment. 

"It's not that," I stammered. The ability to think was getting much more difficult as Ulfric's hands ran over my body. It had been months since I had last taken a partner, and my traitorous body was loudly reminding me of that fact. "I promised Elisif." 

"Looks like she chose the Imperial-supporting milkdrinker over you, Ulfric," Galmar gloated. I turned and saw the gruff looking older man standing against the wall with his arms crossed. "Why am I not surprised?" 

"How long have you been there?" I screeched. Oh gods, had Galmar been planning to watch Ulfric and me have sex? 

"Don't pay any attention to Galmar," Ulfric said calmly as he gently grabbed my chin and turned me so I was looking at him. "Tell me more about what is going on with Elisif." 

I glanced down because I couldn't stand Ulfric's intense and understanding gaze. When I saw that his towel was only hanging on by a prayer, I quickly jerked my eyes back up to his. "Um, it's just that Elisif is my friend, and she's still really hurt over the fact you killed her husband. I'm not making any judgments on why you did it, but you did. And I don't want to hurt her by continuing anything with you. Especially anything physical, because it would be like a slap to the face for Elisif," I rambled. 

"It's so sweet," Galmar chortled, "that I think I'm going to throw up." He defensively threw his hands in the air when Ulfric shot him a dirty look. 

"Does he have to be here?" I complained. This was awkward enough without Galmar's commentary. At least Lydia wasn't here to add her two septims. 

"He is my housecarl," Ulfric reminded me. "Galmar should be nearby in case I need him. I never know when someone may try to make an attempt on my life." 

"We've been alone before," I grumbled. 

"Are you sure that's what you want right now?" Ulfric gave a lop-sided smile that promised way too much. "I know I wouldn't mind in the slightest, but you seem hesitant." 

"It would be simpler if I just left," I stammered as I edged along the table, away from Ulfric. Thankfully, he didn't try to hinder me. "I should go." 

"Will you return?" he asked, completely unruffled by this whole encounter. My eyes were drawn to his hip as his right hand drifted to his towel to hold the material from slipping further. The damp cloth did almost nothing to hide the silhouette of his flesh. 

"I don't know," I mumbled as I ran out of the room. I knew I should have simply said no, but, gods, I didn't have the willpower in me to stick by that statement right now. 

 

Turdas 12 Morning Star 4E 202 4:30 PM

Once I was away from the very uncomfortable situation I had found myself in, I started feeling very embarrassed. Ulfric must think I'm some sort of idiot by the way I had reacted. I had handled the whole thing so very badly. I really should have thought ahead of what I was going to say when I saw him again, but I have never thought things through very well. It was one of my weaknesses. 

I was throwing random clothes haphazardly into my bag to keep my hands busy instead of dwelling on what had just happened when my hand brushed something metal. 

"Oh dammit," I exclaimed when I saw what it was. I pulled out the box of metal soldiers that had belonged to Ulfric when he was a child. I lovingly held the box in my hands as I examined it. 

It really was a lovely set. Despite being in the earth for decades, the soldiers still looked in excellent condition. Their colors were vibrant and the joints all moved like they should. It looked old too. Maybe they had belonged to Ulfric's father. I sighed as I put the box in my pouch. 

Even though Ulfric didn't have children now, he would have to one day to continue his legacy. He should have the soldiers to give to his future son or daughter. I had no idea when I was going to be back in Windhelm or if I would ever have the chance, so if I was going to give it to him, it would need to be today. 

At least Lydia wasn't back from shopping yet so I wouldn't have to explain why I had to go back to the Palace again. 

 

Turdas 12 Morning Star 4E 202 4:45 PM

I could hear the murmur of voices in the war room as I quickly walked past Jorleif's stern gaze. I sighed in relief. At least Ulfric would be clothed this time. Maybe talking wouldn't be so damn hard and I could explain a little better of what was going on with Elisif. She had told me that Torygg had considered Ulfric a friend once. Maybe if he understood how wounded she was about her husband's death, Ulfric could do something to mend the gap there. Even if they stood on different sides of the war, maybe the friendship didn't have to be destroyed. 

I paused when I heard Galmar say my name. 

"Well, Ulfric, it looks like you lost the Dragonborn," he sneered. "I told you that you should have bedded her when you had the chance." 

"Patience, Galmar," Ulfric reprimanded his housecarl. "I told you that this sort of thing takes time. If I had too soon, then she would have become bored with me and flitted off to Talos knows where." 

"It looks like she flitted off already." 

"She'll be back," Ulfric said confidently. "The Dragonborn is too intrigued by what I can offer her to stay away. I'm mysterious and tragic as well as unobtainable. She'll eventually fall into my bed, and when she does, the guilt of betraying Elisif will bind her closer to me." 

"Honestly, I don't know how you won't end up breaking her," Galmar snickered evilly. "She's almost as small as a Breton." 

"I wonder as well," Ulfric said. There was a cruelty to his voice I had not heard before. "Thankfully, Imperials love to lay back and spread their legs for their betters. I'm sure she'll be able to handle whatever I give her." 

The two Nords laughed together in their shared joke. I gritted my teeth in anger. I was finally seeing Ulfric for who he really was instead of the façade he had carefully crafted for me. 

"When the Dragonborn is yours, will we finally move against Balgruuf?" Galmar asked eagerly. The man had a bloodlust that never seemed to be sated. "He won't dare to stand against us once we have such a powerful weapon." 

Great, now I was a weapon. 

I was shaking with fury. The little metal toy box was in my hands and I squeezed it as hard as I could. I gritted my teeth as I continued to listen to the two oblivious Nords. 

"Balgruuf is a true Nord," Ulfric said calmly, "he'll come around to seeing things our way." A pause. "You think I need to send a stronger message." 

"If you mean by shoving a sword in his gullet," Galmar growled. There was no doubt who he could imagine doing the deed. "Or maybe Shouting him to death like you did Dead King Torygg." 

"Taking his city and leaving him in shambles will leave a much stronger message, don't you think? Especially if we have the Dragonborn lead the march against him." 

I clenched my hands so hard the box bent slightly. It was no secret that I was a thane of Whiterun and my loyalty sworn to Balgruuf. I couldn't believe Ulfric's arrogance that I would turn against my jarl. 

"So we're ready to start this war in earnest then?" Galmar's tone was practically orgasmic. 

"Soon," Ulfric said lazily, "I wish to make sure the Dragonborn is completely with us before the fighting starts. Like Whiterun, she is essential to winning this war quickly. The people will see her as a rallying symbol. Bedding her will be a good start, but I have to be sure that her loyalty is with me." 

"I wouldn't depend on that," I said coldly as I stepped into the war room. I had heard more than enough. Ulfric and Galmar looked up from the planning table. Galmar had a look of disgust like someone who had to endure a small yapping lap dog's shrill barking, while Ulfric at least at the grace to look sheepish at being caught. "I'll never join the Stormcloaks. My bow is Balgruuf's. It always has and always will be." 

"Skulking in the shadows and listening to conversations of your betters?" Galmar snarled. "Why am I not surprised?" 

"Don't act like I'm the one in the wrong here!" I shot back. I turned to Ulfric. "You used me. That was what this was all about, wasn't it? You never cared about me at all. You just wanted the prestige of the Dragonborn by your side for your war despite the fact I've told you repeatedly that I want to remain neutral." I couldn't stop shaking from anger. I couldn't stop thinking of every time Ulfric had smiled at me or touched my hand. Or how he never called me by my name. "You wanted the Dragonborn for your damn story." 

"I know this looks bad," Ulfric said gently. He held his hands out as he approached me. "If you'll let me explain"

"It looks bad because it is bad," I snapped. I couldn't believe that he was actually going to try to spin this into something reasonable. I angrily tossed the box of soldiers on the ground. The lid snapped open, and the little men went rolling everywhere. "I have had enough of your explanations." 

"Ulfric, you need to get your bitch in line," Galmar smirked. "Maybe it's time for you to discipline her. I wouldn't mind watching you spank her. Throwing her over your knee may actually do her some good." 

"I'll discipline you, you **asshole**!" I yelled. On the last word, the thu'um shook through my voice and formed into an unintentional Shout that threw Galmar across the room. 

Ulfric moved quickly, so that he was standing behind me and my arms were pinned as I stood in shock looking at what had happened. I knew the Greybeards couldn't talk much because their words shook the world, but I never thought it would happen to me. 

"I was wondering when the curse of the thu'um would take you," Ulfric said softly, his lips against my hair. 

"You knew?" I whispered, too horrified and scared to speak louder. The air around me still shimmered as I spoke. 

"Of course I knew; I grew up with the Greybeards. It happens to everyone who studies the Way of the Voice," Ulfric confirmed. "The only way to master the thu'um is to be at completely harmony with yourself and the world. Why do you think I'm always in control of my emotions all the time?" 

"Why didn't you tell me?" I wailed. I struggled against Ulfric, but his grip was too strong. "Why didn't you warn me?" 

"I didn't know how long it would take the Dragonborn to succumb to the thu'um," Ulfric admitted. "You have learned so much faster than the Greybeards or I. What took us years only took days for you to learn. Maybe it wouldn't happen since you are Dragonborn. Maybe it would happen faster. I didn't want you to fear your own power. The key is harmony within. If you didn't know, then you would be less likely to activate it." 

Fear my own power? Ulfric sounded too much like Delphine. I might not have been scared before, but I was definitely scared now. 

"Let me go," I begged. I wanted to run away. I wanted to be someplace else that wasn't here. I wanted to be alone and think.  I strained against Ulfric's grasp, thrashing around wildly. "Let me go!" 

The windows shuddered in their panes at my words. Every word was a ripple as it pushed against the world and the world pushed back. 

"You have to calm down first," Ulfric commanded. His grip tightened around me, squeezing me. Between my fear and the pressure, it was hard to breathe, which might have been his intent. I couldn't shout if I had no breath. "You're too panicked right now. If I let you go, you'll scare everyone you pass with your out of control thu'um. You don't want that, do you? To hurt people with your voice?" His grip tightened. "Hush now." 

"NO!" I screamed. The little flags that dotted the map on the table fell over. "LET ME GO NOW!" 

"You're not strong enough to resist me," Ulfric laughed. He was clearly enjoying his power over me. "You're too weak." 

"I'll show you weak," I snarled. I bit down hard on Ulfric's hand. A vicious part of me reveled that when he yelled out in pain, I could feel waves of his own thu'um as he lost control of his temper. 

Ulfric still managed to grab my arm as I spun to run away. He pushed me so I was pressed against the war table with its huge map of Skyrim and fallen flags. His hand grabbed my chin so I was forced to look at him. It was a great risk for Ulfric to take since I could have Shouted him away, but that was probably the point. 

It was difficult to admit, but this was Ulfric in his element. Cold and calculating. Arrogant and proud. This was the Ulfric I remembered from Helgen, unrelenting and in control. Master of everything around him. The world didn't touch Ulfric Stormcloak with its problems. Instead, Ulfric Stormcloak commanded the world. 

It was in that moment that I realizedI hated Ulfric Stormcloak. 

"You may flee now, Dragonborn," Ulfric said, his steel gray eyes boring into me, "but you will return. You won't be able to stay away from me. I am the only person who understands your burden. I am the only one who knows that it is like to be betrayed by your own body. I am the only one to know the power that the Greybeards wield and refuse to use. I'm the only one who will not fear the power that is part of you. I am the only one who can withstand your thu'um. You'll return to me because you won't be able to resist." He smiled cruelly. "And when you do, I'll ask you a very important question. I believe you will say yes because you are weak, dangerous, and in a land that does not want you." 

The jarl of Windhelm released me. 

And I ran away. 

Just as he knew I would. 

I was a cowardly Imperial after all. 

 

Turdas 12 Morning Star 4E 202 5:00 PM

"My thane, what is wrong?" Lydia asked as I burst into the room. Our bags were all packed and ready to go. 

I silently thanked the Eight as I grabbed my backpack and threw it over my shoulder. 

"My thane?" Lydia repeated, her voice heavy with concern. She could see that I had been crying, and I undoubtedly looked a complete wreck. 

I had just found out that the guy I was seriously crushing on had been dangling me along to use as a weapon in a war of his making. I had just found out that if I got upset and tried to talk, I would probably end up hurting someone. I had just found out that people are going to be scared that I'm going to Shout them to death like Ulfric did to High King Torygg. 

But I couldn't tell Lydia any of that because I wasn't sure I could open my mouth right now and not activate the thu'um. I was furious and scared at the same time. Breathing felt almost impossible and I had to focus on controlling it so I didn't start screaming or wailing. 

I shakily pointed a finger to the door as I stomped out. 

"Are you not talking to me?" Lydia demanded. 

I shook my head, the only response I could give right now. I stormed out of the inn with Lydia following quickly behind me. As I practically raced to the stables, Lydia kept asking questions. 

"What happened? What's wrong? Why wouldn't you talk to me? Are you sure we should leave now? It's almost dark!" 

And still I didn't speak. 

When we reached the stables, I pointed at our horses and paid for their care. As soon as Number Five was brought out, I mounted and started galloping down the road at a breakneck pace. Lydia hastily got on her steed and followed. I glanced back and saw her look of concern, but we were going too fast for any further attempts at conversation. 

Part of me regretted not renting a carriage to take us to Winterhold, but I still didn't feel it was safe to speak. My throat felt locked up as if the power of the thu'um was trying to choke me. 

 

Turdas 12 Morning Star 4E 202 6:00 PM

When it was finally too dark to travel any more, I finally pulled my horse off to the side of the road. The poor beast looked exhausted for had I had pushed him as hard as possible. 

I was finally calming down a little, but the anger still surged through me. "Make camp," I gruffly commanded as I stumbled away, "I'll get firewood." 

Lydia's hurt expression followed me as I ran into the woods. Once I was far enough away, I opened my mouth and started screaming. The thu'um rushed out from my lips despite the wordless howls. Trees shook all around me, as far as I could see, many of them dumping the snow that loaded down their branches. Birds burst into songs of complaint as they took flight to get away from the monster that roared in their midst. 

I screamed and screamed until my throat was sore. When I was finally too tired to produce any more thu'um, I fell into a crouch and just silently cried. I had never asked for any of this! I had never wanted to be anything more than a simple wanderer who made her living and met new people and places. 

I didn't ask to be the Dragonborn. 

I didn't ask to be some sort of powerful tool whether it was to be used to end a war or save the world. 

I didn't ask to be some sort of whirlwind of destruction and fate. 

I didn't ask to be Fate's gods damned fool to be toyed with and discarded. 

When the weeping wound down, I reached into my belt pouch hoping I had a handkerchief or some scrap of cloth to wipe my face. Instead, I found the small general who had led the toy soldiers. I had forgotten that I had left him out from the others. 

The smiling blonde general reminded me too much of his former owner. The anger returned, hotter than ever. 

I had sympathized for Elisif before when she had reminded me that Ulfric had, in cold blood, murdered her husband in front of her after coming into their home claiming friendship. Now, I understood that bitterness of betrayal first hand. Ulfric would use any advantage to win. He cared nothing except becoming High King of Skyrim and having the bards sing praises of his glory. Nothing was sacred to him and he would use whatever it took. 

Had everything been a lie? Had he looked at me and regretted that I wasn't a Nord? Had he been repulsed that I was an Imperial, but had touched and kissed me just to win my trust? How many times had he comforted himself with the thought "At least she's not one of the beast kin?" 

"I HATE YOU, I HATE YOU, I HATE YOU!" I ranted over and over. I threw back my arm and tossed the general as hard as I could into the forest. "Damn you to the Void, Ulfric Stormcloak, you **BASTARD,**!" 

Fueled by my rage, the thu'um became flame. It burst around me, melting all of the snow within thirty feet so there was a barren circle surrounding me. Gods, would I never be able to talk again? 

It felt like a part of me that had been slumbering had finally woken up, and it was hungry for death and destruction. I wanted to rend and tear, preferably with my teeth. 

I was furious. 

I was scared. 

I had no idea who I was any more. 

Who was I? What was I? 

 

Turdas 12 Morning Star 4E 202 7:00 PM

A fire was burning with a pot of stew cooking over it when I finally came back to camp. Lydia looked up from her peeling as I sat as close to the fire as possible. 

"I took the liberty of grabbing some firewood. I hope you don't mind," she said dryly. 

"Thanks," I mumbled. I couldn't speak any louder than that. 

"Ah, you're talking to me again. Thank Talos." 

"Sorry. It's not you," I said, feeling ashamed. "It's just"

"You don't want to talk about it," Lydia finished, not looking at me. "I understand, my thane." 

"No, you don't," I said as I scouted closer to my housecarl. I gently took her hand after she had dumped some potatoes into the stew. I had thought I was cried out, but tears filled my eyes. "But thank you for being patient with me. You're my only friend, Lydia." 

Lydia's eyes softened as she patted my hand with her free one. "That's not true. Adrianne likes you." 

Of all the people I had met and helped, I had only two I could truly call friend. Elisif might like me well enough and Arngeir had some affection for me, but I couldn't count them as friends. The Greybeard was my mentor and teacher in the Way of the Voice while the young widow had her own problems. I couldn't go to her with my problems even I had wanted to. 

Lydia patted my hair, helping soothe me, as I placed my head on her shoulder. "I'll feed you and then we'll get some sleep, okay? You're always a little crazy when you're hungry, and you haven't eaten at all today." Lydia handed me a piece of bread that I dutifully chewed. She grabbed a blanket and threw it over my shoulders. "Don't think I haven't noticed that you haven't been sleeping much either. You get some rest tonight, and tomorrow will be a brand new day. You'll see." 

I numbly nodded at Lydia's encouragement. I was already feeling a little better now that I was warm and had something on my stomach. 

"If you ever feel like talking to me, I'm here," Lydia promised. "I'm sworn to carry your burdens, whatever they may be." 

"I'll try," I hedged. My eyes were getting heavier, and I curled up even closer to my housecarl. My stomach rumbled, complaining about the lack of food, but the last several days of hard travel, no sleep, and stress were catching up and the need for sleep was stronger. As I fell asleep, with my head on Lydia's lap, I mumbled, "I love you, Lydia." 

"I love you too, Diana," was the last thing I heard before I tumbled into the blessed nothingness of slumber.


	24. heiwako

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: I really don't like this part of the quest chain. I just feel like I'm running around and sort of following the goal arrow. I find Blackreach beautiful, but honestly I don't think it moved me nearly as much as other players. I hope it doesn't show too much in this chapter that I was just kind of fumbling around like my characters.
> 
> I really enjoy getting to write Diana and Lydia as friends traveling together. Getting to do all the little stupid things that normal people do has gotten more and more fun for me.
> 
> Comments are greatly appreciated. I know I already have amazing turn out for chapters, but they do give me confidence when the mental goblin starts whispering that I suck.
> 
> Part 25: [fav.me/d5eiwl6](http://fav.me/d5eiwl6)

Fredas 13 Morning Star 4E 202 7:00 AM

When I woke after sleeping twelve hours, the sky was still predawn gray. Mist had settled everywhere making it so I could barely see past our camp spot. My head was still cradled in Lydia's lap, and my housecarl was asleep despite being in a sitting position and in her armor. 

I never understood how Lydia was able to snooze in her heavy armor. I found sleeping even in the lightest armor regretful the next day, but it never seemed to bother the Nord. I often wondered if it was part of her bodyguard training or if it was part of that stubborn Nordic heritage. 

The stew Lydia made last night was still warm, having been left hanging over the burning embers of our fire. My stomach growled angrily when I smelled it, and I quickly scooped some into a bowl barely letting it cool enough to eat without burning my mouth as I crammed it into my mouth. 

The first rays of the sun crested the mountain range as I finished my breakfast. Or very late dinner. 

"Feeling better?" Lydia asked. I looked over and saw that she had not moved other than cracking one eye open. 

"Yes, thank you," I murmured as I grabbed more food. 

Now that I was fed and rested, I was much calmer and able to speak again. I was happy to find that was true. 

Although I had felt hurt by Ulfric's betrayal, it wasn't entirely unexpected. I had hoped there could have been true friendship given our shared study of the thu'um, but the jarl had never tried to present himself other than the leader of a rebellion that cared only to oust any non-Nord from their home. 

It wasn't as if I was in love with the man. He was to be another conquest and nothing else. The test of wills had intrigued me, just as Ulfric had known it would. 

What had sent me into hysterics last night had been the discovery of the side effects of the thu'um. I had thought myself immune, safe because of what I was. I thought bleakly of how scared Lydia had been when I had casually mentioned _fus ro dah_ during our first barrow expedition. I thought of the reactions of the guards when we slayed the dragon at the Western Watchtower. I thought of the fear and horror of people as I used whirlwind sprint while shopping. 

I was used to saying my mind when I felt like it. I was used to yelling, shouting, or screaming if the moment took me. I had a temper and sometimes it flared without warning. I couldn't imagine spending the rest of my life fearing that my voice would turn against me any moment. And I exhibited fear with anger, which only made it more likely that I would accidentally activate the thu'um. 

What if I spoke and I hurt someone I cared about? It felt like a horrible nightmare that I would never wake up from. 

I hated that Ulfric's taunts that he was the only one who could understand, because he was right. And it galled me. 

"Ready to talk about what happened?" Lydia asked. "If it helps, I think I have an idea." 

"I doubt it," I said as I shook my head, "and, no, I'm not ready to talk about it." I couldn't stand the thought of Lydia shying away from me when she found out. I didn't want her to look at me with the same fear and loathing as the soldiers had. 

I would tell her later. Maybe after this Alduin mess was dealt with. Definitely after I had time to learn how to control it. There was always later. 

 

Loredas 14 Morning Star 4E 202 2:00 PM

It took a day and a half to get to Winterhold. The roads to the city were in terrible condition and slowed travel terribly. Lydia told me a little about the hold and its biggest city, both called Winterhold. 

Located in the most northeast part of Skyrim, Winterhold was one of the oldest holds of Skyrim. Winterhold city was once of great import since it used to be a capital of Skyrim. About eighty years ago, there was an earthquake that destroyed most of the city causing it to fall into the Sea of Ghosts. 

The College was completely untouched despite earth crumbling completely around it, and many suspicious, magic-fearing Nords blamed the wizards for the tragedy. Without any resources or trade to draw upon, many residents abandoned the city to find homes elsewhere. Now Winterhold was one of the poorest cities in Skyrim, if one didn't include the college, and even that was falling into disrepair because of the lack of students. 

As Lydia and I ascended the steps to the bridge that was the only way in and out of the college, I could see a female Altmer wearing mage robes standing guard at the entrance. 

"Halt," she said once we were close, "my name is Faralda. What is your business with the wizard's school?" Her disdainful look indicated that she highly doubted either of us were spellcasters. 

"I'm Diana Dragonborn," I said lowly, still not confident in my voice, "and I sent a letter a few days ago requesting an audience with Urag gro-Shub." 

"If you don't mind, could you prove who you claim to be before I allow entry?" Faralda asked skeptically. "We've had some trouble with the locals lately trying to vandalize the college." In typical Altmer fashion, her expression was one of slight inconvenience rather than actual irritation. 

I reached into my bag and pulled out my dragon scale helmet to show the elf. 

"You could have stolen it," she said, "or maybe you took it from a body. Some of those do exist, lingering in long forgotten treasure chests." 

"Not like this," I said, showing her the personal insignia I had adopted, a stylized dragon curled into the shape of a crescent moon. "Besides, don't you think if the Dragonborn was dead, even you guys would have heard about it? And do I look stupid enough to be flashing around stolen goods?" 

"Hm," Faralda grunted as she crossed her arms and leaned against the wall, "why don't you just show me that thu'um everyone has been talking about?" 

"Which one would you prefer?" I asked sarcastically. "The one that sets you on fire or the one that freezes you with ice?" 

"Oooh, tough choice," Faralda responded. She looked at Lydia. "I suppose you vouch for her?" 

"Yes," Lydia said simply. 

The Altmer sighed. "Well, you've been polite without screaming accusations about me being a filthy Thalmor agent which is more than I would expect from some hooligans, so I'll assume you're telling the truth. Go on in." She gestured and I could see several well-like structures light up, sending pillars of light into the sky. "Don't cause any trouble if you can help it. Most of the instructors don't tolerate foolishness and I know a few have been waiting to try out new spells." 

"We'll do what we can," I said as I passed. 

"No promises," Lydia commented as she followed. 

 

Loredas 14 Morning Star 4E 202 2:30 PM

"You're welcome to read anything here, but if you damage anything, I'll break your fingers personally," the older male Orc said in way of greeting. The mage's gaze was firmly focused on the book in his hands. He had not bothered to look up when Lydia and I approached. 

"I guess you're Urag gro-Shub," I said, trying not to laugh. 

"You would guess right," he said, finally raising his gaze. "Do you need help looking for a particular scroll or tome?" 

"You could say that," I said jokingly. "I was hoping you would have an Elder Scroll on file." 

"Do you really think I would let you see it if I did?" Urag snorted rudely. 

"What about the Dragonborn?" I asked, fluttering my eyes. "Would you let her see it?" 

Urag's eyes widened with realization. "Oh crap. You're the one who requested the source material, aren't you?" He hastily got up, placed a bookmark in his tome, and put it on the table. "I'll bring you everything we have on them, but it's not much. Don't get your hopes up. It's mostly lies, leavened with rumor and conjecture." 

"What can you tell me about the Elder Scrolls?" I asked as I followed the orc to a bookshelf. "I know almost nothing about them." 

"Reading an Elder Scroll usually requires a rigorously trained mind or the reader risks madness," Urag started. 

"I suppose that rules you out then," Lydia laughed. I kicked her in the shins. 

"Even then," Urag continued, ignoring Lydia's interruption, "the Divines usually take the reader's sight as a price. I have heard there are monastic orders that dedicate their whole lives trying to find and understand the Scrolls. There's supposed to be an order of Moth Priests in Cyrodiil that are the most learned about the Elder Scrolls, but I assume that you don't want to travel that far or deal with the closed border." 

"Good guess," I said. 

"This first book I found to be good about telling about what can happen if you read an Elder Scroll," Urag informed me as he handed me a book titled _Effects of the Elder Scroll_ s. "Even then, you'll get segments that say things like the Scrolls exist but they are also beyond and beneath. Before and after. They are bits of Divine made substance so that we can know them. It is a reflection of all possible futures and all possible pasts. Each reader sees a different reflections and paths. But all of it is true. Even the falsehoods. Especially the falsehoods. Some people who study them devoutly go mad. Really annoying metaphorical crap." 

"Just lovely," I grumbled as I passed the book over to Lydia. "What else do you have?" 

" _Ruminations on the Elder Scrolls_ ," Urag said. He gave me another book. "I have to warn you, it's pretty much impossible to read. Mostly mad ravings from a mage who used to work here named Septimus Signus. He specialized in the Elder Scrolls. One day he decided that he had to get field research if he was going to learn anything new and disappeared up north. He carved a dome out of the snow and ice and made a sort of camp in it. I tried to visit him a couple of times, but he was stark raving mad." 

The orc leaned against a table and sighed, "Last time I went to check on him, all I found was a pile of ash and these contraptions." He pulled out a strange cube and brass sphere. "I can only assume that he managed to incinerate himself while fooling around with Dwemer artifacts since the runes on the sides indicate the lost race's work. I also found notes that mentioned a Dwemer ruin called Alftand. It's about an hour southeast of here. It's supposed to connect to some 'Tower of Mzark'. I couldn't really decipher any additional meaning." 

"Do you think going there will help us find an Elder Scroll?" I asked doubtfully as I examined the cube. It felt heavy, and despite finding no openings, I could have sworn it felt like there could be moveable pieces inside. 

"I think it's a good way to get killed," Urag grunted. "Dwemer were well known for their gadgets and traps. I've heard reports that their machinery still works long after they died and sometimes the Centurions will activate if an intruder is detected." 

"What is a Centurion exactly?" 

"It's a larger than life humanoid automaton that the Dwemer used to guard their keeps," Urag explained. "Very difficult to fight because of their lack of vulnerable anatomy and thick metal plating." 

"I cannot wait," Lydia grumbled. 

"Well, it's something," I said as I held the artifacts up. "Would you mind if I take these? They might be important." 

"Help yourself," Urag said. "They creep me out a bit. I keep worrying that they are the reason Septimus was a pile of ash." 

I held my hand out. "Thank you for all your help." 

"Honestly, I felt like I gave you more questions than answers." The orc shook my hand and paused, suddenly uncertain. "Look, I know it's a long shot, but if you happen to actually find an Elder Scroll because of this, well, would you mind to bring it back here and let me see it? I wouldn't actually read it, but the thought of actually viewing one would be an honor." 

"I'll see what I can do, but no promises," I said. There were too many variables in this situation. Maybe Alftand held something. Maybe the Tower of Mzark, whatever that was, held a clue. Maybe the Dwemer artifacts would be helpful. Urag wasn't wrong when he said he gave more questions than answers. 

Still, we had a path. It was better than nothing. 

 

Loredas 14 Morning Star 4E 202 4:30 PM

The sun was already hidden by the mountains by the time we got Alftand. I was still having problems adjusting my travel time to the short days in Skyrim's winters. I was used to temperate Cyrodiil with her plains that allowed for more daylight. 

It was possible to travel at night, but it was always more dangerous. Predators were more likely to come out, and the shadows could hide pitfalls or traps that the day revealed. It also made preparing for camp that much harder. 

"I guess it's a good thing we got here when we did," I commented as we tied up our horses at the entrance of the Dwemer ruins. "We can camp inside once we've secured the place." 

The outside of the ruins was already impressive. I could see tall towers with intricate stone carvings flanking the outer part of the canyon that housed the entrance. This was going to be our first exploration of a Dwemer ruin; until now Lydia and I had stayed with old Nordic barrows in our search for the thu'um. 

If I was impressed with the outside, then I had no words for the inside. The first thing I noticed entering Alftand was that it was already illuminated within. I didn't see any flames; instead there was some sort of artificial source of light that was coming from the ceiling panels above. 

Next, I noticed that the room was warm. Normally caves and barrows were a cool temperature that left a slight goose bump along my skin. Steam lingered in the air as the ancient brass machinery continued to pump endlessly. In the past, all the ruins had been silent tributes to their inhabitants, but this one had a steady "swoosh" and "whirl" that felt almost too loud given that no living thing had been in here for thousands of years. 

"I've never seen anything like this in my life," I murmured as I ran my hand over the metal gates that separated the machinery from the hallway. "It is just so full of gears and noise." 

"I have known some warriors who had a complete set of dwarven armor," Lydia commented. "They always looked like living statues because the armor is so seamless. They were truly intimidating and often the envy of other soldiers on the battlefield. Individual pieces are rare, so to have an entire uniform was a sight indeed." 

"If we find enough material, I could try to make one of you if you liked," I said as we advanced down the hall. 

"It wouldn't be the same," Lydia sighed. "The appeal is how old it is, not just the design. Besides, I think dwarven armor is too bulky, even for me." 

I laughed at Lydia's comment. She always preferred heavy armor and we had many arguments over the last several months of how loud she was when she moved. I could often crawl very close to the bandit camps to get a better idea of how the patrol was set up. Unfortunately, with Lydia, bandits often heard her before she could even get close enough to see them. 

Lydia and I were prepared when the spider centurions popped out of the walls. We had not known exactly what was going to appear, but we had enough experience adventuring at this point to know that the ancients never left their legacies undefended. There wouldn't be any undead here, but there would at least be traps of some sort. 

A valve opened and three metal balls rolled out. When they came to stop, the automatons unfurled to reveal eight metal legs attached to a body. We could see soul gems inside the body that charged up with electricity which then arced towards us. 

I leaped out of the way while Lydia simply held her shield in place to take the brunt of the attack. I was worried that the metal would still conduct the electricity, but thankfully the back of the shield was made of leather and not iron, so Lydia was fine. When I came out of my barrel roll, I drew my bow and shot the soul gem out of the spider, which caused it to go inactive. 

Lydia spun her shield like a discus and threw it so it slammed into one of the other spiders, knocking it over. While it rolled back, she quick-drew her axe and did a two-handed overhead strike, splitting the third spider in half. Before the last one could get back on its feet, I drew my own sword and struck it in its underbelly. It gave a mechanical screech before the legs curled up just like a frost spider would do when it died. 

"That went so much better than our first time," Lydia said, grinning as she retrieved her shield. 

"Alduin doesn't have anything on us now," I said as I flexed my arms. "Watch out!" 

"You're so stupid," Lydia snickered. 

"I'm stupid?" I mocked. "You're the dumb one!" 

"Idiot!" 

"Dork!" 

"Slut." 

"Skank." 

"Ho." 

"Oh, no, you didn't, bitch," I said hitting Lydia on the shoulder. It felt good to be goofing off again. I had been really wound up even before I had found out that I couldn't rely on my voice any more. It was a huge burden of responsibility to know that I was the one destined to try to save the world from being destroyed. I didn't even have the guarantee or promise of succeeding or surviving. Laughing and screeching lightheartedly gave me some hope for myself after all of this was over. 

If there was an after for me. 

The rest of Alftand was in a similar vein. We had to dodge pumping pistons, avoid jets of steam, and fight more spider centurions as well as some humanoid-shaped ones that rolled on large metal balls. Finally, we reached the bottom and found a square-looking base that was raised to about hip level. In the middle was a round depression. 

"Try the sphere," I suggested to Lydia as I tossed it to her. 

"Why do I get to test everything?" she grumbled good-naturedly. The sphere slid into place and the base glowed briefly before the floor slid away to reveal a set of stairs spiraling downward. 

 

Loredas 14 Morning Star 4E 202 5:30 PM

"Look at this place," I whispered. It felt like it would be a blasphemy to speak any louder. 

I had expected another level of metal and stone, but instead it was a vast open area that had all sorts of living, glowing plants. The very air looked like there were little specks of light floating in it, probably some sort of spores from the giant mushrooms that hung in the sky. My vision was tinged a lime green color from the illumination similar to glowing mushrooms I had seen in caves. 

The air was back to a typical cool cave temperature, not unexpected given the lack of technology. There were still some centurion bases that we could see in the distance, but there were no longer the layers and layers of running machinery. 

"There's movement," Lydia said, pointing to our right. 

A hunched over, twisted creature came into view. It was humanoid, but only barely. The thing had no hair and wrinkled gray skin. Its clothes were made of some chitinous material and it held a crude bow. Long, pointed ears implied elven history, but most amazing of all was that it had no eyes. There were only thin flaps of skin where the lids and orbs should be. 

"What is it?" I gasped. 

"I've heard of these," Lydia replied. She was close enough I could feel her breath on my ear. "Myth says that a long time ago, when we Nords came to Skyrim, there was a race called Snow Elves. They were driven underground to live with their cousins, the Dwemer, but instead of finding refuge, they were turned into slaves. The Snow Elves were used to living in the sun and under the sky, so the change was too much and their bodies became twisted and wrong. Finally, nothing of the Snow Elves remained and all of their children became something else. Something wrong. They became the Falmer, also known as the Betrayed." Lydia shook her head. "They are supposed to be a myth, stories to scare children or a boogieman to blame for failed crops. I never imagined that they were real." 

I was fascinated by the creature. It was terrible to imagine a race being treated so poorly and for their legacy to be little more than misshapen monsters, but the thought that they were blind and could still use their bows intrigued me. It truly was like falling into the Void, to see nothing but your target. 

"Let's try to go around it," I said softly. "It's done nothing to us." 

Lydia nodded and started to follow me as we moved away. The second that she took a step, the creature stopped and turned towards us. I gasped in surprise as it pulled its bow and started shooting. Not only was it amazingly accurate despite having no sight, the Falmer had heard Lydia's armor shifting from over one hundred feet away. 

Lydia and I ducked and dodged the arrows as we ran; there was no point in moving quietly now. I looked up and saw more and more of the Falmer emerging from hiding. They all either pulled their bows and starting shooting at us or started casting spells at us. My empathy for their plight was quickly dying as they tried to kill us. 

There were no cries or shouts from the Falmer as they attacked. Maybe they thought we were some sort of animal to be caught and eaten, maybe they didn't care. It made sense for them to be silent; if they relied on their hearing to find their prey, they couldn't afford to create noise to distract themselves. It would be akin to a normal warrior squeezing his eyes shut every time he swung his sword. 

That thought gave me an idea. I opened my mouth and Shouted **FUS RO DAH** towards the closest Falmer. Most weren't near enough for the impact to hit them fully and throw them down, but it did disrupt their arrows as they flew through the air and I could see the ones further away looking confused. The huge ball of force was enough to create a sort of auditory mist that covered up anything else that they could hear. 

"There's a river up ahead and a bridge!" Lydia called. She pointed ahead. "Maybe if we hole up in that tower, they might forget about us. At the least, we can use it as a defensible position." 

I nodded, saving my breath for another Shout. It still took time between Shouts and if I was tired it took even longer. I had to use unrelenting force a few more times before we made it to our haven. Inside, we found a lever that was clearly part of some sort of lift. 

"Want to give it a try?" Lydia asked. 

"Couldn't hurt," I shrugged. "It's not like there's another way we could go." 

The lift took us to another large room. This time there was only a narrow walkway that spiraled upward to a platform that held several mechanical limbs and magnifying glass shaped lens. The path continued upward to an overlooking ledge that held four pedestals. The pedestal closest to us had a sharp edge impression that looked like the cube would fit into if turned at an angle instead of sitting it flat on its side. The other three had a huge button in the middle. 

"Your turn this time," Lydia smirked as she gestured to the first plinth. 

I stuck my tongue out at her, but followed her suggestion. The whole area lit up and all of the limbs of the machine swirled around erratically before settling into place again. I hesitantly pushed one of the buttons and saw the contraption glow again and start swinging around in a seemingly random pattern. Finally, it stopped moving again. 

"Dammit, what are we supposed to do?" I growled as I started to hit and kick the podium. 

"That's a great idea," Lydia commented as she crossed her arms. "Why don't you keep beating up the ancient, volatile dwarven technology?" 

"Hey, I'm used to having clues and instructions to these damn puzzles," I growled. "At least the Nords had the good grace to hold our hands instead of making us guess." 

I slapped the button a few more times and watched the device move about, trying to figure out a pattern. The last time I touched the button, it started to glow and the cube lit up briefly with a loud chime. 

"Looks like progress," Lydia grinned. 

"Thank the Divines," I muttered. 

Once all of the controls had started glowing, the machine moved a huge green lens in the middle. It cracked open, revealing a two foot long tube-like carrying device. I walked down and took it from its hiding place. I opened it, wondering what clue we would find next. To my delight, nestled within, was what could only be the Elder Scroll. 

It was made of a thick parchment that had withstood the ravages of time with no indication that it was older than some civilizations. The handles were made of beautifully wrought gold, and it felt incredibly heavyas heavy as the fate of the world. 

I sighed as I held the Elder Scroll in my hands. The hard part was done and we were one step closer to our goal. Now it was time to go back to Paarthurnax and learn Dragonrend.


	25. heiwako

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Copyright Bethesda  
> Comments loved.
> 
> Part 26: [fav.me/d5er2gy](http://fav.me/d5er2gy)

Middas 18 Morning Star 202 4E 7:00 PM

"Pardon me for saying so, Dovahkiin, but you look exhausted," Arngeir commented as he served hot tea to Lydia and me. The three of us were sitting around the dining table in High Hrothgar.  We had just arrived about thirty minutes ago despite sunset occurring almost ninety minutes ago. 

"I feel exhausted," I sighed. 

I had not wanted to lose another day waiting to make the day long trip safely up the mountain side, so we had traveled knowing that we would risk losing the light. I had figured that the high altitude would give us more travel time than being below the face of the mountain side. We had made it, but only barely. 

Number Five was walking funny, and I suspected that if I didn't slow down that I would not be able to use the horse for much longer. He had hit a hidden pothole in the road near Ivarstead, and although Lydia had not found any serious damage to the hoof, I could feel a difference in his cant. 

"Wulfgar will bring you some food shortly," Arngeir said sympathetically as he patted my knee. "Borri and Einarth are preparing your beds. A good night's rest will do wonders for you. Am I correct to guess that you've been sleeping by the roadsides instead of in proper houses?" 

"You'd be right," Lydia mumbled. Huge dark shadows haunted her eyes. Lydia usually carried herself upright and proudly like a proper Nord, but tonight she was practically slumped over in half at the table. "Diana insists that we use every minute of the day for traveling. She doesn't even like to stop to sit down and eat any more. We have to take our tack as we ride." 

"That sounds dangerous," Arngeir frowned. "I admit that I never really learned how to ride. There's no reason for that particular skill here, but it is my understanding that your horse needs your full attention in case of mishap." 

"I didn't want to linger now that we possess the Elder Scroll," I told my mentor. "It is a very rare and powerful item. I didn't want to risk bandits or even dragons noticing us and trying to kill us for it." 

"It seems you invite more trouble by needing to camp on the road than finding an inn or farmer's house to spend the night," Arngeir said gently. "Dragonborn, you must keep in mind that the Scroll was safely hidden for thousands of years, and Alduin was thrown through the Time Wound for nearly as long. A few days won't hurt." 

"I'm glad someone else agrees with me," Lydia said. She poked me. "See? Even the hermit has more sense than you." 

I snorted in irritation. "We don't know that." 

Wulfgar came and served Lydia and I. We both nodded our thanks to the man. I got the impression the Greybeards preferred for us to try to communicate without words. Not only was it how they were used to interacting, but it didn't cause the uncomfortable moment where they could not respond in kind to us. As he left, Wulfgar patted my shoulder sympathetically, giving a small squeeze of encouragement. In many ways, it was the most he had ever said to me. 

The next few moments passed in silence as Lydia and I ate while Arngeir contemplated what we had told him. As always, the food was simple, but filling and warm. I found that it suited my mood well. I didn't have the temperament for a proper meal right now with individual courses and small talk. 

When I finished, I pushed my bowl away from me. "I'm going to travel to see Paarthurnax now." 

"I cannot allow that," Arngeir said, placing his hand on my arm. I looked at it in shock; I had never imagined the Greybeard denying me anything. "It is much too late now. You would risk great harm to go up the path in the dark. The winds could easily push you off the trail and there are always frost trolls that lurk on the mountain side. Sleep now and travel first thing in the morning." 

"No," I insisted as I shook the old man's hand off. "I want to go now. I can take a torch. I'll be fine." 

"It's at least two hours up and two hours back. You've traveled all day and you look like you're about to fall over just standing here. I feel it would be safer for you to rest first." 

"I'll be fine," I growled. 

Arngeir stood so we were facing each other. "I suppose there is only one thing I can say then," he sighed. " **PRAAN DREM HAHNU**." 

 

Turdas 19 Morning Star 202 4E 5:00 AM

"Ugh," I groaned as I woke. I was wearing sleeping robes and firmly tucked into a single bed in the living wing of High Hrothgar. I looked over my shoulder and saw Lydia, still asleep, tucked into another bed across the room. The thin windows revealed that it was dark outside. 

I found a pair of slippers next to the bed and slipped them on before padding off to see if anyone was up and could let me know about what time it is. 

Arngeir was kneeling in supplication before one of the many shrines to Kynareth when I found him. 

"What was the Shout you used?" I asked, not caring that he was in the middle of a meditation. If I waited to speak every time one of the Greybeards was meditating then I would never get anything done. 

" _Praan drem hahnu_ ," Arngeir repeated. It hadn't been a Shout because Arngeir had spoken it quietly and it had still affected me, but it was definitely powerful. "It means rest, peace, dream. I merely ensured that you rested before you continued your journey." 

"I thought you weren't supposed to use your Shouts on others," I said rudely. I was irritated at Arngeir's actions. 

"I have sworn to cause no harm," Arngeir said unapologetically. "I have also sworn to revere life and serve the Dragonborn. I felt that allowing you to travel up the Throat of the World in the condition you were currently in was against both those vows." 

"This is ridiculous!" I snapped. "I'm a full grown woman and I decide when and where I travel." 

"Diana," Arngeir said sharply as he frowned. "You're not a lone traveler any more, no matter how much you may want to be. You're not just the Dragonborn; you are also a thane of Skyrim. There are certain responsibilities that go with such a title. You must learn to not only work with others or how to lead, but that you are beholden to them. It is much like the Unrelenting Force Shout. You push the world and the world pushes back. 

"It is the same for me," Arngeir said as he stood. "I have a responsibility for your safety. I could never stand idly by as you continued recklessly nor could I restrain you. That Shout would not have worked if you weren't already tired; you even admitted that you were exhausted. I stand by my decision." 

"Well," I stammered, "don't let it happen again!" I whirled around and went back to find my armor to start putting it on. I hated people deciding things for me, but I couldn't really find an argument against Arngeir. 

As I pulled on my armor, Lydia woke. "I think I should go up with you today," she said. 

"Paarthurnax is shy," I said simply. 

"We've been told that the Scroll could cause you to go mad," Lydia pointed out. "It's the worst case scenario, but it's still possible. We don't even know the likelihood of it. What if you tried to attack the Greybeard? What if you were struck blind? Could he escort you back down the mountain? I need to be there for you." 

"Everyone is giving such fine speeches this morning," I grumbled. "Fine, but I have to warn you that Paarthurnax is not an ordinary Greybeard. He's very old and hasn't spoken to anyone other than me for a very long time. Justbe polite." 

"I'm not the one who ends up screaming at half of the people we meet," Lydia smiled as she started getting dressed. 

"Funny," I grunted. "Let's get out of here before Arngeir can protest." 

 

Turdas 19 Morning Star 202 4E 8:00 AM

" _Drem Yol Lok_ , Dovahkiin," Paarthurnax said. The dragon was perched on the ancient word wall again. He seemed to always know when I was coming to visit. "Who is your _fahdon_ , friend?" 

"This is Lydia," I said gesturing. "She is my housecarl." 

" _Drem Yol Lok_ , Lydia," the dragon said politely. Lydia looked like her eyes were about to pop out of her skull. "Have you found the _Kel_ , the Elder Scroll?" 

" _Geh_ ," I responded as I pulled out the artifact. 

" _Pruzah_ ," Paarthurnax grinned, showing all of his long, sharp fangs. His triangular head dropped to get a closer look. The Elder Scroll glowed golden in the morning sun. " _Tiid kreh qalos_. Time shudders at its touch. There is no question. _Kogaan Akatosh_."

While Paarthurnax examined the Scroll, Lydia got as close as possible to me. "You never told me he was a dragon," she hissed. 

"I promised Arngeir that I wouldn't," I responded lowly. "And I expect you to not tell anyone either." 

"He's a dragon!" Lydia repeated. "We're supposed to kill them." 

"I have gotten old over the years," Paarthurnax commented, turning so his large eye was on Lydia, "but my hearing is not so poor that I cannot hear a _joor_ speaking less than five feet from me." 

Lydia swallowed nervously, her hands straight down at her sides. Paarthurnax chuckled, clearly enjoying the housecarl's discomfort. 

"Tell me, _joor_ ," Paarthurnax said, "do you kill all humans that you meet?" 

"No," Lydia said carefully. 

"Yet, you have killed humans who attack you or hurt innocents. Does that mean you should kill all humans based on the behavior of a few?" 

"No." 

" _Aam_ , then it does not seem _paaz_ , fair, for you to do the same to the dovah, does it?" Paarthurnax asked. 

"I guess not?" Lydia hedged. 

"Quit teasing her," I interrupted. "I didn't tell Lydia ahead of time that you were a dragon. We need to focus on the Elder Scroll right now." 

"You are correct," Paarthurnax agreed. "Fulfill your destiny. Read the Scroll at the Time Wound. Go." He ruffled his torn wings nervously. "Do not delay. Alduin will be coming. He cannot miss the signs." 

I stepped away from the ancient dragon and opened the Scroll. I had expected words to be written on the parchment, maybe in gold or blood, I wasn't sure which. Instead, I saw many different geometric figures that glowed so brightly that it completely flooded my vision before they started to pulsate and swirl. 

Behind me, I could hear Lydia gasp, but before I could ask her what was wrong, I was pulled away into the past. 

 

???? ???? ???? Merethic Era ???? 

When my vision returned, I found myself still at the Throat of the World. It felt like I had used the Become Ethereal Shout, like I was slightly out of sync with the rest of the world. I could only be an observer for my time here. 

The roars of dragons circling the sky indicated that I was not where I had been moments ago. Glancing around, I saw several dragon corpses littering the ground. 

A male Nord wearing ancient Nordic armor wielding a two-handed great axe fought a dragon that landed before him. 

"Today, Alduin's lordship will be restored," the dragon bragged.  "I honor your courage. Die now in vain." 

"Unlikely, dragon!" a female voice screamed. A young, blonde Nordic woman wearing steel plate armor charged the creature and leaped so she could swing her axe in an overhead arc. The blade bit into the creature's neck, killing it as its artery spilled its life blood on the ground. 

The woman laughed loudly as she cleaned her blade. "It is a fine day for battle, is it not, Hakon?" 

"Is blooding your blade the only thing you care about, Gormlaith?" Hakon grumbled. "We have fought dragon after dragon, yet Alduin still does not appear." 

"He will come," Gormlaith said confidently as she threw her arm around the other man and pulled him close in a one armed hug. "He must! I have killed four dragons alone this day. Alduin cannot bear the shame of defeat without attempting to regain some honor." 

"What do you think, Felldir?" Hakon asked as he turned to an older man wearing the Greybeard robes without the hood. Felldir had been standing off to the side out of my vision. "I worry about how the battle goes on down below. Many of our troops are dying." 

"There is nothing to fear, Hakon," Felldir said quietly. "Alduin cannot die like others, but I have the Elder Scroll with me." 

"We promised that we would not use it!" Hakon protested. 

"No, you did," Felldir sniffed. "I made no such promise. Hopefully, your plan will work and I will not have need of it." 

"Enough talk," Gormlaith exclaimed as she pointed to the sky. "The worm has finally decided to show his foul face!" 

Alduin hovered in the sky, his black scales drawing the light without reflection. _"Meyye! Tahrodiis aanne! Him hinde pah liiv! Zu'u hin daan!_ Fools! Treacherous ones! Your hopes all wither! I am your doom." 

"Let those who watch us from Sovngarde envy us this day," Gormlaith yelled as a battle cry. She defiantly held up her axe. 

Before Alduin could react, the Tongues gathered and Shouted together, " **JOOR ZAH FRUL!** "

The black dragon threw back his head and screamed in pain when the Shout hit him. I felt nauseous when I heard the Shout while I quickly made note of the words. Was my vision in time starting to affect me? The mighty tyrant fell heavily to the ground with no trace of grace in his crumpled form. 

_"Nivahriin joore_ ," Alduin wailed. "What have you done? What twisted words have you created? _Tahrodiis Paarthurnax_. My teeth to his neck. _Dik oh maar_." 

"You know fear for the first time worm, I see it in your eyes," Gormlaith crowed as she attacked Alduin with her axe. 

Almost faster than my eye could follow, Alduin snapped forward and caught Gormlaith in his mighty jaws. He shook his head like a sabre cat would do with a skeever. I could hear the crack of Gormlaith's back as it snapped before he casually tossed her body behind him. "You will die knowing your final fate," Alduin snarled. "To feed my power when I come to Sovngarde." 

"Felldir, the Scroll!" Hakon yelled. He apparently had abandoned his concern about using the artifact. "Use it now!" 

The older Tongue pulled out the Elder Scroll and began chanting an incantation.  I couldn't make out most of it because of Alduin's roaring and Hakon's battle cries until Felldir got to the end. "Begone, World-Eater! By words with bones older than your own, you are banished. We Shout you to all endings but the last. You are banished!" 

A mystic light surrounded Alduin. The dragon screamed one last time and then was gone. And I with him. 

 

Turdas 19 Morning Star 202 4E 8:30 AM

I fell to my knees, my whole body shuddering from the experience of being thrown backwards in time. 

"You are changed," Paarthurnax commented. "You have found that which you seek?" 

I nodded weakly. "Yes, I have learned Dragonrend." I glanced behind me and saw that Lydia had a dazed look on her face. "What happened to her?!" 

"I do not know," Paarthurnax admitted. "Your friend glanced over your shoulder when you used the Kel and was like that while you were reading it." 

I stood up and went over to Lydia so I could shake her. "Hey, snap out of it!" 

"Oh!" Lydia gasped. "It felt so real!" 

"What did?" 

"I was in a future where I was the Dragonborn," she admitted, blushing. "I was a great hero and loved by all who knew me." 

"Hm, must be nice," I smirked. "Let me know how that works out for you." 

"Dovahkiin," Paarthurnax warned, "if you plan to use the Dragonrend, now is the time!" He gestured and I could see Alduin rapidly approaching the Throat of the World. 

The black dragon stopped and hovered in the same spot he had confronted the Heroes of Old. "My belly is full of the souls of your fellow mortals, Dovahkiin," he bragged. "Die now and await your fate in Sovngarde!" 

"I don't think so," I retorted as I pulled my bow. "I don't even believe in Sovngarde! **JOOR ZAH FRULM**!" 

As the words tore from my mouth, I could feel all the hatred and anger the Tongues had when they crafted the Shout. Rage, uncontrollable rage, at how the unfair the world was and how little control they had over their own lives flashed through my mind as I made the thu'um a reality. 

Alduin screamed when the Shout hit him. Once again, he crashed to the ground, his immortal dragon soul confused by the Dragonrend Shout. I wanted to laugh mockingly at my foe, but instead I felt my own self in pain. It felt like my soul was on fire. I hunched over and threw up until only bile dripped from my mouth. 

"It looks like you cannot stand that vile Shout either," Alduin taunted. He struggled to get to his feet, but he moved like a new born hatchling, awkward and stiffly. "Curse you, Paarthurnax, for teaching the damned mortals our language. My own brother, my own general, betrayed me like some petty human scum!" 

"We were wrong for what we did," Paarthurnax retorted. I saw that he was also flat on the ground, also unable to resist the Shout. "The mortals are not some thralls or cattle for our use and amusement. They are worthy inheritors of this world!" 

"Bah, morality!" Alduin said scornfully. I recalled how fast he had moved before when Gormlaith got too close despite being weakened by the Dragonrend Shout, so I moved away from him. "A weakness you learned from them!" 

"Are you okay?" Lydia asked softly as the two dragons argued. She touched my arm gently. 

"I don't know," I muttered. "Using the Shout hurt. That never happened before." 

"Can you fight?" she asked. 

"Yes, I think so," I nodded. Alduin looked like he was shaking off the effects of Dragonrend. "When I Shout again, you charge him, but be careful. Alduin is fast and if he gets a hold of you, you'll die." 

"Don't worry; I've done this plenty of times. I know the drill," Lydia winked. 

"That might be part of the problem," I muttered, thinking of Gormlaith. I could hear her back snapping, but I mentally saw Lydia's body instead. " **JOOR ZAH FRUL**!" 

Alduin, Paarthurnax, and I all screamed in agony as the Shout ripped through the air. I fell to the ground writhing, every fiber of me felt like it was melting. My mind was flooded with thoughts of pain, suffering, anger, and hate. It felt like a thousand blades were being drawn across my skin and stabbed in every part of my body over and over. 

"For Skyrim!" Lydia screamed, oblivious to my staggered state, as she charged Alduin. I was scared that she would meet the same fate as Gormlaith, so I managed to stagger back to my feet and use my bow. I couldn't breathe so my shot went wide. 

"What's wrong with me?" I begged Paarthurnax. "Why do I hurt so badly?" 

"It is because you are Dragonborn," he explained. " _Paah_ , I had no idea this was what the Shout did. I might not have helped you learn if it I had." 

"Just fight him!" I commanded as the Shout started to fade. "I'll only use Dragonrend if Alduin takes to the air." We didn't need to defeat Alduin with it; we just needed him close enough to kill. 

Paarthurnax nodded before he launched himself at Alduin. The black dragon swept his wing and knocked it into Lydia sending her flying backwards. I heard a sickening crack as she landed against an outcropping rock when her head struck the edge. The Nord slumped to the ground, not moving. 

"Lydia, no!" I screamed. I started shooting, not worrying about the golden dragon. They were both big enough that I could shoot at Alduin without risking Paarthurnax. 

Alduin was looking weak; long gashes and cuts marred his ebony skin and blood flowed down his body. Wounds that would have left another unable to move covered him, but still the World-Eater fought. I could see ivory white bone jutting from various places. I had no idea how he was still fighting as Alduin's colossal jaws snapped around Paarthurnax's neck. The golden dragon screamed as he raked both of his wingclaws down both sides of his brother's face. One claw hooked in the dragon-god's eye, ripping the flesh enough that the eye popped out and hung grotesquely. 

_"Meyz mul!_ I am Al-du-in, first born of Akatosh! I cannot be slain here, by you or anyone else!" he roared. The black dragon slammed against Paarthurnax, knocking him back hard enough to push him away. The golden dragon crashed backwards, forcing me to roll out of the way to avoid being crushed.  "You cannot prevail against me. I will outlast you, mortal." 

Before I could get back up and Shout again, Alduin took to the sky and quickly flew away. Instead of worrying about the World-Eater, I ran to Lydia to check on her. She was knocked out and her scalp was bloody from the wound, but otherwise she looked fine. 

"A fine _krongrah_ , victory," Paarthurnax said. 

"I didn't really defeat him," I complained. I cradled Lydia's head in my lap. Snow started to fall gently at first, but it was quickly starting to get heavier. I hoped Lydia wouldn't get cold from wearing her steel armor. "Alduin got away." 

"True, it was not the final battle," Paarthurnax admitted, "but Alduin always took pride in his domination of others. This should shake the loyalty of the _dov_ who serve him." 

"What good does us?" I asked. "We don't know where he went. I need to find out." 

"One of his allies could tell us. _Motmahus_. But it will not be easy to convince one of them to betray him. Perhaps the Dragonsreach. It was originally built to trap a _dovah_."

"I doubt Jarl Balgruuf is going to appreciate that," I said wryly. 

"Your _su'um_ is strong. I do not doubt that you can convince him of the need," the dragon said blithely. 

"Paarthurnax, I don't understand what happened with Dragonrend. Did I learn it incorrectly? I thought it only affected dragons." 

"It does, _briinah_ ," Paarthurnax said as he climbed back onto his customary perch on the word wall. "I should have taken into account the fact that you also possess the soul of a dragon." 

"What do you mean I have the soul of a dragon?" I yelled. The wind that was whipping my hair into my face stole my words away, but Paarthurnax still heard them. I could barely make out the huge form perched on a stone ledge because of the heavy snowfall. 

 

" _Dovahkiin_ is one who is born with the soul and spirit of a dragon, _dovah_ , but has the body of, _joor_ , a mortal. We dragons are immortal unless killed. Even then we can be brought back, as you have seen," Paarthurnax explained. 

 

"Are you saying I'm immortal?" I asked stunned. It seemed like there was always one surprise after another regarding my life as the Dragonborn. I wished Paarthurnax would come down from his perch. It was dizzying to have to look up so high to talk to someone. Especially when discussing philosophy. 

 

"Your _laas_ , lifespan, will be greatly extended," Paarthurnax admitted, "but you still have the body of a mortal. Each dragon soul you devour, _di dovah du_ , will continue to extend your life." 

 

"I've already killed over a dozen dragons!" I screamed. Fire laced my thu'um. I was suddenly glad that Lydia was unconscious and didn't see it. "Didn't you think I should have been told that the first time we met?" 

 

" _Aam_ , why would anyone want to live such a short life as you mortals must suffer?" the dragon sounded sincerely confused. 

 

"It should have been my choice," I replied. "You were supposed to teach me the Way of the Voice and you knew I did that by absorbing the experiences of your brethren. Didn't it ever occur to you that I should know the consequences and not just the rewards?" 

 

"I apologize, _briinah_ , sister, but to me it is only reward," Paarthurnax said. "The lives of _muz ahrk fahliil,_ men and mer, are like a blink of an eye to me." He rustled his battle torn wings and sighed, a huge gust of wind that pushed me backwards several feet. "I supposed I should have considered that you would have believed differently. _Krosis_ , forgive me, my ability to interact well with others has deteriorated over the hundreds of years since I could speak with another freely. I was too excited in being able to speak again. There is so much to tell you and so little time." 

 

"It's okay, Paarthurnax," I grumbled. Part of me knew I was overreacting and that the dragon was right. What was wrong with living a longer life? I had always looked younger than my actual age. At the age of thirty-one, I barely looked any older than I had when I was twenty-three. Wouldn't it be beneficial to be physically sixty and look only thirty? Maybe it was even better than that and I would look thirty-five when I was a hundred or even two hundred. 

 

What actually bothered me was that I had not known. I had been denied the knowledge to choose willingly and I hated that. I hated loss of control; something I had felt time and time again since coming to this wintery land. 

 

"I have told you that dragons live to destroy and dominate?" Paarthurnax asked. He was being careful to not leave me out of anything else. "You have that within you as well." 

 

I had always had a rage within me, lurking and waiting to spring out at any moment. There would be moments when I would want to hurt those around me either by action or word. I had spent a great deal of my life either trying to control it or run away from it. To find out that it was part of my basic nature infuriated me. "I guess that means all the good deeds I try to do mean nothing," I said bitterly. 

 

"What is better: to be born good, or to overcome your evil nature through great effort?" Paarthurnax responded. "I was once the right hand of Alduin. I lead the other _dovah_ under his command. I killed many humans and elves. I enjoyed what I did. Until one day, I was hurt. A mortal found me and instead of killing me, he bandaged my wounds and took care of me until I was well again. I was intrigued by what I had seen. No dragon would have done the same for me, why did this small, insignificant mortal? 

"I wanted to learn more, to study the mortals. I learned the Way of the Voice. I taught the thu'um to the Tongues and the Greybeards. Men were able to defend themselves against the mighty _dovah_. Did that pardon my sins? Did it wipe clean the slate for all the _dinoke_ , deaths I had caused, both directly and indirectly? 

"Some would say no. Some would believe that I still must pay for my crimes. I believe that I already do by meditation and isolation on this mountain, waiting for Alduin to be stopped once and for all. Once Alduin's power has been destroyed, I will teach my _zeymah_ the Way of the Voice. I hope to bring other _dovah_ to my way of thinking." 

Paarthurnax sighed, looking his age of thousands of years old. "I have made great effort to make amends. I can only _draal_ pray that it is enough." 

"Who do you pray to?" I asked. 

"To the _ven_ , winds, the _lok_ , sky, to whatever deity will take my prayers and make them real," Paarthurnax smiled sadly. "To _Bormah Akatosh_ , I suppose. We dragons were not meant to have an afterlife. We live, we dominate, we destroy, we die. That is all we have. It is why we are granted such long lives." 

I was pleased to see Lydia finally stirring in my arms. "Are you okay?" 

"I think so," she groaned. "What happened?" 

"Alduin didn't like his odds, so he fled," I explained as I got up. I offered Lydia a hand which she gratefully took. "Paarthurnax thinks we should try to trap one of Alduin's allies so they'll tell us where to go next." 

"How are we going to find a dragon, much less capture it?" Lydia complained. 

"All dragon names are words of power that can be turned into Shouts. Because of this, dragons are drawn to their names. If you Shout a name, then that dragon will come out of curiosity," Paarthurnax explained. "I know of one of Alduin's allies was Odahviing. He took my place after I defected from Alduin. You could try to summon him." 

"Why doesn't Diana just Shout Alduin's name?" Lydia asked. 

"Because we are not _meyye_ , fools, mortal," Paarthurnax sighed. "Alduin knows the Dovahkiin's voice. He does not wish to challenge her again so quickly after being _viikaan_ , defeated. He has retreated to lick his _ahraane_ , wounds and regain his _mulaag_ , strength. It is better to pursue him and defeat him before he can consolidate his power. 

"We better start heading back to High Hrothgar," I said as I shouldered my bow. "It will be dark by the time we get there. We won't be able to leave for Whiterun until morning," I sighed sadly, then looked at Paarthurnax hopefully. "I don't suppose you would be willing to give us a ride to save time?" 

"I would if I could, Dovahkiin," Paarthurnax said apologetically, "but I am too hurt to travel." 

I looked around the once peaceful mountain top. There was blood everywhere and the landscape was completely sundered from the two dragons' tussle. "Why does it feel like death and destruction follows me everywhere?" I muttered. 

"You are Dovahkiin," Paarthurnax answered. "It is in your blood." 

"Thanks," I said sarcastically. "Come on, Lydia. The sooner we talk to Jarl Balgruuf, the sooner we can try to locate Alduin. I don't want to let him heal more than possible. It's going to be a few days before we get to Whiterun." 

"At least we'll have a chance to sleep in our own beds again," Lydia said as she hefted her axe. 

"There's that," I nodded as we headed down the mountain. I just hoped that we would actually have the opportunity to use our beds before being sent off again.


	26. heiwako

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Copyright Bethesda  
> Comments appreciated
> 
> A/N: The descriptions of the cards I used in the readings were drawn from my personal tarot deck – Tarot of the Cat People. I’ve had that deck a long time, about sixteen years. I’ve done many readings, using the ten card spread, and have gotten some pretty interesting results for people over the years.   
> I went with a much more simple design for Diana’s reading simply because most people don’t know the Minor Arcana and I didn’t want to go over a ten card reading. I felt three hit all the major points I wanted, and the last two – the Fool and Death – being the most important. ^_~
> 
> Special thanks to [](http://whisper292.deviantart.com/) for letting me consult her on possible card interpretations. You should check out her gallery for her Skyrim Tarot deck.
> 
> Part 27: [fav.me/d5farx9](http://fav.me/d5farx9)

Sundas 22 Morning Star 202 4E 8:30 AM

"Absolutely not!" Jarl Balgruuf the Greater roared. 

Lydia and I had decided to only stop at High Hrothgar long enough to let them know what was going on with Alduin before continuing our journey down the Seven Thousand Steps. We stayed the night at Ivarstead with Klimmek before leaving the next morning. When we arrived last night, it was very late and Lydia barely managed to make a fire to keep us warm while I pulled fresh sheets on my bed before we had passed out. I didn't have enough energy to make Lydia's bed and the extra body heat made the cold night a little more bearable. 

"I want to sleep in my own bed," Lydia had whined. 

"Shut up, bitch, and get in my bed," I had grumbled as I pushed her onto the mattress before climbing in. Both of us had been asleep moments later. 

This morning, we had grabbed some dry fruit for our breakfast before coming up to Dragonsreach to make my appeal to Balgruuf to use the keep for its original purpose  to capture a dragon. 

"Jarl Balgruuf, please," I begged, "the state of the world hangs in the balance." 

"Diana," he said a bit more gently, "I feel sympathy for you, but I cannot allow this. There is a war on my doorstep and I cannot afford to move any of my defenses away from it. Maybe if I didn't have to worry about Ulfric attacking"

"That's a bullshit excuse and you know it!" I snapped. 

Irileth growled and started to pull her sword as she stepped forward. "How dare you speak with such crass language to your jarl, you uppity Imperial bitch!" 

"Great job being a good role model for me, Irileth," I snarled back. I placed my arms on my hips, turning my attention back to Balgruuf. "Let's be realistic, shall we, my jarl? First, I only need a few days to have your engineers to look over the old pulleys for the Great Porch. Second, it's the middle of winter. Ulfric wouldn't dare to move his army right now. Three, if Stormcloak has the balls to draw up his troops and run across Skyrim to get to you in three days after finding out today, then I say he deserves to be High King, because that would be one hell of an achievement." 

Balgruuf burst into a hearty laugh at my speech. He put his arm on Irileth's arm which caused the Dunmer to draw back and sheathe her blade. "I can see that your training with the Greybeards has paid off, Diana. Your ability at diplomacy is simply stunning." 

"I apologize at my sharp tone and rude language, my jarl," I said, my tone softening. "I've pushed myself ragged the last several weeks chasing Alduin ever since I discovered that his goal is to destroy the world. I don't know exactly how he will do that or when, but I don't want to wait to find out. You're my only hope. I know I am asking much in asking you to let me use your home as a trap for a dragon. 

"But I remember the jarl who didn't care if his neighbors thought he was trying to raise arms against them because he felt it was more important to send protection to all of his people, especially the ones without strong walls to keep them safe. I remember the jarl who has stayed true to his country, his Emperor, and his faith during a time when everyone else has more or less gone mad. I also remember a jarl who gave a homeless, friendless Imperial a chance to prove herself as a hero of the people. Please, help me be the hero the people need one more time," I closed my eyes, feeling the weight of the world on my shoulders. "Please help me be the hero you helped make." 

"I am definitely sending you on more diplomatic missions," Balgruuf said. "Very well, you have three days for your trap. I'll give you full run of my court, thanes, and housecarls to make your arrangements. After that, everything goes back the way it was before." 

"Thank you, my jarl," I said, bowing. 

"Where is Farengar?" Balgruuf asked. "I would think that my court wizard would be most excited about this plan. No doubt he knows a bit about the old mechanism." 

"He's in his office entertaining that woman again," Irileth said stiffly. I wasn't sure if she was still mad at my impudence or if something about the guest set her on edge. It was my experience that Irileth detested anything to be out of the ordinary in Dragonsreach. "The cowled Breton, sir." 

"Oh, gods, she's here?" I groaned. "If it pleases you, Jarl Balgruuf, I would like to go speak to Farengar right now." 

"May the Nine be with you, Dragonborn," he said formally. 

"Delphine is here?" Lydia whispered as we left Balgruuf and headed towards Farengar's office that was set off the great hall. "Why?" 

"Damned if I know, but she better not be checking up on me," I sneered. 

Farengar's office was pretty simple and typical for a mage. It held a desk full of books, soul gems, and scrolls for the mage to use if the opportunity came up while the back wall hosted an alchemy table for making potions and an enchanting table to place mystical protections and enhancements on armor or weapons. The most out of place item was a large map of Skyrim on a screen that flanked his desk. 

Currently, Farengar was leaning on his desk in front of his chair while Delphine and Esbern stood across from him. Delphine was pushing a pair of Blades katana toward the mage. 

"Just get those to me as soon as possible," Delphine said sharply to Farengar. She was dressed in her Blades armor now. I hated to admit it, but she looked impressive in the ancient style of the Akaviri. It suited her in a way no other set of armor ever had. I guessed the time for hiding was over. "I have several recruits coming to Sky Haven Temple and I want to make sure that they are properly equipped when they arrive." 

"It would probably be easier for you to employ Calcelmo in Markarth," Farengar complained. "He's much closer to you than I am. He also has an apprentice who can help with the work, while I'm on my own." 

"First off, I don't know Calcelmo, personally, so I'm not going to trust him with my people's safety," Delphine countered. "Second, he's an Altmer, so he could be in league with the Thalmor. Third, I already gave you what you wanted, so you better pay me in what we agreed, mage. Or else." 

"Typical warrior attitude to threaten a mage," Farengar grumbled. 

"Having a lovers' spat?" I asked as I entered the room. "Arcadia is going to be disappointed, Farengar. I thought the two of you finally decided to have some alchemy together." 

"That never gets tired," Delphine said sarcastically. "What are you doing here?" 

"That's my line," I said. "I do own a house here. You, on the other hand, live on the other side of the country." 

"I'm here to see if there are any good candidates to join the Blades," Delphine said. "Now that there's a Dragonborn to follow, we need to increase our ranks again. I had hoped to gain someone from the Companions since they have such a good reputation for creating honorable warriors, but none of them seemed interested. I figured while I was here, I would see my dear friend Farengar about enchanting some blades. He owes me from when I helped him find information about dragons." 

"Well, since you're done with your business, why don't you get out of here and go back to the Temple?" I said, jerking my thumb over my shoulder. 

Delphine narrowed her eyes at my rude behavior. I could hear her teeth grinding as she tried to refrain from yelling at me. "I was hoping that we could catch up on the project that you were working on," she said. Before I could open my mouth, she quickly added, "Privately." 

"Whatever," I shrugged. "We can talk at Breezehome. Farengar, put Delphine's request on hold. I need you to look at the trap that Olaf used to capture Numinex when Dragonsreach was created. I'm going to use it soon." 

The mage's eyes lit up at the mention of using the ancient dragon trap. "Yes, Dragonborn!" 

"What is this about needing Dragonsreach?" Delphine asked as we left. 

"I thought you wanted to talk privately," I said smiling sweetly. I almost managed to not laugh at Delphine's expression. Almost. 

 

Sundas 22 Morning Star 202 4E 9:00 AM

"Okay, now tell me what you've discovered since we last saw you," Delphine said as soon as we were in Breezehome. 

"Bossy," I said as I took a seat. "Esbern, it's good to see you again. Would you like a seat?" 

"Thank you," Esbern said with a small smile. 

"Delphine, you can have a seat too," I said graciously. 

"I'd rather stand," she said as she crossed her arms. "Why do you always insist on playing these games?" 

"Why do you always have to be so intense?" I countered. 

"Because I spent the last thirty-some years avoiding a group of people who would love to see me dead," she said. "I am careful because the Thalmor are the most dangerous and powerful group of people in Tamriel who are sponsored by their government. What's your reason?" 

"There's something about you that brings out the worst in me," I said. "Now, have a seat so we can have a civilized conversation." 

Delphine looked like she was biting her tongue, but she did take a seat. "Tell me what you've been up to," she repeated very slowly. 

"We traveled to High Hrothgar, talked to the leader of the Greybeards and discovered that we needed an Elder Scroll," I said. Lydia started making some tea on the fire pit. "We traveled to Winterhold to see if they had any information about it. The librarian did give us some clues and we followed them to a Dwemer ruin where, against all odds, we found an Elder Scroll. 

"We returned to the top of the Throat of the World where I read the Scroll and had a vision of the past to when Dragonrend was created. When the vision cleared, Alduin attacked us and we fought him. Unfortunately, despite his wounds, the World-Eater escaped. Paarthurnax recommended" I paused guiltily realizing I just said the dragon's name in front of the Blades. 

"It's okay, Dragonborn," Delphine said, smiling widely. I didn't like the glint in her eyes. "We've known that you were consulting the legendary lieutenant of Alduin." 

"He's one of the dragons listed in the _Atlas of Dragons_ under the still living section," Esbern said. He pulled a book out of one of his many pockets. Flipping the tome open, he read, "He is now known to lair on the Throat of the World under the protection of the Greybeards of High Hrothgar. Master Araidh continues the established policy of avoiding direct confrontation with the Greybeards while waiting for an opportunity to exact justice upon him." 

"I suppose now is as good of a time to tell you as any," Delphine said haughtily. "We want you to kill Paarthurnax." 

"What?" I started to yell, but caught myself at the last moment. I did not want the thu'um to activate in front of these people. I tried again. "What do you mean 'kill Paarthurnax'?" 

"He has to pay for his crimes," Delphine said calmly. "I don't expect you to do it alone. He's old and experienced. Once we have trained the initiates, a quad of us will go and eliminate that bastard once and for all. After you absorb his soul, there will be no more threat of Paarthurnax's influence in the world." 

"Paarthurnax hasn't hurt anyone in over three Eras," I stammered. "He's lived peacefully on High Hrothgar with the Greybeards ever since that book was written. You know it's true!" 

"It doesn't matter!" Delphine countered. She stood up and slammed her hands on the table. "He was Alduin's right hand general. He commented too many atrocities to count or name. He was as terrible as the rest of them and deserves to die for his crimes." 

"Paarthurnax is reformed!" I said. I could feel the thu'um building in my throat. If this kept up, I would lose the ability to speak. "He wants nothing more than to teach other dragons about the Way of the Voice. It's the same way he's taught the Greybeards. It is a way of peace." 

"Sounds more like he's controlling the only power that the dragons fear," Delphine sniffed. "I don't care what his supposed reasons are. Paarthurnax has to die." 

"No." 

"It's not a request," Delphine said. "I'm commanding you!" 

" **NO**!" I yelled. The thu'um tore loose from my throat and pushed Delphine back. Lydia dropped the tea pot that had just finished heating. Hot water spilled all over the floor as the glass shattered. "I will not kill Paarthurnax! He has been nothing but kind, patient, and wise, which is much more than I can ever say about you!" 

"What was that?" Esbern asked, concerned. "How did you form the thu'um without actually Shouting?" 

" **I am the Dragonborn and I command you, not the other way around** ," I Shouted. Breezehome shook and knickknacks fell from the shelves to the ground. Several bowls broke as they fell. Some snapped in midair from the force of my thu'um. " **Now, get out. I don't want to see your faces**!" 

I had to give Delphine credit in that she managed to keep her feet as I threw my tantrum. There was a layer of fear in her eyes, but defiance was the dominant emotion. "The Blades withdraw any and all support from the Dragonborn until you realize that Paarthurnax must die. If you will not kill him, then we cannot assist you any longer." 

"My heart bleeds," I muttered lowly, breathing deeply to try to control my voice. All the anger and aggression left me when I looked at my housecarl. Lydia looked like she was about to run out the door. Her eyes were so wide I could see the whites. 

"Come, Esbern," Delphine said. She turned to leave. "You will regret this, Dragonborn." 

"My name is Diana," I snapped. Delphine reminded me too sharply of Ulfric with how she never ever said my name. 

After the Blades left without another word, I slumped into my seat. Lydia still had not moved or said a word after my outburst. I placed my face in my hands as I leaned against the table. "You don't have to stay," I said softly. "I release you from my service to me. You don't have to stay here and be scared of me." 

I looked up when I felt a hand on my shoulder. "When were you going to tell me?" Lydia asked. 

"Hopefully never," I sighed. "It's still pretty new if that helps." 

"You don't have to keep everything in all the time," Lydia reprimanded gently. "I am sworn to carry your burdens and that includes your worries and fears as well as all the junk you insist that I carry out of a barrow." 

I laughed loudly at Lydia's comment. Thankfully nothing rattled because of my voice when I did. "I'm not used to having someone to talk to," I admitted. "I'm used to being on my own. I just have my own loud mind constantly rattling around with doubts and recriminations. 

"Besides, I know that you're scared. Everyone is scared of me. Or wants to use me. Either for the Dragonborn title or what I can do for them," I sighed, putting my face back in my hands again. "I don't even know if I'm going to survive this damn thing. I am told time and time again that I'm the only one who can defeat Alduin, but I don't know how. It's not even a guarantee that I'll win either. How can I believe that I'll win when I have no idea how?" 

Huge tears started to run down my face. "I don't want to die," I sobbed. "I know I'm not much, but I just" I couldn't even finish my sentence as the tears took over. 

"You are so much!" Lydia insisted. "You're famous! The world trembles at your steps. Everyone knows your name and your glory is legendary after being in Skyrim for less than a year. I would give anything to be you." 

"Being the Dragonborn is not that great," I muttered. "No one sees me. They see the armor and the thu'um, but I doubt many people would recognize me otherwise. Did you know I heard at a tavern once that someone thought the Dragonborn was a seven foot tall Nord man who wears a horned iron helmet? Where do they even get these ideas?" 

"Look," Lydia said as she sat next to me. She reached into her pouch and pulled out a rectangular shaped sapphire. "I've been saving this for a while. I keep meaning to use it, but something comes up or I just chicken out." 

"What is it?" I asked. It didn't look magical, but not all magical items did. 

"It's a token for Olava the Feeble," Lydia explained. "She's a seer, but she rarely tells fortunes. I don't know the exact reason because Olava is very reclusive. However, if you can earn one of these tokens and give it to her, Olava has to give you a fortune."  The Nord pressed the token into my hand and wrapped my fingers around it. "I want you to have it." 

"I cannot take this," I whispered. I tried to give it back, but Lydia refused. 

"I want you to have it," she insisted. "You're really worried about your destiny. Maybe a reading will give you the confidence you need to win. You were definitely less whiny when you thought you were unbeatable." 

"Thanks sooo much," I said, sticking out my tongue. 

"Olava is never wrong," Lydia said. 

"I guess we can give it a try," I said, standing up. Even if it was just a bunch of silly superstition, it would help me relax a little. No doubt Olava would have me drink some tea and read the leaves, have me inhale some incense, or just stare at my palm before telling me everything was going to be fine.  "But only if we get things moving with Dragonsreach first. I think Balgruuf was not kidding about us having only three days." 

 

Sundas 22 Morning Star 202 4E 6:00 PM

"I thought this day would never end," I said as I stretched. "Let's head home." 

After our discussion, Lydia and I returned to Dragonsreach to find Farengar rooting around the rafters of the Great Porch. The court wizard didn't know exactly how the trap worked, so we had to spend the whole day helping him find exactly what King Olaf had used. 

Part of the day was also spent convincing guards and soldiers to help us with our trap. I wanted volunteers only since there would be no guarantee of safety. I didn't think I had it in me to order a man to his possible doom. 

Then, we were invited to another long, insufferable dinner at the jarl's court. The jarl's hellion children were as misbehaved as ever, but at least I didn't have to put up with them for long. When no one was looking, I tried out what I privately called the Lullaby Shout on the two youngest. It was the same Shout that Arngeir had used to make me rest before ascending the rest of the Throat of the World. Much like Aura Whisper, I didn't actually shout the phrase. Instead, it was my intent that made it work. I was pleasantly surprised to see that it made them immediately go to sleep. 

"Wait a minute, my thane," Lydia said playfully. "You promised that we would go visit Olava for your reading." 

"Aw, Lydia," I whined, "I'm tired. Can't this wait until tomorrow?" 

"Aw, Lydia," she mocked. "No, because I know how you are. You'll find another reason tomorrow to not go and then keep making excuses. Let's do it tonight before things get too crazy." Lydia grabbed my arm and started to drag me towards a residential house. 

"Fine," I grumbled as Lydia started to knock on the door. 

An elder Nord woman answered the door before the first knock. "I was starting to wonder when you would arrive," she said gruffly. "Come on in. There's no sense in letting all the heat out." 

Lydia and I exchanged a look before following the woman inside. Olava gestured to two seats as she took a third one on the opposite side of a table. "I don't like repeating myself," she said briskly, "so I'm only going to explain everything once." The seer picked up a pack of cards and showed them to us before she began shuffling them. "This is a Tarot deck, a set of cards that is specifically designed to help a prophetess to foretell the future. I am going to do a simple three card flip. 

"The first card will represent your past, the second will detail your near future, and the final card will show your ultimate destiny," Olava explained. She waited until Lydia and I were settled in our seats before handing the deck to me. "Shuffle, cut or whatever you wish to help imprint your destiny, child." 

I took the cards and deftly shuffled them before handing them back to the seer. 

"The first card is the Moons," Olava intoned as she flipped over my past. "It is a card for those who are interested in the hunt and prefer to travel under the night sky. It is associated with women, magic, mystery, and deceit." She looked at me. "You've had false friends trying to lead you astray recently. Double dealings and insincerity." 

I nodded although it had not been a question. Suddenly, I didn't feel as confident that this was just some fun thing to do when one was bored. 

"The next card is the Wheel of Fortune," Olava announced. The card was brightly colored and depicted a large wheel with many different symbols, some good and some bad, on its many spokes. "It represents balance. You are at a pinnacle part of your life and are about to meet your destiny. Whether this card is good or not depends on the cards around it. It is the endless cycle of life  birth, growth, maturity, decline, death, and rebirth  always without beginning or end." 

"The final card, your future, is the Fool," Olava paused and grinned. I could see a simple looking young man wearing a jester's motley walking towards a cliff, completely oblivious to the danger ahead. "The Fool is a youth without direction. He is surrounded by a great Void, symbolic of all the opportunities to him and waiting to be filled. The Fool represents the beginning of an adventure and new opportunities that beckon. Passion, obsession, mania, and pleasure are only a few of the things the Fool offers." 

"Oooh, sounds like we might be going to Markarth after you defeat Alduin," Lydia teased, "and get some well-deserved rest and relaxation." 

"Hmph," Olava snorted, "that's not the kind of opportunities the Fool normally offers, but it's not impossible. Still, it is a very positive card." She smiled. "I'm sure you'll do well in your endeavors considering my reading." 

"Thank you," I murmured. It felt like a great weight had been lifted off my shoulders. I still didn't know how real the old woman's reading was, but it did make me feel better. I reached up and picked up the Fool card to get a better look at the detail. I frowned when I saw another card was stuck behind it. I slid the two of them apart and saw the skeletal face of Sithis smiling back at me. 

"Death," I whispered, not needing Olava to tell me which card this was. Suddenly, all of my positive feelings turned to lead. My first instinct had been right. I was going to die. 

"It doesn't count!" Lydia insisted. She tried to grab the card, but Olava got it first. "You got the Fool. It's a good card. You will have a good future!" 

"No," I cried, "if they hadn't been stuck together, then Death would have come up first, not the Fool." Tears were starting to run down my face. 

"Calm yourself, girl," Olava snapped. "This changes nothing. Death isn't just about physical death and rarely for the petitioner. Instead, Death represents change, especially that of personality. It is about a transformation by clearing away the old to make way for the new. It could be the ending of a friendship or the beginning of a new era. It is still about change, just like the Fool. Nothing is different." 

"It is different," I cried. "Before you talked about opportunities, but this is more about endings. I don't want anything to end. I'm just getting used to this life. It's not perfect, but it's mine and I don't want to say goodbye." 

Olava sighed as she placed her hand on her forehead. "This is why I hate giving readings. Too many people are too ignorant to see all sides. They only see what they feared before they came instead of the paths I see. Believe what you want; it's not my concern. I've given you your reading and it is late." She pointed to the door. "I wish you the best of luck, Dragonborn. You're going to need it. Death does beckon for you, but it is your choice to accept her offer or not. Walk away if you wish, but don't blind yourself to your chances like the Fool would." 

"Thank you for your time, Olava," I said numbly as I stood up. I held out her token. "I do appreciate it." 

"I doubt it," she said taking the blue gem, "but at least you were polite. Most like to yell and a few spit. Those I curse personally." 

Once we were outside again, I stared at the night sky. It was dark tonight since the moons had their faces hidden. I should have known that I would find any comfort after a reading like that. 

"I'm so sorry," Lydia said gently. "I really thought she would give you a good reading. I'm so stupid for making you go." 

"It is okay, Lydia," I said as I took her hand. My voice sounded flat even to me. "I know you meant well." 

"It's just for fun," Lydia suggested. "It didn't mean anything." 

"I know," I agreed, but it was a lie. 

I've always felt like I was subjected to the whimsical wishes of fate. I was a child of prophecy; I was the Dragonborn. I was the one they had been waiting for to save reality for the last four Eras. 

Death was coming for me. 

And there was nothing I could do to stop it.


	27. heiwako

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Copyright Bethesda  
> Comments loved!
> 
> I had wanted to do the conversation with Farengar ever since I thought about this part of the story. Not sure why other than a nice tender moment before everything went to hell.
> 
> I really wanted a goodbye kiss for when Diana rode away on Odahviing, but unfortunately Lydia was the only real choice and there is absolutely no romantic chemistry with them. I'm pretty happy with the chaste kiss though. I thought it worked really well.
> 
> Another snag was "Why doesn't Lydia go with Diana?" I had already established that Odhaviing could handle multiple riders, so weight wasn't really an issue. Once again, I'm pretty happy with the end result.
> 
> Part 28: [fav.me/d5fortr](http://fav.me/d5fortr)

Morndas 23 Morning Star 202 4E 6:00 PM

"Thanks for enchanting my armor, Farengar," I said. I was sitting on his desk with my arms wrapped around my knees. I was a bit surprised that he had not yelled at me for crouching on his work table instead of a chair, but the mage hadn't said one negative word. "I know you've been busy helping with set up the old dragon trap and you have Delphine's order to fill." 

"You don't have to be nice to me," Farengar said amicably. "I know what you're doing." 

"And what is that?" I asked innocently as I rocked back and forth. 

"You're saying goodbye," the court wizard said as he turned to hand me my dragon scale gauntlets before picking up the matching helmet. He returned to the enchanting table. "I've noticed you doing that around Dragonsreach ever since this morning." 

"Arcadia really does like you," I said as I fiddled with the gauntlets, ignoring Farengar's accusation. "I don't just say that to tease you about Delphine. She's mentioned that she asked for those ingredients from you to make a love potion." 

"Diana," Farengar looked over his shoulder from his work, "are you trying to play matchmaker?" 

"You said my name," I said, pleased. 

"I was never all that impressed with titles," Farengar sniffed, "but I am expected to show proper respect to Jarl Balgruuf's guests. Even if they are full of themselves for thinking they are great warriors." 

I giggled at the mage's tone. It was no secret that Farengar Secret-Fire harbored a strong dislike for the more physical members of Balgruuf's court. I doubt he had much love for the Companions either. All of the fighters got all the glory and honor for their deeds, but it was Farengar who took the time to learn how to enchant their armor and weapons to be the most effective against the foes they fought. 

"I figure since you're taking a moment to just be human instead of the legend," Farengar continued, "then I should address you as such. Arcadia is a fine woman and an exceptional alchemist, but unfortunately there is someone else I like." 

"Who?" I asked. This was interesting! I had no idea Farengar was interested in anything other than his research. 

"If I tell you, you cannot tease me," Farengar said, blushing. He ducked his head. 

"I promise," I said. I really hoped that it wasn't Delphine. After her attitude the other day, I couldn't stand the thought of anyone I knew with her. 

Farengar scuffed his foot nervously. It felt like forever before he sighed and said, "Uthgerd the Unbroken." 

"The ex-Companion who spends all of her time at the Bannered Mare?" I exclaimed. I fell backwards as I started to laugh loudly. 

"Hey, you said you wouldn't tease me!" Farengar snapped. 

"I'm not teasing you," I said managed to say. "I'm laughing." Uthgerd was about the right age range, but she was very much a tough woman warrior. I had never seen her clothed in anything other than her steel plate armor. The woman would chew iron and spit out nails. And Farengar had a crush on her! 

"See if I tell you anything ever again!" Farengar growled as he walked over to me and slammed my helm on my head before picking up the dragon scale armor body piece to enchant next. 

I rolled onto my back and crossed my arms behind my head as I kicked my legs in the air. "You know I only tease people I'm comfortable with," I said. "Gods know that you've been one of the few people to really talk to me ever since I came here, even if it was just to ask about dragons." 

"It's my passion," Farengar snorted, "luckily for you given the circumstances." 

"Yeah, lucky me," I said softly. I rolled on my stomach. "It seems like I am always relying on luck to get me through the tough times." 

"I would say that you have quite a few friends who are there to help you too," Farengar said, putting down the armor. "Jarl Balgruuf has only spoken highly of you since you arrived." 

"I'm not sure anyone can really be friends with a jarl," I said, think of Ulfric. I remembered what Lydia told me once. "They're a different breed of people." 

"You're still very well-respected around here," Farengar insisted. "You've been the topic on everyone's lips these last few months." 

"Respect and friendship aren't the same thing," I said as I got off the table. "You can respect someone and not be their friend." 

"You're in a dour mood," Farengar commented with a raised eyebrow, enchanting the armor completely forgotten. "I would have expected you to be walking around with your chest all puffed out as you bragged about the future honor and glory that you will achieve tomorrow with capturing this dragon or the eventual fall of Alduin." 

"I'm not a Nord," I reminded the mage. "We Imperials aren't as concerned with the glory and honor of battle. For us, it is more about communal duty. We strive to protect our families and the people around us. Nords may be expected to give their lives for their jarls and holds, but Imperials are trained to protect the entire Empire and the Emperor. All are treated equally, regardless of race, religion, or profession." 

"Hm, sounds nice," Farengar said as he came over to the table and stood next to me. "I wish I could feel that way." 

"It's a shame you don't since Skyrim is part of the Empire," I grumbled. "I never gave much thought to our northern neighbors, and it looks like neither did our government. Skyrim has been part of the Empire for a long time, but by the attitudes of people here, you would think they were a newly acquired colony." 

I noticed that I was leaning against Farengar. I looked up, suddenly reminded that he was just as tall as the rest of his Nordic brethren. "I should go," I said, suddenly uncomfortable with my proximity to the mage. "If I keep talking, you'll never get your work done." 

"True," Farengar laughed, "it would be a shame for the Dragonborn to be roasted in her armor if I didn't finish putting the fire resistance enchantments on them." 

"Thanks again," I said giving the mage a quick peck on the cheek before I ran off. "And lose the mutton chops. They make your cheeks look fat!" 

"Hey, mutton chops are sexy!" Farengar shot back. 

I sighed as I ran back into the great hall where Lydia and Irileth were going over the list of volunteers who would be helping us tomorrow. Jarl Balgruuf had insisted that we could only use willing participants for this experiment. Since we were trying to capture and not kill the dragon, the burden fell much more heavily on the defenders. 

Many of the guards would be spread throughout the city in case the dragon managed to get away from the Great Porch and tried to attack the civilians. They would work as damage control until I could get there. I had promised if things got too far out of hand that I could kill the dragon, but I hoped it wouldn't come down to that. How many dragon names could I reliably find to call upon? Especially since Esbern and Delphine weren't talking to me now. 

Thankfully, we had plenty of eager petitioners looking for the glory of fighting a dragon. The men of Whiterun were tired of playing neutral and wished to earn honor in battle. 

"What's wrong?" Lydia asked as I joined them. 

"Not getting cold feet, are you?" Irileth asked coldly. 

"I'm not," I said, answering the Dunmer. Turning to Lydia, "I keep forgetting how perceptive Farengar is, that's all." 

"Jarl Balgruuf only keeps the most competent for his court," Irileth said haughtily. 

"Did Mikael ever interview you for his updated _Gentleman's Guide_?" I asked to shut the jarl's housecarl up. 

"Why don't we focus on something actually important?" Irileth asked, blushing, as she bent over the map that was spread on the table. "Let's go over the formations of the men again." 

 

Tirdas 24 Morning Star 202 4E 12:00 PM

My heart was beating so hard, I thought it was jumping into my throat on every beat. Breathing felt like a chore as I had to focus on every gasp. I felt hot and sweaty in my dragon scale armor. 

I looked to my right; Lydia looked cool and collected as she hefted her battle axe in anticipation. We were standing on the outermost part of the porch that overlooked the land south of Whiterun. The light winter breeze felt good on my overheated skin. 

I swallowed, hoping that it would push my thudding heart back down into my chest. 

Farengar had been right. I had been going around and saying goodbye to everyone in my own way. Ever since Olava's reading, I had felt that I wasn't coming back from this trip. I only prayed that I at least succeeded in my attempt to stop Alduin. Dying wouldn't be so bad if I saved the world, right? 

"Lydia," I started, not sure what to say. My housecarl was the only person I hadn't said goodbye to yet. "I just wanted to say"

"Hey, save the speeches," Lydia said with a small smile as she stared straight ahead. "We both know you're not good at them." She turned her head and winked. "You lead and I follow, remember?" 

I nodded silently, mentally thanking her for understanding. I waved to Jarl Balgruuf who nodded back.  "My men know what to do. Make sure you do your part. My city is in your hands," the jarl said as he hefted his own axe. He had insisted that he be here for this "insane plan" as he put it. 

I stepped forward and took in a deep breath. 

It was time. 

" **OD-AH-VIING**!" 

"That was a little anticlimactic," Irileth snorted from her position by Balgruuf after a few moments and nothing happened. 

"We have to wait and see if he noticed it," I said nervously, hoping that Odahviing had not decided to ignore me. That would have been unbearable. 

A few more awkward moments passed as we waited. Irileth and Balgruuf walked over to where Lydia and I were waiting on the center of the porch. Guards left their places to go talk to other guards. I wanted to die of embarrassment. 

"Maybe you should try again," Lydia suggested just as a roar could be heard in the distance. 

Suddenly, everyone was running for their battle positions. 

"Dovahkiin, here I am!" the dragon roared as he sailed by. A huge gout of flame erupted from his maw as he turned in the air. 

"Get back, get back. We need to trap it, not kill it," I yelled as I pulled my bow. Gods, sometimes I sounded really stupid when I stated the obvious.  I lined up a shot and let it loose. It bounced off Odahviing's hard scales, but that was fine.  I just needed his attention. 

The dragon roared again, but this time it sounded more like laughter than a challenge as he swept past me. A guard screamed in pain as the dragon grabbed him up. I felt frozen as I was sharply reminded of Helgen. 

"Use the damn Shout!" Lydia screamed. She whacked me in the back of the head to pull me out of my paralysis. 

I didn't want to use Dragonrend, but I couldn't think of any other way to force the dragon to land without trying harder to kill him. I waited until Odahviing was close enough and Shouted, " **JOOR ZAH FRUL**!" 

I fell to my knees as the dragon screamed in agony. I knew exactly how he felt. I had always wondered why part of me reveled in hurting others around me with mean, sharp words or why I seemed to revel in hate and anger at the most inopportune times. 

Now I knew. It was the dragon half of me. The reason I was the Dragonborn, the soul of a dragon stuck in the pathetic shell of a mortal body wanting to get out so it could dominate and destroy. I could handle the Dragonrend a little better than the dragons because I was ultimately human, but not by much. 

Odahviing landed heavily on the porch, his red scales looking like hard drops of blood or rubies sparkling in the midday sun. I could hear his jaw clack loudly as he landed gracelessly. 

"Gahvon, dovah!" I taunted. "Surrender, dragon! I am stronger than you! I am Dovahkiin!" 

"We will see how much zol mul you are inside my gullet," Odahviing snarled as he hobbled after me. 

Dragons aren't very pretty to watch on the ground. They still have their powerful hind legs, but they have no forelegs and their bat-like wings function much better in the air. Despite the unflattering gait, they can still move fast. I had to run for all I was worth to keep ahead of Odahviing as he snapped behind me. 

"Now!" 

The great trap fell, trapping Odahviing and pinning him to the ground much like a butterfly in a collector's album. The large beast screamed and thrashed, but it did him no good. 

" _Nid! Horvutah med kodaav,_ " Odahviing lamented as he struggled. " _Zok frini grind ko grah drun viiki, Dovahkiin_."  
"I'm sure I could come up with something witty if I knew what you were saying," I said as I put my bow away. 

"Ah. I forget. You do not have the _dovah_ speech," Odahviing said. He tried to swivel his snake-shaped head to see me better, but was unable to move much. "I was saying that I was trapped like a bear. I allowed my temper to defeat me." 

"Well, I appreciate you translating," I said, rubbing the back of my head, not sure how to proceed. Other than Paarthurnax, I had never really talked to a dragon before. Alduin had always spat out some _dovah_ smack talk, but I never understood him and I knew asking him would result in more disdainful commentary on my lacking qualities. 

" _Zu'u bonaar_. You went to a great deal of trouble to put me in this...humiliating position," Odahviing rumbled. " _Hiind siiv Alduin_ , hmmm? No doubt you want to know where to find Alduin?" 

"That's right," I said, feeling more on track. "Where is he hiding?" 

" _Rinik vazah_. An apt phrase. _Alduin bovul_ ," Odahviing snickered. He seemed awfully at ease for being caught in a trap. 

"You were telling me where to find him," I said, trying to nudge the dragon back on track. If Odahviing was anything like Paarthurnax, he would go off tangent quite easily. It seemed that dragons just loved the sounds of their own voices. 

" _Unslaad krosis_. Innumerable pardons. I digress," Odahviing said, sounding very much like an elder who had been lost in his memories of better days. "He has travelled to Sovngarde to regain his strength, devouring the _sillesejoor_... the souls of the mortal dead. A privilege he jealously guards..." 

The envy in Odahviing's voice chilled me to the bone. 

"Oh gods, no," Lydia said softly. I couldn't really imagine what it was like for her to hear this. I knew the Nords set great stock in their honored dead. What would death for the souls of the dead be like? Oblivion? Something worse? 

"His door to Sovngarde is at Skuldafn, one of his ancient fanes high in the eastern mountains," Odahviing clarified. The smug look returned. "I surely do not need to warn you that all his remaining strength is marshaled there." 

"Noted," I said dryly as I crossed my arms. "Does anyone know where this Skuldafn is?" 

"Farengar, maybe," Balgruuf said. "Where is that man?" 

Suddenly, Odahviing roared in pain. His head jerked up as far as the trap would allow and a burst of flame emitted from his maw. 

I could hear Farengar behind the dragon, "I would be most appreciative if you would permit me to perform some, ah, tests on you. Purely in the interest of the advancement of knowledge." 

"Gods dammit, Farengar, this is not the time," I growled as I placed my face in my hand. 

"When am I going to have another chance like this?" Farengar whined as he ran past with a handful of obviously fresh dragon scales. 

"If he screws this up" I muttered angrily. 

"I think Skuldafn is in the far eastern mountain range," Farengar said, as he happily examined his newly acquired treasure. Odahviing eyed him warily. "It's a very old temple that belonged to the dragon cult. I don't know if there are any records of how to reach it." 

"That is because you cannot. There is one detail about Skuldafn I neglected to mention," Odahviing said smugly. "You have the thu'um of a _dovah_ , but without the wings of one, you will never set foot in Skuldafn." 

"Lovely," I growled. "All that work for nothing. Of course, Alduin would pick a place only dragons could go." 

"Of course, I could fly you there," Odahviing said too casually, "but not while imprisoned like this." 

"And how do I know that you won't just flip upside down midflight and I fall to my doom?" I asked suspiciously. 

"I have no wish to serve Alduin any longer," Odahviing sneered. "One reason I came to your call was to test your thu'um for myself. Many of us have begun to question Alduin's lordship, whether his thu'um was truly the strongest. Among ourselves, of course. _Mu ni meyye_. None were yet ready to openly defy him." 

"So you want me to be your guinea pig," I said. 

"Hm, _krosis_ , I do not know this creature, but it sounds weak and soft," Odahviing contemplated. "I wish to see if Alduin is as strong as he claims. It is said that you are the reason he has fled to his sanctuary. I merely wish to see the outcome." 

"I really don't see another option," I muttered. 

" _Onikaan koraav gein miraad_. It is wise to recognize when you only have one choice," Odahviing smiled. "And you can trust me. _Zu'u ni tahrodiis_. Alduin has proven himself unworthy to rule. I go my own way now and I choose to side with you." 

"Let the dragon loose," I called to one of the guards who had released the trap. 

"You sure about that? You want to let that dragon loose after all the trouble to catch him in there?" the guard called back. 

"Yes, I'm sure," I sighed. 

"Your funeral. Someone else is gonna have to help you get him back in there again," the guard shrugged as he started to work the catch. I swear, I got so tired of smart-mouthed guards. 

Once the trap lifted, Odahviing stretched happily, shaking his head much like a cat would once it was released from an unpleasant leash. He raised his wings and flapped them several times, causing a gust of wind that almost knocked us down. 

" _Saraan uth_ , I await your command, as promised. Are you ready to see the world as only a _dovah_ can?" 

"We're ready," I said gesturing to Lydia as I started to pull myself onto Odahviing's back. 

"Wait, Dovahkiin," the red dragon said. "I only promised to take you. It must be your strength, your thu'um that defeats Alduin. If it is not, then the other dragons will not respect your _krongrah_ , victory." 

"That's not fair!" Lydia exclaimed. "You're just nitpicking." 

I paused, not sure what to do. I didn't want to go without Lydia, but at the same time I wasn't sure if I wanted to take her. What if we got to Sovngarde and she died? It would be valiantly in battle, but it didn't seem right for the newly dead to reform in heaven if the body had died there. Even if it did, what if Alduin merely ate her soul? I couldn't stand it. 

"It's okay, Lydia," I said softly. It didn't feel okay, but once again, it was the only choice. "I'll be fine." 

"No, you won't!" she exclaimed. I was surprised to see that my housecarl looked like she was on the edge of tears. "I know that you've been worried ever since you found out that you might not succeed, and you've been even more nervous since Olava's reading. I need to be there for you!" 

I placed my hand on Lydia's shoulder before leaning in and giving her a gentle kiss on the corner of her mouth. "I'm the only one who can defeat Alduin. Fate and all that. You stay here and have a hot bath and meal ready for me when I get back, okay?" 

"I'm not your damn maid, you lazy bitch," Lydia sniffed, trying to not cry and laugh at the same time. 

"I know," I said as I pulled myself onto Odahviing's back. "You're my best friend. I'll be back. I promise." 

_"Zok brit uth_!" Odahviing exclaimed as he turned around. I quickly grabbed his scales to steady myself and not fall off. I had no idea how I was going to stay on once we were in the air. "I warn you, once you've flown the skies of _Keizaal_ , your envy of the _dov,_ will only increase." 

"I cannot wait," I muttered as the dragon dropped into a crouch. When Odahviing launched off the porch, it felt like my stomach fell out of my body. 

" _Amativ! Mu bo kotin stinselok_!" Odahviing crowed. 

"May Kynareth guard you as you pass through her realm!" Balgruuf called as encouragement. 

"You're either the bravest person I've ever met or the biggest fool," Irileth added. It figured that the Dunmer housecarl would feel the need to have the last word. 

I risked one last glance back over my shoulder before Dragonsreach fell away from sight. I could make out Lydia's form, which was already looking small. Her hands were nervously clasped in front of her and her eyes told me everything I needed to know. 

She didn't think I was coming back either. 

 

Tirdas 24 Morning Star 202 4E 1:00 PM

The landscape ran below us like a great tapestry. It felt like we were still and the world was flowing around us. I couldn't believe how quickly we were moving. Within moments, we were out of Whiterun Hold and going into the Rift. Odahviing had been right in that I would be envious of the _dov_ 's ability to fly. 

What would have taken days if I had been on a horse only took minutes as Odahviing flew to the Velothi Mountains which bordered Morrowind. Even then if I had arrived on my own power, scaling the mountains would have been impossible. I saw no clear path or even a goat trail as Odahviing ascended higher and higher. 

To my horror, I could see several perched forms of dragons  frost, fire, blood; every type was here  on several mountain peaks. These were the dragons sworn to Alduin. 

Odahviing landed on a large stone mesa. There were a set of stone steps that led up, but I couldn't see the platform from where we had settled. 

"This is as far as I can take you. _Krif voth ahkrin_. I will look for your return, or Alduin's," Odahviing said after I dismounted. It was as close to as "good luck" as dragons got. The red dragon took flight and settled onto his own perch, watching me carefully. 

At least the other dragons were only watching me, even if it was as intently as a cat did with a mouse. I tried to look everywhere and not look as nervous as I felt as I ascended the stairs. At the top was another platform with a smaller set of stairs ascending to a pedestal. 

A creature with bony hands wearing a golden scaled robe turned towards me. Its face was completely covered by some sort of metal mask that ended in a taper that was reminiscent of a dragon's maw. The eye sockets were the barest of slits. Odd patterns decorated the ebony mask. 

This creature had to be a dragon priest. I had heard of them from Viarmo, but I hadn't encountered any in my travels. They were the leaders of the dragon cult that worshipped the dragons as living gods before Alduin was thrown through time. 

" _Zu'u uth nall thurri dein daar miiraak_ ," the dragon priest said. He gestured outward and lids of several coffins flew off as four Draugr Deathlords emerged from their resting places. " _Sosaal fah hin vothaarn_." 

"I have no idea what you're saying!" I cried as I tucked into a roll as the closest Deathlord screamed an Unrelenting Force Shout towards me. Thankfully, it missed me, or I think it would have been over then and there. 

As soon as I came out of my roll, I turned to the two I had landed near and quickly Shouted, " **IIZ SLEN NUS**!" They fell down, caught in my Ice Form Shout. They would break out given enough time, but it removed them from the fight. I hoped for long enough. 

As the two remaining Deathlords drew their swords, the Dragon Priest conjured a storm atronach, a vaguely man-shaped figure of clouds and electricity. Then he held up his staff and a line of lightning shot along the ground towards me. I jumped out of the way, but only barely. 

The storm atronach looked the toughest and the fastest, so I decided to kill it first. I quickly shot four arrows into the elemental, which caused it to crumble. The priest merely summoned another one to replace it. Dammit! 

I didn't know much about magic, but I got the general impression that lightning was considered a stronger spell type than flame or frost. It was bad enough that I was now outnumbered four to one with two more going to join the fray in a few seconds, but a staff gave the mage a huge advantage. He wouldn't have to wait for his magicka to recharge before assaulting me with more attacks. He could easily keep summoning elemental after elemental to protect him. If I attacked him, it allowed the elemental to hit me with electricity. If I attacked the elemental, then the priest would just summon more. 

I tried to hit the Deathlords, but their large ebony shields protected them and I couldn't stop and focus my shot like I normally would. I was really missing Lydia right now. In a typical situation, she would be taking them in melee while I picked off any that were easy targets. It was a lot easier to kill someone when they had their back to you than when they were facing you and trying to cut you into small pieces. 

I could hear the telltale fracturing of the ice as the other two Deathlords were starting to get free. I had to find a way to end thisand quickly. So far this battle mostly entailed me jumping, running, and dodging sword blows and lightning strikes. 

I vaguely remembered Farengar telling me that lightning drained magicka in addition to hurting whoever it hit. Maybe if I got the staff away from the priest, I could use it to drain his ability to summon elementals before blasting the living oblivion out of the Deathlords. If I could figure out how to make it work. 

I drew in a deep breath as the ice finally melted and the two prone Deathlords started to stand. The elemental and two fighting Deathlords were between me and the Dragon Priest. I pulled my bow and shot the elemental , causing it to crumble. Before the priest could summon yet another atronach, I Shouted. 

" **ZUN HAAL VIIK**!" 

All three draugr dropped their weapons as the Disarm Shout ripped them away. As the priest summoned his next elemental, I dove among them and grabbed up the staff. "Suck my lightning," I bragged as I discharged the staff into the fray. All three shuddered from the jolt and the conjuration spell was disrupted.  I swung the staff around and sent a blast of lightning towards the other two undead. 

"Ha! Take that you undead bastards!" I yelled. This staff didn't cast a single lightning bolt; it just sent out a steady stream of energy, which I was loving! All I had to do was point it, and it was electrocuting my enemies for me. 

The Dragon Priest managed to throw up a ward which prevented the lightning from hurting him, but it would drain his magicka just as quickly. The first two Deathlords finally crumbled, and the other two seemed a little worse for wear. 

I swung the staff to finish them off when it just died in my hands. Mages can make staffs last a very long time, but non-spellcasters drain them faster due to lack of training. 

"Gods dammit!" I yelled. I threw my hands up in the air, ready to chuck the useless staff at the draugr when I noticed the hole in the ground at my feet. It looked like it would fit perfectly with the staff's base. 

I figured it couldn't hurt, so I jammed the staff into the crevice. The ground rumbled and the swirled pattern on the ground fell away to reveal a swirling, glowing vortex. 

"The way to Sovngarde has been opened!" Odahviing bugled from his perch. I looked up at the crafty red dragon, realizing he had decided to help me one last time. 

"It's been fun!" I yelled over my shoulder at the approaching draugr. Before they could charge me, I jumped into the glowing portal. 

It felt like I was falling forever into the Void. 

Then nothingness.


	28. heiwako

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Copyright Bethesda  
> Comments appreciated!
> 
> [](http://blackwingedheaven.deviantart.com/) was really upset when the nameless soldier died. Then he got even more upset when Torygg stayed behind. 
> 
> No body, no death right? What do my readers think? Is Torygg really dead?
> 
> I liked doing the Silent Hill feel while in the fog for this chapter. I don't like how there seems to be no game mechanic disadvantage for walking through the fog without using the Clear Skies Shout. Maybe it's because you're alive, it doesn't affect you.
> 
> I also thought it sucked that you meet a random Stormcloak soldier whose dialogue indicates that he died in combat, but you never meet that brave, nameless soldier who was beheaded at Helgen. 
> 
> I look for Torygg every time I'm in Sovngarde and I am YET to find him. Grrr.
> 
> Part 29: [fav.me/d5fsyvh](http://fav.me/d5fsyvh)

\---Sovngarde---

When I awoke, I immediately knew I was no longer on Nirn. I was lying on my back and could see the sky above me, and never in my life had I seen anything like that while awake. Instead of the blue-black of night, the sky was a deep purple with clouds spiraling around a large white light in the center. The constellations were much more prominent than normal and I had no problems finding the symbols of the warrior, the mage, and thief. 

I thought I would be stiff or sore, but when I got up, I found that I felt perfectly fine and was still in one piece. Apparently, despite falling for what felt like forever, I had no injuries. I dusted my dragon scale armor off as I took in my surroundings. 

It looked slightly frosted here, as every tree had an icy rim, but there were none of the huge mounds of snow that I had gotten used to in cold Skyrim. On each side of me were huge stone statues of Nordic warriors in battle poses, wearing ancient armor and holding either a sword or axe. I was reminded of the statues of Talos that I had seen doted throughout Skyrim. The warrior statues looked old, very old, based on the style of the sculpture but there were none of the normal telltale signs of age  no worn edges, no moss, no cracks in the stone. 

A stone path lay before me, descending into a valley that was completely covered in mist. Other than the small clearing I was in, I could see nothing but mist as far as the eye could see. Something about the fog didn't look right. It was thick and cloying, and it moved in a way that made it look alive. It felt menacing as if it personally hated me or anything living thing. 

In the distance, I heard a dragon roar. It was Alduin. 

Belatedly I realized that I wasn't sure what I was supposed to do now that I was here. I cursed myself for not asking more before coming here, but I hadn't known I was coming here until Odahviing had revealed this was Alduin's hiding place and then things had happened too quickly for me to have thought things through. 

As a non-Nord, I knew almost nothing about Sovngarde. From some snippets of what Lydia had mentioned over the last six months, I knew that it was the afterlife of the Nords; in fact, only Nords could come here. It was reserved for the most honorable and glorious warriors who would someday fight under the banner of Shor in a final war in the heavens. 

Since there looked like no other options, I started walking down the path. I thought that once I entered the fog that I would be able to see a little better, but to my surprise, it was still thick as ever as I walked through it. It clung to me like bits of spider web as I pushed through it.  I had no idea how far I walked in that miasma, but I continued to descend, trying my best to keep following the path. 

Eventually, the path leveled out and I was walking on a flat surface instead of descending. I could barely see past my arms, and the strange sky was hidden from my vision. I had never seen fog so thick that it could completely hide the night sky. 

I felt so tired. Before entering the fog, I had thought that I felt fine, but now I realized that my stamina was nearly exhausted. I hadn't walked very long, but I felt like I hadn't stopped moving in forever. When was the last time I had really just laid down and slept until I was truly rested? 

I forced myself to place one foot in front of the other and keep walking. No matter how tired I felt, I didn't have any camping gear and I was not going to just lie down on the ground and pass out. I wasn't even really sure what was in my backpack, but I knew that my armor would not be comfortable to sleep in. 

And there were things in the fog. 

Things that wanted to kill me and eat me, not necessarily in that order. 

I managed to quicken my step at that thought. Part of me wondered how I knew that there was something out there, but the louder part of me wanted to get away. 

Ahead of me, I could see the silhouette of a man standing next to a tall rock formation. Finally, someone else! I cried out a greeting and started running towards the man. It felt like I had to run much further than I thought I should have when I first saw him, but when I looked back I saw that the mist had barely moved at all from my sprint. 

Once I was close enough, I could see the man was a Nord in his twenties and he was wearing some sort of blue armor. That meant something, I think. I had seen that blue before. What did it mean again? 

"Hail, traveler," the man said. I could see an angry red line across his neck. It must have been some sort of scar, but I couldn't imagine what could have caused that and leave the man still alive, much less able to speak. "Who are you?" 

"I'm" I paused. I couldn't remember my name. That was strange. I should have one, right? Finally, I admitted, "I don't know. I forgot. Who are you?" 

The man shook his head. There was something fleetingly familiar about him. "I cannot remember either. The last thing I can recall that I was traveling with Jarl Ulfric Stormcloak and a squad of Stormcloak soldiers when the Imperials ambushed us. They were taking us to Helgen. After that, it is all fog." 

My eyes widened in memory. "Oh! I remember going there too! A thief stole my horse and the Imperials thought we were part of some rebellion," I recalled. "Maybe whatever made you forget made me forget too." 

"Maybe," the man nodded. He turned away from me and looked down the path. "It feels like I've walked this path many times, but no matter how hard I try, I cannot find my way. I always end up back here." 

"We could try walking together," I suggested, "although, I admit that I'm not sure where I'm going anyway." 

He looked at me. "You're an Imperial," he stated. 

"Yes." 

The Nord pinched his lips in a disgusted manner. He paused, hesitating on answering me. 

"Is there a problem?" I asked, irritated. 

"I don't know," he admitted. "I feel like I shouldn't trust you because you're an Imperial, but I cannot remember why." 

I rolled my eyes at his response. "That's a stupid reason to not want to travel with someone. I promise I have no harmful intent towards you, if that makes you feel any better." 

"Well, since I cannot think of a good reason, I suppose I can trust you for now," the Nord said carefully, "but if you try anything then you'll regret it." He placed his hand on his axe that hung at his side to emphasize his point. 

"I'll try my best to be good," I said, trying not to laugh. The man was a good foot taller than me and he thought I was the dangerous one. 

We walked for a while, neither of us talking. It was difficult to make small talk when neither of us could really remember anything. And the presence of the fog made me feel like I should be quiet lest I draw the attention of whatever was out there. 

"I think we went in a circle again," the Nord sighed. He pointed to a rock formation that was next to us. It was the same one I had found him next to when we first met. "That's the fifth time I've ended up back here. Like I told you, no matter how much I try, I cannot find my way." 

"Oh, hello there!" 

The Nord and I turned to see another male Nord standing nearby. Unlike the first one, this man was obviously not a soldier; his hands and face were too soft to have seen the hardships of battle. Although he looked youthful, the man had a beard and a warrior's braid in his light brown hair. His blue eyes were innocently wide. His clothes were beautiful embroidered garments and a steel sword, probably ceremonial, hung at his side. 

"By Talos, it's good to someone else! It feels like I've been here forever. Are you lost too?" the younger Nord asked as he joined us. 

"Yes," I said. "Would you like to join us?" 

"We don't know anything about him!" the first Nord protested. 

"We don't know anything about each other!" I snapped back. 

"That doesn't mean that we invite anyone we meet to join us," the warrior hissed. "Are all Imperials this stupid or are you an exceptional example?" 

"I am not **stupid**!" I yelled back, my temper kicking in. A burst of energy came out of my mouth on the last work. It pushed back the soldier, stunning him, and the fog was also forced back. 

I blinked slowly as I started to remember who I was. I was the Dragonborn! This fog was not only hiding our vision, but it was literally clouding our minds. 

"Was that a Shout?" the younger Nord asked, a small smile on his face. He was accepting my accidental thu'um quite easily. 

"Sort of," I muttered. "Want to see a real one?" 

"As long as you're not pointed at me when you do it," he responded with his arms clasped behind his back. "I'm strangely not enthusiastic about that." 

"Don't worry," I said as I drew in a deep breath, "this won't hurt anyone. **LOK VAH KOOR**!" 

The mist dispersed violently as my Shout cleared the area around us. Now that the fog was gone, my memories were returning. I knew who I was and why I was here. I looked over at the first Nord, his face still only vaguely familiar, but his comment about Helgen meant more to me now. 

"You were the one who was beheaded, weren't you?" I asked, looking at the angry red line across his neck. 

"Yeah," he admitted sheepishly as he rubbed his scar. "I guess my impatience finally caught up with me. I just hope my ancestors are still smiling at me. I suppose you could imagine my embarrassment when I got up here and found out a dragon interrupted the executions. When I was back at the clearing, I still had a sense of what was going on in the world near where I died. " 

"For what it is worth, several Imperial soldiers and Stormcloak rebels still died that day," I said, folding my arms. 

"Yes, but at least they died in battle and not on their knees," the rebel said bitterly. 

"You still died well, friend, or we wouldn't even be having this conversation," the younger Nord interjected. 

"And who are you?" I asked. 

"You don't recognize him?" the first Nord asked, shocked. 

"Should I?" 

"That's High King Torygg, the one Jarl Ulfric Stormcloak Shouted to death!" 

"Ugh," I said in shock. This was Elisif's dead husband! "I guess that explains why you didn't want me to Shout at you," I said lamely. 

Torygg laughed, the sound rich and easy. "True, true!" Torygg sighed, wistfully, "I never wanted to fight my friend, but Ulfric insisted that it was necessary. I faced him fearlessly - my fate inescapable, yet my honor is unstained - can Ulfric say the same?" 

"I'm not sure Ulfric has any honor," I said bitterly. 

"Take that back, you Imperial bitch!" the Stormcloak soldier snapped as he drew his weapon. "I'll not allow you to speak that way of my jarl!" 

Before I could respond, a roar came from the fog, reminding us that Alduin lurked within it, devouring the souls that he found caught in his mind snare. "Maybe we could continue this elsewhere," Torygg suggested, "preferably outside of this damnable fog." 

"We might as well continue down the path," I grumbled as I quickly traveled down the stone road. "People don't make paths that go nowhere." 

We walked for several minutes as I used the Clear Skies Shout over and over to clear the fog from us. I didn't like how it suddenly got quiet out there. At least if Alduin was roaring, we had a vague idea of where he was. 

"We never got to hear your name," Torygg said politely to the Stormcloak rebel. "I think we're all still a little disoriented and our manners aren't quite what they should be." 

The soldier smiled, clearly impressed with the king's polite demeanor. "It's okay," he said. "It has been pretty stressful being stuck in this fog. My name is"

Before he could finish, the fog parted to reveal a waiting Alduin. The black dragon roared as his serpentine head flashed forward and grabbed the nameless warrior in his jaws. I could hear bone cracking as the draconic god chewed on the man's body. Blue spectral light bled out of the man and into the dragon. Alduin's wounds healed over, leaving no sign of ever existing. Whatever Alduin was doing when he ate the souls of mortals, it was much more powerful than any healing spell I had ever seen. 

"Run!" I yelled as I grabbed Torygg's hand. I dragged the Nord into the mist. 

"That poor man," Torygg said. He looked over his shoulder to the scene we had left. There was no screaming; only loud, sloppy crunching as Alduin ate the nameless, brave soldier. "What about the mind snare? Aren't you afraid that we'll lose our memories again if we run through it?" 

"It's a risk we'll have to take," I said grimly as I kept my eyes on the path below my feet. "I'll keep using my Shout, but only when necessary. It's possible -- no, make that probable, that Alduin was tracking us by following my voice." 

"Maybe if we talk about ourselves, it will be harder for us to forget who we are," Torygg suggested. 

"Couldn't hurt," I said. Already, I was losing the path despite looking right at it. The fog was thicker than ever. In the distance, I could hear screams that were abruptly cut off as Alduin feasted. 

"You look too young to be a Greybeard," Torygg commented. "Yet, you command the thu'um. How is that possible? I had not heard of the monks taking a new apprentice since Ulfric abandoned them thirty years ago." 

"I'm not strictly a Greybeard, although Arngeir trained me," I admitted. I had stopped to look around, but the path seemed to have vanished. "I'm the Dragonborn. I have the soul of a dragon and can learn shouts as fast as they can." 

"The one spoken of in prophecy?" Torygg asked softly. After I nodded, he sighed in relief. "Then there is hope that we will not all be destroyed slowly in this fog. You will stop the World-Eater." 

"Maybe," I said carefully. "The prophecy only says I have a chance, not that I will succeed." 

"You're a true hero," Torygg said confidently. "You will triumph in the end, I believe it." He paused as he thought for a moment. "I think you should just use your thu'um to clear this fog. If we lose time because we lose the path, then it gives the dragon that much more time to catch us unaware. We also risk you forgetting who you are. If that happens, you won't be able to use your thu'um when you need it." 

Already the fog was closing in on my memories. I felt that I had left someone behind who was waiting for me even if she thought I was already dead. I had to get back to her, at least for a little while. I had to let her know I was okay. 

"You're right," I said. " **LOK VAH KOOR**!" 

We walked as quickly as we could when the fog cleared, but unfortunately the Shout could only clear so much away. I noticed that once again Alduin had become quiet, confirming my fear that he was tracking us by my Shouts. 

"When Ulfric Stormcloak sent me here, my sole regret was fair Elisif, left forlorn and weeping," Torygg said softly as he looked over his shoulder, watching for Alduin. "No woman should have to bury her husband after such a short marriage. We loved each other, a blessed rarity in an arranged political marriage, but we didn't have nearly enough time for it to bloom into the comfort old age would have given us." 

"She misses you," I said, feeling uncomfortable with this line of conversation. 

A black shadow swept over us. This time we were ready when Alduin emerged from the fog. "I have found you, Dovahkiin," he hissed. His evil grin filled my vision as he reared back to breath fire. " **YOL**!" 

Torygg and I both jumped out of the way, but in opposite directions so now we were separated by Alduin's bulk. Alduin roared triumphantly as he lashed at me with a wing claw. 

"You must succeed, Dragonborn!" Torygg cried as he drew his sword. "Continue down the path. Find the Hall of Valor and call upon the Heroes of old to aid you. I will delay this monster for as long as I can. Tell Elisif," Torygg paused, not wanting to say the words, but knowing he would never be able to tell his wife personal, "tell her that I love her and that I will watch over her always." 

"High King Torygg!" I protested as I fumbled for my bow. Maybe the two of us could fight him together. 

"You cannot succeed while this fog lingers," Torygg yelled as he dodged a tail lash from Alduin. "Dispel it and then destroy this beast! Do it for Tamriel! Do it for my fair Elisif!" 

"Dammit!" I cursed as I turned and followed the king's command. Torygg was right; I could already feel the fog confusing me again. I Shouted the Clear Skies Shout and kept running as fast as I dared in the gray mist. The sounds of combat lingered behind me as I fled. 

Flashes of fire erupted behind me, temporarily burning away the fog, but I was too far away to see the combatants now. I ran, my breathing hitching in my chest as I continuously Shouted. I had no idea how long Torygg could possibly hold Alduin off. The man was brave, but he was ultimately a courtier, not a warrior. 

Too quickly, the sounds of fighting abruptly died. Alduin roared and took to the air. I watched him soar for a second before I continued my flight down the stone path, hoping desperately that Torygg was right that I would find help at the end. 

I wiped away the tears running down my face so they wouldn't blind my vision. High King Torygg, ruler of Skyrim, was gone. 

 

\---The Whale Bone Bridge ---

There was no indication of time passing in Sovngarde, so I had no idea how long I ran. All I knew was that my lungs felt like they were burning from Shouting and running so hard. I didn't dare stop. The Clear Skies Shout would immediately give away my location from the sound of my voice and the bare patch of ground where no fog dared to linger. 

Maybe I was moving too much for Alduin to find me. Maybe he was full and didn't want to waste a soul. Maybe he wanted to chase me a bit longer much like a cat did with her prey. I didn't know why Alduin hadn't caught me yet, but part of me was glad. 

Part of me also hated myself. I hated that I was as much of a coward as Lydia had always accused me of being. I hated that I fulfilled the weak Imperial stereotype that so many of the Nords believed. I had run as soon as Alduin attacked instead of staying and fighting. 

When I thought I couldn't take another step, the fog finally parted for the last time. Across a large chasm I saw a huge dining hall in the Nordic style. The various windows were all lit and I could hear singing from within. 

The path led to a large bridge that looked like it was constructed of the skeleton of a whale. Where they could have possibly have gotten the bones, I had no idea since there had been no signs of water, much less a large body of it, since I had arrived here. 

"Halt!" a deep male voice boomed when I tried to cross the bridge. 

I turned and saw a Nord man who was easily ten feet tall. He made some of the giants I had seen look like underfed runts. His body was in perfect physical condition with large muscles that rippled across his bare chest. Thick, dark brown hair fell to his shoulders, and a large two-handed axe rested on his back. He wore only a simple loin cloth, not even made of protective fur, and a large iron wide belt with intricate carvings. 

"I am Tsun, Nordic God of Adversity and Trials," he declared as he stepped between me and the bridge.  "It is my duty to test the right of any who wish to cross this bridge to the Hall of Valor." He eyed me up and down. "You are not a Nord. You are not a shade, but of living flesh. You should not be here. By what right do you claim to enter the Hall of Valor?" 

"By right of birth. I am Dragonborn," I declared, trying to stand as tall and proud as possible, although I was almost half the size of the god before me. I tried to push away the thoughts of guilt and self-doubt. I had followed a command from a king. He may not have been my king, but High King Torygg had been a just man. He knew what he was doing when he told me to flee. I had to make his sacrifice worthwhile. 

"Ah! It's been too long since last I faced a doom-driven hero of the dragon blood," Tsun smiled. 

"What does that even mean?" I lamented. "Doom-driven? I was told that by Paarthurnax. Are you going to let me enter the Hall of Valor or not?" 

The deity frowned at my tone. "Living or dead, by decree of Shor, none may pass this perilous bridge 'til I judge them worthy by the warrior's test." 

"Whoa, wait a minute," I said, but Tsun had already drawn his axe and was swinging it at me. I jumped back, but not before the sharp blade had sliced part of my armor's skirt. "Dammit, I don't have time to fight you. There's a dragon out there eating souls. It's him that we should be fighting!" 

"Actions, not words, are by what we judge a soul's worth here," Tsun grunted as he did an overhead chop. I jumped back and the axe crashed into the ground, splitting the stone in half. "If you wish to be accepted by the other Heroes here, then you must earn your passage the same as them." 

"Dragoneatingmortalsouls!" I gasped as I continued to backpedal. I knew there was no point in drawing my bow. I was too close and even if I felt that I could pull out the lengthy weapon fast enough, I would never be able to find the quiet and focus I needed to use it well. My swordplay had always been pitiful. 

" **YOL TOOR SHUL**!" I Shouted. Flame engulfed Tsun, but he seemed barely singed from my direct onslaught. His blade flashed dangerously close to my face as it clipped off part of my helmet. I pulled my glass dagger and stabbed weakly at the god, but he ignored the jabs as he lifted his axe again. 

" **FUS RO DAH**!" I Shouted when my breath returned. When Tsun tumbled back, not moving as far as I would have expected from an unarmored foe should have, I threw my dagger at the same time. The blade sank into his gut, which to my surprise only caused the man to laugh. Tsun paused and pulled the blade free before casually tossing it to the side. 

"Clever," he said as he hefted his axe, "I don't think anyone else has thought to use the momentum of the Force Shout with a thrown weapon." 

I whimpered as I pulled my glass sword and held it in a defensive position. I sincerely doubted that I would be able to successfully block any strikes from the much larger man, but at least I would lose with a weapon in my hand. What would it take to stop this man? 

I continued to withdraw as Tsun attacked me. "How do you plan on winning if you don't fight back, woman?" he growled. A backward swing with the flat of his blade caught me and I fell hard on my side. My entire right side felt numb when I landed. "Ah, well, not every applicant succeeds." 

" **IISS SLEN NUS**!" I Shouted frantically. Tsun froze in place as a layer of ice stopped him from moving. I scrambled to my feet and kicked the solid form of the god backwards. 

As he fell, I landed on top of him and madly attacked with everything I had. A film of red haze covered my vision as I hacked at the god. I wasn't going to die here, dammit! I wasn't going to die at the hands of some petty guardian god who was tired of watching a stupid bridge instead of doing anything about Alduin or feeling angry that mortals got to enjoy the Hall of Valor while he was stuck outside. "Die, die, die!" I screamed over and over as I slashed and slashed repeatedly. 

"Enough!" Tsun grabbed my sword arm hard enough I couldn't move it at all. His fist engulfed my entire hand so that I couldn't even drop my blade. "You fought well. I find you worthy." 

It took several seconds for the rage to leave me enough for me to understand that Tsun was submitting. When I relaxed, Tsun released my hand. He didn't look particularly impressed with my fighting skill. Instead of looking at me proudly as an acknowledged warrior, he eyed me warily like a rabid dog. "It is long since one of the living has entered here. May Shor's favor follow you and your errand." 

The god stepped back and I could see that his wounds were already sealing over. He beckoned to the hall behind us. "You may cross the Whale Bone bridge." 

"Thank you," I said hoarsely as I stepped onto the skeletal spine. There were wide gaps in between the ribs of the beast, so I tried my best to not look down. It looked like it would be a very long fall, with no bottom in sight. I swallowed and tried to not think about it. Instead I focused on the positive; I had earned my way into the Hall of Valor. 

It was time to speak with the Heroes of Old and see if they would help me defeat Alduin once and for all.


	29. heiwako

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Copyright Bethesda  
> Comments appreciated
> 
> A/N: So, our hero's journey is almost done! The World-Eater destroyed and the world saved. Maybe not the most heroic of tales, but Diana has never been a very good traditional hero, has she?
> 
> One more chapter to go to wrap things up and it will be time to say goodbye.
> 
> Don't fret though. I have plans for another sequel called Breath and Focus. Cicero will return as well as a lot of familiar faces - both welcome and despised. I think it's going to be a great story, so I hope all of you join me there.
> 
> Comments desperately appreciated! Huge thanks to everyone who has been with me from the beginning. Your comments have helped keep me moving.
> 
> Part 30: [fav.me/d5fuxqo](http://fav.me/d5fuxqo)

\--- The Hall of Valor ---

The inside of the Hall of Valor was completely different than the exterior. While it was dark and foggy outside, the inside of the mead hall was full of golden light from countless candles and braziers filling the place. A huge dining table full of delicacies of every type waited at the bottom of a short set of steps. I could see several groups of people all ages and both genders standing around talk, reenacting fight scenes, or laughing. The only thing in common they all had was that they were Nords. No other race was represented here. 

A tawny haired man with a full beard wearing ancient Nordic armor approached me. On his back, he wore a two-handed axe similar to Tsun. The blade was engraved with runes and looked very familiar. I had seen it in Jorrvaskr sitting in position of honor after their leader had died. 

"That's Wuuthrad, isn't it?" I asked, indicating the axe. "That would make you Ysgramor, right?" 

The man laughed loudly as he clapped me on the back. His strength was enough that I almost fell over. "It is good to know that my name hasn't been forgotten. Even foreigners remember my axe." 

"I saw it personally in Jorrvaskr," I said, trying to not tumble down the stairs. "It had been shattered and the Companions spent a great deal of time and energy to rebuild it." 

"It pleases me to hear my old mead hall still stands after all this time," Ysgramor said heartily. He led me down the stairs into the building proper. "I take it that you are the Dragonborn everyone is talking about lately. I cannot say we get many Imperials up here. In fact, we don't get much of anything recently. Our door has stood empty since Alduin first set his soul-snare here." 

"Why hasn't anyone done anything?" I asked angrily. "All of you are heroes of legend or at least Nords who died with honor. Why haven't you gathered your strength and destroyed Alduin yourselves?" 

"By Shor's command, we sheathed our blades and ventured not the vale's dark mist," Ysgramor sighed. "We could no more go against our lord's wishes in death than we did our mortal masters in life." 

"I cannot find Alduin alone," I said, tears threatening to fall down my face. "I tried! I swear I tried. But his fogit leeches your mind. It makes you forget who you are. I cannot fight him if I am fighting his damn trap at the same time." 

"Worry not, Dragonborn," Ysgramor said. He pointed to small group of two men and a woman standing off a ways. I recognized them from my vision  Hakon One-Eye, Felldir the Old, and Gormlaith Golden-Hilt. "Three await your word to loose their fury upon the perilous foe. Shor has granted them the chance to end their ancient enemy once and for all with your aid." 

The first Companion patted my back. "Go meet with them. Plan your attack. Then eat and rest. It is important to enter battle with a fresh mind and body or you will betray yourself and help your enemy defeat you. Gods' speed to you, Dragonborn." With that final bit of advice, Ysgramor turned and left to talk to another group of heroes. 

"Thanks," I said to the empty air. Aela was going to have a litter of puppies when I told her who I met! 

When I approached the group of Voice Masters, Gormlaith turned and smiled excitedly at me. "At long last!" she declared as she drew her sword. "Alduin's doom is now ours to seal  just speak the word and with high hearts, we'll hasten forth to smite the worm wherever he lurks." 

"Hold, comrade," Felldir said gently, like a grandfather to an excited grandchild. "Let us counsel take before battle is blindly joined. Alduin's mist is more than a snare  its shadowy gloom is his shield and cloak. With four Voices joined, we can blast the mist and bring him to battle." 

"Felldir speaks wisdom," Hakon said, his voice low and calm unlike the hotheaded nature of Gormlaith. "The World-Eater, coward, fears you, Dragonborn. We must drive away his mist, Shouting together, and then unsheathe our blades in desperate battle with our black-winged foe." 

"First, there are certain rituals that must be observed," Felldir reminded his companions. "Our newest companion must meditate and rest before we can take to the battlefield. Once she is in harmony, then her Shout may join ours." 

"I don't know about being in harmony," I admitted, "but I'll try to compose myself enough to represent well beside you." 

"I suppose that is all we can expect from a non-Nord," Gormlaith said haughtily. I tried to suppress a growl when I saw her arrogant expression. 

"Ignore my sister," Hakon laughed. "She has been gnawing at the bit ever since the fogs first appeared. She is merely hot-blooded for battle." He turned to the golden haired warrior. "It would do you well to mediate as well." 

"I've never been more ready!" Gormlaith declared. 

"Unfortunately, the mortal is not," Felldir said. He pointed to me. Despite standing, I was struggling to stay awake. Now that I was some place warm and not being chased by a dragon, my exhaustion was overtaking me. "Once the Dragonborn is rested, we will go to battle." 

"Thank you," I said softly when a maiden came over and gestured for me to follow her. 

I was given a room with a single soft bed. I barely managed to drag off my filthy armor before crawling into the bed and passed out. Sleep was dreamless and a dark Void. 

 

\--- Purification ---

When I woke, the same maid who had led me to my room was waiting for me. She led me to a large room that was full of steam. A depression was full of hot water and bathing supplies were waiting in a small metal basket for me. 

"Please meditate upon the upcoming battle," the warrior maid said softly as she helped me remove my dirty underclothes. "We will clean and prepare your armor. When you are ready, we will proceed with the ritual." 

I stepped into the water, enjoying the feeling of heat for what felt like the first time in forever. Ever since I came to Skyrim, I had felt constantly chilled. My muscles relaxed and I sighed in relief. I didn't linger long. I started to clean myself while trying to mentally prepare myself for the upcoming battle. It felt impossible. How could I possibly calm myself for this? 

Outside I could hear the hum of the ancestral choir chanting. They were praying in the form of song to rally the heroes before the final fight with Alduin. Would the gods actually take notice and give us their blessing this day or were we on our own? 

Although the song was in the ancient tongue, I could understand it as clearly as if Lydia were speaking it to me. 

_Dragonborn, Dragonborn, by his honor is sworn,_  
To keep evil forever at bay!  
And the fiercest foes rout when they hear triumph's shout,  
Dragonborn, for your blessing we pray! 

I sighed and stood, not wanting to leave the cleansing waters of the bath, but it was time to get ready. As I stepped out of the bath, attendants swarmed me with large towels to dry me. I stood patiently with my arms spread as they worked. My eyes closed as I tried to focus on breathing. 

 

_Hearken now, sons of snow, to an age, long ago,_  
And the tale, boldly told, of the one!  
Who was kin to both wyrm, and the races of man,  
With a power to rival the sun! 

The clothes I would wear under the chafing armor were brought out next. I hastily pulled on the smallclothes, breast band, and dress. The heat of the bath was gone and only the chill of Sovngarde remained. 

 

_And the voice, he did wield, on that glorious field,_  
When great Tamriel shuddered with war!  
Mighty Thu'um, like a blade, cut through enemies all,  
As the Dragonborn issued his roar! 

My dragon scale armor, cleaned and polished, was brought to me. Clever hands quickly tightened the buckles to ensure they would not loosen during battle. I waved away the celestial assistants as I sat on a bench to pull on and lace my boots. I wiggled my toes against the fur lining to check for any stones or torn soles. 

 

_Dragonborn, Dragonborn, by his honor is sworn,_  
To keep evil forever at bay!  
And the fiercest foes rout when they hear triumph's shout,  
Dragonborn, for your blessing we pray! 

Next my hair was brushed out and plaited before being wound into the multiple braids that I favored. War paint was applied to my face to give me a fearsome appearance. My eyelids were graced with deep purple paint that trailed down my cheeks. Normally, I didn't wear war paint, but it seemed a good day as any for the extra ritual. 

 

_And the Scrolls have foretold, of black wings in the cold,_  
That when brothers wage war come unfurled!  
Alduin, Bane of Kings, ancient shadow unbound,  
With a hunger to swallow the world! 

I held my hand out and an attendant gave me my helmet. I placed it on my head before checking my appearance in the mirror. I was pleased to see that no sign of emotion was on my face for if there was, it would be that of fear and uncertainty. I wasn't going to give Alduin that particular satisfaction. 

 

_But a day shall arise when the dark dragon's lies_  
Will be silenced forever and then!  
Fair Skyrim will be free from foul Alduin's maw!  
Dragonborn, be the savior of men! 

I pulled on my gloves, completing the outfit. With a sigh, I turned and walked out to the main hall where the others were waiting. Hakon One-Eye was focused on sharpening his double headed axe while Felldir the Old silently mouthed incantations that he was studying out of a book. 

Gormlaith Golden-Hilt haughtily stood to the side in her steel armor. Her face paint was similar to Aela's with the three claw marks running down her race. I wondered briefly if the two of them were distantly related. 

Her eyes ran over me, taking in my personal armor and judging me. Although the woman was obviously eager for battle, her demeanor indicated that she was uncertain of my usefulness. "Are you ready?" she asked, her tone doubtful. 

I nodded as I belted on my glass sword and bow. 

Gormlaith grinned fiercely as she drew her sword and held it aloft in the air. "To battle, my friends! The fields will echo with the clamor of war, our wills undaunted." 

 

_Dragonborn, Dragonborn, by his honor is sworn,_  
To keep evil forever at bay!  
And the fiercest foes rout when they hear triumph's shout,  
Dragonborn, for your blessing we pray! 

The four of us turned as one and proceeded out of the hall and to the mist covered plains outside. 

It was time. 

 

\---The Final Battle ---

We stopped at the edge of the mists. As I looked down, I could see the tendrils slowly trying to curl around my boots. I angrily stomped it, trying to drive it back. 

"Alduin will hide in this lightless mist until we Shout together and shatter his power," Hakon stated. He looked to his right at Felldir and Gormlaith, who both nodded back at him. Then he turned to his left to me, waiting for my signal. 

I pulled my bow out and tested the string. I didn't like how much moisture was in the air. It was sure to be hellish on my bow. Still, it seemed taut enough. I nodded. "Let's do this." 

" **LOK VAH KOOR**!" 

Our combined Shout caused much more of the fog to be pushed back than my singular Shout had and more than I would have thought four single Shouts would have. I could actually see the landscape around us as the mist dissipated. 

In the distance, Alduin roared, " **VEN MUL RIIK**!" 

A thunder-like sound rippled through the air. The miasma consolidated and started to roll back towards us. It looked less than it had before, but Alduin's Shout had definitely reinforced it. 

"Again!" Gormlaith yelled. 

" **LOK VAH KOOR**!" 

Once again the soul-snare was pushed back, and once again Alduin strengthened it with his Shout. " **VEN MUL RIIK**!" 

"We can shatter his power if we Shout together!" Felldir insisted. 

**"LOK VAH KOOR!** " 

" **VEN MUL RIIK!** "

The thinning mist poured over us. I could feel my confidence ebbing away as it touched me. I looked over to Hakon and saw the same uncertainty on his face. "Does his strength have no end?" the Nord hero asked.  "Is our struggle in vain? 

"Stand fast! His strength is failing! Once more, and his might will be broken!" Gormlaith cried. 

"His power crumbles," Felldir said. "Do not pause for breath!" 

Despite the cloying fog, I drew in one last breath and Shouted with the other Heroes.  " **LOK VAH KOOR!"**

Our Shout ripped through the remains of the fog, and to my delight none of it remained. I could now see the mountains that surrounded Sovngarde, the grassy plains, even the various common mountain flowers I had seen all over Skyrim. The sky was still that strange purple color with the shining light in the center, but the battlefield was bereft of the interfering fog. Our minds would be clear for this battle. 

On the horizon, I could see Alduin's black form as he flew towards us. He was so much faster than Odahviing, and the red dragon had been the fastest creature I had ever seen.  As the dragon god of destruction neared us, I saw the sky was blackening. Dark, angry clouds formed in Alduin's wake. 

It was an ill omen. 

"The endless wait gives way to battle!" Gormlaith crowed. "Alduin's doom, his death or ours!" 

Maybe the female warrior could afford to sound confident given that she had already died once. I hadn't forgotten how her overconfidence had cost her life the first time. Maybe I wasn't as excited because I was still alive. 

Alduin roared, his thu'um mighty indeed, as the sky ripped open. Huge gouts of flame tore from the black clouds and fell crashing to the ground. I screamed as one landed near me, almost setting my skirt on fire. 

"Bring him down!" Gormlaith commanded. With the ease of a group who has worked together a long time and knows each other's habits, the three Heroes of Old formed together and Shouted. 

" **JOOR ZAH FRUL!** "

Alduin screamed as the combined Shout hit him, but he managed to stay in the air. I fell to my knees as my dragon soul cried out in pain too. It felt as if the three companions had turned against me and ran their swords into my gullet all at once. 

"He's too strong here," Hakon commented. "He has devoured too many souls. Dragonborn, you must add your voice to ours." 

"What is wrong with her?" Gormlaith sneered. 

"I'm Dragonborn," I coughed as I held my stomach. "Dragonrend affects me too." 

"Hm, an unforeseen problem," Felldir commented. He looked up to the sky. "You must compose yourself quickly. We have no time to wait." 

More balls of flame were falling around us, and Alduin looked like he was about to breathe on us. 

Hakon helped me to my feet. "Now, we must Shout now." 

I nodded, trying to brace myself. The four of us drew in deep breaths. 

Serenity, I reminded myself. Harmony. Balance. Kyne's way. 

" **JOOR ZAH FRUL!** "

I felt like I was being beaten within an inch of my life. My head felt like it was going to burst. Thankfully, Alduin felt the same way and crashed to the ground. The world shook with his impact. 

The three Heroes gave mighty battle cries before charging the downed dragon. I shakily tried to pull my bow, but found I had no strength in me. It took everything in me to simply stand again. 

"Again!" Gormlaith commanded when it looked like Alduin was starting to get his focus back. 

"No, please," I begged. I knew I was crying and that Gormlaith would think less of me for it, but I couldn't stop myself. "Please, don't make me use that Shout again." 

"Do it, Imperial!" she barked, uncaring of my pain. The only thing the golden haired warrior saw was victory in her grasp. Gormlaith reached under my helm and grabbed a handful of my hair before jerking on it hard. "Do not fail me now!" 

"Okay, okay," I cried. 

" **JOOR ZAH FRUL!** " 

I fell to the ground and curled up on my side. The hate, the anger, the pain  all of it felt like it was being stabbed into every part of my body. The dragon part of my soul screamed, both in pain and vengeance. There would be a reckoning. 

As I lay there, writhing in pain, I saw that Gormlaith, confident in her prowess, had gotten too close to Alduin's jaws again. Without thinking, I jumped up and threw myself between her and the dragon. I wasn't going to let her die a final death here. Not after having seen this scene before. 

I screamed in pain as the dragon's jaws crunched down on my torso. Thankfully, my dragon scale armor was able to protect me or I would have been killed. Something cracked, at least one rib, possibly several, as Alduin tried to feast on me. I pushed helplessly against him, his maw as unmovable as the stone below. I pounded on his muzzle, but he merely snickered at my attempts. 

"Push the world, and it pushes back," Arngeir's voice reminded me. 

" **FUS RO DAH!** " I Shouted, putting all of my hurt, anger, and fear into that one Shout. I held nothing back as I focused on the thought of wanting to push Alduin away at any price. The dragon's head snapped back painfully. I could hear the jawbone crack from the impact. 

Alduin released me involuntarily, unable to keep his grip on me. I landed roughly on my back before rolling over onto my front, not crying out only because I had nothing left in me to make a single sound. Alduin awkwardly stumbled a few feet away from me. If he had chosen to step on me in that moment, I would not have been able to stop him. 

" **JOOR ZAH FRUL!** " the Heroes Shouted one last time. I didn't even twitch this time, I was so far gone. 

Alduin wailed, brought low by the only Shout created by humanity, as the Heroes attacked him from all angles. They were now careful to stay out of the reach of his shattered jaws and his mighty fire breath, but even his wing and tail slap attacks did the ancient dragon warlord no good. 

" _Zu'u unslaad!_ " Alduin decreed in pain as he threw his head back. " _Zu'u nis oblaan!_ " 

I had learned enough draconic by now to understand that much. "I am eternal. I cannot end!" 

Cracks started to appear over every inch of Alduin's body. They ran over him, crisscrossing every which way. The dragon roared over and over as his form tore apart. Finally, in one last burst of energy, Alduin exploded. A black silhouette of a dragon made of shadow and Void was all that remained. It reared back, roaring before a release of fiery energy threw everyone away from it, and it was drawn up into the sky into the glowing white light. 

Alduin was gone. He had finally been destroyed as it had been foretold. 

Tsun finally left his post by the entrance of the Whale Bone Bridge. He offered me a hand to stand, which I gratefully took. It hurt to move. I held one arm to my side where I felt blood oozing out. I would need medical attention, but it didn't look immediately life threatening. 

"This is a mighty deed!" Tsun declared. "The doom of Alduin encompassed at last, and cleansed is Sovngarde of his evil snare." 

"Truly, we would not have succeeded if not for your presence," Hakon said graciously as he cleaned his blade and sheathed it. 

"Hm," Gormlaith grunted noncommittally. She looked less than impressed by my contribution. Clearly, she never thought she was in any danger from the dragon. Not surprising, really. 

"Thank you, Dragonborn," Felldir said with a small bow, his arms tucked into the long sleeves of his robes. 

Everything still hurt. I didn't want to move. The combined Shouts, back to back, had left me weak before Alduin had decided to chew on me. For someone who was supposed to be a mere mortal, the Dragonrend Shout still pained me greatly. 

"When you have completed your count of days, I will welcome you again, with glad friendship, and bid you join the blessed feasting," Tsun said happily as he pounded my back. 

"All hail the Dragonborn!" the others cheered. "All hail her with great praise!" 

It took me a moment to realize what Tsun was offering. "You mean you want me to come back here to Sovngarde when I die?" I asked astounded. 

"Yes!" Tsun laughed. "Though you are not a Nord by blood, you are one in spirit!" 

I had heard that line before. 

"To the Void with that!" I yelled. 

The others looked at me with shocked expressions. Gormlaith sneered. "We should have known that she would not take well to your offer, Tsun. She is at heart a foul wyrm, no better than the World-Eater. Cowardly and weak." 

"Think wisely before you refuse the god's offer, child," Felldir advised. 

"The battle has left you tired and not thinking clearly," Hakon offered. "Maybe after you've been attended to by healers." 

"No," I said shaking my head. "I know exactly what I'm saying. I don't want to come here when I die. I don't want to have to spend the rest of eternity having to stare up at oversized, drunk, obnoxious Nords who think they are better than me because I'm not a Nord. No matter what any of you say, there will be more of you who think I'm just some inconvenient runt who's hanging off your god Shor's tit in exchange for some favor." 

 

"I have promised that you will return," the huge man growled, "and I do not forsake my vows regardless of how much I may regret making them. Maybe I will have you return as one of the fools you Imperials seem to favor in your courts so much. Give you a chance to teach us Nords some humor." The sarcasm was not lost on me. 

 

"Better a fool who tells the truth than the fool who believes the lie," I retorted. I didn't care that Tsun looked closer to fifteen feet than ten now. I was going to have my say in this matter. "That reminds me. All of you talk like you're from some bad Cyrodilic play." 

"Be careful what you wish for, Dragonborn," Tsun said in a soft, but deadly voice. The title had never sounded so much like a curse. " **NAHL DAAL VUS!** " 

The Shout slammed into me and I found myself falling backwards. I tried to scream, but there was no air. 

There was nothing.


	30. heiwako

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: Huge thanks to all of my readers. It is you that keep me writing. Every review brings a huge smile on my face and lets me know that there are people out there who care about Diana as much as I do.  
> I had been leery to write this prequel because I knew that I would be writing about an OC and it’s harder to be attached to an OC than an NPC. I know I feel that way as a reader, and I wouldn’t expect anything else from mine.   
> Still, Diana’s journey has been a good one. Although I never felt as emotionally high with this story as I did with previous ones, I liked how I was able to take my time to develop Diana, Lydia, Adrianne, Balgruuf, Irileth, Farengar, Paarthurnax, Odahviing, Delphine, Esbern, and all the rest.  
> Keep an eye out because they’ll all be back in Breath and Focus. Also, be ready for the triumphant return of our favorite jester too! I don’t know about you guys, but I’ve missed the guy terribly.  
> If you don’t mind, please take a moment to stop by Blackwingedheaven’s Innocence Lost which features Aventus Aretino and his take on his life in the Brotherhood. BWH is going to finish Innocence Lost soon and start on Age of Assassins which is about Aventus’ time in bard school.  
> The two of us plan to work pretty closely together on plot elements for these stories. You don’t have to read both to enjoy them, but it sure won’t hurt.  
> I also want to thank Blackwingedheaven for being my beta reader and supporting me since the first words of Darkness Rises. He’s been my first and biggest fan. Without him, I wouldn’t be here today.  
> Thank you for joining me for this leg of the journey. I hope you don’t leave yet. There’s still so much more to tell.
> 
> Chronologically - Darkness Rises When Silence Dies Part 1: [fav.me/d4rp3d9](http://fav.me/d4rp3d9)  
> Published - Breath and Focus : [fav.me/d5ivcue](http://fav.me/d5ivcue)

Middas 25 Morning Star 202 4E 3:00 PM 

Once again I woke up on my back staring at the sky. Instead of the purple sky of Sovngarde, I saw nothing but swirling white flakes of snow. My back was one entire sheet of cold from where I had been lying on the snow for gods knew how long. 

Unlike last time, I felt like I was in pieces. Every part of me hurt. I was covered in scratches and blood from Alduin's attack and my very soul throbbed in pain from the repeated Dragonrend Shouts I had suffered from the Heroes of old. 

" _Drem Yol Lok, Dovahkiin,_ " Paarthurnax uttered. 

I looked over and saw the old golden dragon perched on the ancient word wall. Tsun had seen it fit to send me to the Throat of the World. Appropriate, I suppose since it was the tallest place in Nirn. At least I wasn't stuck in Skuldafn. 

Movement caught my attention in the corner of my eye. I could turn enough to see that Paarthurnax was not the only dragon on the Throat of the World today. Instead there were dragons of every type perched on rock formations all around me numbering about half a dozen. It was hard to take them all in. They were throwing back their heads and bugled to the sky. All of them started to shout different things. 

_"Alduin mahlaan!"_

_"Sahrot thur qahnaraan."_

_"Dovahkiin los ok dovahkriid."_

_"Thu'um los nahlot."_

_"Mu los vomir."_

"I really wished I knew what they were saying," I muttered. I tried to stand up, but found that I had no strength at all. I bitterly thought that Tsun could have taken a second to heal me before expelling me from heaven. I doubted that he wanted to see me any sooner than I wanted to see him. 

The dragons took to the air, spiraling in the wind currents, knocking the falling snow from its natural path, breathing large bursts of flame as they celebrated the end of their warlord master. These must have been dragons who had decided to throw their lot in with Paarthurnax. 

It was the most beautiful thing I had ever seen. 

When the chaos settled, only two dragons remained  Paarthurnax and Odahviing. The two of them had gotten off their perches and were not looming directly over me. 

"So, it is done," Paarthurnax sighed. " _Alduin dilon_. The Eldest is no more, he who came before all others and had always been." 

"You do not sound very happy, _zeymah_ ," Odahviing snorted. 

"Happy?" Paarthurnax raised his head so he was eye to eye with the red dragon. "No, I am not happy. _Zeymahi ont du'ul Bormahu_. Alduin was once the crown of our father Akatosh's creation." 

"Sentimental nonsense," Odahviing scoffed. "Alduin's thu'um was weaker than another and he paid the price." 

"Diana- _mal_ did what was necessary," Paarthurnax agreed. "Alduin had flown far from the path of right actin in _pahlok_  the arrogance of his power." He dropped his head so it was next to me. "But I cannot celebrate his fall. _Zu'u tiirnaaz ahst ok mah_. He was my brother once. This world will never be the same." 

"The whole point of this endeavor was to bring change," Odahviing chided. "None of us wished to chafe under Alduin's reign anymore." 

"I forget myself," Paarthurnax admitted.  " _Krosis. So los mid fahdon._ Melancholy is an easy trap for a dovah to fall into." His long tongue flickered out and licked my face. "You have won a mighty victory. _Sahrot krongrah_  one that will echo through all the ages of this world for those who have eyes to see." 

"Why is our sister still on her back?" Odahviing asked. He nudged me with his snout. This is your victory; you should be celebrating!" 

"I cannot move," I admitted. I was scared to admit it, but I couldn't stay like this for very long out in the brittle, unprotected cold of the mountain. "Alduin managed to grab me with his bite. My armor protected me from immediate death, but I think something is broken." I closed my eyes and heaved a heavy sigh. "I think I'm dying." 

"Aam," Paarthurnax growled. "This is _nipruzah_. Your part of the sands of Time is not done." The golden dragon opened his jaws and carefully scooped me up in them. I could see that a large amount of snow had been picked up with me. 

"What are you doing?" Odahviing asked. "If the Dovahkiin is too weak, then it is best to let her die. Allow another's thu'um to be recognized as the strongest." 

"Our _briinah_ has proven herself to us," Paarthurnax grumbled around me. "I would not abandon her." 

The golden dragon took to the sky with me in his jaws. I was reminded of a scene I had witnessed years ago. A hunting dog that had torn much prey to small bits with his jaws caught and grasped a small rabbit with those same rending fangs and gave it back to his master's daughter. I felt like that rabbit right now with my heart beating a thousand times a minute in my chest, hard enough that it might burst any moment. 

Mere moments later, Paarthurnax and Odahviing were landing in the practice yard of the Greybeards. Arngeir and the others fearlessly approached the two dragons  their eyes wide with curiosity. 

"To what do we owe this great honor, Master?" Arngeir said as the Greybeards bowed respectfully. 

Paarthurnax gently passed me to Borri. With his mouth clear, the dragon said, "The Dovahkiin has been wounded in her battle with the World-Eater. Tend to her." 

He pressed his snout gently against me and lightly breathed over me. His internal heat chased away the chill that had settled into my chest. His forked tongue flickered over my face  a dragon's kiss. **"KOPRAAN KOS HAAS."**

The pain in my body subsided and I managed to raise my hand weakly brush it against the kind dragon's snout. "What was that?" I asked. "I feel better. Like I had just been beaten up instead of pounded into mincemeat and rolled down a hill in a barrel full of nails." 

"Something I created over the years," Paarthurnax said smugly. "Maybe I'll teach if to you next time we meet. If you haven't figured it out on your own by then." 

The golden dragon backed up and flapped his wings experimentally.  "Many of the _dovahhe_ are now scattered across _Keizaal_. Without Alduin's lordship, they may yet bow to the vahzen, rightness of my thu'um. But willing or no, they will hear it!" Paarthurnax launched himself into the air, bugling happily at his own freedom. For the first time since Alduin had been cast into the Time Wound, Paarthurnax was free to see the world, his own guilt paid for in full by helping stop the World-Eater. "Fare thee well, Dovahkiin!" 

We watched silently as Paarthurnax spiraled in the sky a few times before flying away. I had no idea where he would go or when he would come back, but I knew that he would return some day. 

" _Pruzah wundunne wah Wuth Gein_ ," Odahviing muttered. "I wish the old one luck in his quest. But I doubt many will wish to exchange Alduin's lordship for the tyranny of Paarthurnax's 'Way of the Voice.'" 

The red dragon lowered his head in what passed as a bow for dragonkind. "As for myself, you've proven your mastery twice over. _Thuri, Dovahkiin_. I gladly acknowledge the power of your thu'um." 

"And not just because Paarthurnax might kick your ass if you didn't?" I asked, raising an eyebrow. 

Odahviing snorted. "No. You are a _joor_ , but you stood bravely against Alduin twice. You removed his oppressive yoke from my neck. I can afford to wait until the day that your thu'um has passed before I prove my worth. Maybe I will learn a thing or two from you until then." The red dragon grinned wickedly. "In the meantime, _zu'u Odahviing_. Call me when you have need and I will come if I can." 

"I will," I promised. "And I won't abuse that privilege, Odahviing." 

"I know you won't," Odahviing said. "That is why I give it to you willingly." The red dragon then took to the sky as well, and within seconds he was nothing more than a speck in the sky. 

"I know all of you have questions," I said, smiling weakly at the Greybeards, "but if you can manage to refrain talking until we get inside, I would appreciate it." 

"At least your sense of humor was not damaged," Arngeir said wearily. "Come, let's get you inside." 

As we retreated to the safety and warmth of High Hrothgar, Borri pressed his lips against my ear and whispered very, very quietly, "Welcome home." 

 

Morndas 30 Morning Star 202 4E 8:00 AM 

"Are you sure that you're okay to travel?" Arngeir asked nervously. 

I strapped the backpack on after checking it one last time. "I'm sure, Master Arngeir," I said formally. 

I had spent the last five days recovering from my fight with Alduin in Sovngarde. Most of that time has been spent sleeping or eating the simple, but filling food of the Greybeards. Occasionally, I had meditated before the shrines of Kynareth, but mostly I concentrated on regaining my strength. 

The first few nights had been hard. I had dreamed over and over of Alduin snapping me up and crushing me to death in Sovngarde. When I was lucky, the dream ended there, but sometimes I would dream that my soul would manifest within the World-Eater's jaws and I would have to experience death again, knowing that it was a final death. Nothing of me would remain. 

I often woke in the night to find myself screaming and tears running down my cheeks. One of the Greybeards would be sitting on my bed next to me. They silently comforted me as I burned my face in their robes and wept. I knew it was an irrational fear. Alduin was gone and I was alive. I was safe. 

"Paarthurnax's healing Shout helped greatly," Arngeir said. "I would have thought you would have been bed bound for weeks by the state you looked when you arrived." 

"Hm," I said noncommittally as I grabbed some travel food. 

"What is on your mind, Diana?" Arngeir asked gently. "It is bad to start a journey with a secret. Your first steps should be freshly taken with all worries left behind. It is in the path that we find wisdom, not the destination." 

"Is it that obvious?" I asked as I turned to face the elder. 

"Maybe for me since I have lived in silence for so long," Arngeir hedged. "Others are used to sound giving truth, but I have learned that it is our entire selves that owe the truth, not just our tongues." 

"I fear I failed," I admitted. It hurt to utter those words. "When Alduin died, I didn't absorb his soul. He could come back some day." I started to shake. "He could finish what he started." 

Arngeir placed his hand on my shoulder. "What is meant to be is what is meant to be. If you have another part to play, I have no doubt that you will fulfill it. You would never turn your back on those who need you, no matter how much easier it would be." 

"I'm not even really me," I said, looking down. "Diana isn't my real name. It's just a role I adopted. The Dragonborn was just another role that was accidentally thrust upon me." 

"Hm, maybe," Arngeir said, "but if it is just a role, as you say, then you have played it perfectly. Maybe Alduin has a role to play as well, but it was not time for him to reach his destiny. It is not for us to know, but the Divines. We can only live our lives as we can, not what might be." 

"Thank you," I said, giving the old man a hug. 

"Thank you," he replied as he returned the hug. "You've grown tremendously since I've met you. I cannot believe what short time it has been." 

"I'll be sure to visit again," I said as I turned to leave. The other three Greybeards were silently lined up, waiting to bid me farewell.  I gave them each hugs in turn. 

"We look forward to it," Arngeir said. All four bowed to me formally. I returned the gesture before leaving. 

It was time to return to the real world. 

 

Tirdas 31 Morning Star 202 4E 9:00 AM 

"She's a good horse," the stable master said. I was relieved that I wasn't buying a horse from Whiterun stables this time. I was also relieved that my last horse was still alive, somehow, and patiently waiting for me back at said stable. "One thousand gold and she's yours." 

I easily handed the money over, not bothering to haggle. I checked the saddle and side bags before mounting my new brown mare. 

"You going to name her?" the stable master asked. 

"Already got a name," I said as I wheeled my mare around. "Number six." 

"Weird name," the man grumbled. 

"I'm a weird sort of person," I laughed as I road down the road. 

 

Turdas 2 Sun's Dawn 202 4E 3:00 PM 

"I don't care if you want to read anything we have here, but if you get any stains, tears, or bends on any of my books, I'll do the same damage to your body," Urag gro-Shub grumbled. He was reading a different book this time, but once again he had not looked up when approached. 

"Do you talk this way to everyone?" I laughed. 

"Dragonborn!" the orc exclaimed when he looked up. "I had no idea that you were here. No one announced you." 

"Actually, that's exactly the way I want it," I admitted. "Can we talk privately?" 

The librarian looked around the Arcanaeum and saw that a few patrons were looking at the books. "Okay, you all, take whatever is in your hands and either put them, carefully, on the table or take them and leave. The library is closed!" 

"Aw, Urag, I am still trying to find what I want," a male Nord student complained. 

"Then take the whole stack!" Urag snapped. Magicka formed in his hand. "Out! Now! All of you!" 

The other mages grumbled, but they all filed out obediently. Urag quickly closed and latched the doors behind them. "How can I help you, Dragonborn?" 

"So polite," I snickered. I reached into my backpack and pulled out a long scroll case. "This is the Elder Scroll that you helped me find in Alftand.  I am done with it, and to be honest, I don't have any place secure to put it. It's too powerful to leave lying out." I held it out with both hands to the orc. "I want you to have it." 

I had found the scroll in my backpack when I was preparing to leave High Hrothgar. It had been left in there after I had read it for Paarthurnax. 

Urag was speechless as he took the scroll. "But, but, this is priceless!" 

"I know, and it needs a good guardian," I said solemnly. "You were the first person I thought of. Do you think you would honor me by taking the responsibility?" 

"Hell yes!" Urag crowed. He placed the Elder Scroll on the table before lifting me up and swinging me around. "This is the find of a lifetime! An Era! Yahoo!" Suddenly, the orc seemed to remember where we were. He carefully placed me back on the ground and cleared his throat before bowing. "I mean, it would be my honor." 

"I knew I could trust you," I said. "I trust your discretion on this too. There are many who would stop at nothing to get that scroll. I haven't told anyone why I was coming here." 

"Don't worry, this won't be the first forbidden knowledge that I've gotten my hands on," Urag said with a wink. "The Elder Scroll will be just as safe here as it was at Alftand." 

 

Sundas 5 Sun's Dawn 3:00 PM 

 

I was traveling the trade road from the Pale south to Whiterun. It suddenly hit me what all I had accomplished in the last six months. I had gone from a penniless fugitive to a respected member of society who had just saved the world. 

I had met friendly blacksmiths, nosy court wizards obsessed with legends, bossy Bretons, and snarky housecarls. I had rubbed elbows with jarls of various holds. I had fought giants, bandits, and dragons. 

 

It had been an interesting life. I didn't know if I wanted to keep it, but it definitely hadn't been dull. 

 

I knew that probably by the time I got home, I wouldn't want to talk about most of that stuff anymore. I would want to just curl up in my bed with a book and not do anything for an entire month. I had been battling with bouts of depression since my return to Nirn. Sometimes it was too much to know that I had stared death in the eye and that death had stared back. 

 

I urged my horse to run faster; I wanted to get back to Breezehome as fast as possible. 

 

My destiny as the Dragonborn was done. I could do whatever I wanted. Maybe I would make a new name and a new identity. Move on to the next big thing. I would ask Lydia if she wanted to go with me. Maybe. 

 

But all of that was for later. Right now all I cared about was riding south. I'd let today take care of today and worry about tomorrow later. 

Because there was always tomorrow. I just thanked the Divines that I would be around to see it. 

 

The End

 

Epilogue 

Sundas 5 Sun's Dawn 4:15 PM 

 

I was walking my horse down the trade path; both of us were too weary to ride any more. I had shucked my armor about a half mile back, deciding that I was too hot and tired to wear it any more. 

My mood had darkened and I was feeling depressed again. What was the point of anything? 

"Ah, damned wagon wheel!" A shrill voice filled the air. 

Ahead, on the side of the road was a wagon with a broken wheel. A man wearing a jester's outfit was bending over the wheel kicking it. I watched as he leapt onto the wheel and jumped up and down on it while screaming, "Bother and befuddle!" 

A bark of laughter escaped my lips before I could stop myself. I held my hand over my mouth, but I couldn't stop laughing. The man stopped jumping and looked over his shoulder with an irritable look on his face that quickly melted into one of hope. 

I wasn't sure if I could talk without accidentally activating my thu'um, but I had to risk at least one word for the stranded stranger. 

"Problem?"


End file.
